#technically again

Jihyun had standards and anyone Jihyun even considered dating was to be considered a blessing.

She supposed that she wasn’t entirely at fault for her insane standards in boys, what with every little move being romanticized by dramas and the rising kpop boy groups she found herself in love with. All throughout middle school she rejected confession after confession, realizing that she wouldn’t marry anyone who wasn’t her favorite member of her group, in which her father had generously bought her tickets to see anytime they had a concert.

Her father also had to do with her standards. Ever since Jihyun opened her eyes, she was doted on endlessly. Anything Jihyun wanted would arrive to her in hours via her father’s henchmen or her older brother’s, a new dress, toy, something to eat--it was all hers as Jihyun walked on gold tile with polished black shoes.

All this could account for her pickiness towards men. It was unfair, of course, to compare the 12 year old boys from her class to grown men on TV, but she didn’t care. Ever since she was little, her father embedded it in her that she deserved nothing but the best from anyone who expected a favor from her.

And for Kim Jihyun, dating was to be considered a favor in her regard.

Things changed, however, as she entered high school and she was surrounded by a larger mass of people. She made friend’s outside of her father’s worker’s children, and had fun with other seemingly normal girls who were also filthy rich with the exception that their father’s were lawyers, business men, or doctors. At that time, Jihyun liked to think that she had changed for the better, her attitude hidden and concealed whenever she talked to boys until she realized they weren’t anything like she wanted.

That was, however, until her second year in high school, when things started to look different to her.

It should be mentioned that Jihyun never once looked at Jaehyun with anything other than platonic friendship. They grew up together, they bathed together when they were kids, and Jaehyun was always so snotty and gross that Jihyun would dare dream of being anywhere near him in a romantic setting.

So when Jaehyun entered high school with her, she was suspicious.

She had heard talk of the newest freshman with good looks and an idol-like personality, with deep dimples and a deep voice that was stark in comparison to his soft face. Jihyun snorted at these comparisons, and even remembered calling Jaehyun the next day to talk about it and asked him if she knew of anyone of his class with these ridiculous features.

Naturally, Jaehyun said no.

Jihyun and Jaehyun always ate lunch together with Taeyong and Doyoung, chatting and munching away until Jihyun was pulled away by one of her friends, their eyes wide and their hands covering their mouth.

“What?” Jihyun grumbled, cranky that she was taken away from her lunch.

“How do you know the freshman?”

Jihyun raised her eyes, “which freshman? What are you talking about?”

“Jung Jaehyun, the boy we’ve been talking about for a week now?”

Jihyun choked on a wad of rice and stared at her friend incredulously, “Jaehyun?! You were talking about Jaehyun this whole time?!”

Jihyun pushed her friend to the side to go back to her meal, a bit peeved that she immediately asked Jaehyun for his phone number. Not to be possessive, but Jaehyun was her friend, someone she didn’t share with anyone else, someone who was supposed to be her best friend and her best friend only.

“What happened?”

“Do you want Hera’s number?”

Jaehyun raised an eyebrow, “no? Why would I?”

Good, she thought to herself. That’s what I thought.

It only got worse the more popular Jaehyun got. He was every girl’s dream date and every boy’s worst enemy as nasty rumors of illicit business spread through the school faster than he could deny them. Of course, they were true, but no one needed to know that. The illicit ties only seemed to feed into girl’s fantasies more as they were heavily intrigued by Jaehyun and his secret family background. He would glance at Jihyun whenever he needed help, something similar to puppy eyes until Jihyun shooed them away and hooked her arm with his.

They weren’t dating just yet, but Jaehyun was already so head over heels at this point that it was a wonder how she didn’t notice.

Jihyun would continue her jealous tirade for the rest of the semester until people finally got over the trend that was Jung Jaehyun’s look. She would laugh when it was all over, snorting at the girl’s who all but drooled over her friend whenever he smiled and whenever he laughed. She would laugh whenever girls stare at him with big eyes whenever they tripped in front of him and he would lend a hand in attempts to get just a moment’s worth of affection from someone who doesn’t even wash their hair. She would laugh only because she knew that at the end of the school day, Jaehyun would walk her home, Jaehyun would carry her bag, and buy her after school snacks.

“Jihyun,” her mother called one day after Jaehyun had left her at her house. Jihyun walked to find her mother in the kitchen, waving at Jaehyun who was walking away from their front step before she told her daughter to take a seat.

“Be careful with your intentions.” She scolded, her eyes narrowing as Jihyun raised an eyebrow.

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re giving that boy mixed signals”

Jihyun scoffed, giving her mother an incredulous look, “what do you mean? Jaehyun is my friend, he’s just...Jaehyun.”

“Why do you make him carry your bag?”

“He offers--”

“Jihyun, why do you make him walk you all the way home when you know your father can arrange for someone to pick you up? You’re inconveniencing him.”

“What--? Where is this coming from? Mommy, Jaehyun’s just a friend! We grew up together! We do things together all the time.”

Eunhye narrowed her eyes next and pointed a delicate finger at her daughter, “I’m warning you, Kim Jihyun. If I find out you’re doing this to mark your territory in your spoiled little green heart--”

“There’s nothing wrong with looking after my friend! They just don’t deserve him, that’s all!”

“How would you know that?”

“Because...they don’t? Don’t make this complicated, Mom. I’m going upstairs.” 

Eunhye would stay behind in the kitchen, watching Jihyun leave with a scoff before shaking her head, “what is wrong with her?”

The fall semester arrived much faster than Jihyun would’ve liked as she spent it in bed or watching TV by herself or with her older brother. She tried to ask her friends to hang out several times, but the vast majority of them were on lavish vacations in some other place in the world. Jaehyun was busy himself helping his father on jobs, barely being able to hang out with anyone except Jieun on occasion who was already so busy with child rearing.

When Jihyun stepped on the school campus, she heard whispering about Jaehyun again and rolled her eyes. Just when she began to think it was all over, it started up again with the same nonsense from last time. She frowned and quickly joined Taeyong until she heard her name called, Jaehyun waving at her with a smile as he ran towards her.

“Jihyun noona!” Jaehyun called, his hand reaching for her forearm as she stood shocked.

She never remembered having to look up at Jaehyun when she spoke to him, she also never remembered Jaehyun’s voice being as deep as it was now. Of course, it was deep before, but it seemed to drop a few more octaves as he spoke to her. It also seemed that he lost a considerable amount of face fat, his jawline sharp as it flexed and relaxed as he spoke to her.

Oh no, she thought to herself. Oh god, who is this?

“...I’m really sorry that I didn’t get to hang out with you this summer but maybe we can hang out after this semester! My dad said I get to…”

Jihyun gulped, nodding and laughing nervously as her face turned redder with every second. She looked over at Taeyong, who grinned knowingly as he pulled Jaehyun along on their walk.

Even after they went their separate ways to their respective classes, Jihyun couldn’t calm her heart pounding in her chest. Was Jaehyun wearing fucking cologne?

“What’s with you?” Hera asked, scooting next to her friend and bumping her shoulder. “Did you see Seojun before you came to class?”

Her crush on Seojun was quickly forgotten as Jihyun took out her compact and fixed her makeup, “No.”

“Then who?”

“No one,” she defended. “It’s just hot.”

Jaehyun performing his acts of service felt different to her now. Of course the conversations and the banter would be the same, but she felt her face running hot every time his hand brushed her shoulder or whenever he would pull her against his chest in a tight hug. The hug would be loose, but she felt like she was suffocating with every touch, her head spinning.

“Do you want to go out for tteokbokki?” Jaehyun asked her on their walk home. His hand was on her shoulder as he took her bag in his hand.

“You...don’t have to carry my bag, Jaehyun, your bag is pretty heavy.”

Jaehyun shook his head and smiled, flexing his arm muscle, “see these? I got these from working this summer. Your dainty little bag is no match for these.”

Jihyun snorted and shoved him, “you’re such a dork.”

“Tteokbokki then? My treat?”

“Fine, let’s go.”

The two sat outside a random bench and chewed their snack happily as they chatted about their schoolwork. Jihyun had quite a bit to complain about this time around, groaning and huffing and puffing about her teachers while Jaehyun listened happily, nodding his head and stealing from her food every so often as she barely ate.

“Fuck Jaehyun, the math is so fucking hard i don’t know if I’m going to--” Jihyun froze when Jaehyun lifted his hand and reached for the hair behind her ear. He looked concentrated, his finger brushing the tip of her ear as he picked a bit of stray dust. Jihyun swallowed as he ran his fingers through her hair, flicking the trash off of his finger tips before he looked up at Jihyun.

“Sorry, it was bothering me,” he smiled. “What about math?”

“Um, the math…” Jihyun clenched her eyes, struggling to remember her point. “The math…”

“Was hard. Right?”

Jihyun opened her eyes and watched Jaehyun give her a small grin, to which she replied with a roll of her eyes. “Yes, the math is hard.”

Jihyun had restless nights after that day, her head spinning everytime she caught a whiff of his cologne on her uniform or on her backpack. It didn’t take a genius to know what was going on, but she told herself she would deny it. Maybe it was just a phase.

Two week later, however, it was proved to not be a phase.

Jaehyun had a girlfriend.

According to Hera, Jaehyun had been helping his girlfriend (whatever her name was, she didn’t care to find out) with English until they started dating. Jihyun all but begged for information, Hera narrowing her eyes and giving her the same shit-eating grin everyone had been giving her ever since the semester started.

“What brings curiosity?”

“Fuck you, you know what brings the curiosity. Tell me or else.”

Seeing the proof hurt more than hearing about it. Seeing Jaehyun hold hands with another girl made Jihyun sick to her stomach. Seeing Jaehyun walk another girl home sent strikes of sadness through her as Jihyun finally asked to start being picked up from school. The attention from guys when the car arrived was nice, but it didn’t feel any bit better when she saw Jaehyun wrap an arm around his girlfriend’s shoulder with the same dimpled smile that belonged to her.

“Jihyun?” Her father called, placing his newspaper on his lap. “What’s wrong? Why did you ask me to pick you up?”

It took three seconds for Jihyun to start wailing in her father’s arms, cries muffled in his expensive suit as Jinho barely understood but comforted anyway. That same night, Jihyun’s mother sat on the heartbroken girl’s bed, pouring her a cup of tea as Jihyun watched the liquid pool in the delicate cup.

“Aren’t you going to tell me you told me so?”

“Why would I do that?” Eunhye asked, handing her a cup. “I’m on your side.”

“Why do I feel so…” Jihyun’s eyes threatened to pool over again as she looked at her mother. Eunhye sighed and kissed her forehead.

“Remember what you told me a few months ago? When you said the other girls don’t deserve Jaehyun?”

Jihyun nodded, rubbing her eyes and sniffling in her shoulder.

"I don’t think you noticed that it’s him that doesn’t deserve you. What kind of boy deserves the second most beautiful girl in Korea?” 

Jihyun laughed as she wiped her tears with the back of her hand, “who’s the first?

“Me,” Eunhye smiled upon hearing Jihyun’s giggle, “there’s no way you could be the first if I’m your mother.” 

Jihyun laughed again, placing her teacup on the nightstand as her mother smoothened the hair on top of her head.

“A long time ago, when your father and I broke up for a while, the first thing I did was visit the salon and go out to buy myself something nice. Let’s skip your cram schools tomorrow, let’s go straight for salon.”

And so they did.

Saturday morning Jihyun jumped in the car with her mother as the driver drove them to the salon, where they chatted about hairstyles and different ideas until Jihyun made the decision to cut off her hair to her shoulders. There’s no doubt that she would grieve over it considering it was her pride and joy, but her mother reassured her that it would grow back, giving her strength to sit in the chair and watch as the hairdresser chopped hair continuously.

After the haircut was the mall as her mother led her through store after store, their driver barely being able to carry their bags as Jihyun watched her mother swipe her father’s card endlessly. Stopping on a bench for a break and for a smoothie, Jihyun noticed a familiar pair across from her enjoying their date, the same sinking feeling in her stomach arriving as Eunhye quickly noticed.

“Chin up, Jihyun,” her mother said sternly. She found it difficult to do so, but Jihyun raised her chin and looked her mother in the eye.

“Never let them see you upset,” Eunhye said but all Jihyun felt like doing was crying.

“Let’s go get some lunch, hm?” Her mother prompted, “before he sees us and performs an introduction.”

Jihyun nodded and felt her arm being dragged to the nearest cafe, she made the mistake of looking behind her, catching Jaehyun’s eyes as he furrowed them in realization. He looked almost guilty, but Jihyun didn’t give him the chance to say anything, following her mother’s pace and walking inside.

Of course, the next day in school Jihyun’s haircut was the talk of the school. Her friends grieved the loss of her hair as Taeyong admired the short cut, ruffling her hair as she smacked her hand away with a smile.

“It’ll grow back! You guys are being dramatic!” Jihyun laughed, hooking her arm with Hera’s as they walked to class.

“Oh shit, 12 o’clock,” Hera said, quickly turning the two around until they found out it was too late. Jaehyun had called out for Jihyun who was waiting in her hallway, looking strangely bashful as he tried to catch up with them.

“Noona, hold on!”

“Keep walking!” Hera hissed in her ear, “you know how many girl’s are his noona here?”

“Jihyun noona!”

“Fuck!” Hera cried, “run!”

“This is stupid, let me just, hey-!”

Jihyun was shoved into the classroom, Hera sliding the door behind her as she stood outside. She pressed her ear to the door, listening to Hera give excuses.

“Oh? What’s up, Jaehyun?”

“Um, I kind of wanted to talk to Jihyun noona--”

“Oh! Is that who you were calling for? I thought you were talking to me!”

Jihyun could hear the confusion in his voice as she palmed her forehead in second hand embarrassment.

“...but I said Jihyun?”

“Hera and Jihyun sound the same sometimes. I always get the mixed up! Ha-ha! Silly me!” Hera snorted, “you can talk to Jihyun in a second but I have a question-”

The school bell rang just in time before Jaehyun could speak to her, Hera pushing herself through the small crack she allowed for herself to get in, “dang it! That’s the bell! That’s too bad! Maybe after school, Jaehyun? N-not today though, I think Seojun is walking her home today.”

“But--?”

“See ya!”

Hera closed the door behind her and pushed Jihyun to her desk, “crisis averted!”

“You call that aversion!? You made it worse!” Jihyun whined, her head falling onto her desk.

Jaehyun stood shocked at the door, swallowing hard before he bit his lip, kicking a random eraser in front of him as he walked down the stairs and towards his homeroom.

“Seojun huh?” Jaehyun scoffed, “he does seem like her type.”

Of course it would be Jihyun’s luck to stay behind and clean the classroom. Hera offered to stay behind, but Jihyun quickly dismissed her after telling her it would be a while, taking advantage of this time alone to think things through. She sighed deeply as she swept the room and cleaned the blackboards, throwing trash in the garbage and jumping when she saw Jaehyun standing behind her.

“Fuck!” She gasped, clutching her chest, “can’t you make yourself known?”

“Sorry,” he smiled sheepishly. “I wanted to talk to you this morning, but you didn’t hear me.”

Jihyun bit her lip, “I had my earbuds in. I wasn’t able to hear you, sorry.”

“It’s...cool. I guess,” Jaehyun cleared his throat, “I just...I just wanted to say that I like your haircut. It’s pretty.”

“Thanks, it feels nice.”

Jaehyun nodded, chewing on his lip as it appeared that he was dancing around something. Jihyun raised an eyebrow and kept from sweeping to watch him, “why are you here? Don’t you usually walk your girlfriend home?”

“Not always. I’ve only been doing it because you’ve been picked up lately. Kyungshim doesn’t live that far too, so it’s not that bad.”

Kyungshim? Ugly name. Jihyun snorted internally. “Oh. Cool.”

“Do you want to walk home together today? After you’re done?”

“I don’t...know. I kind of don’t have the right shoes to be walking--”

“You can wear mine,” Jaehyun said quickly. Jihyun felt her heart pound in her chest and watched as Jaehyun’s ear began to fuse into a soft pink. “I...I've been bringing extra shoes lately...just in case.”

“Just in case of what?”

Jaehyun shrugged, “I dunno.”

Jihyun sighed and nodded, “I’m done here. Let’s go.”

“Oh--do you want the shoes--?”

“No.”

“O-okay.”

The walk towards Jihyun’s house was filled with idle chit chat. The pace of the conversation seemed forced, almost as if Jaehyun was trying to avoid the awkward silence that came from friends that haven’t talked in about a week.

“Are you doing anything for White Day?” Jaehyun asked, clearing his throat and looking at the ground.

“No. Why would I?”

Jaehyun shrugged, “I was just asking.”

Jihyun didn’t want to ask about his plans for white day, so she just left it at that.

They arrived at Jihyun’s home faster than he expected much to his disappointment, watching as Jihyun stood in front of the steps and watched as Jaehyun struggled to say what he wanted to say next.

“Let’s walk home tomorrow again too,” he said. “It’s been a long time.”

“It’s been a week.”

“Yeah, well, that’s a long time considering I used to see you everyday.”

“Won’t your girlfriend get mad?”

Jaehyun shook his head, “no. Why would she? You’re important to me too.”

“I wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing that my boyfriend was walking around with his friend that was a girl.”

“Well, she knows it’s not like that, so it doesn’t matter.”

Jihyun stifled a wince, “right. It’s not like that.”

“I mean--it’s--you’re my friend and--”

Jihyun gave a sad laugh and shook her head, “why are you trying to explain yourself? You’re right.”

Jaehyun frowned and nodded, “yeah. I guess.”

Jihyun took a deep breath and looked at the front door, “I’ll let you know tomorrow if I can walk with you. Hera might have something planned.”

“Sure.”

Jihyun waved to Jaehyun as the latter returned the wave with a small smile, waiting until she was inside the house until he fell behind the bushes, groaning into his hands and shaking his head.

“God, I’m so stupid, I’m so fucking stupid!”

“Do you usually sit outside my house and call yourself stupid, Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun’s eyes widened as he stood up almost instantly, his knees cracking in protest as he made eye contact with Jihyun’s father, who gave him a stern look.

“No, sir! This is the first time, sir!”

“Make it the last, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun nodded, “yes sir. H-have a good night sir.”

A week later, Jihyun found herself smiling and accepting gifts on white day. She thanked those who gave her gifts and turned her head to the side to a few confessions, noticing Jaehyun on the other side of the courtyard talking to a few of his own friends. It seemed like he was single again as he received a few confessions of his own but it also seemed that he ignored them for the most part, smiling them away until he looked over at Jihyun, who quickly looked at her lap.

Jaehyun watched as Jihyun laughed with Hera and Taeyong, noticing Seojun walking towards her with a big box of expensive looking chocolate. He gritted his teeth as Seojun handed her the box with his million dollar smile, watching as Jihyun returned the smile and gave him a high five. He scoffed, looking to the side and poking at his box of chocolates.

His gift sat heavy in his hands, nervous as he picked at his fingernails the entire day until school ended, waiting at the front entrance for Jihyun to step out. So she did, with Seojun, causing Jaehyun to frown and back off until he bumped into Taeyong, who clicked his tongue and pushed him towards his friend.

“Wait--hyung-”

“No more waiting, Jaehyun. I promise you that it’s you she wants to walk home with. Go!”

Jaehyun swallowed as Taeyong pushed him into Jihyun’s direction, walking away smoothly as Jaehyun managed to interrupt her and Seojun’s conversation.

Seojun raised an eyebrow and looked at Jihyun for an explanation, who was expecting the same.

There were two options here.

One, he could let his voice crack in front of his seniors and get laughed at by Seojun and his pack of numb skulls for the rest of his high school career

Or

Two, he could prove himself, here, now, in front of said senior to the girl he was in love with. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth, only for Jihyun to interrupt.

“Yes, let’s go. Now.”

Huh?

Jaehyun watched in confusion as Jihyun clasped his hand together with hers, walking in the direction of their homes as Jaehyun’s heart slammed against his chest. He was holding hands with Jihyun and it didn’t look like she was letting go anytime soon.

They passed Jihyun’s house and walked towards Jaehyun’s house instead, watching Jihyun in confusion as Jaehyun stood in front of her.

“I have something to say,” she said.

“Wait- I have something to say too--”

“Mine is more important!”

“I really doubt it-”

“Jaehyun i’m older you have to let me speak--”

Perhaps it was the bravery of not being in front of Jihyun’s house that led him to do so. It could also have to do with the fact that he was sick and tired of Jihyun being approached by people like Seojun who wanted nothing to do with her except place her on a podium and regard her as the pretty girlfriend when she was so much more than that.

Jaehyun pressed his lips on hers before Jihyun could finish her own sentence, his hands on her face as Jihyun gave a surprised, muffled yelp in response. Jaehyun pulled away after what seemed like an eternity, holding Jihyun’s face in his strong ones as Jihyun’s face spun from the cologne over again.

“I like you, Kim Jihyun. I’ve liked you since we were kids and I think...I think...I love you.”

Jihyun’s face burned under his gaze, her lips pressing in a tight line to hide a smile, “what do you know about love, Jaehyun?”

“Nothing. Not a single thing, but if I learn anything about love, I want it to be from you.”

Jihyun’s heart could fly and flip if it would leap out right now. Her breathing shallowed as Jaehyun pressed his lips to hers again, this time earning her arms wrapping around his neck as a reward, forgetting that they were in public and that Jisung had a big mouth.

“Uncle Jinho! Jaehyun hyung is eating Jihyun’s face!”

“He’s what?!” Jinho’s voice boomed from the house, causing Jaehyun to pull away with wide eyes.

“Saturday? Date? With me?”

Jihyun smiled widely and nodded, watching as Jaehyun mirrored her expression before he pressed a quick kiss to her lips.

“Jung Jaehyun!” Jinho roared, Jihyun running after her father as she pleaded with him to calm down.