#teeth speaks

I think she does, and I think she gets horrible, unimaginably painful periods every month for about two years from when she turns eleven, and then suddenly it all falls out of her and she thinks she’s dying. and then it’s gone, there’s no more anything (do you think that’s the first human flesh she ate? whatever the hell dropped out of her just now?)

Yeah, I think that little girl has double everything. What happens to a starving, weak little girl, a freak with weird sexual anatomy? With two vaginas? Who nobody cares about? Nothing bad I hope.

Anyway everyone’s relationship with their body is freaky as hell but also having a disfigured woman’s body is. Very special.

no pressure though!

lol yeah

Jason Todd x vampire!reader

tw: reader gets shot in the face. So. Gore.

———

It’s been almost three months since Jason’s texted you, and you are downright sick of his fucking nonsense.

What does he think you are, some kind of Puritan? Three months without getting fucked is absurd. Especially since he’s been so good at keeping you dicked down. You haven’t had sex this regularly in decades, and now he’s making you go without? Who the fuck does he think he is?

And he’s not an idiot, you reason. He smirks at you so often, he clearly knows you want to fuck him. You tell him all the goddamn time. So what is Jason doing, staying away from your bed?

You could go screw someone else. But also. No you can’t.

You almost spit in frustration.

He’s never gone more than a few days without texting you. And you know, because you went through your fucking text history and looked at the time stamps.

And that made you—sad.

Ugh. Disgusting.

But it did. Because it was all Jason sending you things he’d thought you’d like. Video footage of the Kennedy assassination and the moon landing, live performances of songs you’d played him on your record player, stupid pictures with text over them to make you laugh.

Shirtless pics, dick pics.

And voice notes, because once you’d realized you could just record yourself and hit send you’d done away with the keyboard altogether. And so did he.

And now you can—listen to them. And hear his voice.

Which just makes you sadder.

You’re lying on the floor, playing one of them now. You wish you were fucking jerking off to it, but you don’t even want to do that. You just want to lay here. And hear his voice.

“…and that’s why George is obviously the best Beatle. You’re a goddamn idiot for liking John.”

The recording ends, and you go to hit play for the thirtieth time, when you realize.

This is fucking ridiculous.

Snarling loudly, you get dressed and march yourself over to his apartment. You don’t know what the hell he’s doing, but you know what you’re doing; you’re going over there and you’re going to—

To demand. That Jason…hang out with you.

Or something.

You don’t have a key to his apartment, so you shimmy three stories up the fire escape. His window’s dark, but you can see light seeping under his bedroom door, so you know he’s here.

Bracing yourself, you rip the window open and stick your head through it, climbing inside. “Jason,” you call out. “Why haven’t you—”

BANG!

Something small hits you in the forehead, knocking you backwards. A bullet, you realize, as you feel your skull split beneath it. A bullet hit you.

A gun, you think, as the force of the blow sends you tumbling off the fire escape. That was the sound. A gun went off. And fired the bullet.

Huh.

Your skull pierces your brain. You land on the street below, snapping your arm as you fall into a heap. It barely registers.

Someone’s gun went off. And shot you. In the head.

Your eyes twitch as your vision whites out from the hit.

Oh my god. That was Jason’s apartment.

Jason’s gun went off. Jason fired the bullet. Jason shot you in the head.

That motherfucker tried to Kennedy you.

Oh my god.

Thirty seconds go by, and your vision clears. Seething, you absentmindedly press a finger to the impact site: not even indented anymore. Fucking perfect.

You hold your arm in place until it fixes itself. Then you take several steps back, grab your phone, and hurl it through his open window.

You’re halfway to the corner when his voice rings out after you.

“Babe?”

Too fucking late. You start to run.

You’re fucking fault for trying to reach out.

———

I have never written a blurb in my life. Can’t start now. Unfortunately reader is not chill about this.

Im cautiously hopeful this is a thing of 'poor timing after the reveal of the funko tf2 dlc' and not some marketing play valve is trying to do to fix the negative coverage fixtf2 has justifiably caused to sell the funko game or something.

oh shit, hmm, good question. i tend to like anything that challenges me tbh? so i really enjoy anything that's a bit technical or intensive, like making pasta or sausage. i love things that make the house smell delicious all day, like cassoulet or borscht. and anything where i get to use and showcase really fresh ingredients! like i did a bourride this summer with freshly caught shrimp, which was SO fun? I also looooove doing big family dinners, like Christmas and Thanksgiving.

I got an email saying I had suspicious log in activity on my account at around 3:30am last night and when I tried to log in when I woke up, I couldn’t. My email was incorrect, apparently. I’m in correspondence with staff right now but I’m absolutely devastated. I put so much love into my main, and all of my side blogs, and possibly losing that is heart breaking. I don’t know what to do.

I’ll try and remember urls of mutuals and follow, but I’m not the greatest with names.

If you see any weird posts on highonbandcandy, @/crassandcrusty or @/council-of-readers remember THEY’RE NOT FROM ME. I have reason to suspect it’s the same anon whos been harrassing me for a while, but no real proof.

(Feel free to not respond, as always. No pressures. No hard feelings.)

No worries! I’m having fun honestly 💕💕

So my first instinct was to be like “she’s a bitch and doesn’t care” but actually this might be one of the few experiences they have in common. She’s cold, and he’s stilted, but they help each other through it.

Actually—

Jason todd x vampire!reader

(Hurt/comfort, swearing as always. rest of the series is on my masterlist)

———

“Jason.”

A hand lands on his shoulder.

He shudders violently. Eyes closed, still half asleep, still in the grips of something he’d like to forget, but can’t.

Jason flinches away.

But the hand follows, cold and steady. “Jason.” It presses into his shoulder.

Instinct tells him to shove it off, but he resists. He knows who it belongs to.

“Stop shaking,” you command. Your other hand settles on his thigh, holding him still. “C’mon.”

Jason grunts, opening his eyes. He knows where he is. He knows who you are.

Still trembling, though.

You stare at him in the dark, fingers snaking up to find his pulse. “Slow down.”

“Okay.”

Jason gulps down unsteady, twitching breaths that hitch in his throat.

You flick his nose. “Use that one.”

“Okay.”

He pulls in deep breaths through his nose, out through his mouth. Satisfied, you bring your hand back to this throat. Pinkie and ring fingers on his pulse; index, middle, and thumb framing his jaw.

Your other hand is a reassuring weight on his thigh. You still, surprisingly patient. Wait him out.

He exhales carefully, shifting a hand so it grips your elbow. Jason squeezes tight, then tighter.

You raise an eyebrow. “Can’t hurt me like that,” you remind him.

Jason nods, grasping onto you with all his strength.

You hum. “Nightmare?”

He swallows thickly. “Yeah.” His eyes slide themselves closed, trying to draw him back in.

“Hey.” You jolt him out of it. “Why are you closing your eyes? I’m right here.”

He cracks up, eyes open. You pretend to look at him snottily, softer smile peeking through.

Then your face evens out. You’re looking at him very carefully, uncharacteristically uncertain. “What…what was it about?”

Crowbar.

“Stuff.”

You nod. Jason stares at the ceiling.

“You know…” You scoff, shaking your head, but try again. “You know you’re safe here, right?” You’re looking at him seriously, like you’re stating a fact. “Nobody’s gonna touch you here.”

You tilt your head as he stares at you. “Well, I am,” you amend, and he snorts despite himself. “But nobody else.”

Jason can feel the suspicion, the clean distrust on his face.

You look back steadily. “Nobody else. ‘Cause I’ll kill them.”

He knows you will.

But he’s got a dead fifteen year old living in his brain, and that kid won’t believe you.

You glance down. Your fingers are still at his pulse, you can feel it racing. “Slow down.”

“Okay.”

There’s stillness for a few minutes as Jason closes his eyes and tries to forget.

It only sort of works. He clears his throat.

“You were up? How come?”

You give him a knowing look.

“Nightmare?”

“Yeah.”

He slides a hand onto your hip. “What was it about?”

You smile, then close your eyes. “Stuff.”

Yeah.

Jason hesitates. He can’t mirror you, exactly, he can’t tell you he’ll keep you safe. You don’t need him for that.

Still, he opens his mouth. “You can tell me. If you want.”

You swallow uneasily. “Yeah, I…I know. I know I can.”

That rattles around in his chest. You’re looking away, and he’s glad for it, because he doesn’t know what the fuck is on his face.

Eventually, he nudges you. “Wanna watch something?”

You look at him suspiciously. “What?”

“Here, hold on—” Jason reaches for his phone. “I found all these Russian cartoons from the 50s and 60s.”

Your face lights up. “Ooh, the Commies? They always had the best animation.”

He laughs. “Yeah, the Commies. Wanna watch?”

“Yeah.” You settle in close, and he holds the phone up so you both can see.

Jason looks at you. The glow of the screen illuminates your face; eyes narrowed, tongue between your teeth as you read the subtitles of the opening credits.

The cartoon starts proper, and your face changes, settles as you break out into a wide smile. “Thanks, Jason. This is awesome.”

That runs over him like warm water, clear and clean. Something shivers, just below his throat.

You glance at him, nodding at the phone. “You watching?”

Jason stares at you, eyes tracing over your face. “Yeah.”

You go back to the cartoon, but he keeps his gaze right where it is.

This official jjk art is great bc it reminds me of these official DC covers: