This is going to sound off-topic, but I watched a TED talk with one of the Pixar writers, and he said that one of the key ways of telling a story well is to treat your readers/viewers like theyâre not idiots. He said give them 2+2, not 2+2=4.
You⌠You are just fantastic at that. Itâs the small things where Garrett doesnât realize something (which happens a lot, lol) but the reader can tell the truth. Like when Fenris started laughing because he found out Miles was Garrettâs dog, not his boyfriend, and everyone reading it can tell that he laughed because he was relieved. Does Garrett know that? No. So you donât tell us, and give us the opportunity to figure it out on our own.
Which brings me to my next point. I usually avoid first person stories because a lot of authors make the mistake of writing the same as they would in third person, or they write too much stream-of-conscience so the story gets lost or jumbled. But I gave your story a shot anyways. And by the end of the first chapter, I was like HOLY SHIT THIS PERSON CAN WRITE!
Itâs written not the way Garrett would think (which leads to the stream-of-conscience problem) but the way he would tell the story. Itâs written the way he would narrate itâsimply, clearly, and hilariously. Naturally he gets sidetracked once in a while (who doesnât), like when he mentions Alistairâs Yoda impression, but he doesnât go off in a tangent from the story.
This comment got really, really fucking long but I wanted to tell you just how goddamn impressed I am by this little treasure you and mary aka snoot cooked up. This fic is glorious.
Write on. :-) (Have a Sebastian/Merrill smiley for your brilliance!)
the above message was a submission that this blog received, several weeks ago, and it made me so emotional and grateful that i couldnât actually piece together a fitting reply that didnât get too mushy, hahaha! itâs been in this blogâs inbox, and i keep re-reading it whenever i feel uninspired or âless than goodâ about my writing / life in general, so that alone should tell you how much i appreciate it. :â)))
so, first and foremost: thank you so much for this lovely comment!!!!! as the author of wg a lot of the work that i put into it is related to capturing garrettâs general tone - which involves omitting stuff thatâs too âfloweryâ or âdeepâ for garrettâs internal monologue, and also attending to the stuff that garrett would attend to (vs another character, or what the reader would attend to if they were in the actual story). i really love it when people acknowledge the way that he narrates the plot, because i think that aspect of wg is what i put the most effort into (besides actual plot / worldbuilding, which gets pretty complex but is still REALLY FUN - esp since my lovely beta aka mary is a huuuge help). i also know that it can be weird for ppl to read a hawke that isnt a âcanonâ personality per se (re: red/blue/purple hawke), so when ppl appreciate wg!hawke i get all the more excited!!! :â) (also the whole âfirst personâ thing can also be a huge dealbreaker for some ppl, which is fine because - like you said - different people have their different styles of first person, but i also love hearing when people decide to give wg a shot despite that, lmao!)
so, really, thank you so much for taking the time to write this - iâm sorry for taking so long to actually respond to it/post it, but itâs been a huge source of support for me!Â
