#the 100 insert

“Well, if that’s the case he’d be wrong.” She smiled confidently and I shook my head at her in amusement. “You fixed the problem, Indigo. You should be proud.” She asserted, squeezing my shoulder supportively before she headed off to check on Jasper.

The camp was bustling with activity and without the classes to keep me occupied, I checked in with a few groups of workings to see if I could assist with anything. As the tasks were being organised by the guys, I couldn’t help suspecting that they were underestimating my strength due to my size, but I was content to accept my assignment of collecting water.

Despite knowing that there were plenty of dangers, I couldn’t deny that there was a peaceful sensation as I strolled through the forest. The chaos of events since we had arrived had distracted us from the simple pleasures of our new surroundings and after spending a lifetime in a space station, every simple detail was fascinating.

Forcing myself to be present in the moment, I relished the feeling of the wind in my hair, the sound of the leaves beneath my feet and I put my hands in the water to feel the stream flowing. Alone by the water, everything was quiet and I allowed myself a few minutes of serenity to recharge from the chaos of life with 100 other criminal kids.

Once I was ready to return, I filled a bucket and started walking towards camp, moving at a leisurely pace as I stared up at the trees in wonder. A chill ran down my spine, sending my senses into overdrive and I noticed the sound of footsteps behind me. Though I whirled around, I couldn’t move quickly enough to catch my follower before they reached me.

When I turned, I was almost face to face with a young man who stood alarmingly close. He towered over me at roughly the same height as Bellamy and was heavy set with broad shoulders. His buzz cut only exaggerated the sharpness of his features and there was something in his eyes that unnerved me.

“Shit, you scared me.” I breathed as I gripped the bucket of water that I’d almost dropped in my startle and tried to keep my tone light, despite my annoyance. He sneered at me, seeming pleased with himself as he surveyed me with his hands comfortably in his pockets.

“I didn’t think anything scared you.” 

He spoke in a low drawl that made me immediately uneasy, stepping closer to me in a confident manner and I scanned him in confusion. There was nothing familiar about him, from either camp or the Skybox and I couldn’t understand why he was addressing me as if we were friends. 

“Do I know you?” I interrogated as I took a step back to regain some distance. 

The maroon bomber jacket that he wore confirmed that he was a member of our camp, but there were few faces that caught my interest on the Ark and even fewer that I’d invested any effort into knowing since our arrival on Earth. Protecting Octavia kept me busy enough and the only men that I’d come to know the names of were her romantic interests.

He flashed me a menacing smile as he stepped into my space again and I instinctively attempted to step back. Instead of gaining any distance between us, my foot bumped into a tree and I realised that I was trapped. 

“No. But I know you.” He smirked as his gaze roamed over my body and there was something in his movements and demeanour that made my stomach lurch. 

“You’re the one they all think is a murderer.” He trailed off as he stepped into my personal space with a strange fascination in his eyes.

“I am.” I confirmed sternly.

My body tensed without my permission in response to his threatening behaviour. Though I was unable to calculate exactly what he desired from me, I knew without a doubt that it wasn’t anything I was willing to give and for the first time, it seemed as if confirmation of my crime might protect me rather than antagonise.

“I’ve never met another murderer.”

His words caused a chill to rapidly pass through my entire body and I knew that I had found myself in a dangerous situation. I’d always been aware that there were likely others in the Skybox with crimes as severe as mine, people whose motives were far darker than my own, but I’d discovered that most of the people who made this claim were overcompensating for some perceived weakness. The most dangerous people behind bars had no need to boast about their actions. There was something unspoken about them that caused other inmates to fear them without knowing why and I detected this sensation in the man who stood before me.

“Of course, there were plenty of fakers. Everybody wants the respect behind bars, when most of them were petty thieves. I’ve been wondering for a while if you were the same. Never seen you do anything particularly intimidating.” The stranger continued as he was thinking out loud and I realised that he was alarmingly close to me as his dark eyes met mine. “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be with someone like me.” He drawled as he reached toward me and I smacked his hand away.

“Back off.” I ordered in a low growl that I hoped would intimidate him, but instead he smiled widely, as if he was elated by my reaction.

“There’s that fire!” He exclaimed enthusiastically, his eyes alight with passion and I gulped down my fear. “You might actually be the real deal.”

“I am the real deal.” I spat, feeling my heart hammering in my chest at his bizarre attitude. “Walk away and I won’t hurt you.” I warned as I realised that the bucket would slow movement to reach the knife in the back of my trousers and I noticed that his hand hovered under his jacket.

“That’s perfect.” He sneered, leaning his face closer to mine. “I don’t know if you realise how many guys in camp would love to fuck the dangerous girl. You’re like a fiery little present that they can’t wait to unwrap. It’s a shame that you’ll be too hooked on me for any of them to have a chance. Now, you can either be a good girl and do as you’re told, or you can make my day and try to fight.” 

The bucket dropped to the ground, sending droplets of water flying through the air and he pinned me to the tree with such force that it knocked the air out of my lungs. His hands explored my body roughly, tugging at my clothes and though I tried to scream, I was still too winded to make a sound. My head spun as I willed myself to remember any of the self defence that I practiced, but the sharp squeezing of my attackers hands on my figure wouldn’t allow me to concentrate.

Memories of my mother flooded my mind, as I recalled the many attacks that she endured within our home whilst I hid in the next room. Countless nights of my childhood were spent comforting my mother as she cried from nightmares, or treating her injuries so that she wouldn’t raise questions by attending medical. At the time, I was frustrated that she didn’t defend herself, or tell someone about the abuse of power that the guard held over her, but as terror flooded my veins and I found myself paralysed, I finally understood.

Fingers threaded under the lower hem of my shirt, attempting to reach the bare skin beneath and the contact jolted me from my shock. Hot, unhinged anger overtook me as I fought against him with all of the strength that I could muster and now that I was challenging his control, he paused his assault to focus on containing me.

“That’s it. Fight me, baby.” My assailant taunted as he easily pushed my arms down to my side and crushed me to the tree.

Unwilling to surrender, I experienced a moment of clarity as I managed to free one of my legs and raised my knee into his groin sharply. A pained wheeze escaped his lips as he released some of the pressure on his grasp, but my arms remained trapped beneath him. I wiggled frantically with the new range of movement that I’d gained and when that failed to allow me to escape, I impulsively sunk my teeth into his shoulder. He howled in a mixture of pain and shock, allowing enough pressure to lift from my stomach that I took a deep breath of air and screamed at the top of my voice, throwing him away from me. 

As soon as I was free of his hold, I snatched the makeshift dagger from the back of my trousers and crouched into a defensive stance. The blade glinted in the sunlight as I pointed it at him, bouncing lightly on my feet so that I would be ready to move at a moment's notice and as he straightened up, a wicked smile filled his haunting face.

“You really are a challenge!” The stranger laughed darkly and dread pooled in the pit of my stomach. “You think you can stop me with that?” He spat, gesturing at my weapon dismissively and I noticed that the excitement in his eyes had reached new heights.

“I know that I can. If you take another step, I will kill you.” I threatened as I gripped the dagger so hard that my knuckles turned white. 

My captor snorted with laughter at my promise and took a mocking step forward. I didn’t hesitate in lunging at him, swinging the knife wildly to ensure that he couldn’t approach with a side step either and although he jumped back to avoid it, there was no fear in his movement.

“Don’t fucking test me!” I roared furiously as I braced myself for an attack and it took every ounce of willpower to conceal the terror that I felt, whilst he simply smiled as if this were little more than a game.

The sound of frantic footsteps echoed in the distance, seeming to be responding to my screams at last and I held my ground to ensure that I didn’t allow an opportunity for an attack. Pacing around in an antagonising manner, it was clear that my attacker hadn’t noticed the approaching threat and I knew that it was crucial I controlled my temper to hold him off until help arrived. In this moment, I felt the familiar wild anger that had fuelled the murder of my mothers attacker and I recognised that I was at risk of becoming reckless.

For a second, I was sure I heard my name being called as the movement grew closer and I took my attention from the man before me momentarily to notice a blurred figure closing in on us. Exploiting my distraction, my opponent grabbed my wrist and painfully disarmed me by twisting my arm back on itself. I cried out in pain and as my blade landed on the ground, I was struck across the face with an overwhelming force.

My hands and knees crashed into the dirt and although I was dazed, I forced myself back to my feet, narrowly avoiding being pinned down. Though I attempted to shove him away, I was too weak and he managed to grip my shoulders tightly, before a blur of black pummelled into him. 

It was a struggle to focus on the scene beside me as the stranger crashed into the dirt and I gradually understood that Bellamy was pinning him down, slogging him repeatedly in the face with fury. After a few hits I pulled on his shoulder to stop him, but no matter how much I pleaded with him to calm down, he continued to pound on my assailant until he was bleeding from every orifice and hardly able to breath.

“Bellamy, stop!” I yelled desperately, yanking on his jacket. “You’ll kill him!” I screeched as I gripped his arm and strained to pull him to his feet.

Bellamy still stared down at his target for a few moments later, as if he were struggling to wake from a trance and when I could finally tear his focus away, he immediately whipped around to face me with visible concern.

“Are you hurt?” He breathed, before his eyes widened at the sight of me. “Shit. Look at what he did to your face!” He gasped as he carefully pushed my hair back and ran a hand over the cheekbone where I was struck. I flinched in pain even under his delicate touch and he gritted his teeth in anger.

“What the fuck happened?!” He growled in a low tone, as if he were battling to remain calm and as I opened my mouth to answer, we were interrupted.

“She’s a crazy bitch that’s what happened!” My attacker choked between breaths and it was clear that he intended to make a show of seeming utterly bewildered by this situation. 

“She made me think that she wanted it, but as soon as we were alone, she attacked me!” He spat, barely able to stay standing following the extensive damage that Bellamy had inflicted on him. 

People were gathering in the clearing to watch the encounter with confusion and I struggled to organise my thoughts whilst under such scrutiny. It was difficult enough to recount what I had just experienced, but the concept of doing so before an audience was utterly overwhelming.

Bellamy studied me closely, a deep sense of sympathy in his eyes and I was relieved to find that he didn’t seem fooled by the story he’d been given. He turned back to my attacker with a furious expression.

“Whatever happened, it seems like things were getting pretty out of control here. I saw you hit her.” Bellamy stated accusingly, only receiving a disinterested shrug in return. “She’s tiny! It wouldn’t have taken much to contain her, but instead you knocked her around, threw her to the ground. What I saw didn’t look much like self defence.” He exclaimed in disbelief and I noticed people whispering in the crowd, seeming as if they couldn’t decide who to believe. 

“I was giving her what she deserved, dirty little fucking tease. She’s lucky-” 

A sadistic smile filled the strangers face as he addressed me, but it was quickly wiped away when Bellamy lunged forward to grab him by the throat, lifting him into the air with the force of his rage. 

 “Shut the fuck up!” He snarled and I flinched at veracity in his voice. 

People who had just arrived gasped in shock, noticing the state of the man that Bellamy was strangling and after allowing him a few oxygen deprived moments of panic, he threw him to the ground. The moment the miscreant's feet touched the dirt, he scampered back in the direction of camp and it was entirely clear that he was petrified of Bellamy. 

“Anyone else who tries to put their hands on Indigo will be dealing with me. Is that clear?!” Bellamy scathed, turning back to the crowd with his hands shaking in anger.

Words couldn’t describe my shock as I observed the extent of Bellamy’s fury and I could hardly believe that he had made such a protective statement about me. When Murphy had disrespected Octavia, I thought I had seen the peak of Bellamy’s temper, but the emotion that I witnessed in this moment completely overshadowed it. He seemed barely able to contain it, as he regarded the watching crowd with a spiteful glare.

Under the threat of his gaze, people began to disperse and once we’d regained some relative privacy, he returned his attention to me. As he drew closer, he took a few deep breaths and I could recognise the effort that he invested into softening his voice to address me. 

“Hey. Are you okay?” He enquired as he inspected me with soft, sympathetic eyes and I couldn’t seem to form a response at first.

Relentless shaking dominated my body as I struggled to catch my breath and my face throbbed from the impact of the punch that I had just endured. I couldn’t imagine the state of my appearance, but the faint, cold sensation that I was feeling allowed me to realise that I was likely even paler than usual. 

At the least, I was relieved that I’d been hit on the opposite side from my previous black eye that had only just healed, but I couldn’t yet tell if I had sustained any other injuries. Shock numbed much of my feelings, making it challenging for me to process them and I attempted to force a confident expression as I peered up at Bellamy. 

“Yeah. I-I’m fine.” I stuttered, frustrated that my voice emerged soft and terrified, and he frowned in concern.

Bellamy's careful movements were reminiscent of a child attempting not to startle a small, delicate animal as he leaned forward to examine me. His touch was as gentle, as if dealing with broken glass and he cautiously pushed my hair behind my ear to examine the rapidly developing black eye. 

Warmth radiated from his hands as he tenderly gripped my chin to turn my face from side to side, searching for any further damage and once he was content with that area, his gaze roamed over the rest of my body in a manner that was assessing for once, rather than indulgent. 

“This asshole.” He growled, glancing back at my bruising with visible annoyance. “What the hell happened out here?” He asked as he strained to contain his temper, but his emotions shined through his words regardless.

“Exactly what I warned you about. I said no. He didn’t like it.” I replied shakily, as I battled to process for myself what had occurred. 

Shock for my reaction to being attacked still hung over me and my memories were already blurred from how quickly the situation had escalated. I’d always imagined that my years of practice would protect me, but now I finally understood that the terror of an attack would always overwhelm any skills. At this moment, I knew that the classes would not be enough to protect this camp.

Bellamy shifted awkwardly, as if he were unsure of what to say. Though I was uncomfortable with the idea of blaming him for not addressing this issue, I wished that he’d listened to my advice earlier and attempted to form my new insight into something that he could understand. 

“I’m sorry.” He muttered and I peeked up at him sympathetically. “I-um. I didn’t realise the two of you were involved.” He added, raising a brow at me as he spoke and rubbing at the back of his neck awkwardly. 

Nausea washed over me as I realised that he believed this incident was simply a lovers tiff which had escalated into a fight. He seemed more concerned in this moment that he had been pursuing me whilst I was already spoken for, than about the potential for this incident to repeat with new victims. 

My nerves rapidly dissipated to anger as a result of his ignorance and I couldn’t believe that he continued to disregard the danger faced by every woman in our camp. 

“We’re not! I’m not involved with anyone!” I spat aggressively, immediately followed by a wince of pain. “He was lying. At no point did I express interest, or give consent of any kind. I was out here getting water and he seized the opportunity to attack me.” I growled, but the shock that I was feeling didn’t allow me to adequately display my temper. 

“Have you had any contact with him before?” Bellamy asked, seeming worried now and I shook my head.

“I’ve never noticed him. I don’t even know his name.” I revealed, causing him to glance around thoughtfully. “Apparently, I’m in demand. There’s some sick fetish about banging a murderer. It’s insane.” I growled as I rubbed my tender face in an act of self comfort. 

For a few moments, Bellamy regarded me with confusion as if he were awaiting some further explanation as to why this reasoning would apply to me, before his eyes grew wide and he stared at me in disbelief. 

“Wait a second. You were convicted of murder?!” He breathed in a tone of genuine shock and I felt a significant cringe pass through my body.

The intensity of his reaction was hurtful and though I’d experienced it many times before, it felt somewhat worse coming from him. I know that it was unfair to hold his entirely reasonable shock against him, but I couldn’t help being insulted by the judgement in his expression. Knowing the circumstances of my crime, I felt that I didn’t deserve the reevaluation that he was currently performing of me.

“You’ve gotta be the only one here who didn’t know.” I grumbled, fidgeting on the spot with  insecurity. “Still, it makes a point about how stupid these boys are. They think that raping a murderer is a good idea. From the sounds of it, there’s a competition to see who can get me first.” I recounted with my temper rising again.

Though no words were spoken about his discovery, I could sense that he was altering his behaviour as he reflected on it. Until now, I’d believed that he already knew and accepted me regardless, and I was upset by the suspicion that things had changed between us.

“Well, I’m pretty sure that none of them will try anything with you again.” He stated firmly and I nodded as I considered the threat that he’d made. “Honestly, I’m not sure if that’s for you protection or theirs, though.” He added in a reluctant mutter and I felt my face contort into a furious glare.

“I really thought you were better than this. You want to act like you’re seeing me differently now? That’s fine, but I refuse to be ashamed. Yes, I am a murderer. No, I don’t have to explain myself to you, or anyone else for that matter.” I spat defensively, a sense of the hurt that I felt invading my voice and any trust that we had built until now changed to spite.

“Your threat might have protected me, but I’m not the only woman in this camp. What happens when they move onto other targets?” I interrogated as he ran a hand through his hair in stress. “You wanted to be a leader, Bellamy. You fought for it. That makes you responsible for more than just Octavia and I. What are you going to do for the rest of your people?” I ranted with my hands shaking with rage and he sighed in an exhausted manner.

“Give it time, Indigo. The members of this camp with bad intentions are learning the lesson the hard way. You’ve seen how many of them have been beat up.” He explained in a calm tone and I scoffed under my breath. “For now, they’re not going to bother you again. Just give it time for the word to get around.” 

“Time got us here!” I snapped, indicating to my face with annoyance and he cringed at my implication that his inaction was a factor in my attack. “The only thing that time will yield is more attacks. Something needs to be done.” I stated, before turning on my heel to storm back toward camp and didn’t waste a moment in appearing at my side. 

“What are you going to do?” He investigated in a panicked manner, as if he feared my next action and I rolled my eyes at his ridiculous reaction.

“If you hadn’t noticed I’m not in much of a state to do anything right now!” I growled, regarding him with a glare that indicated my desire to be alone. “I’m going to see Clarke. If that’s okay with you?!” I asked aggressively, whilst he simply stared back at me in discomfort. 

Without another word, I stepped away from him and was relieved when he didn’t follow.

"I'm coming with you, just in case." She demanded and I agreed reluctantly, accepting that this probably the maximum that I could expect from her in these circumstances.

The rickety ladder that led to the bottom floor presented me with my most substantial challenge and though it took some time to climb down, I managed to reach the exit. My legs still shook slightly from the strain, but I felt better than I had all of the previous day.

Octavia remained close at my side, watching my every move as we wandered out into the camp and I took a deep breath of the fresh air, the experience still feeling novel to me. Fortunately, I found that I didn’t feel as nauseous outside and took a seat by the fire with Octavia right beside me.

"Any news on your brother, or the hunting group?" I investigated hopefully, but Octavia shook her head regretfully and her concerned expression returned.

"They're getting a group ready to look for them." She confirmed regretfully and despite her attempts to conceal the fear that she felt, I recognised it in her voice.

Just as I opened my mouth to reassure her, several people around us jumped to their feet and a voice in the distance announced that the group were back. Octavia bolted to standing and the moment that Clarke and Finn entered the clearing, she ran over to intercept them. They seemed to be making a beeline for the dropship, and whilst she followed them, I continued to observe the spot where they had entered.

Wells was the next to return, closely followed by Bellamy and I noticed that he was carrying something large behind him. Dread filled my stomach as I hoped that this was simply the spoils of their hunt, but his expression was far from victorious and I carefully rose to my feet to investigate.

"Octavia.” Bellamy stuttered sharply as she reemerged from the ship and the tone that he addressed her with caused chills to spread down my spine. “Just stay there. Please, stay back." He pleaded and I rushed to catch her as she attempted to fight her way past him.

Unfortunately, my shaky legs wouldn’t allow me to reach her in time and she blew past me with her focus firmly set on her brother. Octavia barged past him and crouched to discover what he had carried back to camp. Shuffling closer, I still hadn’t reached them and hoped that I would not have to mitigate an argument in my current state.

"There was nothing I could do." Bellamy stated in a regretful manner, a vulnerability in his expression that I hadn’t witnessed before and my stomach lurched at his words.

"Don’t."

Octavia's voice was firm as she snapped at him and the hurt in her tone confirmed my fears. As I crept closer, I noticed tears running down her cheeks and knew immediately who had been lost. Her hands trembled slightly as she covered Atom’s face that was severely burned from the acid and though I wanted to wrap my arms around her, I respected her space to allow her to say goodbye,

Bellamy pleaded with her to listen as she straightened up, but she simply stormed past him despite his attempts to catch her and it was clear that she hadn’t even noticed me in her heartbreak. I slowly began to follow her when Murphy passed me and I paused on the spot, feeling conflicted between comforting my best friend and defending against a kill order on Jasper.

After the traumatic events of the day, I hoped that Bellamy would be reasonable enough to turn Murphy down, but he’d proven himself to be unpredictable thus far and I remained rooted to the spot with anxiety. The sound of Bellamy sniffing as if he were holding back tears surprised me and I listened eagerly to their hushed conversation.

“Lose anyone here?” He enquired in his usual authoritative manner that masked the upset that seemed obvious to me and I wondered if anyone else had noticed it.

"No."

Murphy's answer was unnervingly cold and I sensed a hint of disappointment beneath it. I felt myself shudder at his tone, uncomfortable with the implication that he would have enjoyed murdering Jasper.

"Jasper?" Bellamy nodded to the dropship as he spoke and I waited for the answer with a tension in my gut.

"Still breathing. Barely. I tried to take him out, but your psycho little sister-"

Murphy's words caused me to turn on the spot to lunge at him, but wasn't able to grab him in time, instead stumbling from my continued weakness. Recovering back into a standing position took me a few moments, but as I reoriented myself, I could hear the sounds of a struggle.

Once I straightened up and my vision cleared, I realised that Bellamy was holding Murphy by his jacket, his fists balled tightly enough around the fabric for his knuckles to turn white.

"My what?!" He growled as he held Murphy's face intimidatingly close to his. "My what?!" He repeated his question with his teeth bared in fury as he spoke and for the first time since we'd met, I found myself respecting him.

Reflected in him was the same veracity that I was unable to control whenever anyone treated Octavia in a manner that I was uncomfortable with and for the first time, I felt as if we shared something more than simply our care for our. Afterall, if he possessed this level of protective anger for his sister, it showed that he was capable of putting someone else’s needs first and it gave me hope that there was more to him than the façade he currently displayed.

"Your little sister." Murphy answered calmly as pushed Bellamy away from him, but the reaction seemed to be caused by frustration, rather than the arrogant rebellion that he normally displayed.

This was the first time that I’d seen Murphy behave in such a manner to threats and it was deeply interesting to me that Bellamy was able to accomplish something that no guards or authority of any kind had seemed to be able to do on the Ark. It gave me valuable insight into his leadership and I began to wonder if their alliance was based on fear rather than camaraderie.

"Yeah! That's right. My little sister." Bellamy growled as he closed back into Murphy’s space, using his slightly taller posture to stare down at him with intensity.

"Got anything else you want to say about her?" He offered in a threatening voice and I felt myself smiling at our newfound similarity.

Murphy was clearly immensely uncomfortable and I realised that I had never seen him this intimidated before, even with Pike. The power balance was obvious now and this confirmed that Bellamy was the key to peace within the camp.

"Nothing. Sorry." Murphy muttered nervously and I quietly scoffed under my breath as he cowered beneath the larger man.

Bellamy stared at him for a few moments longer, breathing deeply before stepping back.

"Get him out of here." He pointed to Atom's body without glancing back at it, as if he couldn’t bear to witness it again and his voice broke as he spoke.

The level of emotion that radiated from him shocked me, before I was distracted by a few members of his usual group crowding around Atom to move him. Bellamy turned back to flash Murphy one final warning glare, before he stormed out of camp.

I crossed my arms as I observed Murphy and flinched when he threw a dagger into a nearby tree. Though he was known to lash out, even in the Skybox, I made a mental note to keep a close eye on his rising anger issues before they caused any further problems in our camp.

Stumbling into the trees, I decided to follow Bellamy to discuss my concerns whilst he was in a reasonable state of mind and it wasn’t long before the trembling of my legs became a challenge. My vision grew steadily more blurred until I could hardly make out where I was going and though I reached out to lean against a tree for balance, I realised too late that I had misjudged its position.

Moments before I hit the ground, I was caught by a large figure who assisted in returning me to a standing position. I clung to them as I reoriented myself, waiting for the spinning to cease so that I could thank them and even though the haze of my sight, I could recognise Bellamy’s scruffy hair and freckles.

"What are you doing out here?" He enquired with confusion and I noticed that he didn't immediately remove his grip on me.

My mind struggled to catch up to the events that had just passed and as I managed to comprehend that he had caught me, I couldn’t find anything to say. As sense returned to me, I realised that I was still holding his arms with desperation and quickly broke all contact.

"Looking for you." I replied casually in a poor attempt to downplay the situation and I stepped back to create space between us when my knees buckled.

Bellamy caught my weight for a second time and though I had intended to distance myself, he now threaded an arm around my waist to keep me upright. With his help, I shuffled over to a nearby tree stump and I was surprised at how delicate his movements were as he lowered me into a seated position.

"You look awful." He stated with a tone of concern, but I couldn't help smiling at his choice of words.

There was a similarity with Octavia as he scrutinised me, his eyes scanning me for any visible injuries that might need treatment and I avoided meeting his eyes, feeling immensely self conscious under his examination. The longer that he stared at me, the more awkward I became and I was determined to shift his focus away from me as quickly as possible.

"That's utterly charming of you to say." I drawled sarcastically and for a moment, a small smile seemed to break his expression. It felt strange to share humour with him and the relaxed atmosphere between us was somewhat jarring after our history of arguments.

"I'm fine. Just a little shaky." I sighed as he raised his brows at me expectantly and seemed unconvinced by my answer, crossing his arms at me.

"When did you last eat?" He investigated, thinning his eyes at me in a suspicious manner and I rolled my eyes at the question which felt as if it had an ulterior motive.

"I said that I'm fine, Bellamy. I've been foraging in the woods. I can take care of myself." I stated firmly.

Food was an especially sensitive topic between us and I couldn’t help feeling defensive. Mostly, I was frightened as I began to feel so unwell that I would be likely to accept any terms for a meal and feared that he would seize the opportunity to exploit my vulnerability. Though I was completely exhausted, I battled to keep my guard up against whatever tactic he attempted next.

"I know that I haven't made it easy for you to accept anything from me." He sighed regretfully as he took a seat beside me and kept his gaze trained on his feet. "You're right. I need to lead. Not just with my words, with my actions too."

Something was different about him tonight. In every past interaction between us, his charming attitude and arrogant answers blocked any real conversation and in this moment, that sensation was missing.

Bellamy leaned forward with his arms resting on his knees and ran a hand through his hair in a gesture of stress. Though I still suspected that this might be a well planned trap, I felt my internal walls slightly lowering as I considered him.

"I must confess, hearing you admit that I'm right does make me feel better." I spoke with a light, comical tone and he flashed a cheeky smirk in my direction.

It was the closest thing to a genuine smile that I’d seen on him since we met and though I wasn’t sure how he had convinced it out of me, it seemed that my humorous personality had decided to reveal itself to him.

"Where's this coming from?" I asked as I offered him the opportunity to explain himself and he sighed, staring out into the words.

His expression was more serious than I’d seen before and it seemed as if he were considering whether he could trust me. I couldn’t tell why, but there was a strong ache within me that urged me to support him and to be the person who offered to listen.

Though I knew that sharing my concerns first would create a more even atmosphere between us, I couldn’t bring myself to trust him enough to display any vulnerability and instead, allowed him the time to decide for himself.

"We lost Atom in the fog. I couldn't save him." He confessed, seeming as if he could no longer hold the thoughts inside and he kept his gaze focused on the trees as he spoke.

I sighed as my attention shifted to the ground, inspecting my boots as a distraction from the waves of emotion that radiated off him.

"I know." I muttered in a low voice and we fell back into silence.

It was strange to remain so quiet in response to a topic as devastating as this, but my deeply ingrained behaviour to protect myself kept me from offering any advice until I knew that he wouldn’t throw it back in my face. In direct contradiction to my generally honest attitude, I was afraid to open myself up to anyone with the power to truly hurt me and though a part of me longed to lighten the tension, I chewed my lip as I awaited a display of trust from him.

"I failed him."

Bellamy's words cut through the atmosphere between us and his voice with emotion cracked as he spoke. The hurt poured from him and for the first time, it felt as if he were allowing me to see the real him. It surprised that he had chosen to be vulnerable first and I sighed as I prepared myself to return the gesture.

"No, Bellamy. You didn't." I replied sternly and he turned to face me with tears in his eyes. My breath hitched for a moment at the raw emotion in his face and I felt my heartbeat quicken. "It came out of nowhere. It was fast and deadly." I asserted as I provided the unbiased facts that I knew he would not be able to acknowledge through his own guilt.

"You didn't lose anyone here." He muttered as he returned his gaze to the ground and I noticed he was balling his fists in an unconscious act of aggression.

Though his reaction still felt controlled, I could only imagine how severely he was berating himself internally and I sympathised with his pain. Considering our differences in circumstances, I attempted to present them in a way that might lighten the impact of the day's events for him.

"We were standing outside the perfect shelter; you were out in the wilderness. You can't compare the situations. You're being unfair to yourself." I spoke firmly and surprised myself at my own determination to prevent him from blaming himself.

My words were honest and I absolutely believed that he wasn’t at fault for Atom’s death, but defending him was a diversion that I hadn’t expected. Silence fell between us, but unlike any other time, it wasn’t uncomfortable, or tense. If anything, it was easy and I felt content simply being there for him whilst he remained deep in thought.

"I couldn't finish him." He knotted his hands together and stared straight down at the ground when he finally spoke again.

The honesty of this statement left me stunned and I took a sharp breath in response. Until this moment, I hadn’t realised the brutality of Atom’s death and as I considered this new information, I shared in the weight of his confession.

"The fog didn't kill him?" I enquired gently, with an overbearing guilt for even asking him to relive the traumatising situation.

Bellamy shook his head, but continued to avoid even glancing in my direction. It was understandable that he couldn't face me as he recounted the experience and I continued to feel awestruck that he was even discussing this with me at all.

"He begged me to end it and I-I couldn't do it. After all my threats with Jasper, after lecturing Clarke about not being able to make the tough decisions, I had to rely on her to do it." He revealed in barely more than a whisper and I sighed as I carefully considered my response.

It was obvious that every word he spoke was something that he needed to share, to release from his soul. I completely understood the sense that he was unable to live up to his words. My earlier assertion that I was the only member of camp with any wisdom to offer replayed in my mind, yet I struggled to produce any advice of value.

For a moment, I reflected on the lessons that my father had passed on to me and knew that they were the sole reason that I was able to maintain focus on matters of survival. It would be difficult to summarise these concepts into something brief and easy to absorb, but I knew that they were at least a few points that might be able to bring him some peace.

"It's no simple thing to take a life, not even in mercy. Sometimes, the person who has the instincts to make the right choice and the person who is able to act on those choices are different. There's no shame in that." I advised gently whilst he peeked up at me, his face contorted by a vile mixture of torment and regret and my heart ached for him.

"I'm their leader. They need to be able to rely on me. I have to act on my choices." His words were firm and defensive, but not unreasonable.

"Next time, you will." I answered confidently, not expecting to believe my words so strongly.

His response made it painfully clear that he had been more affected by my earlier verbal attacks than I first believed, as he revealed an awareness of his responsibility as a leader that had been absent before. I sighed, feeling guilty for my harsh approach and attempted to build him back up somewhat.

"None of us expected to have to make these choices. We’re not trained for this. It will take time to adjust. Of course you're going to make mistakes, but you'll learn from them. Just start honing those instincts. They'll lead you right." I smiled reassuringly at him as I repeated the advice that I had often given Octavia with a feeling of nostalgia.

The way that he viewed me with an expression of absolute wonder shocked me to my core and I broke out eye contact with an uncomfortable shuffle. He brought his hands to his face and rubbed at his tired eyes, then rose to his feet.

"We'd better get back." He offered as he attempted to force his voice to return to it's normal, matter of fact tone, but I could still sense the anguish behind his words.

"I'm going hunting again tomorrow. Whatever I catch, you'll get the first serving." He offered, before noticing my hesitant expression and sighing regretfully, as he realised that I was still uncertain of his intentions. "Don't worry. I don't want anything from you in exchange. Just consider it a thank you for this." He held his hand out to me and although I would have preferred not to touch him again in such a short encounter, I allowed him to help me to my feet.

Once standing, I felt more stable and broke off from him to wander back to the dropship alone, whilst he returned to leading. By the time that I managed to struggle up the ladder to the top floor, the space seemed quiet and only Octavia, Monty and Finn were sitting in the room.

They were passing around a glass bottle and I snatched it to take a long swig without thinking. The thick alcohol burned down my throat into my stomach sickeningly and I coughed lightly in disgust. I'd never drank alcohol before and in the past, I hadn’t ever trusted myself to handle it. The taste was actually worse than I’d imagined, so I quickly handed the bottle back to Monty with a grimace.

"What was that?" Octavia gasped in amazement and I dropped myself down at her side. Due to her awareness of my past avoidance of alcohol, she thinned her eyes at me suspiciously and I squirmed under her scrutiny.

"Did something happen?" She hinted, causing Bellamy's tormented face to pop into my mind and I felt my cheeks flushing instantly at the memory. After our conversation, I’d needed the drink and honestly still felt confused as to how it had happened. With a shudder, I quickly pushed the thought away and tried to avoid Octavia's interested expression.

"Nothing. It's been a hell of a day is all." I grumbled, turning away from her to cover my blush.

The bottle made its way around the group who each hissed and just as it reached Finn, a voice caught us all by surprise.

"Can I - uh - get a hit of that?" Jasper asked faintly and his simple question caused a wave of excitement to pass through the previously tired group.

"Jasper!" Monty exclaimed, immediately jumping to his feet and we all followed closely behind to surround him.

Finn rushed forward to grab the water canister for him and Monty hopped straight on to the bottom of the bed, practically crouched over his friend in his elation.

"Let's start with the soft stuff." Finn stressed as he held the canister to Jaspers mouth so that he could drink.

Octavia and I held hands and smiled at each other, observing the scene from his bedside. Internally I thanked every force that I could name for allowing him another chance at life. Once Jasper was done drinking, Finn helped lay him back down.

"Welcome back, buddy." He chirped, prompting us all to share words of encouragement and celebration.

Jasper struggled to raise his hand and for a moment I worried that he was reaching for something, but Monty grabbed it in what seemed to be a meaningful gesture for them. I realised that they were simply reconnecting and smiled warmly at the two of them, feeling my heart swell with appreciation. Their reunion gave me my first taste of true hope since we landed and I prayed that it was a sign of a turning tide.

"Was that a dream, or did I get speared?" Jasper cracked in his usual playful manner and I couldn't stifle a snort of laughter, mixed with a subtle tear of joy.

"You'll have a very impressive scar to prove it."

Clarke announced, causing me to startle as she crept into the room and just like the rest of us, she was beaming at Jasper.

"My saviour!" He cheered as enthusiastically as he could manage in his condition and Clarke crouched by his side, her smile fading to disbelief as she viewed him.

"Thank you. For not dying." She spoke gently and with a tone of absolute wonder and I knew that we all shared the same sense of appreciation for our cheerful miracle. "I don't think I could have taken that today."

"Well, I'll try not to die tomorrow too, if that's cool." Jasper replied.

Relief flooded me to find that his wit and attitude remained, and I was pleased to find that all of the suffering he’d endured over the past few days hadn’t damaged his sense of humour. Everyone around me chuckled together and as I surveyed them, I raised that it was the first time that I’d seen even a hint smile in them since the river.

Octavia leaned over to pat his leg, squeezing as if she needed to confirm that he was real and Jasper glanced over in a manner that indicated he had only just noticed her.

"Oh, hello!" He crooned in a tone that completely exposed his delight at her presence.

True, hearty laughter carried in the group at his excitement, most noticeably in Octavia and she smiled wider than I'd ever seen before.

After a few small, contented groans Jasper passed back into sleep and we all simply took a moment to smile at each other, each basking in our relief. Without a single word shared between us, I knew that tonight would be the first time we slept properly since our bumpy arrival here.

This question bothered me more than any other part of the situation and I became convinced that they were planning some terrible fate for us. I marched into the cafeteria for lunch the next day and dropped into my usual seat opposite Octavia with enthusiasm.

"They're sending us there!" I hissed under my breath as I leaned in close to ensure that I wasn't overheard and was thrilled to finally have formed a theory that I could share. In response to my words, her face quickly changed from hopeful, to disappointed as she realised the cause of my improved mood.

"Sending us where?" She groaned with a blank expression and her annoyance with my obsessive behavior was evident in her voice. Though I was hurt by her blatant disinterest, there was nothing she could say to prevent my protective nature from spurring me on.

"Earth." I whispered insistently, as if it were an obvious conclusion and her eyes grew wide as I spoke.

"Just think about it: all of the classes have focused on Earth and survival skills, why would they teach us that? They've invested very little time into teaching us about Earth before, because it would all be just theory. They don't actually know what it's like down there. Plus, we're not the generation that will pioneer going home, so why teach us now? We're prisoners, Octavia. We're the most dispensable. They're going to use us as goddamn guinea pigs! " I revealed my well formed hypothesis in a fluster, feeling certain that I could motivate her to believe me now and Octavia stared at me in open-mouthed shock.

For a moment, I thought that I had finally convinced her of the danger and suspected that her horror was in response to the dishonesty of the council in this conspiracy.

"Fuck! You've actually cracked, Indie." She breathed in disbelief and I grumbled with frustration. "You've been unstable since we met, but this panic over your review has finally cracked you. We're not going anywhere! You're going to be set free and then we're going to enjoy our freedom together once I get out, so just stop this nonsense! " She slammed her fist against the table as she spoke in an effort to shock me out of my madness, but I simply continued to stare at her with a tired expression.

Before I could pose any further arguments, we were rounded up for class and I had to bury my suspicions for another time. As I entered the classroom I felt uneasy, noticing that something indescribable in the atmosphere felt wrong. I sat close to Octavia and my body language was more highly guarded than before.

Our instructor Pike hadn't arrived yet and the class quickly fell into a relaxed social space in his absence. People moved chairs and gathered into small groups to chat, all of them oblivious to the constant terror that pressed down on me. I noticed that Murphy was sitting with his head back, staring at the ceiling in a dramatic display of boredom and envied how little he seemed to notice.

"All right. Can we just get out of here? Seriously!" He stood as he spoke, drawing the attention of the room as he usually loved to do and I shook my head at the easily gained interest of the prisoners.

As far as I was concerned, unless he was about to disclose a plan to release us all from lockup and ensure our safety, there was nothing that Murphy could do to garner my concentration.

"You got better things to do, Murphy?"

A blonde girl who I hadn't noticed before spoke up, squinting at him with irritation and I was pleased to discover that I was not the only inmate who was immune to his charms. I didn't recognise her from his usual group, so assumed that she wasn't one of his cronies and watched eagerly in anticipation for her to remind him of his place.

"Oh. Is that an offer, McIntyre?" Murphy strode over to her confidently and my stomach lurched with disgust.

It seemed that even if she hadn't been noticeable to me, he'd already made certain to learn her name and I sympathised for her plight. Octavia's previous insinuations returned to the forefront of my mind and I turned to roll my eyes at her with an easily discernible offense. She obviously understood exactly which conversation I was referring to with my expression as she shrugged and flashed me an apologetic smile.

"You're an epic dick, Murphy." McIntyre cringed away from him, echoing the sentiment of most of the class.

This simple denial unfortunately wasn't enough to stop him from leaning over to ruffle her hair though and the few groupies of his that were in this class applauded his bravado, much to my annoyance. Octavia fidgeted in frustration, holding her hands to her forehead in a stressed manner and I focused in on her with a concerned look. Before I could question her, my attention was caught by Pike rushing into the room and loudly closing the door behind him.

"Everybody. Take your seats. Now!" I jumped at his sharp tone and felt myself stiffen in response. His behavior and movements were aggressive and it was a stark contrast to his usual relaxed attitude, which set me immediately on edge.

"I'm sure all of you will be glad to know that we are officially done talking about Earth skills." He confirmed, causing my stomach to flip and my mind raced as I realised that this rendered my earlier theory redundant. Inwardly, I cursed at reaching another dead-end and knew that I didn't have the time available to waste on mistakes.

"Oh great, in that case-" Murphy got to his feet and strolled carelessly away from his abandoned seat, before he was firmly interrupted by Pike.

"Sit down." Pike ordered, sounding more commanding than he had in any other class and Murphy slowly turned to face him, but did not return to his seat, remaining paused in place arrogantly. Pike sighed before approaching Murphy slowly and with a visible display of disapproval.

"How would you feel about assisting me with today's lesson, Mr. Murphy?" He suggested in a manner that made me shiver with apprehension and I observed him closely for any subtleties that might be missed by the rest of the class in their interaction.

"Sign me up." Murphy shrugged in a disinterested manner, making it clear precisely how little he was intimidated by the change in our teacher's demeanour. In the back of my mind, I was somewhat disappointed with him, as I'd always credited him with better instincts than this.

The moment that Murphy responded to the request, Pike punched him swiftly in the face and several other students gasped in shock. I flinched in my seat and found myself priming to charge at the teacher, whilst the rest of the inmates visibly tensed at his aggression. Once he had recovered, Murphy turned to face him with an aggravated voice.

"What the hell was that for-"

This time, Pike didn't wait for him to finish his sentence before striking him across the face again.

When Murphy straightened up from the second attack, his body language had changed. He shrugged in a carefree manner, holding his hands up to him in surrender before returning to his seat. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest and I struggled to remain calm whilst everyone else watched in startled silence. It seemed that Pike was not done with his abuse though, as he followed Murphy to his seat and lowered himself to get in his face.

"I know all about you, John Murphy." He spoke in a low, antagonizing manner that chilled my blood and I was deeply uncomfortable with the fashion that he addressed the significantly younger man. There was a degree of intimidation in his posture that I knew was intentional and though I'd never experienced any level of care for Murphy, this behavior felt completely unjustified by someone of such stature.

"Ah. You do, huh?" Murphy tried to speak with his usual arrogance, but I could sense that his confidence was forced now and his submission only further sparked my anger with Pike.

"Yeah, I do. Mother drank herself to death, after your father was floated for stealing medicine to save you. That's a tough road to hoe. I'll give you that." Pike straightened up and turned to face the rest of the class, raising his voice to be heard as if he were preparing to give a presentation.

"So, what does he do with the second chance that his father gave his life to buy for him? Wasted it! Setting the arresting officers quarters on fire." Pile announced to the enthralled class with an entitlement that made my skin crawl. I didn't appreciate the way that he divulged Murphy's story. Our histories were not a beneficial lesson to be exposed without our consent and I felt a flare of disgust at his inappropriate tactics.

"Are you going to make a show and tell of all our misfortunes, or just those of us who don't respect you?" I blurted before I could contain my words, causing Octavia to nudge me sharply in disapproval. "Cause if that's the case, you'd better do me next, you sanctimonious shit. I'm sure that you especially could learn plenty from mine." I spat with a vitriol that was impossible to miss, feeling fire burning in my stomach at the injustice.

Pike glared over his shoulder at me with only the slightest hint of annoyance, viewing me as little more than a nuisance and I stared back at him with a revolted expression. He returned his attention to Murphy, closing into his personal space again and holding his hands out in a luring manner.

"Say something." He taunted, his voice low as he moved himself painfully close to his target and Murphy slowly raised his face to him with a smug smile.

Pike whacked him again, with significantly more force than the first time and Murphy grunted out in pain. I felt myself start in my seat, ready to spring into action to finish this, but Octavia put a firm hand on my thigh to pin me to the chair and stared at me with a stern warning. A couple of the male inmates at the back of the class were on their feet, but everyone else remained pinned in place with shock. I met Octavia's eyes in disbelief as she silently begged me to withstand it.

"Do something!" Pike urged Murphy in a maniacal tone and I glimpsed back over at the conflict to find that Murphy had recovered from the impact to survey his attacker coolly. He leaned to one side, spitting fresh blood onto the classroom floor and I struggled to contain my temper at the outrageous actions that I was witnessing.

"You know, I get it. You're trying to teach us to fight back." Murphy spoke in a remarkably calm manner and I found a new respect for him as he demonstrated better self control than I'd ever possessed.

I had never known the reason for his arrest and until now had shown little interest in his background, but after it had been revealed to me, I found myself relating to him more than I could ever have imagined. Fury rose from my stomach into my throat at the way that Pike had felt justified to use Murphy's difficult upbringing in some poorly judged demonstration to the class and I knew in my gut that I would be unable to withstand this any longer, even if that meant upsetting Octavia.

"Wrong." Pike answered coldly and pulled his stunned victim roughly from his seat by the collar of his jacket.

Pike threw him against the netting at the back of the class and hit him solidly in the gut, escalating the assault to a level that caused ripples of shock around the room. Murphy wheezed as he fell forward, clearly winded from the attack and whilst distracted, I sensed movement to my side.

"Stop it!"

Octavia had risen to her feet to address them and I realised that she had finally freed me from her hesitant grip, wordlessly permitting me to intervene. In the same chaotic moment, Pike threw Murphy to the ground, scattering chairs in his wake and I leapt to my feet before I could consider my actions.

I threw myself onto Pike's back and wrapped my arms around his throat as hard as I could. Pike immediately began swinging his arms around wildly and Jasper's voice stubbornly demanded that he leave Murphy alone over the commotion. Maintaining my focus on detaining Pike whilst he attempted to throw me off, I strained to choke him enough to at least force him down to his knees where others could assist me to bring him under control.

Regretfully, I soon realised that I did not possess the strength required to combat such a large opponent and wished that I could have had the chance to practice these techniques with my dad, instead of simply studying them in his books. The gaping sounds that he made indicated that Pike was mildly struggling for air, but I couldn't impact enough pressure to slow him his movements that substantially.

Without any degree of warning, his thrashing become increasingly frantic and I lost my grip, being thrown from his shoulders like little more than a ragdoll. I collided into another inmate that had been mounting an attack of their own, who unwillingly assisted to break my fall.

"No one is coming to help you! No one is coming to help any of you!" Pike cried in a frantic manner and stomped towards Murphy like an unstoppable force.

Though I made every effort to recover quickly, I found myself wheezing from the impact of being thrown to the ground and in the few moments that I spent catching my breath, one of the female inmates caught my attention. She was screaming and pounding against the classroom door in desperation and I was struck with the horrifying realisation that it was locked. We were trapped in here with this hysterical man.

I heard Murphy cry out in desperation and snapped my attention back to him, just in time to witness Pike throwing him over a table. With another surge of anger I sprang back to my feet, running at Pike in a blind fury that I knew left me vulnerable. Unexpectedly, he spun around to face me as I verged on reaching him and his fist collided with my face. I twisted around from the impact and instead of slamming into the ground as expected, I landed into a set of scrawny arms.

"Are you alright?"

Peeking up to meet Jasper's nervous smile, I nodded thankfully as he supported me to my feet, before throwing himself at Pike. He bounced off with practically no consequence, but his attempt provided enough of a distraction for Murphy to clamber to his feet and hit Pike back for the first time. Unfortunately, his swing hardly seemed to matter to Pike, who seemed as if he hadn't even noticed it.

"Is that all you got?" He taunted dramatically, before grabbing Murphy's shirt and slamming him against the wall.

"It's gonna take more than the kids from your own station to save you!" He twisted around and threw Murphy onto the table, pinning him down with overpowering strength.

The young girl that I'd noticed before was still screaming and banging against the door for help, but I knew in my gut that help would not come soon enough for Murphy. I turned to catch several guys, including Jasper, crowding Pike in an attempt to pull him from his brutal assault and forced myself into the fray again, yanking at Pike with all of my strength.

"Don't you see? This is life or death!" He screamed maniacally and I realised with horror that he had begun to choke Murphy.

Another male inmate hurried over with a wrench and whacked Pike over the head with it, finally succeeding in ending his reign of terror. I rushed over to help Murphy to his feet and as I lifted his battered body from the table, the door burst open with a crash. A cluster of guards flooded inside led by Councillor Kane, who wore an indignant expression as he scanned us suspiciously.

"About damn time!" I exclaimed in disbelief as they surged inside, but they simply stormed past us with disinterest and focused on assessing Pike, already convinced that he was the victim in this bizarre attack.

Whilst they were distracted, I took a moment to check Murphy over sympathetically, but he shook me off with a humiliated aggression and it seemed that our brief cooperation was already over. Kane surveyed the group of us, his face the very picture of confusion as we crouched in various forms of exhaustion and most of the group that had assisted were panting from our experience.

"Are you out of your minds? What is this?!" He barked in an incredulous manner and several traumatized inmates jumped at the sharp sound.

"This is graduation." Pike announced cryptically, drawing the attention of the whole room and he scanned his gaze over each of us, as if he were analysing our performances in his little game.

"Congratulations. Class dismissed." He declared with an air of finality, before exiting the room and leaving us all speechless.

“Oh, you want to hear my sob story?” He suggested, his handsome features forming a smirk and I felt a mischievous smile spreading across my lips. Although most people seemed to find his attitude frustrating, there was something strangely attractive about it to me and every smirk that he directed at me made a tingle travel the length of my spine.

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” I drawled in a flirtatious tone, surprising even myself at my boldness and he quirked a brow at me with fascination. For a moment, I began to worry whether this comment had been a mistake, as the herb loosened my lips far more than I had expected and I felt a small remaining level of anxiety spiralling in my brain. Whilst I was preoccupied with my own self consciousness, Murphy took a long drag to prepare himself for his explanation.

“When I was a kid, I got really sick.” He began, avoiding my eyes as he spoke and I shuffled into a comfortable position to listen. “Sick enough that my parents thought I would die without treatment. None of the doctors would help, so my father stole some medicine and got himself floated. It was only after he died that I started to get better and we found out that I’d had the flu.” He explained in a low tone and I grimaced, realising that he was unlikely to have even required medicine for this illness in the first instance. A few moments of silence passed as he took another smoke and I tried to find a lighter part of his past to discuss. 

“What about your ma?” I asked gently, hoping that this might provide him with an opportunity to share a more hopeful memory, but instead he glanced over at me with pain in his beautiful blue eyes, sighing deeply in thought before he decided to answer me.

“My mother was a drunk. If she wasn’t passed out, or vomiting everywhere, then she was blaming me for everything that had ever gone wrong in her life. Eventually she drank herself to death.” He explained in a grumble, before glancing to the distance in an avoidant gesture and I was sure that I saw him subtly wipe away a tear. It seemed that the smoking was bringing out emotions that he had long since buried and I was nervous to fulfil my end of the bargain with this in my system. He cleared his throat to bypass any remaining sentimentality in his voice and forced a devilish smile into a place as he turned back to view me.

“So, you’re wondering what any of this has to do with what I actually did, right? Well, once I was old enough to get the supplies, I set fire to the quarters of the officer that arrested my father. Sure, it landed me in lockup, but it was fucking satisfying!” He added with the previous bravado that he’d always displayed in our conversations in the skybox and though he tried to use it to cover his vulnerability, I had come to know him well enough to see through it. The hurt and anger that had led him to this decision was clear to me and though I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, I knew that it would bring him little comfort.

“Sounds like our mams would’ve gotten along famously.” I commented idly as I took a long drag on the smoke and threw the last of it off the edge of the dropship. It was a strange thought to consider, but I realised that at least some parts of our childhoods had parallels and I began to dissect the previously unexplained feeling that I’d had since we first met that Murphy was able to understand me in a way that others had never been able to.

“Really?” Murphy breathed, stunned by my comment and I nodded in return. “No way. I can’t imagine you in an upbringing like mine.” He stated, seeming genuinely perplexed by this concept and I shook my head at his incorrect assumption.

“My mam was a nasty woman, full of spite and disapproval. I only recently found out that she had own addictions, though, namely pain relief. I’m actually beginning to suspect that she only stayed with my old man so that she could steal his meds.” I grumbled, staring down at my feet and Murphy’s brows raised at the severity of my statement. “I know. It’s a dark thought, right? My Papi has multiple sclerosis. That’s why I started studying medicine. Whole load of good that did me.” I added in a bitter voice and Murphy seemed as if he could hardly believe what he was hearing.

“Wait a second, you’re a medical student?!” He exclaimed in sheer disbelief and I nodded slowly in confirmation. His eyes grew ridiculously wide at this and he stumbled over his words a few times as he tried to decide which question to ask first. “So, how does someone like you end up convicted for drug smuggling? This doesn’t make sense.” He rambled, staring at me as if he suspected I were creating some fabricated story to fool him and I knew that I would have to be painfully honest if I were to convince him that I were indeed telling the truth.

“She thinks she’s fallen in love.” I admitted, speaking the words aloud for the very first time and my heart immediately ached as the confession left my lips. “There was this intern who was a few years older than me. He told me that he had a sick mam and that his old man was gone. For once in my life, I really felt like someone understood me and that made me blind. I was so full of hope and all I wanted to do was help people, and he took advantage of that. Sold me some crap about a medicinal programme for the underprivileged and I ate it up like an idiot.” My voice became aggressive towards the end, as my inner frustrations infected my words and Murphy seemed completely riveted by my explanation.

“Plenty of assholes with their own agenda on that station” Murphy stated spitefully, clearly speaking from experience and I nodded silently in agreement. “He sounds like a real piece of work, though.” He added in a growl, seeming as if he were already aggravated by this idea and I couldn’t help but feel amused by the potency of his reaction. I scoffed under my breath, reflecting on the depth of Cian’s betrayal and how disgusted he would become if he knew the full details of every minor manipulation that led to this outcome.

“You have no idea.” I muttered as I recalled the level of deceit that he had felt necessary to the process of recruiting me and Murphy tilted his head at me in a silent question. “The reason that I finally decided to turn him in is that I found out every single thing he ever said to me was a lie. His parents are alive and definitely not sick. You were right about me all along, without even knowing any of the details. He targeted me.” I revealed in a small, pained voice, glancing over at him with tears in my eyes and he cursed to himself. 

“Man, fuck the Ark. I’m glad we don’t ever have to go back to that hellhole.” He spat, staring up at the sky with disdain and I turned to look up at the clouds too, wondering where exactly our home was. My thoughts drifted to my father whenever I thought of the Ark and my chest ached at our separation, unable to accept yet that I would never again be able to indulge in his comfort. “You know, it sounds like I was right about one other thing at least. You were a total goodie goodie on the Ark.” He confirmed with a deviant smile and after a slight chuckle under my breath, I sighed thoughtfully. 

“I was. I followed every rule, trained for a selfless job and carefully worked my way in with people who I thought could help me to protect what was left of my family. Thanks to my job, I even had a new mother figure in my life. But look at where all of that got me. Now I’m on Earth, alone.” I remarked, the frustration that I had bottled up for far too long fearing its ugly head and Murphy furrowed his brows at me, as if I’d said something horribly offensive.

“Hey.” He spoke sharply and I jumped as I turned to face him with apprehension. “You’re not alone.” He stated, staring deeply into my eyes and I couldn’t keep a fond smile from filling my lips. It was a disagreement that I hadn’t at all expected, but the comment provided a level of comfort that was truly welcome against the isolation that I’d felt since arriving here.

“You’re not alone either, Murph.” I breathed in a warm tone, feeling a genuine appreciation for his presence here and his face lit up at my words. A comfortable silence fell upon us as we both returned to staring at the trees, enjoying the fresh breeze that ruffled our hair and for a few moments, I felt at peace. “It really is beautiful here. The colours are so vibrant and rich, and the smells are insane. You know, before the world went to crap, they used to get kids to do leaf rubbings in school as an introduction to art. I’ve always wished that I could do that.” I revealed, surprised by how much I was speaking and vowed never to smoke again as I strained to try to contain my thoughts. 

“Well, shit. I’ve never wished that I was a leaf before. Sure you don’t want to rub me?” He suggested with a playful wink and though he tried to hold a serious expression, his face rapidly crumbled at the absurdity of his words. I snorted under the strength of the laughter that escaped me, clutching my stomach as I gasped for air and Murphy cackled alongside me. It seemed that we were reaching the tail end of the herbs' effect on us now and had descended into the silly stage of the intoxication, where everything seemed profoundly funnier than it otherwise would. Once I’d finally been able to calm myself enough to speak, I fixed him with a scrutinising look.

“Why do you do that? I really don’t get it.” I interrogated, keen to find an explanation for the strange behaviour that he had been displaying for almost the entire time that we’d known each other and his face was the picture of innocence as he gradually recovered from the laughter. 

“Do what?” He avoided, clearly enjoying the opportunity to force me to put my suspicions into words and I furrowed my brows in disapproval for this tactic. I had no desire to actually ask whether he was truly attracted to me, but decided to clear the air with a less direct approach whilst I still had the courage.

“Make everything into an innuendo!” I breathed, frustrated that he had continued to act oblivious to my intentions and he shrugged, forcing me to continue. “The whole thing confuses me. The chat up lines and the winks and the constant flirtation. I honestly just don’t get it.” I confessed, holding his intense eye contact as I levelled him with questions and fully expected for him to insist that it was little more than a joke. He raised a single brow at me in suspicion and I braced myself for an answer that would cause me to feel immensely foolish.

“Have you never actually seen yourself?” He asked pointedly, his eyes taking an indulgent scan of my entire body before coming to rest on my face longingly and I scoffed louder than I had at any other time in my life. “Seriously, I’m not buying that you’re that clueless. You’re incredible.” He breezed, surveying me as if he couldn’t find a single flaw and I rolled my eyes at him.

“Right. Another line. Whatever.” I grumbled , fidgeting on the spot as I started to feel my insecurity returning to me in full force and scolded myself for even expecting a truthful response in the first place. It was obvious in my mind that this was simply another game to him, something to amuse himself with in the absence of any other entertainment and I fully expected that he would move on shortly now that we were free. He cleared his throat as he prepared to address me, pulling me from my fearful thoughts. 

“I don’t get how you can be this unaware of the effect that you have on people. I mean, you must've had boyfriends in the past, right? Other than the fucker that got you locked up.” He suggested as if it were an obvious assumption and I shook my head, fiddling with my hands to avoid his prying eyes. “Girlfriend? That’s hot.” He added with a mischievous manner and I had to chuckle at his immaturity. 

“No, Murphy. I have no idea what you’re talking about. You’re acting like I go around intoxicating everyone and leaving them all clamoring for just one kiss.” I drawled with exaggerated gestures, unsure how to interpret his dramatic expectations and he simply grinned at my comments, as if I’d played into his hands.

“Oh, I want much more than one kiss.” He remarked, his voice growing deep at the thought and I shook my head at him in disbelief, surprised that he would still continue this act even in the face of my enquiries. “You have been kissed, haven’t you, Sunshine?” He enquired, catching me off guard with his sudden question and I fidgeted in discomfort as my cheeks burned hot. I knew that lying to him wasn’t an option, as he seemed to be able to see through me with little effort and I had no intention of admitting to something that made me seem so pathetic. Instead of judging me, however, Murphy seemed exhilarated by the confirmation that my silence provided and slid himself closer to my side. 

“Really? Well, I could fix that.” He muttered, dropping to a quiet and raspy voice and I shivered at the way that it made me feel. At first, I assumed that he was kidding as usual, but it quickly dawned in me that he was suffocatingly close and my breath caught in my throat as I realised that he was leaning into me. His shoulder bumped mine as he moved into my space and though part of me would have been willing to jump off the dropship to my death, the ruling portion of my brain began to allow my eyelids to flutter closed. His face was close enough to mine that he could count every freckle if it weren’t hiding under the heavy blush that dusted my cheeks and I could feel his hot breath against my skin, as I held my own in nervous anticipation.

“Murphy!” A sharp yell caused me to startle to such an extent that I almost slipped off the edge and Murphy had to rapidly pull me back to safety. “Will you stop fucking about?! We’ve got shit to do, remember?” Mbege called upward as caught sight of our legs which hung over the side of the ship and Murphy was visibly furious at the interruption. As my senses flooded back to me, I quickly slid backwards and got to my feet to put some distance between us.

“Could you not?” I spat, brushing myself down and attempting to return my heartbeat to a reasonable speed following the thrill of the almost kiss. “You just ruined this whole thing! You were doing really well before that, too.” I stated, crossing my arms to fix him with a disapproving look and he chuckled with amusement as he stood to face me. I couldn’t help feeling as if he had crossed a boundary into unknown territory and I resented the change, as his friendship felt like all I had left to cling to now that we’d been ejected from our lives on the Ark. I wasn’t ready to face my attraction to him and the damage that it could do to our bond, and I couldn’t help feeling offended as how easily he seemed to be willing to throw it away.

“The whole thing, huh?” He queried and I nodded back fervently, revealing my defensiveness. “Well, I guess next time I’ll just have to make sure that we don’t get interrupted.” He sneered, seeming thoroughly pleased with himself and I shook my head at the misunderstanding. “Don’t worry. I know what you meant.” He clarified as he gathered his things and I raised my brows at him, confused by his contradictory statements. “The only problem with you acting so upset is that I know you wanted it. Until next time, Sunshine.” He winked, before striding away and leaving me blushing alone on the top of the dropship.

☓ ღ ➵ ღ ☓