#thanksforreadingthis

Guys, I had Connor Franta’s book, A Work In Progress, in my freaking hands, then I saw Joey Freaking Graceffa’s book, In real life, and they were perfect!!! But I couldn’t get them because aghh!!

GodDAMN it's been a good couple of years. Despite drama. I'm so happy. And when I told my mom I haven't been taking my pills in months today she didn't freak out. Because she finally SAW that I was happy. That I finally felt like I want just being medicated down like in Next To Normal. She understood. Finally. I really have been waiting for this moment for a long time. I love you, Mama. And I'm so happy that we can finally talk about stuff and be happy together like we should be.

It's kind of depressing being away from your large family for so long. It's weird. Well it's not weird it's just scary. The thought of one of my family members passing away and me not being there. It's so bitter sweet. I love being here but hate being away from them all. On rainy days like this it reminds me of my old home, my family and especially my grandpa. I used to take him for granted before I moved. In fact I still do. He cares so much and still calls everyday. He sends money, cards, love, and cute little necklaces that he thinks I would like(they're usually not cute but sometimes he surprises me with something beautiful) and calls me everyday to see if I like it and wear it. But, with day to day busy times I barely talk to him. And that makes me angry at myself. I don't want to wake up one day and find out the one who cares about me the most, is up in heaven. Ugh it gets me balling just thinking about it. I even think of scenarios between now and summer and am filled with worry that I will be too late. I just want to go now. To be with the kindest, funniest, most caring man in my life. Yeah too bad I'm broke. But I don't want to be too late.