#the greedy algorithm

Brain Curds are barely-edited fiction, poetry, or just about anything else - drafted in a day or less. I’ll finish it tomorrow. Yeah…

Madison Blanc was the first to receive the implant. Following a suicide attempt, researchers at her university approached her with an offer that was all too easy to accept.

“The difficult part of life,” the experimental surgeon said, “is that there are far too many decisions and that taking actions activates the risk center of the brain. It’s horribly stressful, no?”

Madison nodded.

“This, we hypothesize, is why people give up. Living is not difficult, no, but choosing to live, making those impossible decisions and walking those rocky paths, that is what brings, how you say, fatigue? Yes. But what I have here…” Dr. Rand held up a small vial containing a microchip. “This will make all of that go away. Say you go to a party, yes? And you see a cute boy in the corner, drinking and laughing with his friends. You want him to kiss you, yes? But to ask, to ask is… it is mortifying. You wish to die right there, right on the spot, be smitten by a deity and vaporized, rather than ask for what you want.”

Madison had never really wanted a boy to kiss her, but she nodded along anyway to make the doctor happy.

“This chip, once implanted into the correct lobe of your brain, will ask him for you. And all you must do is sit back and enjoy the pleasures of life, all the more bountiful since the implant will without fail pursue your own rational self-interests. Good deal, no? But it gets better!” Rand grinned. “The chip is not only effective at love, it is perhaps the best investment a young girl could make into her future, better than your college degree, because not only will it earn you this degree but it will earn you scholarships and exploit tax codes to get you this degree for as little money as possible. It will get you better jobs! Exciting, no?”

“What’s the catch?” Madison asked. It was the final question she ever uttered before the procedure.

~

When Madison woke up, something felt missing. She wasn’t sure what it was, but a weight had been lifted from her shoulders and placed somewhere else. It was a relief. She basked in the glow of relaxation, not even caring about the scratchy sheets on the hospital bed.

“Hello, Miss Blanc!” Dr. Rand waved as she entered the room. “How are you feeling?”

Sleepy, she tried to respond. But the words didn’t come out of her mouth.

“Oh, my apologies. You may notice your brain works differently now. I assume you tried to answer, yes? But your actions are no longer tied to the part of your brain that they used to be wired to. The chip interfaces directly with the desire portion of the brain. It may take some getting used to, but if you wish to speak to me you must want it.”

“I want some goddamn ice cream,” Madison’s voice said. She was horrified that she’d uttered something so rude.

“Nurse?” Dr. Rand called out. “A frozen dessert, please.” She leaned in and whispered. “Your active half will learn with time that social niceties produce quicker results. But that is no matter now. The chip appears to be working, hm?”

The cup of ice cream was placed on a tray in front of Madison and she tore into it without a thought, spooning it into her mouth. It was bizarre - she could taste it, she could even feel the sensation of holding the cold steel spoon, but she wasn’t doing any of it. She was a passenger in her own body, and a stranger sat behind the wheel.

Penned 2025.08.11 (that’s too long ago)