#thcyer

“Look, I didn’t really speak to him much when he was staying witht he Rutherfords. I know little to nothing about this kid other than that he was always hanging around Daisey and it’s like I can’t… get rid of him. If he doesn’t stay away from my sister I’ll tape him by the ears to the side of the next plane to Toulouse-Blagnac. – I’m not saying Dee can’t handle her affairs, she’s 21, and ultimately I know she won’t listen to me or her father, so when he – god what’s his name, Saul? – comes over for dinner, which he no doubt will eventually, I want to see his visa. And his resume. And his G.P.A. Three reccomendatios are not requried but strongly prefered. Is he currently employed? That’s another one. I’ll write that down. Oh, and what he was doing during my party, that’d be important to know.

…If he makes @atdelilah happy and treats her well then he has my blessing I guess but excuse me for having my reservations.”

“sam. light of my life, fire of my loins. i suppose it sounds corny to admit it aloud, but sam, he’s— i don’t know! have you ever met someone, and for some reason you can’t explain, you just feel pulled to them? like somehow, whatever way your lives navigate, your paths will always intertwine? should always intertwine. well that’s kind of what it’s like with sam… 

i don’t really remember how i met the guy. family holiday or something, or maybe we met online? and the vacation in paris came after? anyway, we used to write. letters and letters and letters. so much shit in those letters, and not at all poetic, or in any way coherent, but he listened when no other fucker would while i'd whine about how i’d been cast as horatio and not the eponymous hamlet, a role i worked for tooth and nail. other stuff. girls. boys. anyone pretty enough to stir me. what i thought of my professors. what i thought of my colleagues. 

and then, one day, sam standing on the quad, half out of a dream. selfishly, i thought he’d come to visit me. selfishly, i wanted him to myself.  though he was never mine to keep, not merely an idle pass-time, an imagined reader, but a man with several tearaway lives of his own. i contain multitudes, whitman once said. actors wear identities like hats, swapping one for another each day, some days benedick, other days lear. why should sam be allowed to do the same? 

the devil: do you enjoy thunderstorms?

answered!

the world: do you like waking up early?

“generally, being up super early isn’t really my choice most of the time. my body just kinda…does it for me. but i’ve gotten used to it, for better or for worse. being up early is how my life goes, honestly.”

the tower: favorite colors to wear?

the star: have you ever seen a psychic?

“ a psychic? no, i mean, i don’t think the ones in m-movies really count for the question. ” the question came with little doubt in his mind, doe eyes quirked in puzzled expression alongside frowning brows.

the sun: do you believe in magic?

12. have you ever stayed up 48 hours 

“yes, there were a couple of times i did this for school reasons. and then there have been times more recently in which i’ve done it in order to avoid going to sleep.”

51. favorite food

“i really love anything that my grandmother made. she was filipino and she just made the best food. i really loved her lumpias.”

30. what’s irritating you right now?

“the fact that i’m terrified to be alone but also don’t want to be around anyone at the same time.”

3: Do you regret anything?: I regret a lot. I regret the way I behaved for seven years of my life. I regret being a bad friend to multiple people who meant a lot to me. I regret the way I’ve spent a lot of money. I regret most of my sartorial choices before the age of 16. Et cetera, et cetera.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?: Forgive. I don’t think forgiveness is easy. I don’t alway have it in me, and I don’t always want to. But I think if you can forgive, it’s usually a good thing. Forgetting is harder. Forgetting means you’re not just letting go of the fact that someone hurt you, but you’re basically pretending it didn’t happen. I don’t want to forget.

57: Do you believe in true love?: I don’t know. What even is true love, really? Is it a perfect relationship? Is it not being able to live without someone else? I don’t want that. Is it some feeling that I have yet to experience? I’m not sure. I mean, true love just makes me think of The Princess Bride. Which is a great book and one of my favorite movies, but it’s fiction. Cary Elwes isn’t coming to save me, and maybe that’s for the best.

Although, I will say, sometimes when my parents don’t realize we’re watching, they’ll look at each other, and it’s just like, w o w.