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The People Who Stay

Title: The People Who Stay Author: iridium-flames Team: HARDCORE Theme / AU: Hiding/Concealment Pairing: Makoto/Rin Rating: T Summary: Makoto’s the one hiding his wolf from Rin, but neither of them are being honest about what they want from each other.

Author’s Notes: I want to mention that I use “inugami” instead of “okami” for Makoto’s wolf. He’s a human that painfully transforms into a wolf against his will, not a wolf spirit that takes human form, and even though an inugami is a dog, not a wolf, I thought the way it affects Makoto was similar enough to justify using this wording.

Also, Makoto calls his wolf a “Western” inugami, because unlike Japanese inugami, his wolf form isn’t particularly violent, nor does it seek vengeance on anyone. He’s just a wolf, that is all, which fits better with the looser definition of Western werewolves. If anyone can suggest different wording I’d be very open to it!

AO3 link that I really hope works because I have it on a time delay

***

Until he moved to Tokyo, it was fine. And now, a “friend with a very nervous dog” is his excuse for why he has a metal wire cage in the bathroom and sometimes there’s howling. It is fine. It works on everyone but Haru, whose walls were carefully soundproofed years ago without Makoto ever having to ask. He’s still grateful for that.

It’s fine, until the February of his second semester, when Rin decides to crash with him for his off-training week. Makoto is in the middle of an incredibly important Mario Kart race when he hears a knock on his door.

“Hello-“ and there he is, trailing a duffle bag and a suitcase. “Rin?! Why are you here? I mean, I know why, but…”

Makoto had known he was coming back to Tokyo, but not right into his apartment. He tries to welcome Rin without actually touching him, and feels his Sunday plans quietly upheave themselves in a crash of red and magenta.

“I’m staying with you, of course,” he says as he tosses his duffle bag onto the couch, followed by Rin himself. “Haru keeps the weirdest fucking schedule, and I’m not about to mess up my sleep cycles because he felt like having dinner at ten o’clock at night. Ugh.” He flops his head over one armrest to look at Makoto, sticking out his tongue in distaste. “You’re my friend too, you know.” And Makoto can’t protest.

It’s partially Rin being practical, and partially both of them dancing delicately around something new. Last time Rin had been in Japan, only one day during a fairly important meet, he’d still found time to talk and even go out to dinner. Makoto is certain he caught him staring at least once. And Rin hadn’t always walked so close to him, had he? Or stuttered so much when Makoto complimented his hat. That was kind of cute, he admits- but he shouldn’t laugh. Friends didn’t blush and stutter over a simple compliment. Their group Skype calls with the rest of their friends keep continuing in private chats, too, long after everyone else has signed off. And for all that Rin gripes about his merciless training schedule, he seems to have no trouble staying up for Makoto.

But this particular Sunday in February, he crashes on Makoto’s couch and announces himself home for a week. Some small, dangerous part of Makoto wants him to belong there– and then his good host senses kick in.

“Wait, you can’t sleep on the couch! I can’t kick a guest out when there’s a perfectly good bed, I can just sleep out here.” He waves his hands futilely in Rin’s general direction.

Rin ticks his head to one side with a disbelieving grin. “I’m not gonna kick you out onto your own couch, Makoto.”

“But I don’t have an extra futon, the apartment’s kind of small and there’s nowhere to put it even if I did have one.” Makoto frowns at him. “Where else am I going to sleep?”

Rin blinks. “With me,” he says, as though it’s obvious. His mouth drops open a little and he seems to realize what he’s said before nodding toward the bedroom. “On the bed. It’s big enough, anyway.” He clears his throat. Makoto doesn’t know how to react, but he can’t just stand there, watching Rin chew on his lips and look everywhere but him.

“Oh. Okay, um– the sheets, let me just go put some clean ones, on, I’ll be right back,” and he feels too big for the room, winding around Rin’s personal space and toward his room to at least clean up a little.

Makoto wants to have him over. He wants to spend the night with him, so they could maybe talk about why Makoto’s tiny apartment was the first place Rin thought of when he wanted to come home. But first he goes to his room, gathering up the sheets and a few empty drink cans. On the way out, he stops to check his calendar. January’s smiley kitten looks back at him, and when he glances at the dates below he feels himself go cold. His week is clear– but there’s an innocuous white circle sitting at the end of it, peaceful as a tumor. Rin’s visit coincides with a full moon.

Rin is yelling at him from the hallway. “Makoto, why the fuck do you have a dog kennel in your bathroom? You don’t even have a dog.”

“Haha, oh, about that, see, I have this friend…”

*

School should be okay. He’s got his homework done early, like he always does before the full moon, and he’s long since cleared for his absences. Haru’s father is technically a neuroscientist, but still has a critical “M.D.” right after his name, and his psychology degree gets Makoto permission for doctor’s visits even if they never happen.

That hadn’t been a great discussion. As the first grown-up they ran into after that first moon, Haru’s father was the only other person to know about Makoto’s wolf. Almost ten years ago now, Haru had stood in front of him defiantly, like Makoto was the one that needed protecting.

“You know about wolves, right? Grandma told me, how some of them are the spirits of people. The special ones,” he’d said.

Makoto and Haru had waited, feeling too small as his father’s face stayed neutral. Until something in his face had changed, and he’d said that he did know about the special wolves. Haru’s grandfather had been one of them before he died.

“Makoto’s a wolf like that,” and here he’d faltered, but Makoto had felt small fingers tighten around his hand, “and he needs help.”

He’s been helped more than he deserved ever since, sleeping at Haru’s every full moon. He was protecting his family when he hid behind that locked door, and the bookshelf shoved in front of it. And in the beginning he had meant to tell them. One year of hiding had just stretched into two, and then middle school, and high school- but he would tell them. Eventually. At least his parents; Ren and Ran didn’t need to know.

And Rin especially didn’t need to know. But he can’t kick Rin out of the apartment for an entire night with no excuse, and Makoto’s so awful at lying that even he knows it. Rin’s going to get suspicious, even with the new, pleasant tension between them. He shuffles this to the back of his mind, though, because not counting Sunday, he still has five days before the full moon. That’s four nights of not discussing things that he’s not going to waste.

*

The first day of Rin’s visit, Makoto has classes all morning, and after finishing most of his homework at the library, he comes back to his apartment early in the afternoon to attempt fried rice. He’s gotten significantly better at cooking for himself, if cooking is defined as “accidentally-scrambled eggs and rice five out of seven days.” But according to a text from Rin, he’ll be back around 7:00, which leaves Makoto plenty of time to fail spectacularly. He manages to fry the rice up quite nicely, though it takes a bit longer than it should have; turning up the heat usually results in burning things and he’d rather not ruin his first homemade dinner for Rin.

“It’s golden, right?” he asks the kitchen as the rice sizzles merrily away. It looks like Haru said it should look, golden brown but still soft. He pokes at it and picks a bit out to try, prodding around the rest of the rice nervously. To his surprise, it’s actually pretty tasty. He moves onto the vegetables, which he’d carefully chopped up beforehand, and turns up the heat a little, because Haru had said they cooked more quickly anyway. A little quicker wouldn’t hurt. It should be fine as long as he keeps stirring them– and almost immediately, he’s faced with a pan full of burnt vegetables. Damn.

Maybe they’re not burnt, though. They’re just… browned. Heavily browned. He checks the clock. It’s impossibly 6:30. About ten minutes later, Rin blusters through the door in a loud cloud of duffle bags and chlorine smell. “Makoto, oy, Mako! Guess who just destroyed an extra 3 kilometers in their afternoon run! And I still finished early!”

Well, he hadn’t had takeout in a while anyway, he thinks as he turns off the stove. Rin probably wouldn’t mind.

*

Tuesday has Rin deep in downtown, doing some promotional photoshoot, and Makoto finishing an essay in his apartment after a late afternoon class. It’s due the day before the full moon, because “essays must be turned in prior to the due date if you will be absent on that day;” so wolf or not, he is doing his homework.

According to Haru, Makoto’s wolf wasn’t dangerous. Against all Makoto’s pleading, he had moved the bookshelf barricade and unlocked the door about three years ago, because that particular full moon had been during a thunderstorm. Above the thunder Haru said he had heard whining, quiet and scared.

“You sniffed at my leg and then cowered in the corner with your ears flat.” To Makoto’s amusement, Haru had looked vaguely offended. He’d probably expected his wolf to naturally like him, and had been surprised when it didn’t.

But even though his wolf hadn’t hurt Haru, it’s not something he wants around people. Haru is Haru and he’s always been an exception. What if it’s only him that Makoto’s wolf recognizes? What if other people saw him, other people that hadn’t been sitting next to him that horrible first full moon, and his wolf sees them as threats?

Maybe he could get Haru to let Rin stay at his flat for one night. It’s not like Rin had specifically chosen Makoto’s apartment over Haru’s because of his schedule- oh wait, he did. And he’d be probably be okay with being kicked out until about 6:30 in the morning, when he’d be let back in with no explanation. Only Rin is exactly stubborn enough to fight him over that, until the sun started to set if he had to. By that point it would be too late for any arguing.

Or, a third option; Makoto could avoid it for one more day, and instead consider how complex proteins are metabolized, due to the presence of certain enzymes found in adolescents. Preferably in three to five pages and citing at least one of his textbooks. He pulls over Introduction to Biochemistry and keeps working.

*

Wednesday, they all finish a little early. Rin’s vacation training, Makoto’s morning and afternoon classes, and Haru’s regular practice are all wrapped up neatly by evening, so they can meet for dinner with Kou and Sousuke. Haru joins them. When they go places now, he comes because he wants to, not because Makoto’s dragged him along. He’s made effort of his own in the past few years and by the time Makoto gets to the train station, Haru’s already there, waiting for him.

The subways are still steeped in winter, despite the rumbling crowd; he and Haru stand shoulder-to shoulder in front of Rin’s train terminal. Haru presses into him a little more, looks over at him to get his attention. “Have you told him yet? About Friday night.”

Makoto tries to smile, and doesn’t miss the fact that Haru remembered the full moon. Makoto hadn’t mentioned anything at all. “You– you know, it’s– I’m going to tell him, really–”

“So no.”

“No.” He feels almost guilty from the look Haru gives him.

“That’s what I thought.”

Makoto stutters at him, attempting to defend himself. “But- but Haru! Haru, I can’t tell him, he’s staying at my house! He even knew me for a couple years after my wolf showed up, before Australia.”

Haru nods; he has acknowledged this as a good point.

“He’ll never trust me if I tell him after waiting so long, and I really want him– to trust me,” he tacks on at the end, lamely, and Haru doesn’t buy it for a second, but also doesn’t say anything, which he appreciates.

“So tell him.”

Makoto inhales slowly so he can repeat himself. “But Haru, I already said he’s not going to–” and he stops, because Haru’s staring at him disdainfully. He clearly can’t believe Makoto is this dense.

“Of course he won’t trust you, you didn’t tell him,” he huffs. And then Makoto realizes that in Haru’s language, he’s just emphasizing himself. If Makoto can’t even tell Rin this, after so long, how much does he really want that trust?

“Oh,” he says softly, and settles back on his heels. And he’s only got two more days before moonrise.

After sundown on most full moons, things are routine. He used to sleep over at Haru’s, which his family thought was just a monthly sleepover. How sweet of him to set aside time for his best friend. In reality, it was because Haru’s bathroom was already soundproofed, and since the room was mostly tile that couldn’t be damaged, everyone is safe. Unless he panics like he did the first time– and even then he was the only one hurt. His one precious thing is an ancient towel they found in the back of Haru’s linen closet, which Makoto has been told he curls up on after a few minutes of whining.

Then Haru waits. He usually falls asleep in front of the door until the little alarm on Makoto’s phone goes off, and listens for Makoto’s voice to make sure he’s turned back, just in case. Just in case- and then he moves the bookshelf back where it belongs and unlocks the doorknob, reinstalled so the lock faces outwards, and things are normal again.

They usually have tea and snacks afterward. Haru has noticed that Makoto is both tired and hungry when he comes back, but everyone has snacks with their friends at sleepovers, it’s normal. And Haru indulges him on these nights, because in those first few seconds after Haru opens the door, there’s something old and strange around Makoto’s eyes. He looks dried out, too tired for an eighteen-year-old boy.

But right now, on the crowded train platform, Haru stares at him, waiting for an answer. Makoto shuffles a little into his jacket and looks at him, looks away again at the train pulling in.

“I can’t- okay, okay. I’ll tell him. Just one more day, though?” He’ll need the rest of tomorrow to even build up the courage to say it, but at least dinner can be nice. Haru looks him over and finds something good, he supposes, because the almost unnoticeable tightness around his eyes clears, and he nods. Then they both catch a flash of red coming off the train, and Haru nudges him.

“Stand up straight.” Makoto frowns before getting the hint and dutifully standing to attention, raising his head above most of the crowd. It doesn’t take more than a few seconds for Rin to find them after that, alternating between winding around the crowd and shoving through impatiently.

He comes to a stop in front of them, smiling and energetic. “So, you ready? The connection gets here in about ten minutes, but it’s on the second floor.”

“I think so,” Makoto confirms. “We checked the schedule, it gets here at 6:20, right?” Haru adds a “yes,” and they start fighting their way upstairs.

“Makoto, go in front, clear the way for us with your giant shoulders,” Rin grumbles from behind him.

“Rin, no, I don’t want to be rude,” he protests, but tries anyway for an honest minute before apologizing to four people at one time for pushing. Rin gives up and takes the lead, still muttering. Makoto catches something that ends in “ –body like that and you don’t even take advantage of it,” and he possibly stops breathing for a second. He looks to Haru for help, but he only glances at Makoto before looking forward again with a tiny smile. How heartless. Haru’s laughing at him.

Eventually, they get on their connection and finally escape toward street level. It’s been a while since Rin has seen either Kou or Sousuke outside a computer screen, and it shows. He speeds up the closer they get to the restaurant, until even Makoto has to walk a little faster.

He doesn’t ignore them, though, using the trip to the restaurant as an opportunity to grill Haru about his daily life. “So Haru, how’ve you been? I decided not to crash at your house because of your weirdass schedule, but that doesn’t mean you get out of talking to me.”

“Good. Been doing things,” Haru replies, monotone. But while Makoto can tell he’s happy, Rin aggressively deflates.

“Oh come on, that doesn’t tell me anything,” he pouts. “You’ve been swimming, right?”

“Of course, what else would I be doing?”

“I don’t know, THINGS.”

Haru gives him a dirty look, and Makoto tries to deflect both of them. “Oh, don’t be like that, Rin; Haru, you’ve been working at that pastry shop part time, right? That’s something.”

This catches Rin’s attention. “Oy, see, you could tell me stuff like that! How’s that going?”

“Good. I get free bread on the days before the weekends and the owner’s nice.” Haru relaxes, watching a car pass by.

After a couple more blocks they arrive in front of the restaurant, a reasonably nice izakaya that Kou suggested. Haru prods at Makoto. “Makoto. Do they serve mackerel here?”

“No, I don’t think so, and Haru, you really need to stop eating it so much,” Makoto replies while squinting around the dark interior, trying to find Kou and Sousuke. Rin is about to start complaining when they catch sight of Kou’s hair, and then the rest of her, waving energetically from a booth. Sousuke looms next to her like a friendly shadow. Rin lights up and heads toward them, and after a few minutes of enthusiastic greeting they all sit down, their jackets piled in the corner of the booth. Makoto’s smashed between Haru’s corner spot and Rin, but it works out; at least this way he’s not fighting for leg space with Sousuke. Once everyone’s got drinks, they start filling Rin in on what he’s missed.

“I haven’t seen you in forever. What’s up, huh?” he says, grinning at Sousuke.

Kou answers instead. “Not much, but thank you for asking, cherished brother,” she says pointedly. Rin gives her a harried look that’s made kinder with a small smile.

“Kou you know I care, c’mon. I’m the only one that calls you Kou.”

She smiles back warm and happy. “I know. But you shouldn’t forget me anyway!” and reaches over to slap him, which he evades easily. Sousuke snickers at both of them, and Makoto is happy to watch. But Rin turns the conversation back to Sousuke, who hasn’t answered yet. “C’mon, what’ve you been doing? I know you have at least a little bit of a life outside those Skype chats.”

“Stuff.” If he was more accustomed to miracles, Makoto could swear he sees Sousuke wink at Haru.

Rin definitely catches it, though. “What the hell was that?! What was that! You just fucking winked at Haru! Sousuke you ass, don’t smile at me like you know something I don’t!”

The small grin doesn’t leave Sousuke’s face. “But I do know something you don’t.”

Makoto looks to Haru, who is deliberately not looking back, and leans in to whisper. “Haru? Did I just see something?”

Haru shoots him a sidelong look. “I’ll tell you when we leave,” he mutters, which is good enough for Makoto. Until Kou mouths at him “long story,” and suddenly he very much wants to leave early. But his right side is still touching Rin, and regardless of whatever just happened, he really hasn’t talked to Sousuke enough in the short time he’s known him. For now it’s nice to catch up with everyone.

Kou’s been busy. She’s positively blazing through her last year in high school, even if half of it is college prep and swim club. “I got the nicest group partner this year,” she announces happily. “He has great biceps, too, so it’s twice as awesome!” She looks down briefly to tap at her phone.

“Holy shit, do you have a photo album?” Rin says incredulously while everyone leans in to look.

Sousuke shoots him a look. “She does. I was waiting here longer and believe me I’ve already seen it.” But he’s smiling, despite his long-suffering expression. Sousuke had gone to Hawaii, which nobody knew about; apparently his Skype calls had been particularly long-distance. He gives them all a rueful grin when Rin kicks him.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you guys. I guess I needed to follow something of my own for a while.”

At this, something passes between him and Rin that Makoto doesn’t catch. Rin looks down quietly, fiddling with his beer. “That’s. If that’s what you needed. ”

Kou pats him kindly on the arm. “Ssh, it’s okay brother, Sousuke’s just an asshole sometimes,” she says sweetly, prompting a squawk from Sousuke. “But also, congratulations to him! Sousuke’s in the qualifying series for the World Surf League! Right, Sousuke?”

Sousuke smiles and sits a little taller. “Yeah. One more week and hopefully I’ll be doing a whole lot of traveling.”

“Oh, wow! That’s really great, Sousuke, I hope you do well!” Makoto smiles at him, and Haru gives Sousuke a look that surprisingly, Makoto cannot read.

Rin, on the other hand, loses it entirely.

“Okay, no, no. I’m fine with you zipping off to Hawaii or whatever, but I didn’t even know you were surfing!” he yells, leaning across the table. “You can’t not tell me something that big! I thought we agreed on that, Sousuke,” and Rin’s voice drops, a hurt look in his eyes.

Makoto leans into his side to attempt damage control. “Well, but this is a really good thing for Sousuke, right?”

“Yeah, I guess,” he admits, sounding very immature.

“So he was probably just putting off telling you so it would be a definite surprise, right, Sousuke?” Makoto looks to Sousuke for agreement with a careful smile that says agreeing would be in his best interest right now. Thankfully he takes the bait.

“Makoto’s right. I didn’t want to tell you without being sure I was in the running.” Rin crinkles up his nose- he looks so cute, so cute, Makoto wants to kiss- and agrees grudgingly.

“Yeah okay. We’re talking about this later, though!” he shoots back, shoving at Sousuke from across the table, and in a short few seconds their food arrives.

The rest of the evening passes too quickly. Kou catches Makoto up on school and says Rei and Nagisa are doing wonderful. The only thing keeping them from joining the meet up was a training camp that Nagisa somehow arranged at the old swim club, but they send their regards, and a video message that Kou shows the whole group. Kou and Rin both kick at each other after she makes a crack about his scarf, she recruits Sousuke to kick Rin on her behalf, and Rin complains loudly, and everyone’s doing so good that it’s almost unpleasant when Haru checks the time.

“It’s 10:30,” he announces, and that’s it. They all crawl out of the booth while Kou hands out jackets, and shout goodbyes on the sidewalk as Kou and Rin separate to catch their train.

“Sousuke! Walk her back to the station,” Rin shouts at their retreating figures.

“I’m staying fifteen minutes from your house, I kind of have to,” he shouts back.

“I’m fine!” Kou shouts at the both of them. “You’ve got more escorts than I do, anyway, Rin!”

Rin bristles. “Hey!! We have to catch the same train, you shut up!”

“You shut up!”

“No you shut up!”

They’re getting further away already, so Kou yells one last, “I love you!” and they turn the corner.

“I love you too,” Rin mutters, smiling. The rest of the trip is spent in amiable silence.

But Makoto can’t stop thinking about whatever happened between Sousuke and Haru back at the restaurant. For a jarring half-second, he wasn’t able to read his face. He hadn’t even known Haru liked men– or at least a particular one. Makoto realizes that Haru hadn’t been surprised by any of Sousuke’s news about the qualifying series, and watches his dark profile against the streetlights, wondering what else he’s missed.

The train station is much less crowded by this time of night, and even colder without its people. Makoto digs in his pocket for the apartment keys, which he tosses to a surprised Rin.

“Go home, okay? You’re probably tired.”

Rin frowns, cocks an eyebrow. “You’re not coming?”

“I need to ask Haru something. And there’s still one train after this, I’ll make it back.” Makoto gives him a smile, and Rin squints at him.

“Alright fine, but I’m not going to sleep till you’re back. Hurry it up.” He smiles lopsidedly before trotting toward the train. Makoto and Haru watch it whistle away, wind tossing their hair into chaos and leaving a cold silence.

Makoto glances over at Haru, not sure how to ask. He tries his best anyway.

“Haru? You um, you know what I’m going to ask about, right?”

Haru doesn’t turn, watching a piece of paper swirl around on the wind.

“Yeah.”

“So what’s– what’s going on between you and Sousuke?”

Haru is still staring at the empty train tracks, but he does answer. “I don’t know.” He starts to speak again and then huffs out breath, which surprises Makoto. It’s not often that Haru starts talking without knowing what he’s going to say. He waits the necessary few minutes. The wind dies down. An announcement for an arriving train echoes distantly from the platform above, and Haru leans into Makoto slightly.

“Sousuke and I are both– we both know what it’s like to want to follow Rin. But we can’t do that our whole lives.”

Makoto stares back. He knew how much Rin made people want the impossible, especially when he made it sound so bright and attainable. But he hadn’t known Haru was aware of it.

“He apologized for some things on private chat after the first group call we had with Rin, and we kept talking after that.” Makoto watches as the tips of Haru’s ears bloom pink, not from the cold. “He’s not unfriendly. He just won’t put in effort for people that aren’t worth it. Once you know him, he’s a good person.” He pauses. “And he has nice eyes.”

“Haru…” Makoto blinks at the side of Haru’s face, unexpectedly emotional. He might have something in his eye. He takes a deep breath and settles into a warm smile. “I’m proud of you, you know.” Haru turns toward him. “You’ve gotten a lot better about talking about things, is all. You’re doing really good, Haru.”

Haru looks away then, scuffing one shoe on the concrete and watching the sole peel where it’s already worn. “I needed to, anyway. It’s not a big deal.” But the corners of his eyes are smiling, and as the next train pulls in, the wind isn’t so cold.

They bundle onto the only slightly crowded train and ride together until they get to Haru’s station, a few stops before Makoto’s. “Goodnight Haru,” Makoto waves as he gets off the train. “Be sure not to spend forever in the bath, okay? Your practice tomorrow is early!”

“I know!” Haru says back, indignantly, and waits until the doors close before turning to leave.

Makoto gets back to a dark apartment, and tries to stay quiet as he takes off his shoes and jacket. He opens his bedroom door, intending to get his pajamas, and stops at the scene in front of him.

Rin is already in bed. Apart from the bedside lamp, the whole room is warm shadow. But he’s not sleeping, just lying there quietly, half-open eyes glinting red in the lamplight. His hair is spilled across Makoto’s pillows like a wine stain, and it’s unusual, to see someone so constantly moving look this content with staying still.

His eyelashes look soft.

Makoto stands a minute in the doorway, and then remembers what he came for. As he pads toward the dresser, his movement disturbs Rin.

“Finally, I was about to call you,” Rin mumbles, turning toward him, and he’d sound angrier if his voice wasn’t already scratchy with sleep.

“Oh, you didn’t have to worry. I’m just gonna go change and brush my teeth and then, yeah,” Makoto nods jerkily toward the bed, not really communicating much, and shuffles off to the bathroom.

Sleeping with– next to Rin isn’t bad. He doesn’t move around much or kick, and he’s always up earlier than Makoto, although Makoto might have scared him the second morning he was there. Rin had tried to wake him up for a morning run on Tuesday, only to be met with a grumpy “fuck off.” Makoto had no morning classes, therefore he was sleeping. It was simple, really, and it got him the extra three hours he was expecting, but Rin kept casting odd looks at him all afternoon. When he asked about it at dinner, Rin had snickered at him.

“I wasn’t expecting you of all people to tell me to fuck off. I didn’t even know you could physically say the word ‘fuck.’”

“Rin!” Makoto had protested. “I can swear sometimes. I’m not a child, you know.” Rin smiled back with something soft in his expression. “I know,” he’d said, too fondly, and they had both dropped it, because things had gone weird again.

Makoto quickly changes clothes and brushes his teeth, and is snuggling into bed when he gets a text from Haru. He opens it up, dropping his arm off the side of the bed to muffle the light.

From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: (no subject)

you need to get better at talking about things too. tell rin about your wolf.

Right, that. Makoto snaps his phone closed and looks over at Rin, who’s already asleep, breathing regular and deep.

Makoto watches the light on his phone dim and shut off as the clock on the front silently flicks to midnight. He’s going to tell him. Just one more day.

*

But the next day is entirely taken up with work. He has a chemistry lab that eats up most of his morning and classes all afternoon, although he does he does turn in his essay on time. There’s a rushed lunch somewhere in there with a few of his friends on campus. They only have half an hour, but it’s apparently enough to gossip, as Chiyo pokes at his cheek playfully.

“So, so, how’re things with your boyfriend? Akane’s boyfriend is being an ass right now so we can’t talk about him.”

“He is being an ass,” Akane mutters in agreement. “Surely you’re having better luck, an angel like you?”

Makoto blushes “He’s not my boyfriend, Chiyo, we haven’t talked about anything and he’s just staying for the week.”

She tsks at him, shaking her head in disappointment. “The week’s almost over, you dork. He’s going to come and go without you “talking about anything,” and then you’ll be out one potential boyfriend.”

He tries to argue but just ends up stuttering. They have a point. But he’s getting to it; tonight he’s definitely telling Rin.

After some studying at the library, he comes back to the apartment and almost collides with Rin, leaving for an afternoon run.

“Wanna come?” he calls, tying his shoes by the door.

Makoto drops his backpack in his room and thinks for a second. It has been a while since he went running in the street, instead of a treadmill in his school’s gym, and either way it’s not as fun without a partner.

“Sure, why not? Give me a minute to get dressed, alright?”

Rin elbows at him as they warm up with a jog. “You sure you’re okay, going out running like this?” he teases. “You didn’t seem too up for it a couple days ago.”

“I’m fine with running! I’d just rather not be running when I’m supposed to be sleeping.” Rin accepts this with a laugh, and after a few more friendly jabs they settle into a rhythm, not talking much.

They get back to Makoto’s apartment sweaty and panting, and bump into each other more than they should as they come through the doorway. Makoto unties his trainers while Rin stops and stares at him, kicking absentmindedly at his own shoes.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Nothing,” Rin mutters. He’s still breathing hard and his eyes have gone very still, focused on Makoto. And Makoto decides to go for it, to snap at least one tension because he’s going to choke on this.

“Rin, I don’t know if you know, but you’re really– you’re really good-looking right now.”

Makoto feels his blush starting the second he finishes talking. “Um, and since you’re the guest, you also get first shower, so go on! I’ll wait over here,” he deflects, walking jerkily over to the couch. He flops down and squeezes his eyes shut hard, so he can’t see any possible reaction from Rin. Is he getting dizzy? What if he passes out? He’d look so pathetic. After a moment he hears Rin move further into the apartment to get his clothes, and– then come back into the main room, oddly.

With no warning, he feels Rin’s hand ruffle gently through his hair. Makoto’s brain stops working entirely. After a small reboot, he bolts off the back of the couch, in time to see Rin walk into the bathroom. Makoto is still staring blankly at the doorway when he pops his head back out a second later.

Rin ticks his head to one side, seemingly casual. “Yeah, well. You’re not so bad either, you know.” Then he turns furiously red and ducks into the bathroom, and the shower starts up, and Makoto’s left wondering what happened.

*

Dinner is pork cutlet and homemade miso. Makoto’s mom sent him their home recipe, how nice of her– with really incredibly meticulous cooking instructions. How… understanding of her. Although, to her credit, he manages to cook everything pretty well. They both collapse in his living room afterward, Makoto doing homework under the kotatsu and Rin messing around with his laptop on the couch.

After a few hours, Makoto is starting to get sick of homework and he still hasn’t mentioned his wolf. He’ll ease into it, he thinks, as he shuffles out from under the kotatsu’s safe blanket. “So Rin, you’re staying until Saturday, right?”

“Yeah,” he mumbles, still scrolling through something on the computer. “I used one of my off days and stayed later so I could fly out when it’s less expensive.”

“Would you maybe be able to find somewhere else to stay for tomorrow night?”

Rin looks up at this. “Probably, but why? You said your week was clear.”

“Ah, I know, but um,” Makoto waffles, trying to think of a good reason; he hadn’t actually come up with an excuse. “Someone’s coming over for the night.”

Rin is still looking confused. “Okay, but why do I need to be out of the apartment if someone’s– oh.” And then the confusion is replaced with disappointment, before he manages to smooth out his expression.

“Right,” he nods curtly, turning back to his computer.

Shit. Makoto’s stomach sinks, and he’s about to start protesting that no, that’s not what he meant, but before he can Rin speaks again.

“You know, Makoto, if you were going to have a date over, you could’ve just told me that.” He’s trying to sound casual, but Makoto hears the tightness in his voice.

“That’s– it’s not a date, I just need the apartment for the night,” he starts weakly, and Rin snaps his head up, eyes narrowed.

“So what, you’re going to kick me out just to have sex? It’s not even a date?”

“No, you’re overreacting–”

This was apparently the worst thing he could have said. Rin jumps to his feet, tossing his laptop onto the couch. Makoto trails after him, tossing out little aborted explanations as he stomps around grabbing his jacket and phone. By the time Rin finally looks at him he’s at the door, his face hard but eyes too bright.

“You know what, I thought, I thought– never mind.”

Some bright piece of metal on Rin’s jacket jangles as he strides away and Makoto is frozen in the doorway, watching him go. He’s not wearing nearly enough layers for this weather, he thinks distractedly– and he decides to make one last try.

“Rin!” he yells down the breezeway. Rin spins in place, one foot already on the stairwell.

“What.”

“Do you believe in inugami? Like- not normal ones, the Western ones with wolves instead of dogs?”

Rin squints at him, flinching. “The fuck kind of question is that?” He turns back to the stairwell, and now he’s gone.

Makoto closes the front door and curls miserably under the kotatsu. He texts Haru, more to have someone to talk to than anything else.

From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: Haru help!

i tried to tell him just a second ago, and he left Haru! he thought i was talking about a date and got angry, and i don’t know what to do.

he left all his things here, too.

He gets a reply in a few minutes, which is surprising for Haru.

From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: RE: Haru help!

i’ll get sousuke to find him. go to bed but leave your phone on.

Right, right– Haru was probably asleep, he has practice pretty early tomorrow as well. He can’t help wondering at the fact that Sousuke was Haru’s default, and feels a little helpless. But Sousuke isn’t a bad choice. He’s scary enough at first glance that he won’t be in danger this late at night, and he’s certainly observant enough to at least guess where Rin might have gone. And Sousuke has the advantage of being the only person Rin will always listen to.

Makoto turns his phone’s alert up to its highest volume, watches some nothing TV program for a long hour before crawling into bed. It’s only been three days, but it’s odd in the middle of his mattress again.

*

He ends up sleeping alone.

There aren’t any calls when he wakes up late in the morning– he has no classes at all today– but when he checks his phone Makoto realizes he somehow slept through a text from Sousuke. He opens it frantically.

From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: Rin

I found Rin. He’s okay and I’m talking to him, but he’s still spending the night here (hotel room). He’s coming back tomorrow and apologizing, so don’t stay up worrying.

Well, he’s still plenty worried, but there’s nothing to do but wait. Makoto sends a text back.

From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: RE: Rin

thank you!!! ヽ(；▽；)ノ can you tell Rin he left his clothes here? i know he’ll probably need them.

Sousuke replies within a few seconds,

From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: RE: Rin

He’s kind of an idiot like that. I gave him some extra things for now and the hotel got him a toothbrush, but I’m sending him back anyway after lunch.

Makoto smiles at his phone. Rin’s okay, even if he’s probably still angry; although now, his day’s schedule is clear. Makoto has no plans at all, more due to the moonrise than actually leaving it open for Rin. Still, until last night, he was expecting to not be alone.

He texts Rin an update, so at least he can get his clothes. Just before sending, he adds a note to “stay with Sousuke if you don’t see this until later,” even though it kills him. Don’t come back to the apartment.

Snapping his phone shut reluctantly, he packs up a book and some of his smaller school readings and goes to the park; it’s better than waiting in the apartment at least. He chases around a friendly large dog, scratches it behind its ears when its owner says yes. Makoto reads, and naps for a while, and watches the sky turn redder, and finally takes the train back, pleasantly tired from doing nothing. Tonight’s dinner is just instant ramen, though, because Makoto’s got no one to impress. He can eat his simple food that he’s incapable of messing up. By the time he finishes, Rin still hasn’t turned up, and he can’t do anything too time-consuming with only a few more hours before sundown.

Makoto stretches to his full height to grab the chocolates hidden on top of his kitchen cabinet. So what, sometimes he has bad days and feels like having chocolate, he can do what he wants. He takes his chocolate and a soda over to the couch and puts on a mindless action movie, half covered by a blanket-and-pillow nest.

Even after several months, he hates doing this alone. He hates not having Haru with him. Back home, Haru had made it a normal night before moonrise, and Makoto was just a kid sleeping over with his friend. But Haru is three stations away, more if he doesn’t plan on skipping practice. Both of them agreed it was too much of a sacrifice, however much they didn’t want to.

Half an hour from the ending of his movie, the chirpy little alarm on his phone goes off, and that’s his cue. Moonrise in under ten minutes now. Makoto stops in his room to wiggle out of everything but his boxers– he always gets out of those by the time he comes back, anyway. Bending under the bed, he grabs his towel and gives it a test sniff. It smells the same as always, if a little dusty, but he was going to wash it soon anyway– and there’s a knock on his door.

He freezes with the towel halfway from his face.

“Hey, Makoto. Mako. Let me in. I’m– I wanna talk, okay? I know it’s late and you said not to come back but c’mon.” Rin doesn’t sound happy, exactly, but he’s not yelling either.

He honestly sounds kind of defeated, and hearing Rin like that is something that should never happen, so against his best instinct, Makoto lets him in. He’s not much worse for wear, although his hair looks a little straggly. He probably hated the hotel shampoo, Makoto thinks, and has to stop himself from smiling. Rin surveys Makoto, who’s still in his boxers, and as he moves further inside his eyes catch on the candy wrappers and blanket nest behind him. He turns back to him with his mouth set into an apology. But Makoto does not have time.

“Look,” he starts, cutting Rin off. “Please stay in the living room. I’m going to go lock myself in the bathroom and you can come if you want, but when I tell you to leave, you have to leave. Okay?”

Rin’s expression indicates he has no intentions of leaving. “No, what the hell. Why are you half naked in the middle of winter. And why are you holding that ancient-ass towel– is that Northern Stoplight Loosejaw-kun?”

“First of all why do you even remember that–”

“Haru.”

“–that explains it. But, second, I really am going to go lock myself in my cage in the bathroom, so if you want to talk please come with me.”

Rin stares at him for a good few seconds, poking at the inside of his cheek with his tongue. “Yeah, not happening.”

“Okay then,” he says, and turns and walks toward the bathroom, ignoring Rin’s shocked face; he had clearly not expected Makoto to leave.

A moment later, he hears the door slam, and Rin’s hand is grabbing onto his shoulder, not stopping him but not letting go either. “If this is some kind of extreme self-punishment thing, I know you’re not exactly the best about standing up for yourself but at least let me apologize.”

Makoto wants to let him talk. There’s nothing he wants more than to get things straight with Rin. But he is a few seconds from losing his shit because he is not in his cage and it is almost moonrise. “I know you want to say something, and I am very willing to listen, Rin,” he says, trying to stay calm, “But if you’re going to stay here at all please just let me get into this cage.”

“Fine, whatever.” Rin looks beyond skeptical, but that’s an agreement, and that’s all he needs right now.

He continues into the bathroom and there’s his cage, neat black wire, and he shoves the towel in before jamming himself in after it. It’s really not meant to hold an adult-sized body like his; Makoto’s legs are folded up uncomfortably and his neck is hitting the top of the cage, but it’ll have to do. He fiddles the cage’s locks into place with two fingers through the bars, thinking idly that this wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. He was supposed to tell Rin calmly, and maybe not two minutes before moonrise. But they’re here now. Rin’s slouched in front of him with no signs of leaving, and he’s just going to have to work with it. He pushes his phone out through the bars and turns back to Rin, who’s been watching him warily the entire time.

“Okay, what now?” Makoto gives him his best relaxed smile, trying to gloss over the fact that he’s mostly naked and in a cage.

Rin just shakes his head, incredulous. “You know what, we’ll talk about whatever this is later, but for right now,” and he straightens out how he’s sprawled on the floor into a more composed seiza.

“I’m sorry,” he says, fixing Makoto with a direct look. “I overreacted last night and didn’t let you talk. Sousuke kind of pointed out that I never really brought up whatever’s going on– with us,” and he gestures between them, his cheeks spotting red, “–and it’s not your fault for wanting someone that would give you a real answer.” His eyes are vulnerable but his jaw is set, waiting for Makoto’s reply.

Makoto opens his mouth to answer, and feels his face fall, because his stomach’s starting to hurt. It always starts there, for some unknown reason. Then comes the awful, bone-deep ache. After that, he can’t talk, and about ten seconds after that, he loses any conscious memory. He’ll have to be fast. He twists his head to give his neck more space, and focuses on Rin’s hands, on the way his fingers are fidgeting.

“I- Rin, I never invited anyone over. Haven’t you noticed yet? No one else is here, and I want– I want something with you too.” Rin’s eyes go wide, his mouth dropping open slightly. “After this we can talk it out, really.”

“Makoto…wait, after what?” He leans forward, frowning. “What the hell is going on? You just locked yourself in a cage, and now you’re not going to explain yourself?”

Makoto holds up a hand weakly. His stomach really does feel awful. “No, Rin I’m going to explain, right now!”

Rin sighs through his nose, closing his eyes briefly. “Okay, I’m calm. I’m fine. But please explain, because even from an objective standpoint this is really fucking weird.”

“I’m an inugami.”

“No.” His answer is immediate.

“Rin–”

“Nope, no, wrong answer, what the fuck Makoto?” Rin’s voice cracks a little at the end but he doesn’t seem to notice, genuinely angry now. “I thought you were going to tell the truth!”

This isn’t going right at all. He looks at Rin pleadingly, begging him to believe him. “I am being serious, Rin! Ask Haru, he’ll tell you the same thing. I think one time in high school he took a video even when I told him not to.” He curls into himself, a wave of nausea hitting particularly hard.

“I’m not one of the normal ones, I think it’s a Western one because I’ve never hurt anyone, but I didn’t- I don’t want you to see it, okay? Please go wait in the living room, I’ll be fine by the morning.”

But Rin is standing now, his face cold. “I don’t believe you, Makoto. And you know what, I think I’ll wait here, and see if you’re telling the truth.” he leans back against the bathroom door with his arms folded.

“Rin, please leave,” he whispers, so quiet he can hardly hear himself. Anything but that.

“No.”

He feels tears pricking at his eyes. “Please.”

His ribs hurt.

*

Rin had gotten sent back home like a misbehaving kid. As such, he was fully expecting to get his apology done with tonight. He had been built up into a nice anger, ready to kick and scream at someone, anyone, when Sousuke found him two blocks away from the doors to his favorite bar.

Sousuke was surprisingly strong when he wanted to be. He’d managed to physically drag Rin back to his hotel with almost no effort despite Rin kicking him in the back quite diligently. Once he stopped fighting, though, Sousuke had sat him down on the hotel bed, listened patiently as he yelled out his frustration, and then explained exactly how Rin had fucked up. And to his immense displeasure, Sousuke was right. Usually, it took Rin under ten seconds to realize when he’d overreacted. Talking him through his own mistakes should have been condescending, but on the rare occasions when it took him longer to cool down, Sousuke had a way of reasoning things out where Rin only saw extremes of right and wrong.

He was ready to apologize. What he was not ready for was for Makoto to lock himself inside his friend’s dog cage and tell Rin he was an inugami, which everyone under the age of ninety had long stopped believing in.

It wasn’t worth the way Rin reacted, and even he would admit that he’d snapped too quickly. But it had been one day too many of people lying to him. Sousuke had gone to Hawaii, had been happier than Rin had seen him in years just talking about it, and he hadn’t let Rin be part of it. According to Sousuke Haru had known about it, too, and he hadn’t said a word. Makoto was the one person that was too bad at lying to lie. Or at least he used to be. Now he’s trying to pass off a myth as reality, and Rin’s sick of it.

It’s not unwarranted the way Rin had been yelling, but somewhere in the middle of things tears had welled into Makoto’s eyes, and that makes him pause. He’s never seen Makoto cry. Tears of joy, yes, and one terrifying time in elementary school that neither of them talks about. But not this, this is just not right. He swallows, and Rin leans down to look at him, pitching his voice a little softer.

“Mako? Are you okay? I- just explain it, tell me the truth– ”

Makoto lifts his head to look at him. For one fragile second, Rin sees exactly what he’s expecting, which is a queasy teenager with pretty green eyes. It’s not the greatest sight, and he fully intends to persuade Makoto out of the fucking cage, at least. Even Rin has limits on how much ridiculousness he’ll put up with.

Then Makoto mouths something at him and his face… shifts. His irises are normally cheery summer green. But the tiny striations of color are rapidly turning yellow, too much to be a trick of the light, and Rin refocuses on the rest of his face in horror when he realizes it’s not just his eyes.

“Makoto?” he tries, badly aware of the wobble in his voice. Makoto doesn’t answer, though, because the rest of his body is distorting. And he doesn’t want to look back at Makoto’s face, because what he sees out of the corner of his eyes makes bile rise in his throat. Rin can see bones rearranging themselves under his skin. He stares, unable to look away, as whatever is in front of him starts whining, high and piteous. It paws at the door of the cage, the locks clinking against the metal.

Makoto put those there, he thinks dimly.

Rin is not a coward. But he turns and bolts out the door with his breath coming far too fast, because everything in him is saying run stronger than any logic. He stops for the barest of seconds to grab his phone out of his jacket, and hell, why not, grabs the jacket too, before running out the apartment door and slamming it shut.

He’s halfway down the stairs before his brain catches up with him. Hardly ten minutes ago Makoto had said something about Haru. Rin fumbles with his phone with fingers that are already going cold and calls him, tripping back toward the door and collapsing on it as the call surprisingly goes through.

Haru picks up on the last ring, sounding grumpy. “What. I’m making dinner, the barbecue’s going to burn.”

Rin answers with all his usual tact and grace. “What the fuck happened to Makoto?! He locked himself in the cage in his bathroom and I don’t even know how to describe what I just saw.”

Haru’s end of the line goes quiet. “Haru?”

“I forgot you were here.”

“Oh come on,” Rin scoffs. “I hardly ever call you to start with, how did you forget when I’m right fucking here–”

“No, no, here. In Japan. Visiting. It’s a full moon tonight.”

Rin pushes himself off the door to lean over the breezeway’s railing and look at the moon, which is indeed shining brightly low in the sky. “Yeah. So?”

“It happens every full moon. Did he not tell you?” Haru sounds vaguely irritated.

“No, no he told me,” Rin says, sighing. “He tried to tell me last night, actually, but I didn’t… believe him.” Then something clicks. “Wait, you knew too, didn’t you! You know what, fuck you! I am so damn tired of people hiding things from me–”

“Makoto didn’t want you to know!” Haru cuts him off, unusually forceful. “Why should I tell you when he hasn’t told anyone, not even his family?”

“What?” Rin sputters out, dumbfounded.

“It’s not my secret, anyway,” Haru mutters. “It’s Makoto’s wolf, he can tell people about it when he wants to.”

He notices Haru pausing, waiting for him to answer, but Rin’s stuck on the fact that Makoto tried to tell him before he told his own family.

“Do you need me to come over.” Even over the phone Haru sounds seriously doubtful of Rin’s abilities as a friend.

“I can do it!” he snaps. “I’m fine, I think. He’s got this cage in his bathroom– what do I even need to do?”

“Nothing. He has an alarm on his phone that goes off when it’s over. Just wait.” Haru pauses. “And get him snacks afterward,” he adds. “He likes chocolate crackers.”

“Afterward– oh yeah, how long does this last? Can I go back inside?”

“Why are you not inside. You’re supposed to wait by the door with his blanket.”

Rin rolls his eyes as he holds back a sigh. “How am I supposed to know this shit? This is the first time I’ve even seen him do that!”

“I’m coming over.”

“Don’t you dare come over, I said I can do this!” Rin yells into the phone. “Do you trust me or not here?”

“Yes,” Haru answers instantly, then pauses for a second. “Fine. Just get him something to eat and be there when he gets back. You can sleep if you want.”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” he answers wearily. “Talk to you later.” Ending the call, he chances a look inside again and slowly creeps back in. The apartment looks unchanged. For some reason he was expecting everything to be torn to shreds. But no, the couch is still in one piece, Makoto’s pile of blankets is still there, the TV’s still on. To anyone that didn’t know, it would look like Makoto just went to the bathroom.

Rin grabs a particularly well-loved blanket off the couch that he hopes is “Makoto’s blanket.” While he’s not ready to go in just yet, he does edge open the bathroom door. (His hands aren’t shaking.) The cage comes into view, with a sadly anticlimactic occupant. It’s a fluffy brown wolf, which he was expecting, mostly; Rin had been clinging to the hope that it was all a dream. But instead of growling or really even looking dangerous, the wolf is plastered to the back of the cage, ears flat on its head. He glances to where Makoto’s phone is sitting, just outside the cage. Snatching it back to his spot outside the door, he checks Makoto’s clock settings, and indeed there is an alarm– for 6:30 in the morning. He’s got a while to wait.

Standing up, he looks back at the wolf– Makoto? It is Makoto. He might as well call him by name. “I’ll be back. Just- stay there, I guess.” He sets the blanket down in front of the bathroom door tenderly, and after watching for a few minutes to make sure nothing changes, he speeds off to the store for a snack.

One conbini stop later, Rin is staring at rows of brightly lit junk food with a vague frown. He hardly ever buys any of this shit, how is he supposed to know what anything is? This one has a small dancing man on it, maybe he’ll get that one– but so do half the packages. It also turns out to be chips, not crackers. He ends up settling for an overpriced “classical” box of chocolate butter cookies, because technically those are chocolate crackers, right? At least they’ll be good quality if they’re not healthy. He buys three boxes, ignoring the appraising look the cashier gives him.

“Okay Mako, I got your shit,” he yells upon returning to the not-so-empty apartment. “I’ll be here when you turn back into a human, holy fuck I just said that sentence.” Rin laughs in disbelief at how his night has turned out, because really, who could have seen this coming, and decides to settle in the bathroom to wait.

Armed with couch pillows, he plops himself down and builds a little station in front of the cage, until his waiting spot against the door is sufficiently fluffy. Rin checks the alarm again. He’s got basically all night, so he sits down to wait until Makoto comes back.

Speaking of Makoto, he’s still pressed against the back of the cage. Rin kneels down in front of him, reaching one hand forward and tentatively tapping the cage door. At this, Makoto starts whining and tries to smash himself further in, his fur floofing through the bars.

“You’re not dangerous, are you?” Rin asks, half to himself, as he moves back. “You’re just scared.”

After about half an hour, though, Makoto does calm down a little, and comes to sniff at Rin’s leg, stretched out along one side of the cage. He licks his toe, and Rin does not giggle, but his laughter scares Makoto, who jumps rather badly, hitting himself on the cage and smushing into the bars again. Rin suddenly feels bad for laughing, and pulls back his leg as his smile fades. He sits and just watches for a while, not making any sudden movements, and Makoto relaxes too. He cocks his head at Rin and then circles around before lying down with a huff.

Neither of them is particularly inclined to move, and Rin can feel himself falling asleep in the giant pile of pillows. He reaches one hand out to pet Makoto’s nose, snatching his hand away when Makoto growls quietly at him. Not that Rin blames him. He wouldn’t want to be touched either, if he was trapped somewhere small with a mostly-unknown person. He fiddles with his phone, answers a text from Sousuke.

From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: RE: did you get back alright

Yeah, I got back fine. We’re just laying around being lazy shits together. Thanks.

Rin thinks about things for a while, not really awake or asleep. Makoto was clearly scared about him knowing, with good reason, but now that he’s sitting here in front of him it doesn’t seem that bad. It only figures that Haru went along with his fear, and neither of them did anything more than hide.

“Psh, what does Haru know anyway?” Rin mumbles to himself, slouched over on one of the larger pillows. “You’re still Makoto. I’m not going to leave over something stupid like this, you should’ve known that.”

He flops down on the floor next to the cage. Haru said he could sleep, and it has to have been at least a few hours now. He could justify falling asleep. That’s the only reason he was staying at Makoto’s, anyway, to keep a regular schedule. He pulls Makoto’s blanket around his shoulders and looks groggily through the bars. Round yellow eyes look back at him.

“Come back soon, alright?”

*

Makoto wakes up to a chirping bird alarm. For a second he thinks he’s late for class, and promptly bangs his head– on the giant cage. Everything hurts slightly, he thinks with a groan, and just like always, his memories come back with one noticeable gap. He rubs at his legs and starts fiddling his locks open in the half-light; the winter sun’s not quite risen yet. And then he notices the pile of blankets just beyond the door of the cage.

Rin’s right there, fallen asleep amidst Makoto’s blanket– oh, how did he know, he went and found his blanket– and several grocery bags. One hand is loosely wrapped around Makoto’s phone, which is still chirping away. It’s actually served its purpose as an alarm, too, because Rin is waking up, eyebrows twitching in irritation. Makoto watches as he rolls around for a second swearing and then snaps awake. Even sleeping on the bathroom floor, Rin’s still a morning person.

“Hi,” Makoto waves at him, sounding like he’s been gargling rocks.

“Hey,” Rin replies, soft and tired, as he reaches over to grab the grocery bags. Makoto had been about to ask about those, and keeps half an eye on them while he finishes with his second lock. Luckily, Rin mentions them half a second later.

“So, Haru said to get you snacks, and I didn’t really know what he meant by chocolate crackers, so I got these. They’re basically the same thing right?” And he… he got him cookies. Rin got him chocolate cookies, a little too many of them, but Makoto doesn’t care at all. Someone was waiting for him.

He undoes the third lock and crawls out of the cage, his boxers in hand. There’s an awkward few seconds while Makoto gets his underwear back on and Rin pointedly looks at his feet but he finally stands up, a little unsteady.

“I– can I open the door? I’m really thirsty,” he explains, and Rin hurriedly shuffles all his pillows so he can wedge the door open.

“Yeah, sure here lemme move this– shit–” and after a second they’re both able to semi-walk, semi-crawl out into the hallway and toward the kitchen. Rin seems reluctant to leave the cookies behind, and hauls them in one hand until they get to the couch, where they mutually abandon being upright. Rin drags himself back to his feet, comes back with a glass of water, then leaves again and staggers back with approximately four pillows.

“Here. Pillow.” He throws two in Makoto’s general direction sounding slightly dead and sinks back into the couch. After some aggressive crinkling, he opens the cookies and hands the entire box to Makoto. Both of them sit in contemplative silence, Makoto munching his cookies and Rin staring into space.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Makoto looks down sheepishly. “I didn’t want to upset you.”

“I feel like I’ve had this conversation before.”

“Huh?” Makoto asks, because Rin was almost whispering, and he doesn’t know what he means.

But Rin shakes his head. “No, just thinking. I guess you had a good reason not to tell me. It’s not like I believed you when you did.”

Makoto pulls his shoulders closer to himself. Even as a human, he’s too big for how small he’s always felt, and he cracks a cookie in half as slowly as possible before answering.

“I was scared. I could’ve hurt you, and I never want to do that, Rin. The only reason Haru knows is he was there for the first time.”

Rin turns to him, and his eyes are unreadable scarlet before he cracks a smile. “Pssh, it was fine. You were fine.” His smile curls into something more tender, and he inches his way across the couch to press into Makoto’s side, a bright line of warmth. “It’s not like I would’ve given up even if you were dangerous. I kinda care about my friends, Mako.”

“Oh, haha, that’s, nice of you,” he sputters out, more concerned with all the spots where Rin’s body is touching his.

“Yeah, especially friends I want to kiss.” Oh. Makoto whips his head around to look at him. Rin’s face is calm, but also entirely red.

“Seriously though, I never want to see that again.”

Makoto silently implodes and wishes Rin hadn’t seen him at all, that he should’ve somehow kept it hidden longer, before Rin continues.

“I’ll stay with you for it, but watching you turn into that thing is seriously fucked up. I’m not opening my eyes for that again, alright?”

“You don’t have to sit by me at all!” Makoto protests.

“But I want to,” he counters, looking up at Makoto. “Look, it’s not hurting you, it’s not hurting me, it’s one day of the month and if I end up staying with you–” His breath catches and they both look at each other before Rin dives back in. “If I’m staying with you when I come back, then I’ll be at home at least once a month. I’ll just sleep wherever your cage is, so what.”

And suddenly Makoto’s so happy he can’t stand it, only slightly dampened by a wide yawn. He looks at Rin apologetically. “Would you mind if I took a nap for a while?”

“Only if you let me join you, that floor is cold as hell.”

*

They meet up with Haru first thing in the afternoon, after his practice. When they first spot him, he’s got that particular wide-eyed look that says either Makoto or water, which only relaxes after he sees both of them waving from their cramped café table. As he gets closer, though, Makoto realizes that they are very obviously paired off on one side of a four-sided table, and frantically whispers to Rin.

“Rin! Rin, Rin, will you go out with me?”

Rin looks at him like he’s grown another arm. “What? Now? I thought we were already– you’re asking me now?!”

“Yes! I need to tell Haru, we never really said–”

“For fuck’s sake, yes! Don’t be stupid,” he loud-whispers back, and leans in for a quick kiss, right on his cheek, and moves back with a frustrated smile.

Makoto is in a daze and remains so as Haru gets to their table. “Are you okay?” he asks, with no preamble.

“Rin kissed me, Haru, we’re going out now,” he says rather stupidly.

“Okay,” Haru says, clearly concerned with other things. “How was last night? Are you okay?”

Makoto snaps back to reality somewhat. “Yes! Yes, I’m fine, just a little tired, but you know how that is,” Yes, he’s okay, nothing happened.

“Rin knows now. I told him.” Haru was right. Rin still trusts him even with his wolf: he still wants to be friends. More than that, even.

“Good.” Haru smiles. He’s glad Makoto listened, and from the way he’s looking fondly into the near distance, Haru’s happy that Makoto is happy.

Then Rin starts shoving at Haru indignantly. “Hey, sit down already, c’mon! We haven’t ordered yet and I’m hungry.” Makoto feels beyond lucky to have such amazing friends, but he thinks tearing up with joy in a coffee shop is a few too many romantic clichés in one place. Rin would never shut up about it.

*

Rin’s flight leaves that afternoon, but not till late, to save money on a red-eye flight. They still have a few hours together, though, and end up taking another short nap after lunch. Only it’s significantly harder to fall asleep, now that cuddling is allowed. Makoto, at least, feels a little thrill every time Rin drapes Makoto’s arm over his shoulders. Or casually leans his head into him. Or touches him at all, really.

His exhaustion from the last night wins out, but when he wakes up, his chest is oddly heavy. Makoto tries to move, and realizes the warm pressure on his chest is an arm.

Rin is snuggled into his neck, playing some game on his phone with his arms stretched around Makoto’s chest and head. He’d gone and contorted his entire upper body just so he could lie on Makoto and play some stupid sliding cube game at the same time, and Makoto’s adoration slides up one more notch. He’s allowed to want this now and he’s going to be happy, he doesn’t care how silly it is.

Makoto ends up staring fondly at him, still half asleep, until Rin looks down disdainfully. “So are we going to get up and do anything at all today, or just lay here until I have to leave?”

Makoto agrees that they should probably do something mildly productive, but they end up groaning indecisively before Makoto suggests karaoke. Rin looks at him, surprised.

“I don’t mind, but what prompted that?”

“I don’t know. I thought it could be our first date,” he admits. He’s aiming for as sappy as possible, and judging from Rin’s immediate blush and mumbled agreement, he positively nailed it. Hopefully it won’t be the only thing getting nailed– but he’s saving that for much later. Rin looks overwhelmed as it is.

It ends up being wonderful, even if they only get to spend an hour or so at the karaoke place. Makoto hadn’t known Rin could sing at all, or so beautifully; Rei would have been proud. They’re on the way back to the apartment to pick up Rin’s luggage when Rin barks out a laugh, which quickly devolves into full-on cackling.

“What?” Makoto looks at him concernedly. Rin can’t seem to stop laughing, but he calms himself down enough to talk.

“No, it’s just- you love cats,” he chokes out, and it takes Makoto a second before he gets it.

“Rinnnn,” he whines. “That’s not funny, you know it doesn’t work like that!”

“I know, but it’s still hilarious!” Rin breaks into laughter again, and doesn’t fully stop snickering until they’re on the train to the airport.

Makoto politely insists that he carry half of Rin’s luggage once they’re inside the airport, but everyone here is moving with purpose. Without a ticket of his own, Makoto can only go so far. He makes it to security before they have to stop.

“Be safe okay?” Makoto gives back Rin’s bags, not wanting to say goodbye.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Send me a message when you take off,” he says smothering Rin in a hug. “And when you land so I know you’re alright.”

Rin’s reply is muffled around Makoto’s shoulder. “I know, I know, damn. Sousuke told me the exact same thing! Are you two teaming up to be my college-age parents or something?”

“No! I just, I just– ” He blusters, unable to come up with an excuse for why he’s already missing Rin.

Rin picks up on it though, petting over Makoto’s shoulders and rocking forward into his space. “Hey, don’t give me that face. I’m coming back in the winter, it’s not like I’m dying.”

Makoto frowns, briefly more confused than sad “Winter? But–”

“Winter in Australia, summer here. Same difference.” He’s not as energetic as he should be, Makoto thinks, and he looks around briefly before throwing his arms over Rin’s neck and kissing him hard, the way the less innocent parts of him have been wanting to the whole week.

Rin responds very enthusiastically, but they’re still in a public airport, so Makoto breaks it off. Barely. “Go, go you’re going to be late for boarding!” He’s already breathing a little harder; was he that easy when it came to Rin?

Rin blinks for a minute, looking kind of dazed before breaking into a grin. There it is, Rinrin’s back, and he heads off to the security checks, his next goal already in mind.

“Skype me!” he yells back to Makoto.

“I will!” he promises, and heads back to the doors of the airport.

Back on the train, Makoto feels his high fading, now that he’s headed back to an empty apartment. But he does feel lighter. Most of his life, he had kept his wolf away from everyone, keeping them safe, he thought. And in one week Rin broke through it all, just by being particularly Rin. He laughs to himself, because only Rin could watch Makoto lose himself to something not human, and then fall asleep next to him with cookies.

He hadn’t seen the danger first, only Makoto.

He’s almost back to his apartment when his phone jingles at him with a text. He opens it up; it’s from Rin.

From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: ᓷ´꓃ ` ᓸ

I thought dogs couldn’t eat chocolate, does that not apply to cookies?

Oh come on. Makoto sighs at his phone but can’t help smiling, because even after Friday night Rin’s still not scared. He could never ignore what Haru had done for him, but when the only two people who knew about his wolf were so naturally quiet, Makoto had never– gotten to talk about his wolf, really. Rin was already making bad jokes about it. Another text follows almost immediately, this time with an actual message:

From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: Yes mom I’m fine

Jk. Plane just boarded, though. I’ll message you when we land.

( ˘ ³˘)♥

Makoto’s chest lights up warm and happy. Their delicate dance is finally settled into something new and exciting, and he wants it so much he could scream with joy. He still has to tell his family, and that’s a whole different battle. And Makoto’s– not exactly fine. He’ll always have his wolf. But for the first time since he was eleven, Makoto can think about his wolf without fear. His secret is one person smaller, and it makes a difference.

***

AFTERWORD

I really enjoyed writing both Haru and Sousuke, because their brand of sarcasm is so familiar that it’s mostly just me using my own comebacks. Also, I tried to catch the way Makoto and Haru read each other without words; it’s not mind reading so much as Makoto being perceptive, and knowing what Haru values, and Haru simultaneously being more expressive around him because he’s comfortable. Either way– critique is always welcome here!

“It’s cold as heyulllll”

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#team hardcore