#tehwritah

Pink, Yellow and White with one Red Rose in the middle of each of them.

Pink = She's really sweet.

Yellow = She's my friend.

White = I admire her.

Red = I love her.

She absolutely loved them all. (•ω•) ♥♥♥

Mumford and Sons - I Will Wait

I've been accepted to go back to University! :D

WHOOOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!!

That's right! I'm heading there this fall to take a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Drama/Acting.

When I get very tired I feel low, discouraged and unwilling to do any art, and I'm sure you want some more art replies for Red's blog.

So, with that, I say good night to you, I love you all and please...if there's anything that's bothering you, please let me know, I want to help make things better for you. Thank you.

This whole year has been a struggle, and by struggle I mean emotional-wise.

For the first few months of making Red's blog I wanted him to be seen as a lovable pony with good character, good thoughts and good feelings.

It was okay for the first few months but as the months went on, I had an uncontrollable urge to be depressed and think that no one liked me: here where I live and here on Tumblr. All through the spring it's been an on and off thing where I feel upbeat and happy one day and then sad and bummed out the next.

For you, my friends and followers, I need to explain what has happened in my life for you all to understand my position.

For 22 years, that's right, 22 years, all I ever did was make others happy and never attend to my own desires and behaviors. I pushed myself aside to the point that I wasn't allowed to be happy unless others around me were happy. I had a very low self-esteem and again, if they didn't have a smile on their face, I felt like a failure, I'd take it seriously, VERY seriously...

I need you to understand what I mean by VERY seriously: my whole day would be ruined if I didn't give someone a sense of joy, if I didn't make them laugh, or even give them a smile on their face. I was WAY too focused on making them happy rather then giving my own self some of that happiness in my own heart.

After I would make them angry or upset over something I wouldn't mean and I'd profusely apologize in fear that they'd hate me forever if I didn't say sorry 1000 times over. It would only make them even more upset or angry at me.

Another thing that was a problem was my over-sensitivity, in which the slightest bit of criticism or heckling would set me off. I would take the smallest joke WAY too seriously, even if it didn't involve me. Not only that but it would offend me highly. Being in high school, in Grade 12 no less...I still felt like a child because of my childish feelings. I wish I could have just laughed at the jokes and shrugged off the offensive remarks.

The events of my past were of my own doing. Not anyone else's.

Finally after 22 years, I told myself to think of myself more and others a bit less...only to have THAT go off balance.

When I arrived on Tumblr in age 25, I was paying so much attention to what I can do to make myself happy with the friends I have that I'd get over emotional as to why they weren't talking to me, liking or reblogging things I post to the point that I'd lose thought of what I was doing and blame them for not making me happy.

I'd go in a pity party, say that I'm lonely, worthless, down, depressed, bummed out, left out, and worse, manipulate, make them feel sorry for me. The acts of my past were beginning to creep up on me.

That was wrong. What I did was plain wrong.

I took what I lived in my life and threw it in my new friend's faces.

The outcome was so...sour...that I ended up almost losing a very special friend of mine because of how selfish I was.

I wasn't thinking.

I take a look back now through the year that has happened and I see how much of an emotional basket-case I've been not just to myself, but the multitude of friends that I have made here inside AND outside of Tumblr; blind to not notice how much they DO care and love me as I am:

    - A loving, caring individual that wishes for others to become better then who they are now. To promote strength and wisdom to those who need it. To not expect any in return unless it's given: criticism or praise, and welcomed as a growing aspect rather then a hindrance.

To continue...to those who know me personally, to those who've befriended me recently, throughout the year, and have been with me since the beginning, I say to you now from the bottom of my heart:

I. am. sorry.

I am sorry for my behavior.

I am sorry for the times in which I have been seen as an annoyance, as a basket-case, and/or as a manipulative idiot.

I am sorry for either hurting you, making you feel bad, saddened or belittled.

I am sorry for anything that has caused any kind of rift in our relationship, whatever kind it is: friends, acquaintances, etc.

You all deserve better then that.

To conclude this novel of a text post, I want to finish with this:

I hope to be a better person, through and through. I will strive to be better.

To those who don't believe me, I understand, I don't blame you. I've said lots of things in which I never followed up on them. I'm sorry for that too.

Even though I'm 26 years old, I still feel like I'm 15, in which I mean I'm finally learning how to BE myself and balance my own happiness with other's, to not concentrate on how many notes one picture gets, how many followers I obtain, or how many people actually talk to me at once; rather to have fun no matter what, and be there for my friends and my family. To provide art, voice clips, music, etc because it's FUN, not a chore, not a popularity contest.

I should have learned all of this earlier, thankfully I'm learning now, and better to know now then never, right?

Finally, I love you all as a brother and a friend. Please forgive me, if you can, for my stupidity. Thank you for sticking with me, thank you for an amazing year. Thank you for reading this post. Bless you.

With love,

Song: I Am A Stone

Album: True Defiance

Artist: Demon Hunter

Lyrics:

It’s Hard to Say That I’m Back On a Straight Line You See My Path Is In Fact Just A Fault Line It’s In My Blood, It’s In My Lungs And It Won’t Die I Fight These Words, I Bite My Tongue So I Don’t Lie Though It’s Me to Blame There is No More Shame in Me In Me… I Just Feel the Same Immune to All This Pain And the Scars Don’t Write a Song for Me At All… I Am a Stone, Unaffected Rain Hell Down Onto Me Flesh and Bone, Unaffected Your Fool I Will Not Be I Am a Stone, Unaffected (I Am a Stone) Rain Hell Down Onto Me Flesh and Bone, Unaffected (I Am a Stone) Your Fool I Will Not Be I Try to See and Believe In the Short Sight Accept the Burn of A Vain And A Half-Life And How You Rest Your Faith in These for a Lifetime That Hollow Lie Against My Hope That I Won’t Buy Though It’s Me to Blame There is No More Shame in Me In Me… I Just Feel the Same Immune to all You Say And the Scars Don’t Write a Song for Me At All… No Your Tears Won’t Line A Path for me to Crawl I Am a Stone, Unaffected Rain Hell Down Onto Me Flesh and Bone, Unaffected Your Fool I Will Not Be I Am a Stone, Unaffected (I Am a Stone) Rain Hell Down Onto Me Flesh and Bone, Unaffected (I Am a Stone) Your Fool I Will Not Be The Waters Rise Above My Eyes I Will Breathe It In and Go Out With the Tide And When You Think This is The End You Will Find Me There Where I Have Always Been I Am a Stone, Unaffected Rain Hell Down Onto Me Flesh and Bone, Unaffected Your Fool I Will Not Be I Am a Stone, Unaffected Rain Hell Down Onto Me Flesh and Bone, Unaffected Your Fool I Will Not Be I Am a Stone, Unaffected (I Am a Stone) Rain Hell Down Onto Me Flesh and Bone, Unaffected (I Am a Stone) Your Fool I Will Not Be I Am a Stone… I Am a Stone

Recently discovered this song. It's one of two bonus tracks from Demon Hunter's recently released album but in their deluxe edition.

I'm okay, I have things to do outside of home before I get back to the commissions.

I'm feeling much better then I was 7 days ago.  I still have a cough and a stuffy nose here and there but at least I can actually move without feeling pain in my head.

I still don't have a job, I have no income coming in except for commissions, donations. I'm going to sell some old stuff I don't use anymore and see if I can get some money from that.

I've just realized something too:

Red is almost a year old on Tumblr.

Everyone who skyped me and said hi, happy birthday, love you, who complimented me, and wish me a great year...

To everyone on tumblr that gave me well wishes, and happy birthdays, and gift arts, for the past couple weeks until now.

Thank you...

Thank you...

Thank you!

I'm getting emotional here.

I never thought how welcomed I'd be, how happy I make others for them to smile when I say hi, how are you, or even a compliment on their work or what they do. :'')

I appreciate every. single. one of you here! Every single pony as well! Heh.

I bet there's others who haven't had a chance yet and I welcome them, all of them, there are no deadlines with me...just open arms and thanks! ;u;

Oh my gosh this is just...so heartwarming...

So many to thank...I'm just gonna make an audio post next and a photo set/music post of all the things that were given to me, from when I started until now...there is ALOT of pictures, and I believe I've already credited them as to who made what so to whomever made the upcoming picture, you know who you are! <3