#thats right it's another flashback chapter...

SUMMARY : less than 20 feet away was jungkook. your jungkook. the same jungkook who once had you sitting on the palm of his hands. the same jungkook who’d caress your hair gently every time you got a maths equation wrong and tell you “you can try again, silly girl.” the same old jungkook who didn’t go to greece with his friends that summer because you were bedridden after an accident right before your final exams. the one who stayed, bought you strawberries, help you out with studies after every exam and said, “i couldn’t enjoy a beach if my favourite student was sick.” now that same jungkook was holding someone else’s hand

GENRE : childhood acquaintances to lovers, heavy angst, smut, fluff, initial unrequited love, invisible red string theory.

PAIRING : gym fitness entrepreneur jungkook x luxury boutique shop owner oc.

CHAPTER WARNING : a lot of flashbacks, both povs included but mostly in third person’s pov, vague details of sex (not b/w jungkook and oc) major-humongous-angst alert! hold your tits tight besties it might hurt a little…jungkook is so clueless but we can’t blame him just because he’s not head over heels in love with oc, but I am kinda mad at him because it definitely was so transparent that she had a crush on him. oc being delulu and thinking that she was gonna have her fairytale like romance (like girl what did you expect) but I see myself in her (so ya’ll go easy on my woman please) honestly not much for the first chapter, a bit of drama maybe? it’s more of an intro chapter so there’s not much honestly.

⤷ ゛ ˎˊ˗ next chapter ⋆˚࿔ ₊⊹

You didn’t remember the last time you noticed the sun blinding through the open window, the sky so clear and blue and the clouds scattered around the sky in imperfectly perfect shapes.

However today something within the air was different. You ‘noticed’ more. You woke up exactly at 6 a.m did an everything shower, the kind you only do when somethings stirring inside you.

Ever since you’ve been conscious, your body has been buzzing with an adrenaline you didn’t have in you till you got the news that…he is coming home.

Its not like you weren’t living your life before.

You wanted to spend the summer vacation at your hometown with your grandparents, because its been years since you and your cousins have spent time together, it’s hard to gather and adult jobs are so brutal you barely get time for yourselves.

its been about 8 days, and they all left except for you, your mom and your younger brother. Eventually you started to miss the feeling of being in the cocoon of your two bedroom home and the harmony of your everyday life, you loved reconnecting with cousins and it was all you needed but time’s over and you gotta return back to your life now.

You three decided to stay another night, then leave in the morning, well…that was until your mum got the call from your mum’s best friend asking if said mister reached Ilsan.

Your heart thumped so much it was almost worrying, but you knew not to worry because thats just how your body responds to his name, like it never forgot how to ache.

It felt dumb at this big age.

You are 21 years old now, for the love of good god. You were 18 when you last saw him and had just turned 20 when you last talked to him.

For the last two years, he’d been out of your orbit, military service keeping him galaxies away. Sometimes you’d lay wide awake at 3am and just wish you had an anywhere door like in the doraemon cartoon, so you could go and visit him whenever you wanted, make him try the goodies you baked and just be near him, and see him overreacting enthusiastically to you, you’re sure if you made him burnt pancakes he’d still have them (lick his fingers like it was good) and give you 100$ just because you made him, you knew he would because he did that in the past too.

When it was freezing cold in the winter, you’d get sick worrying if he was okay, when it was raining too harsh, you’d only hope he was safe, when it was scorching hot you’d hope he had a good night of sleep because you were aware that he hated the summer, and he sweated so much, he had a hard time sleeping.

When there was any news of war, you’d silently cry like a hopeless damsel in distress.

But you’d smile and daydream about him from time to time (everyday) while humming along to Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande's love songs, you'd recall his childlike enthusiasm whenever you saw those marvel figured displayed at stores, you even bought an iron man hoodie for him, and it is carefully kept in your closet.

Even though he was 8 years older than you he was just so adorable to you. So precious to you. So easy to love.

God knows the amount of times you’ve cursed the government for taking him away from your sight.

Still, in those rare moments you spoke, he sent you part of his salary. Four times. Like he was trying to hold onto something.

However you forcefully brainwashed yourself into believing it was nothing too deep to dig in and quite normal. He was just that kind to every little thing that’s biotic.

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2023, 21 July.

“Hello, how’s Miss Topper?” Jungkook said playfully, though his voice carried the kind of exhaustion that sounded like he’d just run a marathon.

You closed your eyes and leaned back into the headboard, letting his smooth voice sink into you. He filled in your dopamine hit unlike any of your other dopamine fixes. “Wassup Soldier?” thats’s all you managed to say after you found your voice. God its been so long since you’ve talked to him, there’s so much you had to tell him, so much to ask.

“I’m alright. It’s spring, so working in this weather sucks a little less than in summer, I guess. Tell me about you,” he said quietly, his tone gentle.

Life in the South Korean military wasn’t easy, you knew that from the stories your dad and grandfather had told you about its relentless demands and the mental strain it could inflict. You could only hope situations were kinder on him, but Jungkook’s greatest strength had always been his ability to adapt to any environment. Still, strength didn’t make him immune to the harsh realities or the unfair treatment that often lurked behind military walls.

“Me? I’m fine. But you… you sound tired, Kook. Are they working you too hard?” You voiced out your worry. He said not to worry too hard, almost shrugging it off like talking about it wasn’t one bit interesting.

“I heard about your results! See? I told you not to worry,” he said, a quiet smile in his tone. “I knew you’d top.” He didn’t even know! Yet his blind belief in you made you feel some type of way.

Your cheeks warmed instantly. “Yeah, unexpectedly I… did pretty well, thanks to you.” you mumbled, trying to hide the grin tugging at your lips.

“Pretty well huh? Silly girl, you got country highest in Maths, Physics and Sociology. That’s insane.” He defended like your normalcy to your results was offensive. This man and his effortless way of making you feel like you sat in the pedastal.

He’s always been like that with you.

Always.

You talked for a while, about school, your endless assignments, his training, and the little things you missed about each other, until a deep voice called his name from somewhere in the background.

There was some shuffling on his end, followed by a faint groan, like he was irritated. You stayed quiet, though, wanting him to speak, after all, you’d been yapping through almost the entire 16-minute phone call. Then he spoke.

“Hey ____ uh that was my sergeant. Phone time’s up,” he sighed reluctantly.

“Oh….no worries…Kook, are you going to bed now?” You said too smoothly for someone who could never be satiated with a 20 minute phone call with Jungkook.

“Yeah, I am.” He whispered.

There was pin drop silence, none of you spoke until he eventually broke it.

“____?” Jungkook said quietly, and that damn tone. . . it did things to you.

“Yeah?” You replied eagerly and you couldn’t pint point the reason, but this goodbye felt a little heavier than usual even though you spoke a week before.

“Uh… just wanted to say that I can’t wait to see you again, alright then…goodnight.” Oh he was the sweetest, it made your chest ache in the best way. He was a charmer and you were way too deep in to go back now.

The line went dead before you could respond. You stared at your phone for a long a bit dissatisfied because it was too damn short seconds before collapsing into your pillow, muffling a squeal that bubbled out of you, kicking your feet like a lovesick idiot.

Did he really just say that?

You blushed.

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Your body was buzzing with nerves, you had heard that he was discharged last friday from your mom and Hani aunty’s (jungkook’s mom) loud whatsapp video calls on monday and that he’s staying his parents’ house, because his house’s construction was still ongoing.

He had his own place now, naturally. With the kind of money he was raking in as a fitness tech entrepreneur, it was practically inevitable. Still, pride swelled in you for the man he’d become. You recalled the days when his “one day” business ideas were just late-night ramblings over convenient store snacks, and now here he was, proof that Jungkook was nothing if not ruthlessly consistent.

Once he set his sights on a goal, no force, be it circumstance, disapproval, or a herd of metaphorical elephants, could block his path. Whether it was dragging you from a 15% to an 80% in SATS mathematics or stubbornly launching a clothing line despite his family’s lack of faith and support, he had a maddening talent for turning his ambitions into reality.

He rightfully earned his position by keeping an unrelenting pace.

You haven’t talked to him since your birthday, when he briefly messaged to wish you and informed you that his phone was off limits since he was a senior sergeant now and was in charge of training new soldiers.

For some reason, you never heard from him again and neither did you try to reach out. It frustrated you more than you cared to admit, especially because that man’s social media presence was practically nonexistent. It drove you bananas not being able to keep tabs on his whereabouts.

You wanted to text him.

So bad!

God, you had sudden urges like a druggie at 2 a.m. but you were a firm believer in “if he wanted to, he would.” He had to make the first move. You knew he’d cared for you, you’d felt it, but maybe he was just busy. He’d told you he couldn’t use his phone in the military, after all.

So, you let it be… and buried yourself in your hectic college schedule, even if part of you still wondered when his name might light up your screen again.

If you didn’t know that he was coming to meet his cousin and nephew who just so happen to live across from your grandparents (greatest freaking coincidence)

Would you have taken your time in the shower like you did today?

Would you have shaved twice?

Would you have followed the full 10-step routine?

Would you have smothered your body in vanilla-scented lotion, thoroughly? Even borrowed your grandmother’s cocoa shea butter?

Would you have worn that sky-blue midi dress which you knew is his favorite color, coincidentally the prettiest one you own?

The answer was simple :

You still would’ve done all that.

But at your own home.

Not here. Not at your grandma’s house.

You took hygiene seriously on regular days too, you carried a whole bag full of your shower essentials like it was part of your identity.

But you never bothered with hair masks on vacation. You were lazy, tired and too relaxed for your own good, letting your grandparents pamper you with their endless care.

But today?

Today was different.

You wanted to feel your best.

Look your best.

But nothing could’ve prepared you for the heartbreak of seeing him again after almost two years.

It was evening, almost 7 p.m.

You were in the kitchen, making cinnamon rolls after pestering your grandmum to let you handle it all on your own.

You liked cinnamon rolls but not as much as he did. Those were his favourite.

They’d quietly become your specialty over the years.

Now you weren’t even sure why you made them so often. Maybe because you wanted to perfect them for him. Maybe because it was the only recipe that ever felt like his.

“Hmmm, my mouth’s watering from the smell alone. What’s my little froggy making?” your grandad said playfully as he walked into the kitchen.

You laughed, whisking the whipped cream and condensed milk.

“Really, Pa? I don’t think the smell’s that strong.” You said, brightly.

Your grandpa might be your biggest hype man, and you remember how easily you used to escape your mom’s scoldings whenever he was around, he’d never let her. You were his youngest granddaughter, his princess.

He has been spoiling you rotten ever since you were young. He still does.

“I swear I could smell it from the garage.” He declared dramatically, You shook your head, smiling, as you poured the icing over the warm cinnamon rolls, letting it melt into every swirl.

“Grandma made kimchi jjigae, you should wash up and eat, Pa.”

He nodded, still eyeing your cinnamon rolls with stars in his eyes. “Save two for me and sneak them to me when your nonna’s not looking,” he winked, heading up the stairs with a small bouquet of daisies in his hand.

Your heart warmed. He definitely bought them for your grumpy Nonna. You’d save this sweet, diabetic man more than just two, he deserved it.

You giggled, throwing your hands up in surrender. “I’m not taking the blame if your blood pressure spikes, buddy,” you called out teasingly at his retreating figure.

You place the finished tray of cinnamon rolls on the counter to cool, wrapping a plastic wrap to keep it intact, still giggling.

Then, remembering what you were really waiting for, you darted upstairs to touch up your makeup. It wasn’t much in the beginning, even though you loved a dramatic eye look, bold lips today you opted for a simpler makeup to enhance your features, a bit of gloss, a tiny flick of eyeliner, mascara, tinted blush, and a spritz of the vanilla body mist you loved.

You happened to glance out the window, and there it was.

Not even 20 minutes after you made the cinnamon rolls, should you go over at Rumi’s or would you come off too desperate as you’ve already went to her house yesterday and spent the entire day with Namguk, the prettiest little boy.

A black car pulling up across the street, your grandparents had a two story house which might be too spacious for just two people living, the distance from his cousin Rumi’s home was so near you could see everything clearly without having to squint, the car was tinted so it was hard to see who was inside.

The door to the drivers door opened, and….there he was, Jungkook. Your eyes weren’t deceiving you…were they?

You inhaled a deep breath.

Then exhaled. 1, 2, 3, 4.

A grey suit jacket clung to his broader frame, taller now, sharper somehow. His thick hair was parted just right and that damn hairstyle made your chest ache with how painfully gorgeous he’d become.

But he was moving in a haste still not fast enough for your observing eyes to see the cheeky grin plastered on his face the one you were secretly obsessed with.

You were so busy admiring him, taking him in, blushing by yourself that you didn’t even notice until he opened the passengers door of his car, but now you did.

A woman stepped out, holding his hand.

Tall, radiant, with waist length hair, wearing the exact shade of blue midi dress with a slit on the side just like you did. The only difference was that her dress had small floral details and yours was just plain.

She surely was a sight to take in with delight, the kind of beauty that walks into a room and has everyone’s attention immediately, the kind you infatuated over for no particular reason, it would be a shame not to notice her at the first glance, she looked like she was meant to stand beside someone like him.

Only a beauty like hers could compliment his handsomeness.

You blinked, heart thudding in your chest, lips slightly parted as you watched him helping her up gently, smoothly wrapping one arm around her waist, bringing her closer to him, his other hand carrying gift bags that you could care less about.

Then, he kissed her forehead, soft and lingering like it’s second nature to him.

You stumbled back.

Your breath caught, your chest tightened, and suddenly your vision blurred. No. Why did you feel like crying all of a sudden when you had been in a cherry mood all day? Why did you have to see this?

You were frozen. Still clutching the edge of the curtain like your life depends on it.

Frozen in a state of disbelief and aching realization.

The door of the car slammed shut.

That sound snapped your attention back to the present, only to rip your heart out again.

He leaned down, his hands cradling her face and he kissed her.

A soft, sweet smooch on the lips it lasted for less 10 seconds but it felt like time stopped as you watched your destruction play in slow motion, torturing you with every passing seconds.

And then he cracked a smiled.

But not just any smile it was a smile you’d rarely seen on him.

It was a lovesick smile, one that reached his eyes, softened his jaw, lit up his whole face like it was sculpted just for her.

And your heart… it stopped.

The lump in your throat grew heavier, tighter, until it felt like you couldn’t breathe.

You watched, motionless, as he held her hand in one and carried gift bags in the other.

They looked like any other couple. If it had been someone else, a stranger, you would’ve smiled and admired a sweet pair in love.

But it wasn’t any stranger.

Less than 20 feet away was Jungkook.

Your Jungkook.

The same Jungkook who once had you sitting on the palm of his hands. The same Jungkook who’d caress your hair gently every time you got a maths equation wrong and tell you “You can try again, Silly.” The same old Jungkook who didn’t go to Greece with his friends that summer because you were bedridden after an accident right before your final exams.

The one who stayed, bought you strawberries, help you out with studies after every exam and said, “I couldn’t enjoy a beach if my favourite student was sick.”

Now that same Jungkook was holding someone else’s hand. He changed. He looked transformed into a version of himself you have yet to meet and chat with.

You didn’t realize your body had started moving until you were inside the room away from the window, and you just ran towards the bathroom, the door slammed shut behind you.

And then it hit you.

All of it.

That was his girlfriend.

Obviously, you fool.

You inhaled slowly. Released it.

For years, you’d been running behind him. Now, finally, you’d caught up, walking beside him at the same pace. You had waited so long for this moment; years of quiet longing, of burying your love so deep it had fossilized inside you, all just to reach him. To stand in front of him and tear open every guarded part of yourself, spilling out every unsent text, every swallowed confession, every aching truth you’d kept locked away.

“I want to do this life with you, Jeon Jungkook. Fuck the age gap. Fuck everyone who keeps trying to remind me you only see me as some sister-like friend. None of that matters to me. All I care about is you. Only you.”

And for the first time, there was nowhere left to run from it.

You thought it would be the moment your life turned into your damn Disney animated film (the tangled kind), the one you’d been rehearsing in your head since you were too young to even understand the concept of heartbreak.

But instead, the scene bled into something you never saw coming. The music cut out abruptly. Just like that the colors dulled.

And there you were, holding out your heart like an offering, only to realize he was already walking away.

You were so sure of your feelings, you never let yourself glimpse the cracks beneath it’s like building a glass castle, fragile and sparkling, hoping it would never fall but knowing, deep down, it might.

You gasped, hyperventilating, gripping the edge of the sink as the tears finally fell. Not the silent ones.

They were messy, ugly, betrayed sobs, the kind that twisted your stomach and made your knees feel weak.

Your body shook violently from the force of your sobs, all the warmth you had moments ago slipping away, replaced by a sharp, icy cold that crept under your skin.

You couldn’t care less if your mom, grandmother or anyone else walked in on you, you didn’t care about anything at this moment, the hurt overpowering and sabotaging every rational thought in your head.

Every fragment of his six-month silence clawed its way back, the fleeting moments you’d catch him active on KakaoTalk or WhatsApp, that single, out-of-place story of two matcha cups (he didn’t even know how instagram stories worked) at least that’s what he said 2 years ago. Or that one odd post of him at a jazz club.

Jeon Jungkook and jazz? You still remember laughing at that story convinced he was persuaded by that one jazz fanatic friend of his, the chances of him stepping into a jazz club were about as likely as dinosaurs roaming in your front yard. These two J’s belonged to entirely different worlds, like oil and water dressed in black and white.

Now you understand why he was so silent, as if deliberately retreating to keep his distance out of respect for his girlfriend. Of course, he was exactly that type of boyfriend.

The thought kept circling back, did Hani Aunty know her son was in a relationship? Because if she did, your mother would’ve mentioned it. Even once. And she hadn’t. Which made the absence feel even sharper. But it could also be because your mom has been so occupied with overseas work trips lately she barely got time to chat with her best friend on a daily.

You didn’t know how long you stayed perched on the cold edge of the bathtub after pacing relentlessly from one place to another a failed attempt to shut your mind’s chaos, tears spilling as you replayed everything in excruciating detail, him kissing her, holding onto her waist, her arms wrapped around his neck like she had every right to.

You sat for an hour picking apart each word, each silence of his, until it felt like the Jungkook induced haze that had gripped you for years was finally starting to dissolve, leaving only the raw sting of reality.

The contrast to your mood that morning was almost laughable. You stared at yourself in the mirror, eyeliner smudged, mascara trails dried on your cheeks. You looked hideous. Just an hour ago, you’d felt so good, and yet all it took was a single moment to ruin it.

Why?

Why did this happen to you?

How could you let yourself get so tangled up in those fantasies?

You should’ve known.

Jeon Jungkook would never ever view you the way you want him to. Anyone but you. Even if you were the last woman alive on earth, and the world’s population depended on you and him, he would prefer to unalive himself than having to touch you.

Dragging your body toward the bed, you collapsed on your back, eyes fixed on the beige ceiling, lost in reminiscence.

Self-loathing seeped into your veins as the realisation struck you had been so painfully naive.

Another hour passed like that, the adrenaline long gone, your body heavy, your mind too worn out from crying. Your emotions were everywhere, a tangled mess you couldn’t begin to sort out.

Faint noises drifted up from downstairs, but you didn’t care enough to listen.

All you knew was that, when your mother knocked softly on your door two hours later, saying.

“____? Jungkook’s here… aren’t you gonna come downstairs?” your heart lurched violently in your chest.

No way. No freaking way you were going to face him, not in the presence of his girlfriend, or whoever she was. You’d rather disappear, jump in the ocean or even off the cliff, than put yourself through that.

You were too drained, too shattered to stand before him.

And deep down, you knew, you might never see him again, you don't want to. Ever.

You couldn’t do it.

You couldn’t face him.

Not tonight.

Not with mascara-stained cheeks and a heart split in two, so you put on your unconvincing act.

“____?”

“ Are you sleeping, sweetie?” your mom’s warm voice called softly.

You lay curled up in bed, facing the wall, eyes swollen, pretending to be asleep. Her hand moved gently across your back, followed by the soft press of a kiss on your temple. Deep down, you were glad the lights were off because if she saw your face, she’d know instantly that something was wrong, and you couldn’t handle that. Not right now.

“I wonder why she’s asleep so early today,” she mumbled by herself.

Then came her sigh. “He really wants to see you.”

Hah. Of course he did. A silver of irritation ran through you, it wasn’t bubbling anymore, rather it was simmering hot, waiting to overspill any moment.

You stayed silent, holding your breath until the door closed with a soft click. Only then did you exhale in quiet relief because you survived, if she had even the slightest hint you were wide awake, this persuasive woman would’ve dragged you down by your hair to meet her beloved golden boy.

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JUNGKOOK’S POV.

“The cinnamon rolls are heavenly, Minha Aunty. How do you make them this perfect? You must have magic in your hands,” I said, taking another bite. It had been years since I’d had cinnamon rolls, too busy to ever buy them myself, but these were on another level, miles, kilometres and decades better than the sad, soggy ones i’ve once grabbed from 7/11.

“No way, you think I’d have the patience for these, Kook! ____ whipped them up just this evening,” Aunty said with a warm, knowing smile. And when she smiled like that, it was like looking at you all over again. You resembled your mom so much.

Oh.

You.

That caught my attention.

“Just when I thought she couldn’t get any better at cooking.” I chuckled agreeing.

“She’s too busy to cook these days though, hardly gets time to even visit me.” Your mother said, a bit sulky.

Ever since I’d known her, the diligent, soft-spoken fifteen-year-old.

I’d been fascinated by her talent for cooking, so was my mother, we sang praises about her cooking for years (we still do)

I still remember the time she cooked eight traditional Korean dishes for Chuseok at just sixteen. My mom had recently reconnected with her old high school best friend, her mom. And though I’d been sulking, reluctant to visit some friend of hers I barely knew, I was secretly glad she’d dragged me along. That day, I was utterly fascinated with ____.

At twenty-three, I could barely make ramen without messing up the seasoning, so it was no surprise that she could produce a dessert so divine it rendered every store-bought version bland and utterly forgettable.

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He’d been here for thirty minutes now, Hana was too fatigued, so he didn’t even bother insisting her twice when she told him to come here alone, while she waits at his cousin’s house.

He was glad that his cousin, and little champ Namguk warmed up to Hana, and enjoyed her company, it was a delightful sight to see her instantly connecting with his closest family, and even more since Hana was a reserved person, usually not too prone to opening up to others when she first meets them.

If Jungkook thought he sucked ass at socialising, his little vixen was worse.

But that made him love her even harder.

They were so similar.

And like a fool, he thought about that one quote their common friends often used (humorously) whenever they were hanging out together

“Jungkook and Hana are those ‘one soul and two bodies’ type of couple.” It did seem foolish then but it wasn’t far from the truth, it’s quite literally the truth.

He couldn’t wait to spend the rest of the weekend with her. His house was still under construction, and with the head electrician hospitalized, work was on hold for who knew how long. He wanted nothing more than to bring Hana into the comfort of his home, to have slow and steady mornings tangled up in the sheets, cook breakfast together, wake her up with the softest lingering kisses, and never have to sneak around, paranoid just thinking of her roommates walking in on them eating each other’s faces, making out half naked while rutting against each other, or Hana’s luscious locks being fisted on by his fingers while she expertly swirled her tongue around his head before swallowing his whole length to the deepest craven of her hot mouth, or his face buried between her legs with her thighs clamping around his head tightly and her fingers tugging at his hair, or worse while his cock kept drilling back and forth of her sweet cunt desperate to reach his peak. He feared the latter more than he feared death. The thought alone made him cringe.

God.

Untill his house was complete, they had to settle for limited sleepovers and friendly touches. Sometimes, that meant adjusting to staying over at her place even though deep down he despised her loud roommates, a little sacrifice for the sake of being with her while he was still living with his parents.

She had met his parents only once though, and he realized she wasn’t comfortable being at their house, too awkward and having to be formal with his parents at all times. So, he stepped back and decided not to push her and move at at her pace.

Jungkook met Hana a year ago, through Yunmin who was his best buddy back in the military, the guy who was his anchor, who uplifted him on days where he wanted to quit and disappear, when depression and sleeping pills were a constant companion. Hana was Yunmin’s only cousin sister.

And his life hasn't been the same ever since it met those hazel eyes of hers.

Quite a drastic leap to his mind-numbing, tiresome and dull life in the last 3 years.

The only leap of his life that mattered.

He'd always been a hopeless romantic, searching for "his person" in every corner, until a dimpled smile appeared in the bbq restaurant 12 months ago, right when he'd stopped looking.

Jungkook was confident that she was it for him.

It was her and only her.

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I wanted to see ____ at least once before heading back to Seoul. Hana had that salon appointment she’d been talking about for days tomorrow, and he had to clock in to work once he returned to Seoul, life would get tangled up with deadlines and schedules again.

The last time I spoke to ____, she told me she was living in Ansan, running a small boutique house business she’d invested in with her friend. I was in Seoul then, and her place was about an hour’s drive away. Still, I felt that pull, the urge to call her, to check on her knowing well that I’d soon be swallowed by work.

I was in the middle of launching two new gyms, one in the high-rise tower downtown, the other in a newly built commercial complex, both equipped with the latest smart fitness tech I’d been developing for months. Between investor meetings, staff training, and system testing, I knew I wouldn’t have the space to just drop everything and make that drive to see her.

Otherwise I would have.

I thought about texting ____ but then my overthinking mind said what if she thought it was weird as we haven’t been in touch for a year.

Still, I kept tabs on her through her Instagram stories and posts, trying to keep track of where she was.

Somewhere along the way, we had grown apart. I blamed the military, the limited phone calls, the long silences.

And I was so preoccupied planning this trip with Hana, I hadn’t given it much thought.

I was full of nostalgia the moment I stepped into Ilsan, memories of beaches and sand, volleyball fields and late night snack hunting with his cousins. Life was lighter, less burden, no high blood sugar, no pre diabetes jumpscare and no fear of the unknown future.

I was happy I could show Hana around my hometown since she’d been asking me to do so.

When his mother told him that You and Minha aunty were staying in Ilsan at your grandparents house he was elated.

He could finally meet you and give you updates about his life, hear about yours but where in earth were you? The urge to text you intensified.

Deep down, he had the gist of you being upset with him, and he wanted to make it up to you.

There were moments when he wanted to reach out to you, times when life felt heavy, and he needed someone to lean on but he decided against it, seeing that you were enjoying yourself at a beach in seychelles with your friend group. He retreated because he didn’t want you to share his burden.

He made the wiser decision to see a therapist monthly which was one of the sole reasons why he was able to deal with critical issues with such ease now.

However even though you were so much younger, talking to you never felt difficult. You were wise beyond your years, thoughtful, eloquent, and open to seeing the world from different angles, even if you didn’t always agree. Your advice had pulled him through some of his darkest days, and you were barely eighteen back then.

He wanted to see how his little friend had grown into the woman he always knew she could be. Deep down, he was certain you had become something truly remarkable, you always were.

He’d been here at your grandparents house for half an hour now, your mom vanished into the kitchen, again, with the intention of making him eat all the food she could think of.

He texted Hana, asking if she was alright over there and she sent him a photo of Namguk, showing her his huge lego collection.

Namguk could speak so clearly now, he was only 2 years old yet his vocabulary was that of an adult’s considering how children these days had speech delay because of excessive screen time. His heart fluttered at the selfie Hana sent him next. Her pouting and Namguk mimicking it, he chuckled, not before reacting with a heart.

He put the phone down, when he could hear your mom’s footsteps.

He glanced around and asked your mom, “Where’s ____? Isn’t she here with you?” She walked into the warm living room pushing a small wooden trolley stacked with what felt like every fruit under the sun. Your mom as always welcoming him with way more than necessary. Of course as she said he was her favourite “golden boy.”

“____’s sleeping, hun. We’re actually leaving tomorrow morning, so I just let her sleep in because it’s gonna be a long journey. Otherwise, why wouldn’t I wake her up to meet her favorite senior? And if you’re wondering why the house is so eerily silent it’s because Hajun’s out with my parents, visiting my uncle.”

“I see…it’s okay, aunty. Good thing you didn’t wake her.” It was all I could manage as she sat down across from me.

Asleep? So early? You used to a night owl back then.

That explains why the house was so eerily quiet when he came inside. Your mom being the only person to welcome him.

I chuckled and said, “Aunty Minha, you really didn’t have to cut all these fruits at 9 pm.”

She just laughed, waving her hands off at his comment. “I know how much you like fruits, you’re gonna eat all of them.”

A small smile came to my lips, “Well, you know me too well. I’m not complaining.”

She grinned. “Next time, I’ll have to prepare a fruit salad just for you.” She was a sweetheart, it’s been 5 years since I last saw her.

“That sounds perfect,” I said, leaning back against the sofa comfortably. “Your hospitality never fails, Aunty Minha.” Time passed gently as I lost myself in a deluging conversation with Aunty Minha, her laughter, and the cozy comfort of her presence. Stories about you and remembering the old days when gatherings were more frequent and he used to come tutor you.

But eventually, the evening wound down, and it was time to say our goodbyes.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘∘₊✧─────∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“Namguk is just the most adorable baby ever. He looks so much like you, it’s crazy,” Hana said excitedly as we walked toward the car. I laughed, glancing down at her, our hands intertwined as we moved together. “Me and Rumi look very similar.” I reasoned, bringing her hand to my lips to plant a kiss.

“I’ll be honest. For a second, I almost thought she was you in a long wig, babe” she said, giggling like the 28 year old schoolgirl she clearly still was.

I chuckled softly, squeezing her hand. “Yeah, I guess the family genes are strong. Maybe Namguk’s going to be just as stubborn as me too.”

She laughed, resting her head on my shoulder as we reached the car. “Well, that just makes him even more adorable, just like you.” Pinching my cheeks, like I wasn’t 29 but 10. This woman and her obsession with babying me.

I could only scoff playfully, feeling the warmth of the moment settle between us.

Even though it was late and we were tired beyond, and probably gonna regret not going home sooner when we have to wake up for work at dawn, nights like this made every detour and delay worth it.

It was 1:20 AM currently. We were leaving much later than planned, but it was so worth it. We weren’t coming to Ilsan every day, it was a matter of a couple of hours.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘∘₊✧─────∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

And as he tucked Hana into the passenger seat, brushing a stray strand of luscious hair from her face, he closed the door gently and turned toward the driver’s side. His gaze drifted upward towards the open varanda of your grandfather’s house just for a second and then his eyes froze at the sight infront of him.

There you were.

You adorned in a light blue dress, your long hair framing your entire frame, almost engulfing you, leaning against the windowsill, bathed in the dim amber light from inside the bedroom, your soft brown eyes already set on him, those eyes he’d known for years, so big, familiar, expressive and yet tonight they were unreadable.

For the briefest heartbeat, the noise of the street, the rythmic hum of the car, even Hana’s voice that he could faintly hear recording a voice massage to her friends, everything fell away.

And then you looked at him, really looked at him with such a look in your eyes that he couldn’t quite name and within a few seconds he saw your eyes widening comically, like you finally processed that he saw you, and before he could lift his hand to wave or even call out your name, you jerked back from the railing, whirling around so quick as if it burned to even look at him, running into the bedroom.

No wave. No smile.

Dismissing his entire existence.

As if he wasn’t standing right infront of that varanda.

Infront of you.

That was so unlikely you.

The urge to take his phone out and call you took over him, but as he checked his pocket he realised Hana had it to turn on the hotspot.

He inhaled long, heavy and defeated..

Just the quiet sound of the curtain sliding into place while he could only stare.

He stood there for a solid minute and snapped back once Hana honked the car from the passengers seat whinning loudly, rushing into the car.

The air in his chest felt heavier as he finally looked away, fingers curling tight around the car door handle.

You definitely weren’t asleep, because he couldn’t mistaken your voice for somebody else’s, he heard you clearly, muttering something lowly, the moment he stepped foot out of your grandparents house threshold.

Your mom said you were asleep just when he came, and something about that didn’t sit right with him. Honestly if he wanted to, he could’ve walked right back in but he had enough brain to acknowledge the fact that you didn’t want to meet him.

But why? He couldn’t fathom.

He drove all the way from Seoul to Ilsan, hoping to see just two people, his nephew, Namguk and you.

Not seeing you, not even for a minute, left a sting of disappointment in his chest.

Still… he hoped you were doing okay. He really did, because you looked quite dull just now. Devastated would be the better choice of word and for some reason it stuck with him.

As the city lights blurred past his window, he wrestled with a hollowness that he forcefully lodged in his marrow, an amalgamation of restlessness and worry that clung to him in the stillness of the night.

No matter how long he drove, dropping Hana off at her home, or how late it got till he reached his parents house, a part of his mind stayed rooted there, 15 miles away in Ilsan. A blue dress precisely.

He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so uneasy.

He couldn’t shake the feeling that things weren’t quite right.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘∘₊✧─────∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

2016, November 7 ( 9 years ago)

“Mom! You always do this!! insult me in front of your friends! Why did you have to say, in front of everyone, that I got 7 out of 50 in maths?!” you snapped, your face burning red and hot crocodile tears falling down your cheeks.

“There’s no reason to be embarrassed. He will tutor you,” she said calmly, as if that solved everything.

Jungkook was the so called topper, the school’s titled gem of a student , basically a nerd without glasses (because who in their right mind even scored full marks in almost every exam they gave? he was so damn odd!) He was just so unrealistic to you, and now your sweetheart of a mom had disclosed to him that you failed your final year because of poor grades in maths. Just one freaking subject, while you scored above 87% in every other one.

You were fairly average in school, but bloody maths? You didn’t even want to try! All that geometry, calculus, kinematic equations… yucky. The thought of having to sit alone with your mom’s bestie’s nerdy, golden-boy son terrified you beyond comprehension. He’d surely gossip about your inability to do maths to his friends. Or worse make fun of you behind your back to his mom after every tutoring lesson. Hani Aunty might be an unproblematic and pleasant lady who never indulges in gossip, the chances of her judging you wasn’t unimaginable.

You could already see yourself becoming the joke at their dinner table.

You would not let that Nerd Jungkook tutor you.

“What?! Mom! No!” you shot back, almost choking on the words.

“I don’t want to hear anything else,” she cut you off, finality in her tone.

But that was until you met him.

You fell victim to the propaganda machine of the never-ending abyss that is the Jeon Jungkook Addict Club.

And he successfully weaved his way into your mind by altering every little misconception you had of him.

Oh, how you longed for him, so much that every time you closed your eyes to make a wish, whether over flickering candles or during Chuseok prayers, Your Christmas wish, once filled with gifts, favorite makeup kits, and dresses and bags had been replaced by a single thing. A word. Just one. Eight syllables that you never dared to say out loud.

NOTE : alexa play the drums they’re here! finally💃🏻

first and foremost, my biggest apology for posting way later than promised, and secondly thanks to you all for your endless support for this story ever since I published the teaser. (honestly that was the fuel that pushed me to write faster cause I wasn’t expecting such a great response when I posted it)

I’m sobbing! I’m gonna be needing your prayers and your thoughts in the notes 😭 because if this broke your heart? girl….I’m scared that the next one’s gonna shatter your heart into teeny shards.

also its unedited so sorry for any grammatical mistakes!

taglist 🏷️

@namggukie @kpopsmutty69 @notsevenwithyou @joonseuph0ria @petersasteria @httpjeonlicious @vintagemoonsstuff @yungies @seokjinthescientist @mysteriousstress65 @minyoongi7016 @khadeeeeej @cherricherryy @tatyhend @issy31 @kelsyx33 @tatamicc @aestheticalime

are we being fucking fr right now????? they were eating together while THAT happened????????

i don't wanna read this chapter man

already pacing my room i can't do this

my fucking heart is pounding and it's only half from the power walk

oh thats class baby right there

OH GOD IT'S EVERYTHING WE WERE FEARING

no stop stop stop i can't do this i can't fucking do this

it's everything i wished for but that doesn't mean i'm happy. oh my sakunirei

my queen

WE GET ANOTHER TSUGE PIGGYBACK YAY I LOVE THEM

YESSSS TELL HIM!!!!!! AKARI YOU RAISED HIM SO WELL

i can't do this

and if i killed myself??? if i pulled a momijikawa and jumped off a bridge??? what then?????

fakeass idgaf-er i saw you worrying

i'm like not alright

yeah, suo you better start running

i mean at least he took it out on furniture

NOT THE FLASHBACK HELLO???????? new dead wife just dropped

i'm gonna be sick

UMEMIYA BIBLICAL TIMING

he's gonna start yelling and getting angry and acting like he did in the early chater i know it please i can't handle that you can't do that to me nii-sensei you can't do that tto me

oh god fuck what now

lets all die. fandom suicide, tonight!!!!!!

by some miracle, i didn't cry, but i honestly think that's cause i was so out of breath. I live on the top floor with no lift so after powerwalking back from class and climbing 4 flights of stairs only to immediatly read the chapter, I didn't have the energy to spare.

Wc- 1.6k- Ik i said it would be longer but i lied :)

Chapter 2 

a/n: Ik this is soon but i was really excited, the plot is gonna be in the past for a bit so hold on, but we will be getting back to draft night soon, Bare with me. Hope you enjoy. I love the girls.

FLASHBACK- slightly 

Azzi POV

Azzi remembers the first time she met Paige, she was this cocky girl that had this explosive way of playing ball. Azzi honestly thought that thats why she would just stare at her for hours admiring her from close and afar. She was far too talented to not be stared at. 

When she was fourteen she met her and immediately wanted her to be in her life forever, she was annoying and wouldn’t shut up if she won at anything but Azzi knew that with all her “flaws” she was pretty much the best person to be around. She made Azzi laugh and made her more unserious than anyone had ever. 

The first time she came home she told her mom all about the lil white girl and Katie and Tim Fudd already knew that this bond would be unbreakable. And till this day it was. 

However, the pieces of this so called friendship started to break a little.

Azzi remembers a few months ago the team decided to go to there first party since the season had started. 

“Paige are you ready everyone is ready to g-”, and thats when the first palpitations happened for the brown eyed girl. She almost felt like she was having a heart attack. 

In the middle of the room was Paige, half way taking off her shirt. She was ripped,(ofc she was, she’s a D1 athlete azzi) and her biceps were at the perfect angle that really showed all the progress Paige was making in the gym. 

Azzi always knew Paige was attractive, I mean all the thirst edits she got on her fyp was kinda insane, she would always keep scrolling, knowing there was more to come. But she never really took time to truly look at the physique of her best friend. However in that moment, she got it. She understood why millions of girls would go crazy for a glance at her best friend. 

“Azzi, shit sorry, Im trying to pick out a shirt, this is impossible”.

Azzi slowly swallowed and walked towards the blonde, trying to figure out what her mind was doing to her. 

“I can help P, who you trying to impress” Azzi said with a hit of jealously, why would u say that. She decided to roam through Paige’s closet trying to find the perfect shirt. She could wear a cardboard box and still look good… 

“Azzi please I literally haven’t talk to any girl seriously since you got to UConn”, a slight pause came from Paige followed by “I mean not that this is about you, i’m just saying I've def been off my game”. 

“Right sorry, I didn’t mean anything by what I said, just jokes… Here I like this one on you, brings out your eyes”, She handed Paige the perfect shirt, a blue button down, perfectly fit on her arms, big enough so no one saw her abs. Azzi Stop. 

Paige stared at the shirt with a huge smile knowing that that was the first one she picked out. She knew her best friend knew her the best. Paige walked towards her best friend “Thanks”. And now there were only inches apart, Paige and Azzi, just like it always has been, however now all Azzi could do was stare at Paige’s arms and jaw and neck and abs, JESUS what the hell was in the water today.

“Ofc P, once your ready well go, ill wait outside”. 

“Ok…”

Paige POV 

The thing is, Azzi and Paige had never once in there 9 years of knowing one another ever felt uncomfortable about changing in front of one another. They did it basically everyday after practice. 

Paige knew that her stare probably scared off Azzi, she walked in looking truly like a goddess, hair out, perfectly curled with hoop earrings. Her blue crop top hugging her body in all the right and wrong places, making her more desirable for everyone to look at. And to Azzi, this was her chill outfit, grey sweats and some airforces, but to Paige she truly stole the spotlight everywhere she went. 

Paige had been freaking out about what to wear. This was the year she would confess, her last year, she had to make it count. So today, she wanted to look her best for her best friend, hoping to get her attention so that no one else steals her away for the night, something that has been happening way to recently. 

“PAIGE LETS FUCKING GO DUDE” Nika yelled bursting into her door. “Dude ur not dressing for a nike commercial, its a lame frat party, please LETS GOO”. 

“Nika omg bro let me live, I need to look good tonight”.

“Well u look the same as every other night. Happy?”

“Nikaaaaa dont say that, Azzi picked out the shirt, I think it looks nice”. 

“Paige, Azzi could say anything and u would believe her” 

“Yea ur right”

“Pussy whipped” 

“NIKA WHAt shush” Nika had clocked Paiges crush the first moment she mentioned Azzi, Paige was telling a story about the best point guard she ever met and Nika simply said “How long y’all been dating”. It through Paige for a loop but ever since that day Nika already knew that Paige was forever in love with the younger girl. Nothing would change that. 

“Listen,” Paige started “Im gonna make a move tonight, I swear,”

Nika was looking at Paige with the same bored look as always, she had been saying this for three whole months. And every time she chickened out saying its “better to be friends”. 

“Paige, please, do something before u drive yourself insane or don’t do anything at all dude. Ur gonna drive yourself crazy and will end up with no girl, friend or not”. 

Paige sighed, she knew that her twin was right. Nika always told her to shoot her shot, but every time she built up the courage, some guy or girl would come up to Azzi and steal her away, deflating all the confidence Paige built up. For three years she felt like the girl would never see her as anything other than her friend, however Nika kept telling her Azzi never looked at anyone the way she did at Paige. 

This year she chose to believe the Croatian. And so she swore on her life she would do something tonight that would finally give there friendship a little push into the right direction. 

——————————————————————————————————————————

Everyone was pilled into Paige’s car, Azzi in the front, my passenger princess. Ice, Nika, KK and Carol in the back. Everyone else would meet them at the party.

Paige couldn’t stop turning her head to Azzi, she looked beautiful but most importantly, she always was there to rely on, she always had Tylenol if Paige had a headache and chapstick if she ever needed any and she never ever left without saying goodbye knowing it made Paige uneasy, she loved her more tha-

“PAIGE” KK yelled.

“What”???

“U just ran that red light”!!!!!!

“Omg sorry guys”.

“Dude where is your head at, u almost killed up, are u already drunk”.

“No KK relax, just lost my head there for a second”.

“Yea staring at Azzi” Nika said softly. Everyone in the back chuckled slightly. 

Suddenly there was a soft hand on her’s. “Hey are you ok”?Azzi asked

Paige gulped, knowing she was certainly NOT ok, but she lied, what’s one more life to her best friend. “Yep, just a long day”. Usually Azzi would have removed her hand by now, usually not a PDA type of person, but she left her hand where is was for the rest of the car ride.  

Thats new, Paige thought. 

Azzi and Paige had always been touchy, but mostly on there own time, maybe a gentle brush on hands as they were walking or a slight hand on the back, but never anything else, only cuddling in there dorms, surrounded by friends or family.

But now, she felt that this touch was different, not so heavy as the other times, gentler, almost scared. 

This was the sign Paige needed, she was ready, she needed Azzi, and she was determined to have her. And maybe, just maybe Azzi felt the same. 

As soon as Paige pulled up to the party, Azzi quickly jumped out, disconnecting there hands. Her and Caroline already were walking inside. Paige hadn’t even turned off her car. 

Shit, maybe she felt bad, now she feels weird, omg what if she hated it and now things are werid and she doesn’t want to be around me. 

Nika shook her out of her spiral. “Paige, hellooooo, what’s up”. KK and Ice were standing right behind her, all three were looking at Paige with with worried looks. 

“Guys she didn’t move her hand, and now she basically ran off, I made it weird, omg she’s not gonna wanna be my best friend anymore. She doesn’t like me, She doesn’t even like WOMEN. Lord help me”.

KK and Ice started laughing “Paige please, that girl is the most lesbian/bisexual girl I have ever met” Ice said. 

“Yea P boogers she’s literally gay” KK said. “Relax, two minutes of hand holding isn’t gonna change ur whole friendship of a billion years”

“Paige lets get you drunk my girl, you need to relax” Nika said. 

“Okay fine, but please dont let me drink tequila, its my truth serum and I can’t afford that tonight”

The stranger waits for you to shut up, and you being so kind, do just that. He scans your face, and bobs his head. The bits of white were actually greys. And hes definitely old. The deep lines and creases in his face tell you a lot. Hes older, and has been through hell.

 “Me neither. Still shouldnt be out here by yourself.”

Your heart pounds loudly in your ears with each word that passes his lips. The southern twang hitting all the right consonants. The softening of his ‘T’s. His voice is soothing and somehow anxiety inducing at the same time. Maybe youre just anxious that it is soothing in the first place. You dont know this guy.

“But, its safe here.” You say, mentally slapping yourself when it comes out more meekly than it was supposed to be.

“But, its cold.” The stranger clarifies. You feel goosebumps blossom up your body. Fuck, it is cold.

tags!! - 18+ meet cute !! fluff! first chapter set in part one/s1 banter, playing in the snow, fix it fic if you squint HAHA,written with game joel in mind but works for hbo joel!! nsfw sneak peak for ch1, smut will be in ch2! reader is like ten years younger, fic mostly set between games/seasons! sort of slow burn but not really, first chapters like all flashback , teasing uhhh more tags later just read it bestie

Authors Note: Finally finished chapter two! I hope you guys enjoy :) THANK YOU FOR 50 LIKES ON CHAPTER ONE EEEK THATS SO EXCITING! My AO3 is also fetacheeseluvr if you would like to read more of my future stuff on there too! OK THANK YOU

Tags: TW FOR SWEARING AND BLOOD, flashbacks, fluff, comfort

^ Here's chapter 1 if you haven't read it

-

2 Months Prior

You were in a haze.

You were on your hands and knees, scrubbing the deck of the Polar Tang as your hands began to bleed. You could feel bruises forming across your body while your muscles ached in defiance of your intent, breath staggering as your lungs froze from the cold that numbed your skin.

Everything was so messy.

The Heart Pirates had underestimated another pirate crew that attempted to assassinate your captain for his bounty, they ended up having a variety of different devil fruits that pushed your crews strength to its limit.

The air reeked of gun powder and ash, with hints of blood being carried in the wind if you focused hard enough. And it was all you could focus on, as it was painted across everything in sight. Loud groans and moans could be heard across the submarine while Law continued to preform a multitude of different surgeries on your crew, it has been going non-stop for hours; each cry you heard felt like a punishment from god.

The anger you felt made the pain that coursed throughout your body morph into nothing, you had no right to come out of the battle this unscathed. While your crew is fighting for their lives, here you were; not even able to clean fucking blood off this fucking deck. The humiliation you felt was not enough, the shame, the regret; you hoped the pirates rose from the dead so you could kill them all over again by yourself.

You are in purgatory.

You didn't even hear the door to the Polar Tang slam open.

"Christ, Y/N! What the hell are you doing!?", you are shocked out of your coma when you hear Law yell your name, your scrubbing coming to a sudden halt.

You freeze, slowly turning around to see Law staring down at you with widened eyes and hung mouth, his face covered in horror.

He was wearing his lab coat, once white is now covered in splatters of fresh and old blood. Beads of sweat covered his forehead, his eyes were sunken in and bloodshot. He was frozen in place, chest heaving and breaths uneven.

He looked scared. Was he having a hard time in surgery? Did he need your help?

"Law." You manage to choke out, not realizing how hoarse your voice was.

"Why the hell are you out here? You're injured-" He shouts harshly, yet his voice is riddled with a hidden concern that you manage to pick up. He starts to approach you, reaching for the stethoscope that is hanging around his neck.

"Go away, Law. I'm fine, I need to finish cleaning the deck." You quickly spit back, more angrily than you had intended. He did not have time to concern himself with you. You were upright, you weren't passed out in the infirmary or crying in pain. You were absolutely useless in battle, you couldn't save your crew from a few fucking pirates. You did nothing and yet your not the one paying for your failures. You were fine.

All this blood is so messy.

The stomping thats approaching you doesn't slow down, "Do you realize how long you have been out here? You aren't thinking straight right now.", he fights back.

Before he could get any closer, you plant your hands on the deck to help you get on your feet. Your muscles scream at you as you shakily begin to stand up, slowly becoming upright to face your captain. A sharp needle-like pain shoots up your legs as you try to keep your balance, vision blurring in and out of focus.

"Why the hell are you worried about me right now? The crew is-"

"Room. Shambles."

You feel yourself fall onto a cushion before you could process what just happened. You quickly scan your surroundings to see an empty operating room, you had never realized how eerie the dimmed iridescent lights made the space feel. Dread consumed you as you look down at the floor, blood painted across the cold blue tile. Your mind returns to questions about the state of your crew; why aren't they here? Are they all alive? Why is it suddenly so quiet? The sudden warm air meeting your cold skin makes your body shake involuntarily, you don't know what to do with yourself.

You then see Law walk past you, his gloves snapping as he pulls it up his arms. He then rolls a small table beside your seat, with nothing but a large bowl of water and a cloth. He dips the cloth into the bowl and rings out the excess water, before looking down at you. He looks so exhausted it's almost too much to watch, his drooping eyes making it seem as though he is about to fall asleep standing up. He was pale, dark bags dressing his under-eyes; yet here he was trying to take care of you. It almost made you want to puke, never feeling so weak and small in your life.

"You should rest, I can clean myself-"

"Shut up and give me your arm."

Law then takes your arm, not giving you any time to respond. He then begins to clean the stained and fresh blood off your skin, his touch so gentle you could barley feel it. The warm water clashed against your frozen skin, the instant relief sending shivers down your spine, as if you were bathing in the fountain of youth.

"You were out there for hours, Y/N. What the hell were you thinking? It's the middle of winter."

Law asks with a concerned sigh, you could feel his eyes glaring at you. It made you feel small, like the sun consuming shadows as it moves across the sky. Yet, you were too embarrassed to look back at him, so you continued to watch his hand as it scrubbed your arm.

"I was completely useless in battle, so I thought I'd at least clean the deck while you were treating everyone."

You admitted quietly, lips quivering in frustration.

"I'm sorry, captain."

He pauses what he's doing, which causes you to finally look up and face him. His eyebrows were pinched, eyes squinted as he was trying to read your face.

"What are you talking about?"

Was he mocking you? Or trying to test you to see how regretful you were?

"Because of my failure, the rest of the crew is fighting for their lives right now."

You look down at your lap, jaw clenched as your free hand balled in your lap in frustration. You deserved this ridicule, and whatever punishment followed once he was done with you. You deserved to be thrown out of the crew, it's not like they would even want to face you once they were healed.

"Yet here I am, completely fine when I should be dead."

Your eyes welled up before you could attempt to contain it, hands shaking as you tried to hold yourself together. He must think I look pathetic right now, or that I'm trying to cry to gain sympathy-

"Y/N, look at me."

You feel a warm glove on your cheek gently lift up your head, causing you to blink away the tears that blurred your vision. You were met with Law looking at you tenderly, like you would break if he looked at your the wrong way. The operating light that hung above you illuminated his face, which made him look warm, like an angel that was sent down to lead you to the heavens. His cheeks were dusted with a light blush, making him appear less strained. Your breath hitched, this image being too much for you to bear. How could someone surrounded by so much darkness still be so bright?

"You are running off pure adrenaline right now, you aren't fine."

He responds softly yet matter of factly, like he was trying to ground you back to reality. As the cold began to wear off your skin, you felt the reality of your injuries. The sting of all the cuts, the ache of the bruises, the stabbing of the frostbite; you weren't fine.

"It seems like the cold mixed with your injuries sent you in a fit of mania, and apparently memory loss."

He scoffs lightheartedly, letting go of your face before turning to head to the medicine cabinet. He grabbed a tray of various medical supplies and placed it on the table beside you, then taking off his bloody gloves and throwing them to the ground.

"You fought well, and the rest of the crew isn't your responsibility. You did nothing wrong, so just try and relax, you deserve to heal too."

He walks up to you, eyes unreadable as he gently lifts his hand to hold onto the back of your neck, while the other grabbed the bottom of your arm as he lead you to lay back on the bed. He was so close, and you couldn't look away as he looked back at you. The feeling of his rough skin on the nape of your neck was electrifying, it almost didn't feel real. Everything was so hazy and confusing, you were dancing between the lines of dreams and reality; until he touched you. It felt as though he saved your from drowning in angry waters, or as if he was a siren that could control said waters. He was a mystery that you wanted to tenderly unravel, no matter how long it took, and no matter what you saw as you pulled back the layers.

Before your back met the cushion, you threw your arms around his neck. You didn't know what you were doing, maybe your brain wasn't fully working yet, but to let go of how he was making you feel. Your hands balled up the fabric on his back, face buried in his warm chest. You felt him twitch, heart beating quickly in his chest as he froze in spot. You knew he wasn't used to physical affection, making you second guess your choice. As you began to let go, you suddenly felt a strong arm drape across your back, holding you against him. You feel his shoulders begin to relax, yet his heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest, making you blush into his white coat. You hear him chuckle, the vibration buzzing in his chest.

"What am I going to do with you?"

He asks light heartedly, like he has lost a battle he has been fighting for far too long. Suddenly, drowsiness consumed your senses as your eyes began to flicker closed, hands slowly letting go his shirt. You began to fall back into the bed, your body failing to keep you upright any longer. Your mind began to shut down, and you smiled to yourself,

"Whatever you want."

-

Present day

You hugged yourself at the memory, trying to regain an ounce of the warmth you felt in that moment.

You sat alone outside of the hideout, looking up at the stars that scattered the dark sky. The air was numbing, just like that day, which sent you down a spiral of memories. Reminiscing was all you could do after you overheard Bepo saying that Law might never return, that these memories could be all that you have left of him.

You couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, like a child that freezes in fear atop of a long slide. You couldn't yet face the reality of the situation you and your crew were in, so you tried to distract yourself with what made you feel good, and in this moment, the faint warmth that rose on your cheeks while you thought of these memories was all you could think of doing.

You suddenly heard quickened footsteps behind you, causing you to turn around, seeing Bepo slam open the door to the patio. His chest rising and falling quickly as he frantically scans around before spotting you, holding onto a newspaper."

"Y/N! He defeated Doflamingo in Dressrosa! He's coming back!"

He yells excitedly as he runs up to you, shoving the paper into your hands. Your breath hitches as you see his face beside Luffy's and Doflamingo's on the front page, the headline reading:

'Doflamingo defeated by Trafalgar Law and Strawhat Luffy's Powerful Alliance'

Your fists balled up the sides of the paper in your hands; your body burning with a sudden pent up rage.

Next chapter:

When I first played through chapter 4, this little spelling minigame the Bibliox have you play didnt immediately jump out to me as something worth looking deeper into, but looking at the full list of words they use has me genuinely mystified

There are 8 words in total that the Bibliox will have you spell, including the following:

GALLERY (GALLURY/GALLORY) ROOTS (REETS/RAATS) FESTIVAL (FESTIAVL/FESTAVIL) SWORD (SORWD/SOWRD) FLASHBACK (FLESHBECK/FLOSHBOCK) GUARDIAN (GAURDIAN/GAURDAIN) ATRIUM (ATRUIM/ARTIUM) SYNTHESIS (SYNTEHSIS/SINTHESIS)

Do any of these sound familiar? Thats because 6 of these directly reference songs from the deltarune soundtrack

GALLERY - Gallery (GALLERY.ogg), the song that plays before fighting King, Queen, and the Titan, referenced by the "GALLERY" prophecy in ch4's gallery of ancient faces

ROOTS - Digital Roots, the song that plays in the basement of Queen's mansion, as well as BIT ROOTS, the song that plays in the ch3's sword route recreation of Queen's basement, also referenced by the secret "ROOTS" prophecy in chapter 4

SWORD - SWORD, the song that plays in ch3's original version of Tenna's game boards accessed through Ramb and the S rank room

FLASHBACK - Flashback (Excerpt), the song that plays during chapter 2's weird route and when Ralsei explains dark worlds to susie in chapter 3

GUARDIAN - GUARDIAN, the battle theme of the Titan, the final boss of chapter 4

ATRIUM - ATRIUM, the song that plays in segments of total darkness in chapter 4

These tracks all have quite a few interesting things in common, for example, all of them are named in all caps, Gallery being named in all caps in the files (except for Flashback (Excerpt) and Digital Roots), which is one of Gaster's calling cards as well as just a general signifier of esoteric importance in Deltarune

We dont actually have the songs "FLASHBACK" and "ROOTS", only copies and excerpts, but given how they're presented here and given BIT ROOTS is in all caps, I think we can assume these songs will be as well

The songs on this list also all have interesting and uniquely important connotations considering the context in which they play

Gallery is extremely mysterious and plays just before 3/4 main bosses of the chapters, i've written an entire theory on this song (which you can read here!) and the accompanying prophecy, the gist of which is that I think the prophecy depicts Gaster and the chapter select, which is the titular "gallery"

The two versions of ROOTS we have both play during secret routes and seems to be connected to Image_Friend and the Pointed Tail that must not be followed (stay tuned for an analysis on that in the future!) given the ROOTS prophecy is right next to an Organik that talks about the pointed tail

SWORD plays during the sword route which parallels the weird route and is another part of the game thats heavily associated with secrets

GUARDIAN isn't secret at all, but it plays while you fight the titan which is incredibly important to deltarune's plot as a whole and heavily associated with darkness

Flashback seems to be referencing something that happened to Kris and Noelle, most likely the event that led to December's disappearance and involved them getting lost where the forest would grow and following the pointed tail

And ATRIUM... we'll get back to atrium in a bit

The other super notable thing about this list is that there are two words that dont correspond to any track in the game that we know of so far, FESTIVAL and SYNTHESIS

This to me feels to me like obvious foreshadowing considering the pattern that the other words on this list fall into, these two words will likely be the titles of important songs in the coming chapters

FESTIVAL is a lot more obvious, since we know that the festival will take place during chapter 5. As for why it would be implied to be as important as the other entries on this list and named in all caps, I have no clue since the festival is supposed to be a light hearted event taking place in the light world. Maybe something really bad or important happens during the festival? Maybe theres a festival going on in the dark world too? Maybe the secret boss is festival themed?? Who knows at this point, despite being named after something we know theres not really much to go off here

SYNTHESIS, however, really stands out to me alongside ATRIUM as incredibly interesting considering how little we know about them yet how evocative these words are!

So, now that we've got the contextualization out of the way, lets talk about these two (starting with ATRIUM since we actually know things about it)

ATRIUM has been gnawing at the back of my mind ever since I finished chapter 4 and saw the name of the track, so much about it makes it feel a lot more important that people give it credit for

First of all, it only plays in 6 instances exclusively in chapter 4's first dark world, each of which have a lot in common

It plays when you first enter the church dark world in the area just before you confront the knight again where its so dark you can only see in a little bubble around kris

It plays when Gerson shatters the "three heroes at the world's end" prophecy, leaving you in total darkness and introducing the sound mechanic to see

It plays in the dark room behind the waterfall with the wall of climbable bells before Gerson turns on the light and the tea party scene occurs

It plays in when you enter the Dark Zone where Jackenstein is

It plays in the dark room with all the petrified Oraganiks where you get a piece of the golden sheet music

It plays when you enter the door to the north of Gerson's study leading to the knight and the fountain, which is the same place you first enter the church dark world into

The common thread here is that this song plays in sections of extreme darkness, which is already interesting

What's more interesting is that the song seems to contain the leitmotif from THE HOLY, entering at 0:23 after each chord progression

What's most interesting, however, is the title!

calling this song "ATRIUM" is absolutely fascinating to me both because it seemingly has almost nothing to do with where it plays and also because of what an Atrium is

“Atrium - a central hall or court in a modern building, with rooms or galleries opening off it, often glass-covered.”

“Atrium - each of the two upper cavities of the heart from which blood is passed to the ventricles. The right atrium receives deoxygenated blood from the veins of the body; the left atrium receives oxygenated blood from the pulmonary vein.”

“Atrium - (architecture) A central room or space in ancient Roman homes, open to the sky in the middle; a similar space in other buildings.”

“Atrium - (architecture) A square hall lit by daylight from above, into which rooms open at one or more levels.”

I think the song title is referring to the architectural definition, but I included the medical one as well since we cant rule anything out, and the mention of hearts is always interesting

First of all, this immediately calls to mind GALLERY for me, being the only other track on this list and even in the game so far named in all caps after an architectural feature, even being one that often leads to galleries!

ATRIUM also plays in similarly few instances as Gallery, its is a similarly short looping track, and i'm like 85% sure its in the same key of Cmajor/Aminor with the use of an F# in both tracks, almost like they're two parts of one song

Either way, I think these two songs are absolutely connected in some way, possibly being two parts of a larger structure, the gallery and the atrium respectively

While theres not much to go off of with atrium as to what this structure is, I think Gallery does, since I've previously theorized that the Gallery prophecy is depicting gaster and the chapter select, which is the titular gallery (again, you can read that theory here!)

If the gallery is the chapter select, maybe the Atrium is another part of gaster's device that allows us to connect to the world of deltarune? Atriums let in daylight from the sky, and we the player/soul are heavily associated with light and heaven, so maybe its some part of the device that allows us to visually see into the world of deltarune? Maybe the reason it plays in the dark areas is because our vision is limited?

I really dont know what ATRIUM could exactly be, but the takeaway I'm sure about is that its connected to GALLERY in some way Anyways, onto

This is where we're gonna get real glooby, at face value we know literally nothing about what this song could be, so this is going to be mostly speculation. The word SYNTHESIS, however, is so evocative that we can definitely work with this!

"Synthesis - the composition or combination of parts or elements so as to form a whole"

"Synthesis - the production of a substance by the union of chemical elements, groups, or simpler compounds or by the degradation of a complex compound"

"Sythesis - the dialectic combination of thesis and antithesis into a higher stage of truth"

The first place my mind goes is Photosynthesis, the process of plants creating glucose through absorbing sunlight, mainly because we know that chapter 5 will most likely feature plants as a theme in it's dark world considering Gerson's line about how "The vast garden is charred in an inferno of jealousy" and the prophecy featuring Asgore titled "The flower man trapped in asylum"

On further thinking, though, I think the choice to use just "Synthesis" is important, and implies something far more esoteric, especially because I think "synthesis" is something of a recurring motif

The first example of synthesis I think of is the Goner maker sequence, where together with Gaster you synthesize a vessel for yourself out of physical and psychological parts

Even before that, when Gaster did his first twitter takeover in 2018 just before the release of SURVEY_PROGRAM he also talks about "creating" something with you

Gaster wants to use your responses submitted through survey program to synthesize something, presumably this "new future" he mentions

I think the Titan Spawn are also important to mention here, being emblematic of the creation of a person out of darkness. Considering their flavor text that reads "when did you start being yourself?" and the tie between darkness and fiction, perhaps the titan spawn represent the synthesis of identity out of fiction and imagination

Deltarune also features the creation of fiction as one of the major themes the game seeks to explore, which is another point of synthesis!

Honestly, I think this could even tie into my theory about the creation of the knight and the shadow crystals (which you can read here!) where I propose those plotlines are about the synthesis of a new identity through interacting with and creating fiction, and all these points of synthesis tie back into that (synthesizing a new vessel, synthesizing a new future, synthesizing a new person/identity, synthesizing fiction)

Again, this is mostly speculation so I cant say anything with real confidence, but I think the track "SYNTHESIS" will play at a moment that involves creating a new identity, a new person, a new vessel, or all of the above

Now that I think about it, we know that the last shadow crystal we need before Seam can make us "something incredible” is in chapter 5, and in my Knight theory I proposed the idea that shadow crystals are shattered, incomplete pieces of identity created through fiction and that the thing they would create with all of them (the purecrystal maybe?) is a new identity for a character like Kris, Ralsei, or even the player whose arc centers themes of identity. Maybe thats the “SYNTHESIS” this song will play to signify?