#tetsuteruweek

I wanted to be useful, to bring satisfaction to Kyoya, to show that I’m not that helpless girl he took in. I am worth something to him.

But he just continued to show up, barging into my life, his music filling my ears with each surprise pop up visit. He was always there. He was always happy.

He remembered my name. No one has ever remembered my name.

Everything about him, from his dance moves to his banana hair (seriously what is that even supposed to mean?) he was different and he was confident and I hated every minute that he was there.

And yet, I felt safe with him. He was special to me, for some reason. His words, as cliche as they were, spoke to me in ways that Kyoya’s never have.

Kyoya’s words, while in tone were gentle, were only orders at the end of the day. While Tetsuya’s, were genuine to the end, and were filled with heart and love, compassion and understanding.

He wanted to know who Terumi Kuchinowa was, for as long as that girl has existed. I wanted to show him who ‘she’ was and learn more about ‘her’ together, right alongside him. I believed, that together with him, we could even figure out who I was before I became ‘Terumi Kuchinowa’.

But I can’t help but wonder if the girl I was before was weaker than the me of the present. Was she shy, quiet, submissive? Or was she brash, confident, intelligent and calm? I always fear for the answer, and yet the curiosity strives me towards that answer, towards clues of who I was before.

I hate to admit it, but it can’t be helped, as it was all true.

But he saved me; not from Kyoya, but rather from myself. I owe him my life, and my past life.

“Watcha thinkin’ bout Terumi?”

His voice, gentle and calm, like the early evening breeze caught my attention and I turned to face him. He still had that same annoying grin on his face, that made his cheeks pink and his colgate smile shine. I couldn’t help but look away and focus my gaze on the bleeding pink sky ahead of me, the clouds shrinking away and the stars were just beginning to peek through.

“Things. Just things, you know?” I reply.

“I get what you mean.” Tetsuya says. “I always have a lot on my mind, so sometimes you just gotta let ‘em flow.”

I nod. “Yeah, something like that.”

The me who isn’t me is waiting for me to find her. I know that I can do it now. It’s become a top priority for me now. No more Disaster. No more Kyoya. Just me! Whoever I am, the girl that isn’t Terumi Kuchinowa, but also in a way is her. We are the same, and yet completely different.