#f!sr

**************** 

 Sousuke finished packing up the spaghetti sauce and stuck it in the fridge. Glancing at the fridge once more, he sighed. A year ago, the thought of him cooking a homemade meal for someone else would’ve been unthinkable. But Makoto and that dorky smile of his made him want to do sappy stuff like this. Sousuke ran his hand through his unkempt hair, slumping onto the sofa. Today was the day. After mulling over it for over a month, he finally decided that he was going to propose to Makoto on their anniversary. He knew how much of a romantic Makoto was, so with the help of his overenthusiastic friends he had planned a romantic evening for Makoto. He even made spaghetti with meatballs, as he knew Makoto was a sucker for Disney movies; especially that one movie about the dogs and the spaghetti or something. As he began to doze off, the sound of the door clicking open snapped him awake. "I’m home! Mmm, Sousuke what’s this? Something smells really good!", Makoto said, tugging his shoes off. Sousuke stood in front of him, leaning against the wall and tilting his head sideways to hide the blush forming on his cheeks. "Well that’s.. for later. Uh. Come on Makoto, let’s get you freshened up.", Sousuke said, guiding Makoto’s dark grey pea coat off of his shoulders, leading him towards the bath. "Eeeh, Sousuke is this a romantic anniversary dinner? Wow, I’m so excited!", Makoto said, giggling lightly, as Sousuke interlaced their fingers together. "I’ll run the bath. Start undressing.", Sousuke said, leaning down and fiddling with the knobs. He already knew exactly what temperature Makoto liked his baths. "Oh! So eager Sousuke..", Makoto said, drawing out the word ‘eager’ and snickering. Sousuke looked behind him, staring at Makoto unimpressed. "Okay okay sheesh Mr. 

I can’t take a joke”,

Makoto chuckled, unbuckling his belt and stepping out of his pants. Sousuke ogled Makoto’s back muscles unabashedly as he unbuttoned his plaid shirt and pulled off the undershirt underneath. Before, Makoto would have gotten flustered and probably fell flat on his face, but after knowing how much he affected Sousuke, he had grown into the biggest tease Sousuke had ever met. Maybe even worse than Kisumi. Noticing his gaze, Makoto grinned at Sousuke and pushed his hair up with one hand before he stepped into the tub. Sousuke stared at him. How unfair. Makoto knew that move was his weakness. Sousuke quickly recovered, smacking Makoto’s ass lightly before he had lowered himself into the tub. Makoto gasped softly, swiveling his head back before pouting, looking up at Sousuke. "Alright Makoto I bought some of those things you were talking about, the uh.. bath explosions." "What, really? Aww thank you so much! I love you

soooo

much!! By the way they’re bath

bombs.

”, Makoto said, smiling widely as Sousuke held out a bag of those infernal glittery soap chunks. Sousuke had peeked inside the bag, out of curiosity, and his hands had been stained with glitter instantly. It had not been fun washing off that insanely persistent pink glitter. Makoto rummaged through the bag excitedly, when he suddenly paused. "Oh my gosh is this the Golden Wonder bath bomb!! I’ve always wanted to try this one! How did you know?", Makoto said, wriggling around in the bathtub in excitement. "I didn’t. I just thought the color suited you. It matched your eyes.", Sousuke shrugged, secretly extremely pleased that he had picked right. Makoto rummaged through the bag a moment more, occasionally letting out a few appreciative gasps and comments. He picked out the Golden Wonder and stared up at Sousuke. "Come on, Sousuke!", Makoto said, taking the initiative and tugging at his pants. "What? Oh HELL no Makoto I am not stepping in that fairy glitter water.", Sousuke said stepping away and crossing his arms. "But Souuu-chan it’s really fun! I promise! If you don’t like it, you can get out! Just try it, okay? For me?", Makoto said, giving him the puppy dog eyes. Sousuke sighed. *********************** Makoto smiled as Sousuke lowered himself into the water. He knew his puppy dog eyes always worked against his dorky boyfriend. Sousuke maneuvered Makoto into his lap and wrapped his arms around Makoto’s stomach, burying his head into his shoulder.  "Alright just put the damn thing in.", Sousuke grunted, speaking against Makoto’s shoulder, which he knew was extremely sensitive. Makoto shivered a bit, trying not to interpret what he had said in a dirty way. The last time he’d topped Sousuke he had been so cute.. Makoto shook his head and put dropped the bath bomb in. It began fizzing wildly and moving around the tub. He giggled and began playfully pushing it around the water. "Sousuke look, look! Isn’t it cool! Makoto said, turning his head around to see Sousuke’s reaction. Sousuke smiled fondly and ruffled Makoto’s hair. "Hmm yeah.. pretty cool.", Sousuke said. He chuckled to himself thinking that Makoto really resembled a kitten playing with a ball of yarn. Once the bath bomb had completely dissolved, it left the bath water a sort of emerald green. Makoto sighed contentedly and leaned back onto Sousuke’s chest. They sat in silence, enjoying the warmth, and Sousuke gently cupped water over Makoto’s head and began lathering his hair with lavender scented shampoo. Makoto sat back, using Sousuke’s legs as armrests. After massaging Makoto’s scalp properly, he trailed his sud-soaked hands down to his shoulders. Makoto yelped a bit in surprise, then relaxed under Sousuke’s touch. Sousuke began moving his thumbs in smooth circles on Makoto’s shoulder, admiring his sun-kissed tan skin and phenomenal back muscles. Makoto moaned, quite erotically too, and rolled his shoulders back, causing his back muscles to tense up then relax. Sousuke smirked, ignoring the twitch in his cock, knowing too well that Makoto was doing it purposely. Without missing a beat, Sousuke dragged his large hands (yaoi hands, as Makoto calls them) down Makoto’s sides and explored up his chest, ghosting over Makoto’s cock, which was also beginning to harden. Makoto froze, holding his breath as Sousuke’s fingers brushed over his nipples. "Mmm.. Sousuke, I want..", Makoto whispered, before slowly gyrating his hips back onto Sousuke’s now rapidly hardening cock. Sousuke complied, thrusting his hips forward, feeling his erection slip in between Makoto’s perfectly round ass. Makoto whined softly, practically sitting in Sousuke’s lap as they grinded slowly against each other. The water made their movements slower and smooth, in contrast to their normally heated and rough sex. Sousuke decided it was a nice change of pace. Sousuke began teasing and pinching Makoto’s nipples, grinning when he began mewling indecently, rutting against Sousuke shakily, his whole body shuddering with pleasure. Sousuke continued teasing his hardened pink nipples with one hand, while the other snaked around Makoto and gripped his cock firmly. Makoto jolted, hips bucking up involuntarily as he tried to thrust into Sousuke’s hand. Makoto looked back at Sousuke, his eyes dark and unfocused. Sousuke’s breath hitched. How the

hell

could his boyfriend look so dangerous and sexy with a fucking bubble Mohawk? In fact, Makoto hadn’t even noticed what Sousuke had done to his hair. Sousuke moved his hand through Makoto’s soft hair, messing up his carefully constructed Mohawk before pressing his lips to Makoto’s roughly. Sousuke slowly slid his hand up and down Makoto’s shaft, loving how he begged and pleaded Sousuke for more. After a few strokes, Sousuke got impatient and began jerking him off at a fast pace. Meanwhile, Sousuke’s cock had become painfully hard and he eased some of the friction grinding in between Makoto’s thighs, which were clenched tight. Sousuke stopped thrusting, holding Makoto’s hips still. "Makoto, lean over the tub.", Sousuke murmured, his voice rough and sensual. Makoto, in a daze of pleasure, leaned over the other side of the tub, knowing what was going to happen next. Sousuke gazed at Makoto’s firm butt a bit more, mouth watering at how his thighs were trembling from the pleasure. Makoto really did have such beautiful thighs. Sousuke always loved to put bite marks and hickeys on the inner skin of those amazingly smooth thighs. Sousuke squeezed Makoto’s ass before massaging his thighs, spreading soap bubbles on the sensitive skin there. Makoto turned back to him, too embarrassed to do anything but gaze at what Sousuke was doing. His face was blushing pink from all the attention on his backside. Sousuke lightly slapped his ass before positioning his cock at Makoto’s backside. Makoto gazed at Sousuke, his eyes dark and lustful. "Annh.. Sousuke, I need you.. ah, now.. please", Makoto moaned pleadingly, sticking his ass out further. Sousuke grinned, eyes narrowing as he slid his cock in between Makoto’s thighs, just below his balls. "Sousuke, you missed…ah!", Makoto was cut off as Sousuke began thrusting his hips harshly, stimulating Makoto’s balls roughly. Makoto’s eyes widened as he realized what Sousuke was doing. "Mmmn, Sousuke… ahn, why?" "You didn’t actually think I was going to fuck you without any preparation?", Sousuke asked teasingly, while reaching around Makoto and jerking him off sloppily. "That’s, ugh… for later. Have some patience.", Sousuke promised, as Makoto’s cock began twitching. Within moments, Makoto trembled, jerkily moaning out Sousuke’s name as he came on the side of the bathtub. Sousuke soon followed, chanting his boyfriends name hoarsely. Makoto watched the bath tub as the emerald green bath water disappeared down the drain. He turned his head towards Sousuke, who was rubbing the towel gently across Makoto’s brown locks. "Mmm, Sousuke…what was that?, Makoto asked shyly, not meeting Sousuke’s eyes. "Ah. well, I just.. didn’t want to tire you out.. You didn’t like it?" "No! No… I actually.. really liked it..", Makoto said blushing red, his voice close to a whisper. Sousuke grinned mischievously and hung the towel up. "Now then! Your dinner is awaiting you!", Sousuke gestured to the open door with an exaggerated bow. Makoto chuckled at his usually stoic boyfriends’ silly behavior before passing through the door, not even surprised when Sousuke slapped his butt once before leading him to the kitchen. ************************ Sousuke pulled out the chair for Makoto and swiftly lit up the vanilla scented candle on the table, somehow immediately creating a romantic and sultry mood. Makoto smiled at Sousuke as he returned after a few minutes, carrying two plates of steaming spaghetti, topped with meatballs. "Let’s eat.", Sousuke said smiling back as he sat across from Makoto. They both dug in, Makoto commenting several times about how Sousuke was such an amazing cook. They talked about anything and everything, Makoto rambling excitedly about a romance serial that began airing today. Once they had finished their spaghetti, Sousuke took their plates and headed towards the kitchen, soon emerging with a beautifully decorated chocolate cake. "Eeeeh, Sousuke did you make that? It’s so beautiful!", Makoto exclaimed, leaning out of his chair completely to get a closer look. "Well- yeah, you said that you liked chocolate cake right?", Sousuke said smiling lightly, the secondhand excitement getting to him. Makoto squealed and freaked out a bit more, even taking some photos of the cake on his phone, as Sousuke shook his head chuckling. "I’m cutting it Makoto. Tell me how much you want.", Sousuke said, sinking the knife cleanly into the cake. They sat in silence as Makoto ate a large slice of the cake. Sousuke leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms and smiling as Makoto let out almost pornographic moans while eating the frosting covered bits. Halfway through his slice, Makoto realized Sousuke wasn’t eating any. He looked over at Sousuke, head tilting in confusion. "Sousuke, aren’t you going to eat any?" "Mmh, maybe later. Don’t feel like it.", Sousuke replied. Honestly, he was always strict with his health after his shoulder. He only let loose occasionally. "Please, Sousuke! Just a bit! It’s really good okay, just try some, okay?", Makoto pleaded, looking up at Sousuke through his lashes. "Makoto, you think you can just get away with anything, don’t you?" Makoto ignored the comment and leaned over the table, pushing the fork towards Sousuke. Sousuke eyed the piece of cake and sighed, reaching his hand out to take the piece. Suddenly, Makoto retracted the fork and glared at him, like a mother scolding a child. Sousuke paused, then groaned loudly before leaning forwards in his chair and putting his mouth around the fork. He chewed slowly, trying not to smile as Makoto stared at him, still poised over the table. "So? How is it?" "It’s -it’s good. Wait, why the hell are you asking me? I’m the one who made it! Sheesh!", Sousuke stuttered, blushing a little under Makoto’s intense gaze. "Aha! I told you it was yummy!", Makoto agreed, nodding his head seriously while sitting back down in his chair. Makoto brought another forkful of cake to his mouth and bit down on it greedily. He took some frosting and licked it off the fork in an exaggerated manner. Makoto looked over to see Sousuke’s flat look and began laughing. They polished off almost half of the cake; Makoto eating a bite then leaning over to feed Sousuke some. They gazed into each other’s eyes, occasionally chuckling at how silly they were being. "Phew! I’m so full! Can’t get better than this!", Makoto said, leaning back and patting his belly. "Uuuugh I can’t believe you stuffed so much cake into me!", Sousuke whined dropping his head onto the table. Makoto looked over at Sousuke wallowing in despair and smiled softly. Sousuke was such a big softie. "Hey Sousuke?" "Hm?",Sousuke replied, raising his head from the table. "Did you really plan something this romantic by yourself? Did Rin help you out or-" Makoto didn’t get to finish his thought as Sousuke had suddenly moved in front of Makoto, putting his finger to Makoto’s lips. "Don’t talk about another man when you’re alone with me." Makoto and Sousuke stared at each other, face to face, neither of them moving. Suddenly Makoto’s breath hitched and he turned his face away, giggling infectiously. "What. Why are you laughing.", Sousuke said, after watching Makoto calm down from his fit of laughter. "Sousuke what are you-" "I thought girls liked that guy. With the singular interests." "Oh my god Sousuke are you talking about Christian Grey. He’s an abusive character by the way." "Oh. Damn it.", Sousuke muttered, glaring at the floor. Makoto looked at him, feeling a bit sorry for laughing now. "Sousuke I just- You don’t have to act like someone else. You’re one of the most caring people I have ever known and I’m proud to say you’re my boyfriend. I love you just the way you are; sappy or not. Okay?", Makoto beamed, flashing Sousuke his signature sunshine smile. Sousuke stared down at his boyfriend. Fuck it. He dropped to one knee, cradling Makoto’s right hand gently, before kissing it softly. Makoto watched in surprise, his eyes questioning as he watched Sousuke. "Makoto. Do you remember when we first met at the relay? I was in the showers when my shoulder was acting up and you walked in on me… that was the first time I had ever opened up to someone. I had just met you, but I felt like you were the one. I never knew that I could ever love anyone this much, Makoto. I’m the happiest man in the world because of you…", Sousuke said, looking up at Makoto with a determined look on his face. "Would you… allow me a little more happiness?", Sousuke said, pulling out a small black box. "Makoto, marry me?" Sousuke looked up at Makoto’s face anxiously. He waited. And waited. "Makoto?" Makoto gasped loudly and his eyes focused on Sousuke again. His cheeks began to flame red, and he covered his cheeks with his hands. "I’m so sorry Sousuke, it’s just-", Makoto cried out desperately. Sousuke could almost feel his chest thumping from embarrassment. He began to stand up, apologizing. "I guess I was rushing things. Sorry for freaking you out, Makoto.", Sousuke muttered, hurt that Makoto had denied him. He had never expected Makoto to full out

reject

him. "No!", Makoto cried out suddenly, pushing down on Sousuke’s shoulders, making his knee land on the hardwood floor again with a thump. "I’m so sorry for ruining your proposal Sousuke, honest! I was just.. a bit surprised!", Makoto explained, completely flustered, waving his hands around emphatically. "Why the hell would you be

surprised

?” "Well, Sousuke, um- didn’t you propose to me already? Last week?" "What the hell are you talking about?" "Remember, when I was doing

that..

you know!” "You’re going to have to elaborate." "I was- I

licked

you down there.” Sousuke paused, thinking back to the last time Makoto had sucked him off. **************************** "Mmh- fucking

hell

Mako how are you so good at th-this?”, Sousuke practically whimpered out as Makoto looked up at Sousuke and grinned devilishly, pressing messy kisses to his sensitive foreskin. Sousuke was completely wrecked, and Makoto could tell, from the way Sousuke was babbling things he would never say under normal circumstances. "Makoto-

fuck

you’re so good, so

perfect..

you’re so pretty when you take my cock like this..”, Sousuke rambled, his head dropping back onto the sofa from pleasure. Makoto chuckled a bit around Sousuke’s cock, making Sousuke groan loudly and buck his hips up. Makoto decided to step it up a notch, rubbing and sucking the foreskin lightly before ducking his head down sharply, taking Sousuke fully into his mouth. Makoto forcefully held down Sousuke’s hips as he wriggled around on the couch. He moved slowly, torturously sliding his lips down and up his shaft. He nuzzled his nose into Sousuke’s dark curls and

swallows.

Sousuke removed his hand from the couch and softly threads his fingers through the soft brown locks. Makoto pulled off from Sousuke’s cock, creating a wet, extremely lewd noise. Makoto focused on the head, sucking it and twirling his tongue around the foreskin. Makoto used his hand to jerk him off slowly as he suddenly licked the slit of Sousuke’s cock, lapping up the pearls of precome. Sousuke was close, and soon he was chanting random bits of gibberish and praises as he came, spurting his release into Makoto’s mouth. Makoto swallowed with ease and pulled off of his cock, looking up at Sousuke. "Makoto, mmf- fuck, Makoto

marry me,

god you’re so amazing..” Makoto smiled up at him, nuzzling Sousuke’s cock to his cheek, before replying. "Yeah." ******************** "Makoto, I can’t believe you took

that

as a confession.”, Sousuke whispered, covering his mouth with his large hand and blushing profusely. He clutched the little black box with a sweaty hand. "I’m sorry!", Makoto said. They stared at each other, both equally embarrassed. Sousuke still on one knee, reached out for Makoto’s hand again. "So…. is that a yes?", Sousuke asked, looking up at Makoto with a knowing smile. Makoto’s eyes welled up as he looked into Sousuke’s eyes. "Yes, of course I’ll marry you Sousuke.", Makoto replied, smiling brightly as he leant down to wrap his arms around Sousuke. Sousuke froze and his eyes widened. He tried to remember the last time he was this happy and he wound his arms around Makoto protectively, hugging him fiercely. ********************** Later, as they cuddled on the couch while Makoto admired the ring on his hand, Sousuke was the first to speak, breaking their comfortable silence. "You totally ruined my proposal you know, Mako." Makoto flushed again, twiddling with the ring on his finger as he looked down guiltily. "And I even prepared all of your favorite things for you…", Sousuke trailed off, holding Makoto’s chin and tilting his face upwards to look at him. It seemed Makoto remembered the incident with the bath bomb as he suddenly turned cherry red, averting his eyes from Sousuke’s. "Don’t worry, Makoto.", Sousuke said simply, leaning forwards slightly to lightly press his lips to Makoto’s. "I’ll make you take responsibility.", Sousuke stated, standing up swiftly before picking up Makoto bridal style, walking towards their bedroom. Makoto let himself be carried for a few seconds before realizing what Sousuke meant. "You’re such a dork.", Makoto said, smiling and snuggling against Sousuke’s chest. "And now I’m

your

dork.”, Sousuke said, cradling Makoto carefully, smiling down at him. **************** (

Here

It was a sunny, beautiful day. Probably every kid in town was playing with their friends, laughing, having the best day ever, except him. Rei Ryuugazaki. While the other kis played in the park, he was sitting in the grass, reading a book by himself. He was the only one alone in there, like always. His mother was sitting a little far, but close enough to watch the kid be lonely, like everyday. She wanted him to have friends, she always said that, like every mother would do, but she was almost hopeless. Rei didn’t even tried to talk with the other kids. And none of them was kind enough to go and talk with the lonely kid in the corner. But that day would be different.

Rei was distracted with his book, smiling while reading it. Even being alone, he was happy. He liked reading. The book was about animals and he liked animals too. He liked butterflies, but now he was reading about penguins. He was reading his book ‘til someone sit by his side. It was a boy, a blond little boy with pretty pink eyes and a big gentle smile.

"Hello!" said the kid, sounding excited. He was really talking to him? "H-Hi." answered Rei, shyly and hesitant. "I’m Nagisa! I have a girl’s name, but I’m a boy. And you?" asked the kid. "I’m Rei. It’s nice to meet you, Nagisa." answered Rei. "Nice to meet you too!" said Nagisa, smiling for him. He was cute, wasn’t he? "Why aren’t you with the other kids?" "I don’t want to. I want to read my book." answered Rei, showing Nagisa his book. "Oh, you’re reading about penguins? I love penguins!" said Nagisa, his smile getting bigger while seeing the pictures in the book. "Can I read it with you? Can I, can I? Please!" "Sure…"

And that’s how the lonely Rei Ryuugazaki made his first friend. They spent the whole afternoon there, reading together while Rei’s mother watched smiling hopeful. In the end of the day, Nagisa’s sister came to take him home and Rei’s mother said they should go too, so they had to say goodbye. At least ‘til the next day. After that day, Rei would play with Nagisa everyday, and when the classes started, they started to go there together.

Their friendship just grew with time. Soon those kids weren’t just kids who played together sometimes, they were best friends. That day they were in the park they met, both laying down in the grass, eyes closed and smiling while holding hands. The first time Nagisa tried to hold hands with Rei he blushed and asked why he was doing that. But after some time they got used to it, now he would just smile and hold his hand. Nagisa opened his eyes and looked at Rei, seeing that light, innocent smile. He loved seeing Rei smile.

"Rei-chan, what are you thinking about?" asked Nagisa. "Ah. I’m thinking about my future." said Rei, opening his eyes and staring at the sky. "I want to go to a good college. And have a good job. Just like my parents." "You want to have a family like them, Rei-chan?" asked Nagisa, innocently. "Eh? O-Of course I want but…" said Rei, shyly, blushing. "Who would marry someone like me? I don’t even have friends… How am I supposed to have a girlfriend?" "Rei-chan, you have me!" said Nagisa, smiling at him. "W-What? Nagisa, you’re a boy. And you’re my only friend…" "I know I’m a boy… But you want a bride in the future, right?" "Y-Yeah…" "I-I can be your bride if you want…" "Nagisa…" Rei was surprised with that. Nagisa was blushing and looke hopeful Rei would say yes. And actually… He could imagine that. Easily. He and Nagisa together for the rest of their lifes. And he liked the idea. Even being just a kid, he liked the idea of staying with Nagisa. He was so nice to him, why not? "Okay. Nagisa, be my bride when we’re older." "Rei-chan…" said Nagisa, his cheeks still red. He smiled at Rei and said "Of course!" "So that’s a promise." "Yes. It’s a promise!"

*

Rei Ryuugazaki was nervous. He was beautiful in his white clothes, obviously, Rei couldn’t go there with less than that, but it didn’t made him feel better like it usually did. That was the most important day of his life, and the happiest too, so he couldn’t relax. He couldn’t believe that was really happening. After so many years, it was really happening.

"Ryuugazaki." said his friend, Rin, by his side at the moment. "Relax. You’re getting married to the man you love, so be happy about it." "I-I am happy, I really am, but I’m just so nervous…" said Rei. The other man smiled at him, gently, trying to help him calm down. "I know how you fell. I felt like this when I was getting married too, but trust me, when you see him coming to you nothing will matter anymore. Just you and him." said Rin, trying to confort his friend. Rei smiled, thankful. "Thanks for the help, Rin." "That’s why I’m here, Ryuugazaki. To support you guys." answered Rin. "I think it’ll start, so relax and… Try smiling a little. They’re taking pictures so a smile would be good." "O-Okay."

Like Rin said, soon everyone was quiet while the doors opened and Nagisa entered the church. He was just like an angel, wearing white with that adorable face and that blond beautiful hair. He had a bouquet of red roses in his hands, with a innocent smile in his face. The same innocent smile Rei saw in the day they met. The same innocent smile that made him fall in love. When Nagisa finally stopped by his side, Rei smiled at him. Nagisa gave Haruka, the man by his side, the bouquet, holding hands with Rei like they did when they were kids.

Studying abroad was a nightmare, but it was a successful nightmare – it would even be worth it, if only he could find a job.

But any job he desires requires a license, which requires money, which requires having a job, so for now he was stuck with small corner-shops and neighborhood hangouts.

Which brings him to the coffee shop next to his old apartment complex.

On the outside, it looks as weatherworn as the bar he saw four doors down, but on the inside, it looks relatively new; the walls are void of water stains, the tiles lining the floor look clean and creamy white, the doors don’t scrape or squeal when you slide them open. Only a few people dot the booth, and even less the tables, but each person looks at home and satisfied, including the baristas, so he supposes the shop can’t be all that bad. The small Help Wanted! sign on the counter is also a plus.

He plans on asking politely for an application, he really does, and he considers himself lucky when the barista only giggles a little when Rei helplessly gestures at the small sign. She’s quick to call out the manager – Rei thinks the name sounds familiar, but he decides that it isn’t, simply because he doesn’t want it to be – except this isn’t the manager walking out, it’s a stab in the gut, it’s water being pushed into his lungs, and suddenly he’s drowning, and he can’t breathe –

The shards of panic slice through his stomach as he falls to the floor, and he’s pretty sure the barista is screaming, and he really wishes he applied for a job at the bar four doors down.

-

"Rei-chan hasn’t called yet!"

"It’s been a day."

"But Haru-chan, Rei-chan promised that he’d call!"

"He’s probably tired. He’ll call you when he’s not."

"Hmph. You better be right, Haru-chan!"

-

When he wakes up to a damp cloth and blue eyes leaning over him, he nearly passes out again.

Haru hasn’t changed much since high school; same black hair, same blue eyes, same neutral expression. His fingers are dainty, and his body slim – it’s easy to see under the black apron and white collared shirt. His lips move, and Rei can hear what he’s saying, though only faintly, so he lip reads instead;

"I never knew you got panic attacks."

Rei smiles sheepishly, and is scared to hear how weak his own voice sounds. “I didn’t start getting them until about 2 years ago.”

A pause.

"Oh."

-

Haru grabs an application, wordlessly hands it to Rei, and goes back to work. Rei simply orders a drink and rushes to the nearest table, pen in hand.

He can hear the barista asking why didn’t you ask for that young man’s name, and Haru saying I know him, and the barista asking how, and Haru’s answer of I’ve seen him around, and the barista accusing Haru of lying because you don’t go around talking to random people you “see around,” everyone here knows that, Nanase-san.

Nanase-san, Rei thinks, I wonder what I’m allowed to call him now.

-

They had all made a promise back in high school, saying that they would always stay in touch, that they would spend time together even after high school ended.

That was before the chaos of graduation, and before studying abroad; it was before changed phone numbers and futures with bared teeth and sharp claws.

That was before Haru had grabbed Rei on graduation day, and said that they would always find each other, and that oceans can fray knots but they can’t break ties, and I promise, Rei, I promise.

But promises are silly things, even when they come from people who don’t waste their words – especially when they come from people who don’t waste their words, because then you believe them, you get your hopes up, if only for a second.

A second is much too long for that.

­-

Rei gets punched twice his first day on the job.

The first strike is for saying Nanase-san, and Rei doesn’t remember Haru being this violent, but he supposes he deserves it, not because of the name, but for all that time he put himself out of reach, and the thought of maybe they missed me.

The second strike comes during break, when Haru calls Nagisa to bluntly state that he has acquired a blue-haired idiot, and Nagisa immediately responds with I wish I could punch Rei-chan through the phone, and then, well.

The second punch leaves him dazed and glad, and he doesn’t think punches are supposed to make someone feel this warm.

-

He thinks he might’ve lost himself at university, because he’d forgotten all the beautiful things he has here in Japan.

Things like being surrounded by people who speak the same language, and pools filled with cherry blossoms, and listening to his best friend complain about math.

Things like honorifics and bento and hot tea, and hearing his name over the phone, and sitting under the kotatsu as winter gradually takes over the fall.

Things that no foreign university could ever teach him; things like delicate fingers using drink machines and how Haru-kun feels on his tongue and that Haru’s hair is slightly longer than he remembers, yet it still smells of chlorine. Things like Rei being tall enough for Haru to rest his head on his shoulder if he ever wanted to, and how Haru started to actually carry his phone around.

He thinks he might’ve lost himself at university, but he also thinks there are parts of himself still buried here in Japan.

-

"I’m sorry."

"You’re sorry for what, Rei-chan? Waking me up at, like, 2 in the morning?"

"For breaking promises."

"Wha- Rei-chan! What does that even mean?"

"… Nevermind."

-

It’s Haru who suggests sharing an apartment.

He asks after he finds out that Rei is still looking for a place to stay, saying that it would be inconvenient to buy another apartment when they can both pay half the rent, and that it’s not like you’re high maintenance or messy, anyway, but Rei can see how lonely Haru must get. He knows, because that was how he felt at university, where it was hard to talk and even harder to listen.

Except for Haru there’s no language barrier; it’s the feeling of everyone left, everyone left and I didn’t know what to do, I still don’t know what to do, and the feeling is tangible, so tangible that Rei believes he can make it shatter. He thinks he might have cracked the feeling, just a little, when he unlocks Haru’s apartment door, and drags his suitcase through the doorway, and turns on the water for the first time, and claims the bed on the right as his.

-

The coffee shop is comfortable, for the most part.

Sometimes the small bands they let play are a little loud, or Rei can hear the dogs barking from the pet shop next door, but the overall feel remains light and airy.

Sometimes Rei is so comfortable that he finds himself subconsciously touching Haru - brushing hands and arms, linking ankles under tables, crossing over each other to reach some needed object – and it makes Rei blush when he notices, but Haru hasn’t said or done anything, so it’s probably okay.

-

Haru is also an independent artist, Rei finds out, and his paintings are beautiful.

Most of them are waterscapes, but others resemble the streets of Tokyo, and one is a detailed picture of Haru’s old house.

The last painting Rei sees is covered with a sheet, and against his better judgment, he removes it, and is left staring.

He’s not sure how long he stares before the image registers, but when it does, he starts bawling. It’s a painting of Rei from high school, spread-eagle, going over the pole vault. But instead of a mat under him, it’s the open ocean. The bottom right corner is signed, and under that reads we miss you, and it makes Rei bawl even harder.

When Haru finds him, crying and tracing a finger over the painting, he simply says it looked like you were flying that day.

-

He only swam once at university.

He remembers finding himself at the pool after a particularly bad panic attack, and feeling like he might puke at the sight of it. He remembers stripping anyway. He remembers diving in, and wishing for sunlight and sakura trees and home rather than the perpetual nighttime he seemed to be stuck in.

Most of all, he remembers the cold; cold water, cold air, cold body, and frozen promises that shatter like frosted glass.

-

He’s not sure when sharing an apartment turned into living together, but it did, and it’s kind of nice.

He likes seeing two toothbrushes next to the sink, and having double the utensils, and having half the closet space.

He likes the extra set of shoes in the doorway and having fewer leftovers after meals and running out of tea quicker than anticipated.

And he likes the sound of the bathtub faucet at noon and the sight of jammers hanging over chairs when the dryer breaks and the feeling of another body next to him when he accidently falls asleep under the kotatsu.

He likes the extra set of breaths and the extra heartbeat, and he likes that they belong to Haru, just like how he likes the idea of living together, of saying their apartment instead of Haru’s apartment, he likes it a lot, likes the idea of living together a lot more than he is willing to admit.

-

He realizes it after yet another day at work full of white butterflies and blue eyes and oceans that can always fray knots but never cut ties.

He’s honestly not sure if he can even call it a realization; he’s known it all along, it’s been there since the first year of high school, and now he just needed to accept it.

It makes him feel lighter than expected.

-

He has only ever gotten two confessions; one from some random girl in his class, and one from Nagisa, both during his third year of high school.

He rejected the girl without a second thought – Rei hadn’t even known her name. With Nagisa, it was much less straightforward and much more abstract, and he didn’t understand it at all.

The first thing Nagisa told him that day was I love you, and the second thing he said is and we’re best friends, but I don’t want to date you.

He wasn’t even sure if what Nagisa said had even counted as a confession – when Rei asked, later that week, Nagisa had responded with Of course it does, Rei-chan – but he remembers thinking that he might’ve liked Nagisa, and that if Nagisa were to actually confess, he would accept.

He remembers expecting awkwardness, and the relief he felt when none came.

He thinks he finally understands.

-

Rei didn’t plan to say I love you, and I do want to date you in the middle of the coffee shop, but that’s how it happened.

And Haru – still ever shameless Haru – kisses him from across the table, and only smirks when Rei splutters.

He accepts the hand holding as an apology.

-

"You seriously said that? In the middle of a coffee shop? Oh my god, Rei-chan! That’s hilarious!"

"S-stop laughing, Nagisa-kun!"

"Okay, okay. I’m taking deep breaths. Deep breaths."

"You can’t take deep breaths while talking, Nagisa-kun."

"Whatever, Rei-chan. You know, it’s nice to hear your voice now that you’re not a communicative shut-in."

"A communicative - What’s that supposed to mean?"

"Hmm… Well, it means that you’re happy and I’m happy and Haru-chan is happy and Mako-chan and Rin-chan are probably happy, too. And not that Haru-chan would let you, but you better not disappear again, Rei-chan!"

"I didn’t disappear!"

"You did so disappear, Rei-chan! I’m only forgiving you because now you and Haru-chan are in love!"

"And we want to date."

"…Is that humor I hear, Rei-chan?"

"Maybe."

"…"

"I’m just really happy, is all."