#tegoshi

I know in a way, it’s my own fault for getting lost in my fantasies but you can never quite prepare yourself for disappointment. My mind is trying to make bizarre theories to process it all but it’s not very successful.

For instance, in recent years, I have an ever-growing feeling that I’m living in a universe of unlikely events. Like, as if the things that happen had a very low probability of happening but they did in some distant part of the multiverse and it happens to be ours. It certainly feels that way with Tegoshi. To me he has always been a high number of variables and conflicting forces. His leaving wasn’t entirely surprising. Of course, he did talk about wanting to do fanclub events and festivals for years. But he also talked about wanting to go fishing with Shige for years too. He talked a lot. It’s like there were many realities that could be realized but somehow only the worst of them came to life. Also, it always felt as if he had a split personality syndrome. Apparently, his most selfish, arrogant, shallow part took over. His ego swallowed everything I loved about him.

Or maybe he was always a dick, I just didn’t want to believe it. I always had a love-hate relationship with him and a lot of the time it was hard to love him but I really wanted to, it would be so much easier. I know he never was the bisexual genderfluid icon I developed in my stories but I enjoyed at least some space for ambiguity. Now there’s no more depth or mystery. It’s like every day he tries hard to prove he’s a common fuckboy.

I’m still very much angry but my anger and frustration has shifted. Now it’s not only at Tegoshi himself, but also at the way he got away with it all. How many fans just jumped on the bandwagon praising his courage and supporting his every selfish whim, holding the naive illusion that he really does, after all, care about the members and that somehow they’re good, despite everything pointing to the contrary. Totally. It’s not like he completely undermined everything they were working on for years and left them to pick up the pieces and their shattered dignity.

I understand the need to strive towards your goals in life. I understand that a job is always a job, no matter how deep the bond is that you have created with the people around you. Jobs are contracts, and if you do not want to give what the contract expects of you in exchange for what you get, then you should be free to negotiate your leave. In the case of idols, this is particularly painful because there is not only money being invested but feelings as well. In short: I think it is sad to see Tegoshi leave NEWS but what’s the point of having him when he doesn’t want to be there anyway.

I do not comprehend how this messed up timeline happened. I do not understand how “I want to quit after STORY” (a meaningful event) turned into “I want to quit in June” (a meaningless date). During his press conference Tegoshi said that when the corona measures happened, he had already talked to the agency about quitting but... how is that a problem? He wanted to quit after STORY, so when STORY was postponed, why not postpone his resignation as well?  For someone who is so stubborn about making his fans happy and putting them first, and feeding that image of always doing his job with all his heart, I don’t understand how his conviction to finish that tour did nothing for those negotiations. According to his press conference, Tegoshi was worried about the agency suddenly cancelling his contract, but they can’t just terminate him on a whim and without repercussions if it is not in mutual agreement. And “mutual agreement” is one of those phrases that he dropped countless times during that press conference. So he agreed on ending the contract in June, one week before STORY would have ended.

This is the part, where I get really angry because from what I see, there are only two reasons why ending the contract now was necessary.

Option 1: Maybe the agency could have terminated his contract prematurely because of his scandals so he had good reason to fear for his job. Which is reasonable, given that he hurt the agency’s stay-home campaign with his actions (twice). Even if he was preparing for his new job, he was still signed with J&A, so actively (or at least carelessly) hurting their image (twice) is a big deal. He said those “business meetings” were scheduled with his manager but when Tegoshi scheduled them, he didn’t say anything about the “drinking and bringing women along” part... which was a very crucial part of the scandals. Also, calling such networking meetings “work” is quite a stretch. No matter how essential networking is for entertainment work... in times when grieving people cannot attend the funerals of their loved ones and lovers cannot marry their partners, frankly, he has no right to jeopardize everyone’s efforts to negotiate some entertainment deals. As far as I know, meeting business partners face-to-face (and bringing additional people along just to make it more fun) has never been categorized as “essential outings” in any context.

Option 2: Maybe he himself wanted to terminate the contract without waiting for STORY. The scandals put his current job at risk and maybe he had even had some success with those new business partners so that waiting any longer either inconvenienced or even ruined his new plans. Which is a given, I guess, because if you meet up with people in April to “talk business”, you can’t really go back and ask them to hold that spot open for you indefinitely. At this point, he probably had to decide whether waiting for STORY is worth risking what he had just negotiated for himself and at that point, I guess his love for the fans, this plan to say a proper goodbye and his wish to finish that project of 4 years just weren’t worth it, because that could take another year.

That’s what bugs me about this whole quitting disaster.

Additionally, his whole attitude towards the situation after leaving NEWS reeks of disregard, empty words and self-centeredness. He says “I love the members!” but instead of talking to them (or at least being very, very sad about not being able to talk to them), he happily drops their names left and right and dishes out one-sided member ai fan service for cheap awwwwws, while the other members’ only statement was very sad and very broken. Tegoshi breaks rules left and right, talks to reporters and paparazzi that he should not talk to, has photos taken with people he should not take photos with, speaks frankly when he should show restraint... but giving his fans a heads up was beyond his possibilities? Utterly impossible?

He acts like the four-tours-project not being completed is “really too bad” when in fact, it is disastrous for the group. By leaving the agency at that point in time, Tegoshi actively ruined STORY (which is packed with the symbolism of 4 and based on journeys taken together) and burned WORLDISTA in the same breath because even IF it gets released, it’s forever too little too late and there is no way that NEWS could happily promote it, especially because the wholesomeness of those four tours is the whole points... which is now devoid of meaning. There is no way that this project is ever gonna be completed meaningfully and no amount of ganbatte and ouen shiteru will ever help the other three change that.

Tegoshi said that he started to wonder about leaving the group even before those 4 tours started. He prides himself on taking work very seriously so why is it that finishing that one big project is not his paramount priority in negotiations? If Tegoshi cannot fight to finish a NEWS project that every single fan believed he would fight tooth and nail over... then I understand that the agency would not let him do bigger projects either. Because apparently, “fighting for his fans and for NEWS” is a rather flexible phrase that does not involve personal sacrifices.