#tgcf beefleaf

“I am trying… I just- Baobei, San Lang loves us both I know it. He loves us dearly” Xie Lian would never understand how you feel in this moment, and even though you’re envious of him you wish he never has to understand such a feeling. 

“He loves you dearly.” You sigh and grumble against your pillow. “I’m sorry, maybe I’m just imagining things” Was it worth it to drag Xie Lian down with you? Hua Cheng is the best thing that has ever happened to Xie Lian, you don’t want your insecurities to get in the way of that. 

Xie Lian kisses your temple and you return a quick kiss to his cheek, “Get some sleep Baobei, we can revisit this another day…” 

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You had not brought it up since. The issue seems to upset Xie Lian, and you just can’t keep bothering him about it when you see that downtrodden look on his face. It’s better you keep this to yourself, Xie Lian has gone through too much as it is. 

The issue being Hua Cheng. The three of you are in a relationship, it takes a lot of work but you love them to the bottom of your heart. Sometimes it seems like… Hua Cheng may love Xie Lian more than you, and sometimes it feels like Xie Lian willingly stays ignorant to the problems. You’ve decided to solve it yourself!

Surely your relationship with Hua Cheng is not that strained.

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“San Lang, I have errands to run alone today” Xie Lian laughs softly as Hua Cheng clings and kisses against his face. You watch with a disgusting ache in your stomach.

Hua Cheng pouts against Xie Lian’s hair, “Gege you’re really going to leave this one alone for trivial chores? Make those servants of yours do it” Xie Lian only shakes his head at how Hua Cheng talks about Feng Xin and Mu Qing. 

You wring your hands together, shifting from foot to foot. “I uh- I’m not doing anything today, San Lang and I could spend some one on one time together.” Oh wouldn’t it be nice. To have his attention on you, to have his pretty eye solely focused on you instead of Xie Lian. “Does San Lang want to stay with me today?”

Hua Cheng glances over to you. For a second, for a second he looks at you then his gaze drifts back over to Xie Lian. The man he’s had his gaze set on for 800 years. “This one would be delighted, beloved.”

The answer should make you happy, are you looking too far into it? Into how Xie Lian nudges Hua Cheng eager hands away from him, you catch the brief look they share and it makes a wave of frustration wash over you. The conversation they quietly share to another in touches and looks before Hua Cheng actually gives you his answer. Xie Lian kisses the both of you before leaving. 

Silence fills the room.

Petty silence keeps your mouth wired shut. You want Hua Cheng to talk with you willingly, to cling on you and pepper kisses across your face. Hua Cheng does not say anything, must you make the first move for everything? Instead of saying anything at all–because these days talking to Hua Cheng is difficult when he’s distracted with Xie Lian. No, you’d probably have a more fulfilling conversation with a rock than your lover– You intertwined his fingers with yours, and tug him off to the bedroom. 

You’d be satisfied spending a few hours being close to him, so being lazy in bed seems like the best option on how to spend your time. You sit on the edge of the bed, and let go of Hua Cheng’s hand. You want him to do something, you want Hua Cheng to want you.

“San Lang is so quiet, this one is starting to feel quite lonely.” 

“Sorry,” it gets Hua Cheng to budge and he gets into bed after you. You feel giddy when he pulls you closer onto his lap. It feels like butterflies in your stomach and it reminds you of how you first felt with him. Hua Cheng holds you as you melt against his chest, peppering a few kisses against your head. “My beloved is very squirmy.”

You give an airy laugh, “I can’t help it. I’m just happy, I’ve felt like San Lang has been so distant with this one. Sometimes it feels like San Lang is so devoted to A-Lian that he forgets this one is here” You spill your worries to fill the silence. Hua Cheng is typically better at caring for you when Xie Lian isn’t here. Xie Lian shines so brightly Hua Cheng just can’t look away. You feel guilty but you become excited when Xie Lian has to leave, it’s conflicting.

It’s quiet for a moment, maybe Hua Cheng doesn’t know how to respond to that, or maybe he knows you’re right. “I love my beloved very much.” He kneads his fingers into the muscle of your hip bone. 

For a while, the two of you stay like that, cuddling with another in bed and sharing kisses. At  some point, you even doze off against him. Your short nap gives you some energy though, and you use it to rile Hua Cheng up. “San Lang, play with this one?” you nip against his jaw and sit up to straddle his stomach.

Hua Cheng flashes a smile at you and you can feel your cheeks warm. His arms wrap around you to hold you tight, his hands drifting under your robe before you feel nimble fingers flit across the expanse of your stomach. Hua Cheng tickles you! Giggles fill the room and you squirm and swat at him. You feel warm.

The sound of footsteps, and Xie Lian's cheery voice ringing out, “I’m home!” makes your heart drop. You’re suddenly filled with dread, and shame. Now that Xie Lian is home Hua Cheng will change, and it makes you feel so shameful to think that way about Xie Lian. He’s been nothing but dear to you. In desperation, you put all your weight against Hua Cheng and lie against him. Xie Lian smiles at the sight of his lovers being so close to each other, he settles on the edge of the bed. 

You feel Hua Cheng squirm under you, eager hands leaving the warmth of your robe to bring Xie Lian closer. “Gege, welcome home,” he mumbles against Xie Lian’s lips. Even as Hua Cheng drags himself upward on the bed and attempts to sit up, you stay settled against him. You’ve made a home, tucked under his chin and you don't want to move. Hua Cheng must realize you aren’t moving because he has to nudge you off of him to make room for Xie Lian on his lap. 

You bite your lip in frustration. You itch to be closer. Xie Lian’s laughs begin to fill the room and he shines so brightly it makes you slightly irritated. Never at Xie Lian, irritated at Hua Cheng. You squirm suddenly trying to wiggle yourself into the crevice between them. You don’t mean to push or shove. You just want to be a part of this too. You kiss Xie Lian’s cheek and nudge against Hua Cheng which causes a grunt from him. You turn to kiss Hua Cheng next. You just want to fit. 

In your desperation, you unintentionally knock the back of your head against Xie Lian. He yelps softly, and you attempt to turn to see what happened. However, there are a million other things to pay attention to instead. The feeling of Hua Cheng’s hand against your chest as he pushes you away, the feeling of your body against the silk sheets of the bed instead of Hua Cheng’s lap, the sight of Hua Cheng looking worriedly at Xie Lian’s bloody lip. You must have hit his mouth and busted his lip. You can see Xie Lian’s concerned eyes on you as he reassures Hua Cheng he’s okay.

You just stare at them for a moment before you can feel words tumbling out of your mouth, “Xie Lian! I didn’t mean to- ah are you okay?” You come closer, reaching out to inspect his lip but Hua Cheng gets in your way.

“Later,” His one eye is narrowed at you and you try to discern whether that's disdain in his eye or concern but he turns back to Xie Lian too quickly.

You scoff from shock. Later? Hua Cheng would just dismiss you so easily as if you weren’t here at all? You scramble out of bed, anger and dread flooding your system and you just want to leave the room. You need space to process what you’re feeling right now. However, Xie Lian’s fingers wrap around your wrists, “Baobei, where are you going? Stay.”

Xie Lian’s words are full of concern and love but his usual comfort fills you with bitter anger, “Stay? San Lang doesn’t seem to want me here.” You huff and shake your head, “In fact, he doesn’t ever seem very thrilled with my presence, not when you’re here.”

“Baobei, that’s not true-”

Xie Lian’s reassurance is cut off by Hua Cheng, “Y/n I do love you, but maybe we could focus on Gege’s injuries right now instead of this?” 

You pull your wrist out of Xie Lian’s hand, “You’re doing it right now. You always get defensive against me when Xie Lian is here, you treat us differently.” You rub your temples, and sigh. 

This is so tiring.

“I can’t do this” You mumble, “I have to leave, I can’t do this anymore.”

Hua Cheng stands from the bed, attempting to get closer to you, but you take a step back. “What are you talking about beloved..?”

“I’m talking about this, it’s over. I’m tired of not being included in a relationship that I’m already in,” you say quietly.

Hua Cheng’s eye widens, “Beloved-”

“No,” you shake your head at him. Your voice trembles but you continue, “I love A-Lian, I love you, but I can’t keep loving you both like this. I need to leave, I’m giving more than I have.”

…

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Giggles sound in a random corner of Ghost City. The sound is familiar to Hua Cheng and Xie Lian’s ears. They’re your giggles. It’s been a bit of time since they’ve last seen you. Every now and then they’ll see glimpses of you in passing. 

The sight is a bittersweet one. You look so happy with Shi Qingxuan and He Xuan next to you. He Xuan’s hand placed at your hip as Shi Qingxuan excitedly circles around the two of you, attacking you with kisses. 

Xie Lian holds Hua Cheng’s hand for comfort. They’re happy for you of course, but Hua Cheng feels a bitterness creep under his skin that he had let you slip away. 

Shi Qingxuan is the one who points out Xie Lian and Hua Cheng’s presence. He waves at them and comes closer with a cheery smile. Xie Lian greets her back. Hua Cheng does not pay much attention to her though, his gaze is set on you. He watches as you tuck yourself closer into He Xuan’s side, and he holds you tighter. Hua Cheng isn’t shocked, He Xuan doesn’t let things he loves slip away, not like Hua Cheng had. He doesn’t miss the narrowed look He Xuan sends him, so Hua Cheng looks away.