#the training

“But she likes to wear dresses!”

You could not believe what Clint’s kids had done to the poor dog.

July was nowhere to be seen, as was Steve, probably doodling somewhere in peace but leaving you and Bucky on your own with Clint and Tony’s barbecue shenanigans.

You were not supposed to be here in the first place, but you began to know a little bit more about the Avengers spending so much more time with Steve and Bucky as you organized illegal training sessions with Dori—Dorito started to get long after 4 hours calling after her. The training was hard, since the dog itself was traumatized and often it was the one getting help from Buck and not the other way around. Dori turned out to be a pretty big goof, running after pigeons even as she approached the age of one.

This was your typical Sunday barbecue only it was to introduce you to the team. Yeah, introducing your “friend who works with therapy dogs for veterans” to your superhero co-workers, nothing wrong there. Steve had insisted but you would not budge. It was when Dori and Bucky intervened that you had to say yes. Who could say no to two strays with the most beautiful eyes you had ever seen?

A beer in one hand and sitting on the porch with Bucky at your feet Wanda, Natasha and Laura—Barton’s wife—at your left you were admiring the skills of two grown-ass men bickering over barbecue.

“I don’t think they’ll be over soon enough. I’m starting to get hungry.

 —Don’t worry. It’s a family tradition. They’ve got it nailed down to the last minute.

 —The sausages will be ready first then chicken and then steaks. And before it’s over there will be marshmallows ‘for the kids’ and more bickering over who makes the best marshmallows.”

You nodded, impressed by the whole plan. Watching the kids play, you pushed Bucky in the shoulder a little. He turned to you, a few strands of hair falling in his face as the rest were tied up in a small bun.

“Well, Buck aren’t you gonna say something? Dori is run at by children who want to dress her up.

 —But look at her! She’s having fun. And I’m tired of running after her when she runs after pigeons.

 —This is not you, Buck. This is Dori. She loved to run after pigeons and any animal that has an ability she hasn’t—you saw her run after Vision for an hour, haven’t you?—but you also know she is scared as hell of kids. So let me tell you it does not help her. Just pick her up and feed the poor animal already. Then the kids can play with her and you.

 —Why me?

 —She’s your dog to take care of, Bucky.

 —... Good point.”

Leaving his bottle behind, he patted your knee, smiled at you and left to get his dog. You smiled fondly at the gesture. From afar you could see the kid gathering around him and talking to him. Bucky with Dori in his arm seemed less frightened than she used to before. He smiled at the kids before taking the dog to the car and feeding her giving him her medicine carefully. He was being affectionate with the puppy.

Wanda snapped you out of your thought.

“I’m going on a training weekend with Laura next week. It is taught by a retired SHIELD agent. Self-defense classes style. You wanna come?

 —Me? You sure about that?

 —Well, you’re one of us now. Better learn how to defend yourself, don’t you think?”

It was not something you had thought about. You had not thought the thought through. Helping Dori and the boys was fun, but it was your job anyhow. You could always tell yourself you had a way out of this, letting one of your colleagues take the lead.

The whole Avengers thing, on the other hand. It was not something you asked for. Not that it bothered you, but you never realized you could be a possible target because of your relationship with them.

Laura intervened.

“Don’t let yourself be pushed. Take your time. I could not get myself to learn when Clint joined the Avengers. Only when I saw on TV and what was happening I realized had to do something other than just sit around, especially after the pregnancy. It takes time to really understand the meaning of what it is to be surrounded by super-enhanced-power-wielding people.”

You gulped down a bit of beer before nodding slowly.

You turned to Wanda.

“I’ll let you know. Do you think I could have your email or something to tell you?

 —Yeah. Give me your phone I’ll give you my number.”

And before you could know what was happening your phone went around and you had Natasha and Laura’s number too. You did not know why Natasha left you her number, but you did not dare question it. Laura, on the other hand, told you directly why she had done so.

“If ever you need a day or two out of the city. Or someone to talk to. The line is open.”

She smiled, and you could not help but do the same. She left to check inside the house.

“Hey girls! Have you seen Buck I need him to help set the table?

 —You need him to set the table?

 —Yeah. Laura asked, and I could not get myself to say no.

 —Liar.

 —Natasha...

 —She’s right you’re a shitty liar.

 —(Y/N) et tu?

 —Come on Captain don’t act like a child set the table. You don’t need your best buddy for that!”

He sighed heavily, not even bothering to respond as he walked back into the house. You looked at the two other women and laughed. Dori arrived at your feet on that a toy sneezing in her mouth every time she chewed on it. Bucky was not far behind.

Suddenly he started clutching his chest visibly trying to calm his breathing. The dog did not drop the toy as she made his way toward him. You followed the noise with an eye and you landed on Bucky’s. His pupils were wide, and you could see the anxiety invading his features. You jumped to your feet and quickly jogged up to him. Dori was beside him as he closed his eyes slowly breathing in and out. It was all in slow motion to you but ever more to the dog. The attack would not dissipate. Bucky sat down in the grass as Dori climbed up his lap and nestled against his chest. You did not try to say a word or draw attention to you in any way. Even with that the Labrador went to you, barking to get your attention and draw you nearer. Maybe she had felt your tension. Maybe she had felt that his owner needed someone close by. You could not say but as you came to Bucky’s feet he let out a whimper. He was crying as he felt anxiety and derealization rise in his throat. You reached out on instinct, stopping yourself midway. Your heartbeat was in your ears making you deaf and blind to everything around you but him.

He finally allowed his body to relax a little as the worst of it had passed, then he raised his eyes to you.

Tears went down his cheeks as he nodded almost imperceptibly for you to get closer.

Your hand was shaking as you placed it on his head, slowly letting him fall against your chest. You felt him tense under your fingers. He was still, not moving except for his thumb slowly petting Dori.

July arrived with Steve in tow.

Your hand slipped from the hair to his back, your other hand cupping his cheek with just the tip of your fingers before letting the palm of your hand completely meet his skin. He did not seem to notice the gesture until he turned his face into the small embrace and ever so lightly left a breath and a kiss in your palm making your heart jump. If you had not been so worried, you would not have noticed the way his lips curled when he let his cheek rest into your hand. You were on the verge of crying, wanting nothing but to fully embrace him, fully take him in, not ever letting him go out of your sight.

After a few minutes, he broke the touch, and Laura accompanied you inside the house.

Dori was snoozing in Bucky’s arms and July was at Tony’s feet enjoying the scraps she could get from him as he was still dealing with the whole barbecue thing. Steve sat down on the couch next to his friend, with several cups of tea on a tray.

The sun was shining so brightly outside. The kids were back outside playing ball. As if nothing happened.

You were staring through the window when Natasha approached you.

She gave you somewhat of an apologizing smile and a steaming mug.

“I’m sorry you had to witness this. Don’t beat yourself too much though, Bucky is strong he can handle it.”

She saw your questioning look and came closer to you as if she was telling you a secret.

“It’s not the first time this happened.”

On that she cut you off before you could answer.

“I’ve seen many relationships start and end with what you two have. He feels he can trust you and you feel like you can save him. Maybe you’re right maybe you’re not. Maybe it’s the other way around. No one knows but you both. Let me warn you though: He’s barely out of his shell yet. He has a hard time looking people in the eye or going out on his own. Make a choice about this relationship. Start or end it. Soon. Before you get your hopes up more preferably. Before it hurts both of you.”

You nodded, a bit dazed by what she just told you. You did not really understand but figured it would make sense later. She kept talking.

“Oh, and be careful I might have spiced up the tea a bit. To give you strength.”

She slapped your shoulder and went back to the living room.

What the hell were you supposed to do with this? Damn it! You were an acquaintance, a friend maybe not anyone he would see as more than that, right? He could not, he did not have the time nor the thoughts for that. He was... Crumbling down and you were helpless. You wanted to help. You just did not know how. You wanted to be there for him. You wanted to be there. You only wished you could.