#text.?

Feeling extreme pulling to return to abvser. I feel so ill without them, physically and mentally. And every time somebody calls me lost, I'm transported back to times when they would call me lost. Everything ties back to them. I want to show them how I can still be of use to them. How they've continued to break me, despite their absence. I wonder if they still think of me as lesser. I wonder if they would still want me.

Seems to be a pattern that I remember things after midnight. Vivid flashbacks of (the only memory) I have as a toddler. I don't remember where I was (besides the fact it was some kind of medical facility) or why I was there (aside from being inspected), all I know is it was in connection to healing from the event that almost killed me. They should remove memories in the next patch update.

I need to be violent. I need to dig my nails deep into something and rip it apart.

Everything is so fine until I'm bordering a panic attack and have to leave an event I was really excited for.