01. Your background it ain't squeaky clean (shit) / Sometimes we all got to swim upstream / You ain’t no saint we all a sinner / But you put your good foot down and make your soul a winner || 02. There is only one for me / You have made that possibility / We can take that step to see / If this is really gonna be / All you gotta do is say yes || 03. There's a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity when we're alone / So don't tell me (don't you tell me) you can't see what I'm thinking of || 04. Some people think that the physical things define what's within / And I've been there before, and that life's a bore... / But I don't want nothing at all / If it ain't you baby || 05. It's the sunrise / And those brown eyes, yes / You're the one that I desire || 06. Strangers all around / With the lights down low / I was thinkin' maybe we could / Well...you know || 07. Now that I've found you stay / And let me love you || 08. If you would take my hand, baby I would show you / Guide you to the light babe / If you would be my love, baby I will love you, love you / 'Til the end of time || 09. And if there's a thing that you need / I give you the breath that I breathe / And if ever you yearn for the love in me / Whenever, wherever, whatever baby

[text >> Sutton 💕💕]: Stopppppppppppppp

[text >> Sutton 💕💕]: Yeah i found some of yours and it’s… good. I like them. 

[text >> Sutton 💕💕]: …. Yes. Kind of.

[text >> Sutton 💕💕]: I’m more familiar with zars dogs honestly

[text >> Spicy Cinnamon Roll]: but youre so cute

[text >> Spicy Cinnamon Roll]: I like you

[text >> Spicy Cinnamon Roll]: long story short, zar’s like my brother. i’d die for that kid.

[text >> Spicy Cinnamon Roll]: so i was thinking, maybe we could go on a double date sometime? If thats ok with you?

[text >> Sutton 💕💕]: … Is that a bruise? 

[text >> Sutton 💕💕]: Oh my god 

[text >> Sutton 💕💕]: Oh my god i’m so dumb 

[text >> Sutton 💕💕]: I don’t remember giving you that at all 

[text >> Spicy Cinnamon Roll]: [img]

[text >> Spicy Cinnamon Roll]: It’s really ok.

[text >> Spicy Cinnamon Roll]: not gonna lie, it’s pretty hot so i’m not complaining

[text >> Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure]: so

[text >> Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure]: [sent image of his neck]

Sutton hadn’t seen Jules since the last time they had both been at apartment 6 which hadn’t been for a while. Zar was notorious for appearing at his studio with the dogs and Kiki and he seemed to congregate together under trees or laying in the grassy parts of campus outside.

If he weren’t so tired he might have considered giving Jules a piece of his mind for up and leaving everyone’s girl Kiki like that (because name one person on campus who didn’t adore her). Sutton figured Zar would do the honors sooner rather than later.

Anyway, it was early and Cam was at a morning class having left Sutton knocked out and incapable to say much to Jules anyway. He was not a morning person, to say the least. And probably gave Cam a hard time about being a good student and slipping out of his arms despite Sutton’s whining.

Half asleep, he ran a hand over his face.

Coffee.

If he were to function he needed coffee, lazily grabbing his sweatshirt and not bothering to put it on till after he had pushed through Cam’s door into the shared living space. Was he expecting to bump into Jules? No. Was he awake enough or dressed enough to talk to Jules? ....Also no.

“Sh — I mean, hey... Jules...” he pulled the sweatshirt over his head then bare chest, “Haven’t seen you for a while...” he plucked the cigarette he’d placed between his lips and had intended to light immediately once out side behind an ear. Sutton wasn’t really good with words that weren’t written, tending to stay quiet in most social settings. Had he and Jules ever talked alone before?

A hand rose to rub his neck. Cam had... really marked Sutton up didn’t he? He didn’t exactly have the time to appreciate it now though.

“Cam already left for his class if... you’re looking for him...”

...Great. This was going well.

it was a good thing sutton had had the thought to put out the joint, because cam had basically forgotten it even existed. nothing existed outside of this room, this little bubble that held only the two of them. it was so hard to believe that in this very spot, fifteen minutes ago, cam had been miserable, praying for the sun to explode so he wouldn’t have to face his peers. now, the sun could explode and cam wouldn’t even notice, because sutton had came for him. how incredible was that? he’d crossed campus and scaled the fire escape all to see him. 

he closed his eyes, prepared to go in for another kiss, but sutton had other plans. cam didn’t think he was all that amazing, but the way sutton said it made him think differently. he didn’t quite know what sutton saw in him, he was just glad he saw it. “you’re… you’re fucking unreal.” honestly, half the time cam couldn’t believe sutton existed. cam couldn’t help but pull him into another kiss, hand sliding down to the back of sutton’s neck, thumb running up into his hair, pressing closer, and closer. 

pretty soon, cam was pushing sutton down onto the comforter, and realized, as soon as they were horizontal, that he shouldn’t press his weight against sutton, right? he was pretty small, that would be rude. and dangerous. he broke the kiss to roll over, but when he came back towards sutton, he ended up kissing below his chin. not that that was, like, a problem. his skin actually tasted kinda good, and he smelled really good, like something warm and minty and a little bit spicy, and his stubble rubbed against his lips, and as his lips traveled further down, he realized how good he felt against cam’s mouth. 

he found a spot, right at his pulse point, that he really, really liked. there was something so intimate about feeling sutton’s heartbeat under his tongue. cam found himself laving attention to that spot, his hand gripping at the front of his hoodie. “shit,” he muttered, pulling away for the first time in minutes. “i literally took half a toke, why does this feel so good?” 

Of course, Sutton came to see Cam. Cam -- this kind, gentle, man -- was worth it.

He thought about Sydney, how happy his twin was with his partners. How for a long time, Sutton thought it was all just a scam. A hoax. He was that guy on Valentine’s day, so ready to grumble about stupid happy couples and their stupid happy happiness and yet... He still hoped. And wished. Wished until he was too angry to wish anymore, and then too... jaded. He’d been roughed up by so many guys. None of them like Cam. Men who didn’t think twice about slamming him against this or that, about bruising or pain.

He’d become so apathetic about it all. So much so he’d upset men he slept with, irritated they couldn’t get the rise they wanted out of Sutton. He’d seen that type of hypermasculine insecure sad-excuse-for-a-man countless times before.

Yes you’re a big strong man. What do you want me to do? Cry? 

Mind, not all the men he’s slept with were bad, definitely not as bad as some. But none of them compared to Cam's unique sweetness or warmth. Cam was like warm coffee cake or the comfort of an oversized sweater. Where could you go wrong?

Sutton couldn’t stop his smile, stifling a little laugh. God, it was hot in here; he could feel the heat rush to his face at the compliment. A hand rose to press a finger to Cam’s lips, “Shh.” Because Cam was making him blush and Sutton didn’t know how to deal with that. 

He could feel his back arch up towards Cam as they changed position. The fingers of one hand slipped through Cam’s hair, his other running over Cam’s chest and around the back of man’s body to feel for his shoulder blade. Sutton hadn’t expected to hit the sheets let alone for Cam to maneuver anywhere other than his mouth. Not that he was complaining. At all. When his eyes opened it was just long enough to catch Cam travel further... and further down. 

His lips parted.

Fuck.

Sutton couldn’t help but tilt his head back. His shallow exhale of breath was audible. Maybe, just maybe, Sutton had an affinity for neck kisses. So foreign they were to him. So lush and addicting and wow he’d been missing out on something wonderful hadn’t he?

“good,” cam insisted. he knew that sutton wouldn’t be able to control if and when he got arrested, but… but he knew he couldn’t afford to get caught, and trusted he’d do everything to assure that wouldn’t happen. sutton had his family to care for, after all. then again, so did cam, and… well, look where that led him. he just had to believe sutton had more sense than him. 

“you know, the-,” cam gestured vaguely at his mouth, “the smoke thing.” where you sucked the smoke out of my mouth and for some reason i thought that would feel like a dementer but actually it was really, really hot. thankfully, though, sutton seemed to catch his drift. he was about to say that, yes, he really would like to learn how, but then sutton was adjusting his face, his chin. he remembered back when he’d gotten nervous when sutton had touched his arm, forever ago, because it was just as intense now. 

suck in. yeah, he could do that, he could remember that. but then sutton touched him again, and he gasped, and he suddenly needed to exhale instead of inhale, fuck. he didn’t have the brain power to resolve this complex problem right now, let alone when sutton was nearly kissing him; the fact that he managed to gasp in a little bit of smoke was a fucking miracle. at the question, cam just nodded dumbly; he wasn’t sure if it was the one and a quarter hit he’d taken, or just the fact he was nearly lip to lip with sutton, or both, but he needed to kiss him yesterday. 

without another word, cam closed the distance between them, pressing a hand to sutton’s cheek. sure, cam was still shocked how much kissing sutton affected him, but this felt… euphoric. earth-shattering. every little movement of sutton’s lips and tongue magnified. he knew, immediately, that he would never get enough of this feeling. in fact, cam only pulled back for air, gasping for breath centimeters from sutton’s mouth. 

Sutton watched his boyfriend’s (boyfriend’s!!) lips move, captivated. No matter how shocked he seemed, he was always waiting for Cam to lean forward and kiss him. Sutton would realize that about himself one day. There was no denying how his eyes knew to slip closed when Cam brought their lips together, how his body arched forward... He needed both of his hands free, he needed to feel Cam under his fingertips. The joint had become more of a nuisance now. 

Of course, this was not Sutton’s first time smoking by any standards. He’d smoked with other people -- Sydney or friends, in groups or one on one -- but this was different; it felt so new, so intoxicating... If it wasn’t already clear before, the connection he felt with Cam was now crystal. Moving forward he didn’t want to get high if it meant they couldn’t be together. Sutton had never been surer of how much he wanted another human being around in his life...

A muffled exhaled against Cam’s lips. It’d be an understatement to say Sutton would merely savor the mingling of Cam’s tongue with his own. No. He’d think about it every night. He’d think about it in class. He’d crave how Cam tasted, his nondominant hand taking it upon itself to take hold of the front of Cam’s shirt. How their noses brushed gently against each other was enough to force Sutton to almost forgot he still had a joint to deal with. Their options were: a) kiss more or b) smoke more and in all honesty, Sutton was less interested in the latter. So he worked quickly. A fast press between Sutton’s fingers would be enough to put out the light, releasing Cam briefly to wet his thumb and pointer with his tongue. Fire hazard resolved, Sutton was more than happy to ignore the weed, leaving it somewhere on the bed.

when dee heard the knock at her door, she knew it was sutton and took a second to contemplate not answering. like, really - she was this close to staying in her room. dee’s a confrontational girl, most definitely, but when the topic at hand was matters of feelings? emotions? she’d decided a long time ago she’d really rather die. not literally, what with murder being relatively frequent around campus, but it’s the sentiment that counts. she opened the door for him anyway, figuring she could humor him and not be completely annoying tonight. and he brought something to drink, a plus that definitely aided in her decision. she opened the door, already prepared to weasel her way out of whatever sutton was about to get her into, but before she could even start sutton slid right past her, with the bottle markedly positioned away from her. exaggerated as ever, delilah huffed and rolled her eyes, she walked to the kitchen as he spoke. she grabbed two shot glasses out of one of the cabinets, and turned to head towards her room, an open invite for sutton to follow if he wanted. “i’m not sure how you expect me to hide notes i never took,” she tossed over her shoulder, walking and speaking simultaneously. she entered her room as she finished speaking, “and the only thing i have my eye on is this,” she said as she pulled a bottle identical to the one sutton had brought out of one of her drawers. dee shot him a facetious smile, “since you made sure i couldn’t grab that one.” an annoying remark to make, really. but she’d only promised herself to not be completely annoying; being a little annoying was allowed in her books.

Sutton half expected to need to threaten to pick the lock. Which he would have done. It wasn’t every day he got an in to Delilah’s love life. Sutton didn’t exactly wear his heart on his sleeve but Dee? Dee bottled that shit right up. It was a sin she hadn’t once spoken to him about a crush, not even hinted, in all their four years knowing each other.

Delilah was one of the few people who could bring the petty out of Sutton. It was their M.O. when they were together. He followed behind her, “Now I’m insulted on two fronts.” He counted on his fingers, “One, that you’ve hidden your interest in french cuisine from me in the first place and two that you’re stubborn enough to keep this act going after you’ve been outed.” He clicked his tongue, scoffing at her surprise vodka, “I’m... Not even surprised you have a bottle of vodka in your sock drawer.” He sat his bottle down on her desk, then sat himself down on its surface as well. He waited to be given his glass, elbows resting on his knees, “And here I thought we had something special.”

He paused, taking a moment to lazily watch Dee move around the space. Commenting suddenly, “You know, generally, the French respond well to directness.”

financial reasons. yeah, cam knew what that was like, to be so desperate for cash you were willing to risk arrest. he raised his eyebrows, the turf war between two local drug dealers being completely out of cam’s area of expertise. he didn’t even know if that technically counted as a turf war. “i know,” cam said, even though he didn’t. because if sutton got arrested… well, cam wasn’t sure what he’d do. curl into a ball and cry, probably. 

at that little swipe of his hand, cam glanced up at sutton, trying to shoot him a smile through his coughs. those little bits of affection were so nice, meant so much more than the sum of their parts. they even made cam feel a little bit high all on their own. he nodded along with sutton’s advice, taking a smaller hit that he could more easily handle, trying to hold it in his lungs as if that would help it… soak in? was that the proper terminology? 

but as soon as he opened his eyes and exhaled, sutton was right fucking there. less than an inch from cam’s face. and a few seconds later, he was pretty sure the high was starting to hit a little bit. he didn’t know why he thought it would make everything feel fuzzy, because suddenly it was like everything came into clear focus. it just took a while to take everything in, especially when it kinda felt like his entire body was shaking. but that was alright, he could take his time; everything felt terribly slow. sutton’s hand brushing against his felt so warm, so electric, and cam slowly pieced together that he should grab onto his hand, lean a little closer, close the distance between them, wouldn’t that be nice? 

but then sutton said something, and cam frowned for a minute, translating syllables into words into meaning. “yeah,” cam replied. “i mean, the-.” cam pointed blindly, momentarily distracted by sutton’s face until he turned his head and realized he was pointing at the wall, not the window. he readjusted his position, “the cops are out there, right? i don’t want you to get in trouble.” his hand flopped back to the bed, his gaze easily turning back to sutton. his mouth was super dry, suddenly, and he wasn’t sure if it was the pot or just sutton’s impact on him. his eyes drifted to the joint, “um,” cam pressed his lips together, unconsciously mimicking the feeling of a kiss. “that, that thing you just did. with the… the smoke. could you do it again?”  

Sutton didn’t know what he’d do if he got arrested. What Sydney would do. What his grandmother would thing... No. Getting arrested was not an option. He had enough of a taste of prison from getting detained by the police during the search party (thanks to Noah, don’t think Sutton would ever let him live that one down); even that was far too much.

He’d been so worried that Cam would think he wasn’t interested anymore after having his phone confiscated. So thankful was he for his one call to Sydney, during which Sutton instructed him to hunt Cam down and update him about his whereabouts. They weren’t even official then.

There was something about him and Cam that just... gelled. Like he’d been waiting for Cam to appear in his life without even knowing it. Really, neither of them needed drugs to get swept away in the other’s presence...

It would have been nice, having Cam so close. So crisp. The sound of Cam’s voice was slowly translating into his favorite song. The window (nor the wall) was of any concern to him. “I won’t. Get into trouble.” In his head, Cam’s pursed lips translated to an invitation -- one to which Sutton was happy to respond. Brushing his lips gingerly over Cam’s, trouble felt too far away for Sutton to pay attention to. At first, all he managed was a soft, Hmm?

 “The first thing?” He asked, working to decipher what Cam was asking him for, happy to please, “Or... I can show you.” He paused, “I can teach you if you want. Here --” His fingers guided Cam’s chin to keep him steady, in the proper position, “Just suck in, that’s all.” His eyes broke away from Cam’s only briefly to raise the little roll of paper, then took a drag. His thumb brushed against a corner of Cam’s lips to encourage them to part. Sure, it was intimate how he exhaled, bottom lip lightly tapping against Cam’s, but it was smoother this way. It’d give Cam a break from taking puffs and offer an easy potency without him needing to do much of anything. He was happy, more than happy, to make this as enjoyable an experience as possible for both of them.

cam nodded, understanding completely. he had half a mind to ask to get in on the whole operation to send more money back to his family, too, but… well, this probably wasn’t a good time considering police were crawling all over the town. speaking of which, “are you… are you safe? like, will the police catch you? i guess they’re kind of preoccupied but they’re also… y’know, everywhere.” 

god, this was making cam nervous and excited at the same time, which was stupid, he knew. it was just weed. still, this was kind of on his bucket list, was something he’d always thought about, but he had been too much of a… well, a square to ever try. he didn’t even know where you would get weed. well, dealers, obviously, but cam had never cared enough about getting high to actively search for one. and one had all but fallen into his lap. 

“oh, sure,” cam said, sitting down on the bed next to him. he focused for a few moments on getting the match lit, but when he finally did and look back up at sutton with a smile, he was confronted with his boyfriend’s beautiful face, pretty fucking close to his own. it took him a moment to remember he was supposed to be lighting the end of sutton’s joint. 

once he had, he shook the match out, and he had to force himself to tear his eyes away from sutton’s face, just to make sure it was fully extinguished and he wasn’t about to burn the apartment down by accident, because wow. sutton was hypnotizing, there was something so beautiful about the slow, leisurely way he exhaled, the way the smoke curled it’s way out of his mouth. it was, also, an excellent excuse to stare at sutton’s lips. 

when sutton passed the blunt his way, cam just nodded a little dumbly. just relax, that was always hard to do when you were told to do it. how did you make yourself relax? especially when cam still wanted to impress sutton. he raised the joint as a mock cheers, before taking half a hit and immediately breaking into a coughing fit. once he’d taken a minute to get it all out, he managed, “y’know, some people say the coughing makes them go in deeper.” there was a few more coughs. “but i’m pretty sure they’re liars.” once he was breathing normally, though, he tried again, and knowing what to expect, kept the coughing to a minimum. 

The mention of policed brought forth a sigh, air blowing out from Sutton’s nose. His hand laid flat on Cam’s chest, “I’ve been on hiatus since the police presence first got heavy. But... I needed to get back to work. Financial reasons.” A pause, rolling his eyes, “And I was losing clientele. There’s this other kid on campus...” Eh, no need to ruin his already fragile mood with talk of the infamous J, “I’ll be ok. I promise.”

It’s been so long since his first time smoking weed he had almost forgotten those nerves. He had been in the same position Cam was, believe it or not. Compared to Sydney and their friends and family back home, Sutton was the neighborhood square too. For different reasons, maybe, but still. His eyes smiled when their gazes met, and he might have stolen a kiss there if he hadn’t remembered there was a task at hand.

It was funny, how Sutton found Cam just as hypnotizing as he found Sutton. Cam’s little movements -- how he pushed the hair out of his face, how his hands shook, ever so, the curve of his top lip... Sutton was sensitive to the pure aesthetics of the world around him already. He had a keen eye for light and color and sound. Touch. But now? Everything was amplified, by the weed and their close proximity. Two highs in one. What’d he’d give to just trace little sweet nothing’s over Cam’s back.

He was expecting some coughing, it was Cam’s first time smoking... anything(?) after all, “I should have suggested glasses of water --” he brushed a stray strand of hair off of Cam’s face and behind his ear, a small chuckle dripping down his chin, “Technically, but it’s not as enjoyable. I don’t want you to aggravate your lungs -- Try taking a smaller hit,” But Cam didn’t seem to need all that much guidance. There were too many heady factors at play -- having snuck through Cam’s window, the dim room, the high... how Cam looked at him. This time, when Cam exhaled, Sutton managed to form his lips into a small ‘o,’ leaning forward to catch the shotgun of smoke before it could drift away towards the ceiling. It wasn’t even the start of a kiss, almost a tease, bodies just close enough for Sutton to feel Cam’s breath without their lips touching.