#wowthisislong

Aries: Either damn loud and obnoxious in class or quiet and hard-working. They are usually always impatient and snap in class when people annoy them. They don't mind helping people but they do get annoyed when people ask too many questions.

Taurus: Their favourite lesson is lunch time. Enough said. They do alright in school. They're usually patient, quiet and hard-working. They're not necessarily popular, however they don't mind speaking in class. The teachers usually like them.

Gemini: Whether they're shy or the most confident in the damn school, they usually say what they think and talk in class. They doodle when they're bored and get in trouble for stupid things like forgetting homework or talking over the teacher. When it comes down to it they can do well.

Cancer: Either the sweetest souls or the meanest bitches. The former likes to help people and wouldn't dream of being mean. They're shy and adorable, and very smart, but also get angry at the smallest things. The latter, however, gossip all the time, laugh at people and make them feel bad. They talk about people's friends infront of their faces. They're horrible and have no true friends.

Leo: They're fun, outgoing, lovely, smart and popular, or they're smart and COMPLETE IDIOTS. I love Leos but boi. They have great hair and clear faces, but you either love them to pieces or hate them. They don't mind speaking in class and are usually quite confident in themselves.

Virgo: Usually smart and quiet. They're the sort of students the teachers love and they help out after school alot. Extremely smart and almost always gets 100% without even revising. They're friends can sometimes be jealous of that. However they're very critical and accidentally put others down. But altogether, they're good students.

Libra: Usually popular, and have their pedicures and manicures done, their hair on fleek and usually look great. Or, they don't give a crap and only brush their hair in the mornings and wear the first outfits they see. They go on their phone in class and pout when concentrating. They're not stupid and quite smart but act it to get their way. They bat their eyelashes too.

Scorpio: Normally very quiet and give of a "speak to me and I'll murder you" vibe. Actually just loves memes and that's what they're looking at when their head is resting on the desks. The teachers don't care because they generally do well and don't distrupt the lesson. And they're scared of them. Alternatively, they're outgoing and social and very popular.

Sagittarius: Fierce and give of a don't give a f*ck attitude whether they're loud or shy. They love adventures so their favourite lessons are pe and geography. They also are f*cking hilarious and joke alot. Have the ability to do well but the teachers don't have faith. They generally care about having fun and a good time.

Capricorn: Are a model student. Have alot of enemies, but they literally are only about success. They're not interested in a relationship at the moment. They have friends and they do amazing in class, but they are also quite serious and don't go out with said friends very often. Or they can be stupid and slaggy and no one respects them lol

Aquarius: Definietly thinkers. They're the ones that excel in English because they're deeply intellectual and think outside the box. Have alot of friends but seem to argue with them due to the friends being impatient with the Aquarians bullcrap conspiracies. They are funny though. They're not popular nor unpopular, they just float in the middle.

Well, the week after I registered I only had 12 credit hours. Then I got an email saying that other people had dropped the class and I had a spot. So then I had 15 credit hours. 

I was still really worrying about the other class I was wait listed in, because I want it and need it to graduate on time. So I check my email tonight, and I got into that one too! So now I have 18 credit hours and I am soooo happy and so relieved. 

I just need to remember to calm down, in the moment. Because honestly, God's timing is perfect. Everything that is supposed to work out, will. 

Next semester is going to be pretty insane. I'm on exec in Alpha Chi again, I'm taking 18 credit hours, and I'm attempting to find a part time job. One of my resolutions is to get a 4.0 and I really think I can handle all of it. I can tell that my life is already drastically changing just by reading my bible, and devotional everyday. God has given me so much strength and understanding. I don't need to know all of the answers, I just need to trust in Him, and everything will fall into place. I know that times will be hard, and it won't always go the way I plan it, but that's the thing, it's not MY plan, it's HIS plan, and his plan never goes wrong. 

I can apply that lesson in literally every aspect of my life, and it's so freeing. I am not in control, I can give it all over to God. That used to scare me, because I have always thought that you have to be in control of your life, and thinking that anything/anyone had control power over your life was just an excuse not to try. But now I realize that that's not it at all. It's my job to do exactly what God has called me to do. Right now, that is go to school, and love others. That could change any day if God wills it to. 

I've never felt so at peace with everything. I don't need a relationship to complete me, I don't need the constant gratification of others, I don't turn to any of my past sins to comfort me (I'm not perfect, but I'm trying my best) and I honestly feel that the only person I am living for is Jesus. 

So, I get  many messages a day some from delena fans that are my friends asking me what is it about Damon Salvatore that pisses me off or what is it about Delena that I cant stand or dont get. So lets talk about damon let's talk about this triangle from hell and where I think its going. Bare with me this might get long.

lol ok one Ill just say first off Damon is not favorite by a long shot. Everyone knows Stefan is my baby forever and he is everything to me. That being said do I want to hate Damon? no. Honestly I see a lot of potential in Damon I do. But this is what happened I’m just going to say straight off the bat Damon has been hit the worst when it comes to character assassination and this triangle. Not Elena. She has been I know . but Damon especially after the last 2 episodes they just hung him basically for this triangle to work. One thing I have to say is Stefan has managed to escape the character assassination dont wanna jink it lol but he has so far. He is the sacrificial lamb if you wanna put it in other terms.  The Damon I saw in the last episode alone honestly astonished me. Because the Damon that continued to grow in the few seasons this was not that Damon in my eyes. They just turned around and literally took 3 seasons worth of development and drowned it JUST FOR A SHIP TO HAPPEN. No that was not the damon I expected to see.then Julie makes him say I would say I'm sorry but I'm not. And I lost it there. Like I'm sorry what ?! This was damons chance to prove himself and how far he's come but nope they just went around in circles and brought him right back. Damon’s journey with Stefan and getting closer to him after all those years with all his reservations and insecurities on how he will never be as good as Stefan. How he will always be second choice. This journey is what I looked at. For me Damon’s journey is more solo and that’s where his potential comes in. he has so much more self discovery to do than anyone.   Damon he loves his brother I know he does but he has a problem his problem is HE IS SOO DESPERATE TO BE THE CHOSEN ONE. So in the last episode he literally watches Stefan’s back and watches his brother walk out that door without a second thought. that is a huge problem for me. The fact that he didn’t give Stefan a second  thought he didn’t think twice what his brother is going through. He  didnt give two shits about his pain. And not for a second did he think wait what am I doing when he was about to have sex with Elena. My brother is sitting in someone else’s house in immense pain walking out basically giving the ok to them . he knew stefan’s heart basically shattered in a billion pieces.  and here I am enjoying my victory. Honestly I wanted to break my screen and I was pulling my hair out. This was JP's chance to show the true potential of Damon and all hes worked at in the last seasons. But she didn't  instead she took him and sent him up as the sacrifice to make delena happen. why do i say victory? CAUSE THATS EXACTLY WHAT THIS IS FOR DAMON. for the first time in his life he was getting the girl . note elena didn’t chose Damon. but stefan let her go and Elena  decided to test her relationship with Damon. but Damon got the girl that is all that matters to him. For me honestly before anything I wanna see family relationships first.  Damon has always let the girl get between him and Stefan. Always. And unless he does something that changes him this is will always happen. Last season Damon gave this beautiful and epic speech about being there for Stefan every step of the way cause hes all Damon has left. I was impressed and I was like yes.  .. But that all left the minute Elena rejected him. He became the basic bitch and took 15 steps back. He was getting somewhere I was like finally we have something coming and it all poof disappeared. Why?cause of elena. Stefan disappeared for him. Every time Elena comes in the picture Stefan disappears for Damon. Just like now. He saw he had a chance here and he took it and latched on like no tomorrow. cause he needs to feel he is someones choice. that brings me to my next point i havent seen the episode yet but something about Damon not letting Elena go. Why? because hes scared he knows it deep down inside that if he wakes up better yet elena wakes up reality is gunna set in and the whole thing is gunna go up in flames. And he doesnt want that. cause he rather live this lie than face the truth . why? cause damon’s need to be accepted and be someones choice is sooo great he will go to any lengths for it. Now lets talk about Damon’s love for Elena. Does Damon love Elena? yeah of course he does and he should the girl has done nothing but give him after chance to fix his mistakes . he cares about Elena. to quote JP. They care deeply for each other. But what is it about Elena that Damon loves? It’s the fact that she thought he was worth saving. She thought he had it in him to be someone else.  She gave him a hug when he needed it and that does go a long way. That alone is where Damon’s love is coming from. The minute someone gives him that he latches on. Is that a bad thing? no. but does that make Elena the love of his life? NO.This is where Delena does not work. Elena is not Damon’s happiness. and vice versa. most delena shippers ship Damon and happiness i’m sure just like I want Stefan’s happiness above everything but people fail to see Elena is not his happiness. Do people really think Damon will ever be truly happy with Elena? And the writers have shown me over and over why Elena is Stefan’s happiness without her there is no world for Stefan and I get it I’ve accepted that. They have done a amazing job in that department. and same goes for Elena. Stefan is Elena’s happiness . Stefan is her life and soul. I am 13546% sure there is no one better for Elena than Stefan. Why? cause no one can make Elena feel what Stefan does. No one can calm her down like Stefan does. No one can make her feel alive like he does or laugh like he does. true happiness I MEAN TRUE HAPPINESS IS STELENA. I never question the fact that Stefan is the right person for Elena. I do however honestly speaking question the fact especially after seeing BS like this if Elena is the best person for Stefan? Thats a question that gets to me. Then I remember the girl who held Stefan’s hand when he was losing it. The one who stood there when Stefan screamed and threw things she didn’t waver. She stood there and said No. I will fight with you Stefan and you will fight for me and for yourself. The one who told Stefan not to hide the one who brought a dead soul back to life with her humanity. The one who didnt give up hope when all hope seemed lost and even when the one person who saved her threatened to drive her off that very same bridge. Why ? cause she knew this was not the man she fell in love with. And then I think yeah she is the right person for Stefan.

So now for Damon. I did not see the last episode but I heard something about he was suppose to let her go but he didn't. And then I saw Stefan say something like he loves her as much as I do he will let her go. See this is where why I think Damon does not love Elena in the way I think he thinks he does. If he TRULY WITH EVERYTHING INSIDE OF HIM loved her he would have let her go. This is a big difference between Stefan and Damon. Stefan will let her go he will. Why? cause he loves her and her happiness and sanity comes before anything. You love someone truly love someone you will let them go. No for Damon this is just about holding on to this idea stuck in his head that he needs to be chosen for once. 

Now Damon thinks he won right? Or something? He thinks he got the girl? But no Damon Salvatore you lost .You honestly lost big time. Why? because like always you were second choice. And the girl you have right now is the broken version of Elena. Thats all you got. And he knows this. Deep inside he knows this and he fears it. But he holds on to this false hope.  This is NOT the girl who was on that bridge that night and told him she was letting him go. This is not the girl who said I never stopped loving you Stefan or I never unfell for him Damon. This is not the girl who saw another side to him.This is not the girl who hugged him when he was hurt.  The real and human Elena with a human beating heart guess who she gave it too ? Stefan. Stefan will always hold the real Elena in his hands. He holds her heart. lol if this show were to end literally right here. Endgame is Stelena. Real Elena chose and it was Stefan. He got Elena when she was broken or in Julie's words fucked. 

Oh yeah so lets talk about the broken heart Damon is going to have when Elena goes back to Stefan. It's gunna hurt like a bitch. I feel for my baby so much Stefan cries I cry. But hey yeah I'm gunna feel for Damon even though he deserves it. But lets talk about what Damon is setting himself up for. Disappointment. She may not run back to Stefan this season or the next season will start with Delena I dont know but she will go back. And why? because Damon keeps making the same mistake over and over. He keeps setting himself up for disappointment. He goes round and round in circles. He did the same thing with Katherine and now hes doing the same thing here.  He's holding onto something he should just let go of. move on damon . find happiness somewhere else like with bonnie lol thats another story. someone will love you for who you are. But you have to let that person inside of you that good side of you out.   you have to believe you are good enough. Something I think Elena provided for Stefan. for yourself and your own sanity. Plec once said Damon's journey includes loving in a way that wont leave him hurt . Ill get back on that. 

Now does Elena have feelings for Damon? yeah like Damon loves her she loves him. I get it . Love comes from many different places. Shes cares for him. And right now Im seeing a major lust factor. But those feelings would never be greater than the ones she has for Stefan. And the only way she can go to Damon is with the sire bond. That''s where the sire bond comes into play. She chooses to act on these feelings with that bond there .

Now for the character development and failure big time. Look Damon does not need to hear from someone he is good enough . He does not need Elena to tell him this. He needs to tell himself this. he needs to believe I am good enough and someone will love me. I am not my brother . Damon you are your own unique special person stop trying to hold up to Stefan and the girls that love him. Find true happiness. I do believe Damon is more than the guy who snapped Jerbear's neck he is more than the guy who abused Caroline. I do. He has done good. He can be the man who says sorry to Caroline and Jerbear. He can be the guy who says sorry Bonnie for turning your mom. And the day Damon tells himself he doesn't need someone to love him to feel accepted is the day he will grow up.  Inside himself he is not evil . He is not bad. He just chooses to fuck up every time. He got a second chance and I believe in second chances. But he has not reached that level where he is mature and he is stable and the best he can be. Until then he cant. And I honestly believe he could do so much better. He can make the right choices. He can be the brother who goes Stefan your all I got. And I am here for you.  But Plec and co. wont allow it. Do I believe he would give up everything just like Stefan did if Stefan was dying? Yeah I do. 15436% do. He would. But that does not make him the brother I want him to be . death is not the only place where you should be for your brother. you should not only be there for him if hes dying or like in trouble. I see Stelena I got it down. I got Delena down my question JP is what is Defan exactly? i dont have a answer to that.  What is this brotherly bond exactly? How far does it go? I need to see this. I saw it with Stefan I know how far hes willing to go. I've seen him prove over and over that no matter what Damon does Stefan does not stop loving him. It's time we showed Damon's character development JP . It's time Damon said Stefan is all I need. And honestly this is the biggest tragedy of TVD this character loss for Damon.

And this is another thing Defan is the ship that obviously got compromised along with Damon. Does it have hope? I'm hanging by a thread right now. lol. I hope it doesn't completely snap. I wanna believe in Defan I do. I think they have so much potential and these two brothers have been such victims of stupidity from their lives and coming from both of them.

Now for  Damon and Elena . I said this before somewhere. Lets talk about that all famous consuming love. lol. That everyone seems to be so into . Ok so I honestly don't even need to see this episode to see that consuming love that is taking over Elena. That very same love that destroyed Damon when it comes to Katherine. Shes consumed by him every second every minute. No other way to put it. But guess what their showing also ? Shes gunna hit rock bottom. All this consuming love is gunna leave Elena all alone. And when Elena wakes up or that consuming love takes her down lol its gunna die. This is not healthy . Obsession that is damon's love he does not know how to love any other way. He needs to learn how to love in a beautiful and healthy way. Why do all of you seem to see something very off about this Delena thing? like i read in all the posts. Its cause its not beautiful it just isn't.  And this is where the  writers are doing a good job. I saw some Delena shippers thrown off . And that means in all their stupidity the writers are showing a point. 

Now for Elena lol. And her recent umm yeah lol. Ok look Elena is not selfless to like the degree of Jesus or Ghandi lol. She is not so compassionate as people in the show make her out to be .lol she is not some messiah lmao the show needs to stop making it sound like shes the most compassionate person to walk this planet. she is a 18 year old girl with flaws who can be very selfless when times comes and she can be very selfish. she has seen more tragedy than anyone her age should see and that should last her a lifetime. and it does suck for her.  The girl died for her friends she is selfless. But she has so many flaws. She can be so self centered. And shes lost touch with her life that she had before everything happened. Most importantly her friends have taken a back seat. Elena Gilbert needs to find herself. And her friends should not be remembered only when the boys are not around. I blame this on JP and co. The BS that came out of her mouth about Caroline this episode? Idk I would like to say that was her defending her master lol . Idk how much of that was her but I believe real Elena would have never said that. She knew Damon was wrong when it comes to Caroline. But sire bond is she is sired to him . He is everything right now to her. its like slave and master .They say the sire bond doesn't affect emotions? I still say BS on that. It might not directly but indirectly it does. That being said that Caroline thing was probably the sire bond affecting her actions.  Her other flaw is lol she thinks killing herself is the solution. And she needs to be more strong for herself and fight for herself. Like I said my problem with Elena right now is shes given up! I guess Stefan isn't there for her lol. But shes given up. " this is who I am now" no Elena. Fight for yourself. Be the Elena from season 1. Stefan once told you your giving up and all I want from you is to fight. Elena remember that.  Maturity and growth does not mean you go 105 steps back in other areas. People die for her on a daily basis. And I know she holds that guilt with her. But honestly I have yet to see her idk acknowledge. tell bonnie I know you do so much for me. Caroline I'm sorry you got turned essentially because Katherine came back into town because of me. Honestly if your very existence has caused people so many problems that sucks since you were a baby. People have suffered around her . Bonnie lost her mom   a bitch mom though cause she had to send PAPA Original away who was coming to get Elena.  Has her character been degraded? yeah. Like i said after Damon shes been hit the most. Honestly I feel like the best Elena comes out with Stefan. Not trying to say this from Stelena side of me. But it does. He brings out the best side of her. Cause Stefan on the other hand is compassionate to a whole new degree lol. He is selfless. All he tries to do is help people. But he is super selfish when it comes to Elena that is his major flaw. He will do anything for her great but some people pay horrible prices for that.  Elena is growing. Like everyone does. Shes gunna change and were not gunna have the same 100% Elena we had in season 1. But one thing her love for Stefan wont. 

The Stefan magnified feelings? They are so there. That the sire bond is 1005% masking right now. She said its not like I don't love Stefan anymore. But the more she gets closer to Damon the more she is losing sight of that.  lol but does it 100% disappear no. no. in all her stupidity and how shes hurting my baby right now that love is still there. 

When Stelena get back together. They will be more stronger than ever . I guarantee you that. It will take a while but when it gets there everyone is gunna have their OTP back . It's not gunna be the same couple you saw in season 1 or 2 but that love will still be the same. 

Its funny. About 3 years ago, I'd be slacking off homework with my cousins right now. Three years ago, I was oblivious to everything around me.

About two years ago, things started to happen. I lost everyone I considered family because of parents' trust issues. Pretty soon, life came to a standstill every weekend as weekends when my "family" would come over to spend time were the times I felt the happiest just... stopped. The times were I felt like I could float on air when I was around you guys, especially during a specific "era" when I was talking to someone exclusively... but that's a different story. Heh. Even those who got close to me noticed that I was different around you guys than I was with my friends...

But ever since then, I've come to depend on my friends. Those friends that I call "my sisters" or "siblings" became people who have truly become that role in my heart. Not to "replace" the old family I had per se, but rather, a symbol to close that chapter and enter a new one, with my friends held as close as I held my family.

That chapter, I believe is coming to an end. Thanks to a friend, I've reconnected myself into my old family's lives. Well, most of them. After only seeing each other maybe once or twice since what I call to be the "Great Divide," I have been able to do much more than just see them. I have had the pleasure of hanging out like we did in the old days. I have had the pleasure of going to Disneyland with them in these new days.

The only problem I say I would have is that whenever the all of the "old family" is together in these new days, there's always an empty feeling that resides in my heart. And I'm sure my mom feels it too. There are pictures of times you are altogether. And it looks like you are all having genuine fun. Naturally, its for me to think that if nothing had happened 2 years ago, if my family and I would be apart of your new adventures. If nothing had happened, would I have stayed the same as two years ago?