It's kind of depressing being away from your large family for so long. It's weird. Well it's not weird it's just scary. The thought of one of my family members passing away and me not being there. It's so bitter sweet. I love being here but hate being away from them all. On rainy days like this it reminds me of my old home, my family and especially my grandpa. I used to take him for granted before I moved. In fact I still do. He cares so much and still calls everyday. He sends money, cards, love, and cute little necklaces that he thinks I would like(they're usually not cute but sometimes he surprises me with something beautiful) and calls me everyday to see if I like it and wear it. But, with day to day busy times I barely talk to him. And that makes me angry at myself. I don't want to wake up one day and find out the one who cares about me the most, is up in heaven. Ugh it gets me balling just thinking about it. I even think of scenarios between now and summer and am filled with worry that I will be too late. I just want to go now. To be with the kindest, funniest, most caring man in my life. Yeah too bad I'm broke. But I don't want to be too late.