"It was my fault. It was all my fault." @telepathicprcfesscr (My Charles Xavier side blog if you want.)
the silence that follows is deafening. it's ironic, really, considering how everything just seems to stop the moment he sees his father, hands curling into fists at his sides, his jaw set. there's that question again echoing inside his head while everything else falls quiet- why didn't you want me ?? it's as if nothing else in the world matters in that moment. it's just David and his father - the man who abandoned him and the boy who so desperately wanted to be loved.
David still doesn't understand why Charles chose to abandon him. wouldn't he have been safer in the protective embrace of a father who understood him ?? instead, he felt banished to the realms of insanity, locked away with nothing but the voices to keep him company. it hurts- oh how it hurts. David just wants his father to love him. why doesn't he love him ??
no, he's not going to listen. he doesn't want to right now. everything is always so loud- for the moment, he relishes in the silence. then, he finally speaks, his voice quiet, shattered by the broken pieces of what's left of his sanity. does Charles know ?? does he see his son, broken beyond repair ??
"it's not your fault," he says finally, eyes cast downwards. the voices threaten to break through the barriers, but he keeps the volume low. all he wants right now is to hear his father's voice. nothing else is important to him now. "you didn't know what was going to happen. i mean - you abandoned me, but you thought . . . you thought that was for the best. right ?? you gave me away to keep me safe. it wasn't because you didn't want me . . . right?"
oh, this again ?? we've talked about this.
he didn't want you, David.
don't listen to him, David. i'm sure he wanted us- you.
David's frown deepens, eyebrows pinched together as he tries to ignore the voices in his head. he wonders if Charles can hear them, too. he wonders what he must think about him- about them. would he still want him if he knew about all the things inside his head ?? he chews on his fingernails, uncertain; the fear of abandonment keeps him from speaking his truth. he just wants to be loved. can his father love him now ??