#tbmp

The thin hen shopkeeper was sitting behind the counter, knitting and humming as Sans approached. When she saw him from the corner of her eye, she laid her work on the counter and smiled at him.

“Good afternoon,” she said warmly, then furrowed her brow, raising her index primary feather to the side of her beak as she looked up into space. “Or is it ‘good evening’? Hmm....” She shook her head, then gave a shudder, ruffling her sooty grey feathers. “I don’t know, it’s so hard to tell time anymore without the sun.... Anywho—Good day!”

Sans grinned, nodding to her. “Good day, miss.”

“Is there anything I can help you find?” she asked, cocking her head to the side.

“Oh, no,” he answered. “I’m just looking to see what you have.”

She gave a gentle smile. “Ok, then. Please let me know if there’s anything I can help you with.”

Sans nodded politely again, and looked up at the shelves on the left of the shop.

There were so many different kinds of things—some items similar to those found in the other shops, and other products he had not seen sold elsewhere in the market. There were beautifully crafted pottery cups, vases, bowls, plates, and teacups, medicinal salves and bandages, candles of various heights and thicknesses, aprons for different needs, tin boxes with and without illustrations on them, gloves for work and for warmth, and so many other items in between. He picked out a small pot holder—they’d need one now that they finally had a pot—and a bar of glycerin soap that smelled of cherries.

In front of the counter were four crates sitting on two large chests. The crates were filled with old books, sheets of parchment made of wood pulp, fabric fibers, or flower petals, and scrolls with useful information such as measurement conversions for cooking, identification of edible and poisonous plants, and even lists of difficult words with their definitions.

Seeing the paper reminded Sans of the bits of parchment he had been aching to use.

“Excuse me, miss,” he said, standing up straight to look over the counter.

The hen stood up, her knitting still in her wings. “Yes, dear?”

Sans saw that she was making a multicolored sock. “Ooh, that’s really good!”

She smiled. “Aww, thank you. I knit things for the orphans, the poor, and the wounded soldiers.”

Sans’ mouth dropped in awe. “That’s really nice of you to do that. I’m sure they love them.”

“I hope they do,” she said, her smile waning as she looked down at the half-finished sock. “It’s not much, and they’ve already gone through such incredible hardships.” The grip on her needles tightened, and she gave another shudder that fluffed her feathers. “I just try to help where I can, make things useful like socks and gloves for those who don’t have any. It can’t make up for their pain, but hopefully it brightens their moment. Even if it’s just a little bit.”

Sans smiled reassuringly. “I’m sure it does, miss. It lets them know that someone really cares about them.”

The thin hen smiled at the sock, then at Sans. “Thank you, that’s really kind of you to say. Sorry, you had a question?”

“Oh, yeah,” Sans answered, blinking. “I was wondering, do you have any pens or writing utensils?”

She frowned sadly. “I’m afraid not.... They go rather quickly, and they’re hard to get. All of my stock comes from other monsters who are selling me items they’ve made, no longer need, or need gold for more important things, like food. So I never know what I’ll get or when I’ll get new things. I’m sorry.”

Sans’ mouth twitched with disappointment, but he understood. “It’s all right. I’ll keep checking each time I come by.”

“I’ll certainly keep an eye out for you, and I’ll hold any aside I come across.”

Sans nodded in gratitude. “Thank you, miss, that’s so kind of you. I really appreciate that.”

“Let me know if there’s anything else you need help with, dear,” she said, smiling as she sat back down, resuming her knitting.

“Actually,” Sans said as he watched her count stitches. “This is a strange question, but.... The hare next door mentioned that there were monsters who collected food for the poor. If I had some food to give them, where would I find them?”

The hen smiled, her heart warming. “Well, aren’t you a dear. You’ll find the monsters who work on the food collections in the domed building in the northeast quadrant of the city.”

Sans looked at her blankly. “Northeast wha?”

She covered her beak with her wing as she laughed softly. “It’s the only domed building in the city.”

Sans looked relieved. “Ah! Yes, miss, I’ve seen it. I should be able to find it now, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she nodded. “I know that they will appreciate anything you can give them.”

Sans smiled sadly. “I know what it’s like to not have enough to eat, so if I can help anyone, I really want to try.”

The hen’s face fell, her heart breaking for the little skeleton at his admission.

“You’re an absolute sweetheart, you know that?” the hen said softly.

Sans felt the embarrassment burning his cheekbones. “Nah, I just...hate seeing anyone hurting.”

He pretended to be extremely interested in the hand towels folded up in a crate on the floor, as the hen beamed at him, then returned to her knitting, humming happily.

Once her gaze was off him, Sans started looking through the rest of the items, making his way towards the right side of the shop. There were clothes on shelves and tables starting near the entryway for adults, and children clothes towards the middle. He found a couple sets for himself and Papyrus in their sizes, ecstatic that he and his brother could finally change out of the clothes they had been wearing since they fled to the mountain.

At the end of the children’s clothes were toys. There were wooden blocks, plush monsters of different species, puzzles, balls, and other various playthings. Sans was looking at a small, red toy cart with working wheels, wondering if Papyrus would like it when he noticed the basket at the end of the toy shelves. The toy cart fell out of his hand onto the table as he gasped.

The basket was filled with teddy bears—all identical. They had soft, plush, brown “fur” and shiny black eyes. Their little smiles were stitched into their faces with dark brown thread, and their arms and legs were floppy, perfect for hugging.

Sans staggered to the basket, tears rolling down his face, his mouth hung open.

“I-it can’t be...,” he whispered in shock.

The hen heard him, and raised her eyes from her work to look over at him.

Sans pulled out one of the bears and looked at it, turning it this way and that in his hands.

“Are...are you all right...?” the hen asked gently, seeing Sans’ tear-soaked face.

Sans stared at the bear in his hands, looking into its eyes as he spoke, his voice shaking with emotion.

“M-my brother.... He had a teddy bear just like this...back home.... He loved that bear, couldn’t sleep without him in his crib.... When...when I packed food to leave...I-I should have...I should have gone upstairs and gotten him.... But I didn’t.... I was too scared, I only grabbed food, I didn’t even think about his bear.... We left him behind, and now.... My brother never complained or mentions him, but I know he misses him a lot.... My brother lost so much that day.... Our home...his teddy bear...Mommy....”

Sans hugged the bear and wept bitterly into it. The hen tossed her knitting on the counter and rushed over to him. He clutched her, weeping into her dress as she enfolded him in her wings. She held him as he cried his eyes out, telling her how he watched their mother fighting the humans, and how he watched her die. How she might still be alive if she hadn’t seen him and run to him. How it was his fault his brother didn’t have their mother any more.

She let him speak until his words were exhausted, then shushed him soothingly, rocking him gently as he cried loudly from his broken soul. It had been too long since Sans had been comforted like this by an adult, too long since he had taken on the adult role for his brother’s sake while still only being a child himself. Being embraced by the caring hen allowed him to drop the walls of false strength and competence he had built up over time, and to grieve like the hurting child he truly was.

After a while, he calmed down, sniffling and stammering out apologies for breaking down like that.

“No, no,” she whispered, wiping his eyes with her pinion feathers. “Don’t apologize. I know how hard it is to lose someone you love so very much.”

“R-really...?” he whimpered, his lower lip still quivering. “Did...did you...?”

He didn’t finish, regretting even asking such an invasive, personal question.

The hen shut her eyes and nodded.

“I was with my best friend at the market buying food for dinner. The Royal Guard came—tried to get everyone to leave quickly. There had been a horde of humans spotted in the area, and it was unsafe. Someone shouted and soon everyone was looking into the sky. Plumes of smoke, rising in different directions—multiple fires all around the area. I panicked—one of the columns of smoke was coming from where my house was. My friend and I, we rushed to my house with a few of the Guards, and....”

She choked back her tears, her body shuddering as her feathers bristled. Then her tears fell freely.

“My house was in flames.... My friend had to hold me back because I tried to run inside to save my family. The Guards—they went in. They went in to try to find my dear husband and my four precious children.... Wh-when they came out, I-I saw their faces, and I knew.... The next day, the evacuation order came out. My friend—she let me stay with her that terrible night, and then we left together for this mountain.... And now, we’re here....”

Sans looked up at her, his face broken with sympathy for the poor hen. When she finished her story, he hugged her tightly.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so, so sorry....”

She patted him with her wingtips, then dried her eyes on her feathers.

“Thank you,” she said, straining to steady her voice. “This war...this conflict...it has cost us all so much....”

They hugged each other tightly once more. Then the hen pulled back and put on a warm smile. She nudged the teddy bear, still in Sans’ hands.

“The important thing is to rebuild and comfort those who are still with us.”

Sans looked down at the teddy bear and nodded sadly.

With a deep sigh, the hen ruffled Sans’ hooded head and went back behind the counter. Sans placed the teddy bear and the other items—still sitting on the clothes table—onto the counter.

She totaled the items, and gave Sans the amount. He blinked at her.

“But, wait, miss,” he said, confused. “It should be much more than that.”

“I’m not charging you for the teddy bear,” she smiled warmly.

Sans gasped, his eyebrows raised pleadingly. “No, wait! You don’t have to—”

She reached over the counter and ruffled the top of his head again. “My dear, I don’t run this shop to make a profit. I started this shop to help others out. There is no way I could accept gold for your brother’s bear.”

“Th-thank you, miss,” he stammered, stunned. “I-I don’t know what to say....”

“You’re so welcome,” she smiled as he placed the items in his bag. “And, please, call me Ashen.”

Sans smiled back, shouldering the bulging haversack. “Thank you, Ashen. And my name is Sans.”

“Well, Sans,” she said, giving a shudder that sent her sooty grey feathers rippling. “It was so nice to meet you, and I really do hope you come back to see me again soon.”

“I will, Ashen,” he nodded. “I’m so happy to have met you. Thank you for...for everything.”

The two new friends waved goodbye, and Sans left the shop.

 -

 Sans hurried down the road, looking left and right frantically for an empty alleyway. The city was filled with monsters, so finding somewhere unoccupied was difficult. Eventually he found a small path between two buildings that appeared empty, and slipped down it. Making sure no one was in sight, he shut his eyes, then stepped forward.

He felt the frigid air as he opened his eyes, arriving in front of the shelter. He wasted no time in digging out the entrance, calling to his brother so he wouldn’t be afraid someone was invading the shelter.

Sans panicked for a moment when he heard no response, but as soon as he came into the main room, he saw Papyrus, fast asleep on the bed under several fabric scraps.

Poor thing, Sans thought as he unshouldered the bag and put it on the bed.

He nudged his brother gently. “Pap? Wake up, Pap.”

The little skeleton moaned as he was roused, then snapped awake. He gasped and threw himself against his brother, hugging him so tight, Sans’ bones popped.

“I’m so, so sorry that took so long, Pap,” Sans apologized, returning the hug.

“Pa scared mosters take Sas,” Papyrus whimpered, nestling his face in his brother’s chest. “But Pa did what Sas said, waited here, waited for Sas. Sas okay?”

Sans rubbed the top of his brother’s head gently. “Yeah, I’m ok. I’m sorry I scared you. But...well...I have something I’ve got to tell you.”

Papyrus sat back on the bed, a look of utter terror on his face, fearing bad news.

“No, no,” Sans grinned, waggling his hands and shaking his head. “It’s nothing bad or anything. But, well, you see....”

Sans sat on the bed, rubbing the back of his skull as he dreaded his upcoming confession. He couldn’t even look his brother in the eyes.

“I, uh...went...into...the...cavern...,” he murmured, each word getting lower and more mumbled.

Papyrus’ jaw nearly fell off his skull as his eyes grew wider than apples.

“Now, wait, hang on,” Sans said, his eyebrows raised pleadingly. “Before you get upset, let me explain.”

“Sas gonna leave Pa...?” The little skeleton’s whisper was barely audible.

“No! Of course not, Papyrus! I’d never leave you. I snuck in there to get some food!”

Papyrus blinked, his mouth still hanging open.

“Listen,” Sans urged. He then started partially explaining everything—leaving out the part where he planned this trip for the last month and how he had put himself at serious risk of getting caught. “I saw the carts going into the cavern, and I saw them growing the trees with magic, so I thought ‘huh, maybe they’re growing food in there,’ so I jumped on the cart and found out that they have a huge city in there now, with a market, and I got a whole bunch of great food, and now that I’ve been there, I can just use my magic to go back in there anytime we need more!”

Sans grinned winningly at his brother while he panted after spouting out his explanation in a single breath.

Papyrus slowly closed his mouth and narrowed his eyes. An eyebrow soon started to rise as the little skeleton frowned. He gave an exasperated sigh that sounded more like a huff.

“Sas go in cav, coulda been taken by mosters! What if Sas caught?!”

Sans shut his eyes, grinning wider. “Then I would have used my magic and come right back here.”

Papyrus grumbled as his expression softened. “Sas really get food?”

Sans opened his eyes, then gave his brother a wink. “Yup. A lot of food.”

The little skeleton’s face brightened more, the risky adventure being forgiven.

Sans jumped up off the bed and went to the foot of the bed where the haversack was. He showed his brother the purchases he made and told him how he used his own gems to buy them. Papyrus gasped at each loaf, vegetable, fruit, and item that emerged from the bag. Sans withheld the cookie as an after-dinner-surprise, but saved the best for last.

“And...,” Sans said, drawing the syllable out as long as he could. “You will never guess who I found looking for you in the cavern!”

Papyrus sat on the bed, looking up at him, curiously.

Sans slowly pulled out the teddy bear.

The little skeleton gasped so sharply, Sans thought his lungs would tear. Papyrus held his hands to his cheekbones as his mouth remained open, his eyes brimming with tears.

“Teddy...?” Papyrus spoke his teddy bear’s name in a high-pitched, breathy gasp that cut Sans right to his soul.

Sans nodded, holding him out to his brother. Papyrus couldn’t believe his eyes, slowly moving closer, as if he was dreaming and afraid to wake up. He reached out with a trembling hand and grabbed the bear by the tummy, pulling him into a tight embrace.

“Teddy! Teddy!” Papyrus wept happily, his eyes shut tight as tears spilled out.

Sans wiped his own tears on his sleeves, the smile on his face unable to wane.

 -

 The two skeleton brothers just stared at it, neither of them able to utter a single word or make the slightest of sounds. They couldn’t move, let alone blink, as they sat, dumbfounded.

It was just too unbelievable.

Their dinner was laid out on their little snow “dining table.” They had prepared it together, cutting, chopping, toasting, combining—enjoying every second of their time making their meal perfect.

Their new wooden bowls were filled with fresh salad, comprised of baby spinach, sliced mouseshroom nightlights, chopped reed stalks, diced tomatoes, pine nuts, and crumbled parmesan cheese, all drizzled with an oil dressing infused with herbs and garlic.

On their new little plates were a couple slices of warmed crusty wheat bread, a small hunk of smoked gouda, a few nuts, and several carrot slices.

Their new wooden cups were filled with ice cold water—Sans had melted some snow in their new pot by the fire, poured the water into the cups, and put chunks of snow in them to chill the water back up. While they didn’t need water to survive—being skeletons, it was impossible for them to suffer thirst or dehydration—it was certainly nice to have something to wash their food down with again.

Sans had set down burlap pieces for placemats, folding up some smaller scraps for napkins and placing their new wooden cutlery on top. Nestled under their bowls and plates were the little parchment pastry bags—Sans insisting that Papyrus not peek inside until after he finished his dinner.

They continued staring in silence, the only sounds in the little shelter being the crackling of the magical flame and the occasional growl of a skeleton stomach.

“This looks amazing,” Sans whispered at last.

“Yeah,” Papyrus breathed in agreement.

Sans gave a small laugh of disbelief, glancing up at his brother. “No more hungry nights, Pap.”

“Yeah,” Papyrus looked up at his brother and smiled.

Sans looked back at their meal and sighed happily. “We should start eating, or we will be going to bed hungry again.”

“Yeah,” Papyrus giggled.

They slowly picked up their utensils and started their salads. The two brothers looked at each other, joyous groans emitting from their chewing mouths at the delicious tastes they were experiencing. Then they went at the food with gusto, savoring every single bite.

 -

 Sans was wiping the last remnant of dressing from his empty bowl with his final bite of wheat bread, as Papyrus had picked up his bowl to his mouth, pushing the last fragments into his open mouth.

Sans finished just before his brother, and couldn’t help but grin as he watched Papyrus, his face hidden behind the tilted bowl. His soul felt fuller than his stomach, knowing that his little brother finally had a proper, healthy meal after so long.

Papyrus licked his bowl clean, then set it back down on the burlap placemat with a satisfied “ahh!” He then looked up at his brother expectantly.

“Can Pa open now?”

Sans grinned and nodded. “Yes, you can open it now. I hope you like it.”

Papyrus cautiously opened the bag, as if a fragile treasure might be within. He peered into it and gasped, looking up at Sans. “Cookie!”

Sans smiled as his brother pulled out the large cookie and gave a huge chomp into it. He took out his own and bit into it, relishing its sweet, chocolaty goodness. They both ate their cookies with the occasional “mmm,” the crunching and munching overpowering the crackling of the fire in the other room.

Not a single piece of snow was consumed that night, for their stomachs were entirely satisfied.

 -

 After dinner, they washed their new dishes in one of the buckets with melted snow water and the glycerin soap. They dried them with burlap, then Sans created another bone shelf in the pantry side boulder, placing the clean wooden dishes up on it.

Sans emptied out the dishwater several feet away from their shelter entrance, scrubbing it out with clean snow, then came back inside to fill it back up with clean water. They changed into their fresh new clothes, and Sans washed their old clothes in the bucket with the soap, rinsed it in another bucket, and, after wringing them out, hung them up on the warming rack bones to dry overnight. The feel of clean, soft, new fabrics felt so comfortable and cozy to both of them. Sans then emptied the dirty water from both buckets outside in a different spot, scrubbed them clean with another handful of snow, then dried them with a scrap of rough cloth.

Sans took the little pot that was melting snow and poured it into the clean water bucket next to the “bowl” dug out of snow, which was filled to overflowing with fruits and vegetables. He stuffed the little pot to the brim with snow from the pile for making snow treats, then placed it back on the bones he had made to dry out the pine cones at the left edge of the fire basin to melt overnight.

Once they were done cleaning up and putting things away, they played together a bit before bedtime. Then they climbed into bed, Papyrus making his blue bones disappear to darken the room. Sans pulled up the fabrics over them as Papyrus snuggled up to his brother, clutching his beloved Teddy in the crook of his arm.

Sans told Papyrus all about the shopkeepers he had met and the things he had seen. He noticed that his brother had fallen asleep somewhere during the part where he was returning home. He nuzzled into his brother’s forehead and followed him into slumber.

The soft crackle of the magical flame drifted throughout the shelter, its gentle rhythm reminiscent of the pattering of raindrops on windows. The sound was lost on the ears of the little skeleton, sitting in silence on the bed, watching his brother.

Sans was laying on his side, curled up, facing the wall, and had remained motionless for a long time. Papyrus had crept into the bed to sit next to him, unsure if his brother was sleeping or lying awake. He didn’t dare touch him, since he didn’t know if he was in pain, especially given all the contorting and violent jerking his body had made. So he just sat there, watching his brother’s back sadly, lending his presence as the only form of comfort he could offer his hurting brother.

Sans had been staring at a particular spot on the wall since he had set his head down on the bits of fabric he had gathered up. He was too upset to cry, too wound up to sleep. All he could do was think.

What was wrong with him?

What was happening to him when he tried to do that magic? When he was thinking about that...time? Why did it feel like he was experiencing it all over again? Was he losing his mind? Going crazy? What were they going to do now if they were captured? If he couldn’t get him and his brother out of the cavern with his magic, there was no way they’d escape and continue living their lives together. Why could he do it before, but not now, when they needed it? When they needed him to jump from place to place to get food or to escape if spotted?

What is wrong with me?!

He couldn’t do this new magic, simple as that. He was too stupid to even understand how to master it. Look at how long it took him to even try to do it. How many times did he mess it up before he finally figured out all the steps? He was so dumb, the first two times he did it were a complete accident. Why on earth did he think he would be able to have the intelligence to grasp the simple steps this magic required? And now, he was so damaged, he couldn’t do it anymore. Not damaged in the body—damaged in his stupid, broken mind. How pathetic! So afraid to mess up again and find his body crushed again. Because that’s what happened—he messed up. Couldn’t even do the magic right, then winds up battered in the very cave that his mother left him and his brother in. The cave where his mother trusted he would take care of his brother. How was that turning out?! Papyrus is out here starving, alone, freezing—for crying out loud, he almost died because of him! He can’t do anything right. Maybe it’s best if they do get caught—that way Papyrus will have a normal life, a healthy life, a better life. A life without him.

Useless.

Worthless.

Should have just died in that cave.

Papyrus would have been better off.

Papyrus didn’t know why, but something deep in his soul urged him to put his hand on his brother’s shoulder at that moment.

The sudden touch made Sans jump, gasping sharply. His eyes opened wide, and the thoughts were immediately halted.

Papyrus felt bad for scaring his brother, but he kept his hand on Sans’ shoulder. He started rubbing it soothingly, not knowing what else to do for him.

Sans relaxed from the initial shock, curling up tighter into himself as he felt Papyrus’ hand on him. He shut his eyes tight and began sobbing.

Papyrus’ heart broke for his brother. Why was he so sad? He still didn’t understand anything that was going on, and it made him feel utterly helpless.

Sans heard the dark thoughts seep back into his mind, wishing they would stop, but knowing they were right.

Papyrus couldn’t bear to hear his brother crying so hard anymore. He stepped over his brother to be in front of him and got down to lie beside him. Then he hugged his brother as best he could, nestling his head into Sans’ chest.

Sans wrapped his arms around his brother tightly, curling up to hug his brother with his whole self, and cried, loudly and uncontrollably, into his brother’s shoulder. The dark thoughts dissipated into the nothingness they had come from.

 -

 Sans lay sniffling, exhausted from his inner torment. Papyrus never broke the hug, never stopped holding on.

Sans finally found the strength to speak. “...I’m so sorry.... Pap, I’m so sorry....”

Papyrus’ words were muffled as he still had his cheek pressed against Sans’ chest. “Why Sas sorry? Nufin for Sas to be sorry bout.”

Sans uttered a painful groan, giving his brother a squeeze. “Yes, I do, Pap.... Yes, I do....”

Papyrus shook his head against his brother’s chest. “No, Sas. Sas did nufin wron.”

Sans whimpered, hugging his brother tighter. Papyrus understood this to mean that his brother didn’t believe him.

The little skeleton pushed back and sat up, cross-legged, near Sans’ head. His brother’s eyes were open, but didn’t follow him.

Papyrus gave a frustrated, worried sigh, putting his hands on his knees.

“No! Sas. Did. Nufin. Wron!” he said, punctuating each syllable strongly, his tone firm, almost angry.

Sans shut his eyes tightly, his brow furrowed in guilt.

Papyrus grabbed his brother’s skull at the cheekbones with shaky hands.

“Lookit me!” he cried out, his voice shrill.

Sans’ eyes snapped open, looking up into his brother’s eyes fearfully.

Papyrus’ face was livid, but his voice betrayed his sorrow. He kept his hands on Sans’ head, making sure his brother didn’t turn away.

“Sas did nufin wron. Pa don know why Sas hurt or mad or sad. Pa here wif Sas, wanna fix Sas. But Sas don wanna tell Pa wass wron.”

Sans laid there, his head held up by Papyrus. He kept looking into his brother’s narrowed eyes until the shame made him turn his eyes downward.

“Does Sas no love Pa anymore?”

Sans gasped, his eyes returning to his brother’s instantly, widening. Papyrus’ eyes were fierce, yet his lip quivered, terrified to hear the answer.  

Sans immediately sat up, facing his brother, speaking as he shifted, his eye contact never breaking. “No, no no no, of course I still love you.”

He pulled Papyrus’ hands into his own.

“Papyrus, I could never stop loving you. You’re my brother....”

Papyrus looked up at him, the fire still in his eyes. “Den tell me! Wass wron, Sas?”

“Pap,” Sans spoke softly. “It’s so complicated, you wouldn’t understand....”

“Is Pa dumb?”

Sans blinked. “Wh-? No, of course you’re not dumb.”

“Den tell me, Sas. Den see if Pa unustan.”

Sans shut his eyes and sighed, defeated. “Ok....”

He let go of Papyrus’ hands and folded them under his ribcage, laying on his lap. Struggling to find the words to begin, he rocked slowly. Papyrus sat patiently, his angry expression melting into concern.

There was no sense sugarcoating it.

“I did something incredibly stupid....”

This was so much harder than he thought.

“...And I messed up. Really, really bad....”

His brother was listening to every word, refusing to interrupt, even though his eyes twitched, indicating that he really wanted to interject. Sans wished he would, so he didn’t have to confess any more. But he continued.

“It was that day we were so tired from walking, and we both fell asleep as soon as we got here. I woke up, and you were sleeping, so I went out to get snow, because we were out. And I was still so tired, my legs hurt, and I knew we had to go all the way back out the following day, and I just....”

Sans was breathing heavily, his words coming out more and more rapidly. He caught himself, closed his eyes, and breathed in deeply. He exhaled slowly, opened his eyes, then continued at a calmer pace. Papyrus listened intently.

“I thought about the place where we finished foraging for the day, and tried to figure out how to make our trips easier on us, and....somehow, I was there.”

Papyrus’ eyes opened wide, his mouth dropping, but still remained silent.

“I...I was just there. And I remembered that when I found you in the snow.... Wh-when I was desperate to get you back here.... I somehow got here. So I knew I had done it before, and I had brought you with me. I was so happy, because I finally found a way we could look for food without walking for so long and so far. It took me a while to figure out how I even did it. When I did, I was able to get to the place with the mushrooms, and even the tunnel in the cavern.”

Sans shut his eyes and sighed, forcing himself to continue. Papyrus hung on every word patiently.

“Th-then, I did something incredibly stupid, Pap.... I thought, ‘hey, let’s see if I can go to our old house....’ And...and I was so excited to be able to see our house again, and...and I thought maybe Daddy was there, waiting for us, and that’s why we haven’t found him yet...and I just wanted to see him again, then come back and take you home, and be a family again....”

Tears were trickling down Sans’ face as the words started coming out in sharp sobs. Papyrus looked up at him sadly as he went on.

“...So, I tried to go there...and then—”

—the crash, his skull, his arms, his leg, his chest, the pain.

He flinched violently again, but suppressed the urge to scream out, stifling it with a clenched grunt. Papyrus gasped, moving towards him slightly, but decided against interrupting his brother with words or his touch. Sans turned his head back forward, breathing heavily, giving himself a moment before he continued speaking.

“Th-then, something went wrong. Terribly wrong, Pap.... It all happened so fast, but...I...I must have hit that clear wall that appeared in the cave up above the hole. That’s how I got hurt.... And I was laying there, in so much pain for so long.... And I knew I was dying.... All I wanted to do was come back to say...to say goodbye to you.... So, I used all the strength I had left to use the magic and came back here...where you found me.... An-and, and—” The floodgates he had been holding up finally broke. “—and it’s all my fault! You never should have seen me like that! You never should have seen me in that condition! I scared you! I hurt you! I practically died right in front of you! It’s my fault you have nightmares every night now! It’s my fault we can’t get more food because I can’t even do the magic now without feeling like the accident is happening all over again! It’s my fault we’re going to get caught because I can’t bring us back here because I’m too stupid and broken to do it anymore! But maybe we should get caught, because you’d be better off without me! They can take better care of you then I ever could! I deserve to lose you! It’s all my fault! It’s all my fault!!!”

He buried his face in his hands and wept bitterly, his shoulders shaking.

Now Papyrus knew. Everything made so much more sense now. It was like watching puzzle pieces slide into place. He stood up and sat in his brother’s lap and hugged him. Sans wrapped his arms around him and cried on his shoulder.

“Pa better wif Sas,” Papyrus whispered. “Pa always better wif Sas.”

“...N-no you’re not...,” Sans sobbed weakly.

“Pa don wan anybody else. Pa on’y wan Sas. Pa love Sas more dan anyfin. Pa love Sas, an will nevah leave Sas. An if Pa lose Sas, Pa nevah be happy evah agan. Pa on’y happy wif Sas, cuz Pa love Sas so, so, soooo much.” He emphasized this with a tighter hug.”

“But Papyrus,” Sans protested with a whimper. “I messed up so bad. I was so stupid. So stupid.... and now...now I’m useless....”

“Sas no stupid, no looseless,” Papyrus said firmly. “Dis no Sas’ fault. Sas din do anyfin wron. Pa no mad at Sas for gettin hurt. Sas had axyden, no Sas’ fault.”

“I’m so sorry, Papyrus.... I should never have done something so stupid.... You...you were all alone.... I could have been killed, and you’d never have known what happened to me....”

Papyrus rubbed his brother’s back gently. “Sas din know....”

The anger Sans held for himself rose up, his words spitting out through clenched teeth. “I should have known! I should have been smarter than that! I shouldn’t have done something so stupid with magic I wasn’t even sure how to use!”

Papyrus pulled back to look up at him. “Sas din know. Sas no stupid. Sas use magic, it work dere, dere, an dere. Sas din know magic no work to go home.”

Sans’ anger receded slightly. “Well...no, but—”

“Sas din know, so Sas try.”

“Yeah, but—”

“No,” Papyrus interrupted firmly, yet gently. “When Sas show Pa howda make blue bones, Pa din know. So Pa try.”

Sans wiped his eyes and stopped sobbing, utterly confused, trying to understand where Papyrus was going with this. “Yeah...?”

“Pa din know if Pa make bones go WOOSH an hurt Sas an Pa,” the little skeleton said, swiping his arm to illustrate.

“Well, no, but—”

“Pa din know, but Pa try anyway. Cuz Sas say it ok.”

“Yeah,” Sans said, blinking. “Of course it would be ok, I showed you how to do it, and there wouldn’t have been any way you could have made blue bones shoot off with the way I showed you.”

“Zactly!” Papyrus exclaimed. “Sas show Pa howda do blue so blue work and no hurt!”

“But—”

“Sas don have anybody to show howda make magic to go dere, dere, an dere! Sas don have anybody to say ‘Do dis, Sas, dis right. No, Sas, don do dat, dat hurt.’ Sas don have anybody to show, so Sas din know. Sas no stupid, no looseless. Sas din know, so Sas try. Sas got hurt, but Sas din know would hurt. Sas din know, not Sas’ fault.”

Sans’ eyes were wide open, as was his mouth.

His brother was right.

Sans discovered a form of magic he found he could do by accident, and had no one to guide him with it. There was no way he could have known it would have caused himself so much harm. He didn’t know anything about it, so all he could do was experiment with it. After succeeding in getting to different locations, he had no reason to believe the outcome that nearly killed him would have happened. He had no way of knowing. Why was he being so hard on himself for making such an innocuous mistake?

Sans hugged his brother tightly, feeling like an enormous weight had been lifted from his soul. “Papyrus, you are the most brilliant skeleton in the world....”

“No, Sas,” Papyrus answered. “You mos bilyint skeleyton in da wold. Sas dis much more smart dan Pa.” He leaned back and stretched his arms out as wide as he could.

Sans raised an eyebrow and grinned mischievously, unable to help himself. “Oh yeah?”

He tickled his brother under his outstretched arms, sending Papyrus into a fit of squirming giggles. Sans wrestled him to his back, relentlessly tickling his ribs, sides, and under his chin. Papyrus writhed this way and that, trying to escape his brother’s seeking fingers that were everywhere upon him, squealing and laughing.

“Sas! No! Stop!” He struggled to utter between giggles. “No tickle Pa!”

Sans leaned back on his knees, letting Papyrus go. The little skeleton gasped for breath as his giggling died off. Without warning, Sans resumed his tickle attack.

Sans stood out in the snow just outside the shelter, trembling fiercely. He sucked in air in sharp gasps, struggling to breathe, and staggered. His legs and knees were too weak and could no longer support him. They buckled, forcing him to collapse upon his stomach.

He slowly shut his eyes as he feebly slammed his left hand down on to the snow.

“I...I can’t—”

 -

 The day before, after the tickle fight and dinner, Sans sat with Papyrus on the bed quietly. Sans had been in deep thought throughout the meal about his new magic—or rather, his failure to do his new magic.

Thanks to his brother, Sans understood that he shouldn’t harbor any blame or guilt for what led to the accident. That didn’t, however, answer why he couldn’t do the magic without feeling like the accident happened all over again. He needed to figure that out—fast—because their food supplies were dangerously low.

It had been weeks since they had last foraged for food—aside from the pine cones—and they desperately needed to get to the darkened area for more mouseshroom nightlights. But with the threat of monsters leaving the cavern, walking out in the valley for hours at a time was exceedingly risky. Sans needed to get his magic to work, or his brother would starve.

Papyrus could tell that Sans had something on his mind, so he nudged his brother’s knee as he sat across from him on the bed.

“What Sas finkin bout?”

Sans snapped out of his train of thought and blinked back to reality. He sighed deeply, rubbing the sides of his lap nervously.

“I’m thinking about that new magic, and why I can’t do it anymore. Every time I think about doing it, I keep feeling like I’m getting hurt all over again.”

Papyrus’ eyebrows creased worriedly. “Sas hurt?”

Sans waggled his hands. “No, no, I’m not actually getting hurt again. It just feels like I am.”

Sans heaved another sigh.

Papyrus looked down and played with a bit of fabric by his foot. “M’sorry....”

“It’s ok,” Sans said, leaning back on the bed, supporting himself up with his hands by his sides.

“Mebbe—” Papyrus started, then went quiet, focusing on the fabric piece.

Sans sat back up, urging him to continue gently. “Maybe what?”

“No, s’dumb,” he mumbled, eyes still down.

Sans’ face furrowed momentarily. “Nothing you say is ever dumb, Pap. You’ve got brilliant ideas, you know that.”

The side of Papyrus’ mouth twitched, not believing his brother’s words.

Sans leaned down in front of his brother’s face and grinned. “Papyrus, you have some of the best ideas I’ve ever heard. If you don’t believe me, then I will tickle you again until next week.”

At this, Papyrus giggled, curling himself up to prevent any tickling fingers from finding his weak spots. “No!”

“Yes,” Sans said, a mischievous grin growing on his face.

“Kay, kay,” the little skeleton conceded. “But Pa don know if Sas fink it dumb. Pa don know if Sas feel hurt wif it.”

Sans tilted his head, his grin dying. “I’m sure it won’t hurt me, Pap. What is it? Really, I’m desperate to try anything to get this magic to work.”

Papyrus took a deep breath and released it. “Well, Sas say he go dere, dere, dere an not get hurt, right?” He pointed out various directions with each “dere”.

“Yeah,” his brother said, sitting up straight. “I was able to go to a few different places before. And...and then—” He flinched.

“Tell Pa where Sas go,” Papyrus said, looking up at him.

“Well,” Sans said, holding up a hand and counting on his fingers. “The first time was just outside, and that was when I was carrying you with me. The second was out on the trail in the spot we had finished. Then I went to the darkened area, then the tunnel, then—”

“Stop!” Papyrus shouted suddenly, making Sans jump.

“Wh-what?” Sans gasped.

“Don say more places. Das enough.”

Sans blinked, then twisted his eyebrows in confusion. “Um...okay...?”

Papyrus pointed at his brother’s face. “When Sas fink bout uver places, Sas don hurt, don make face like dis.” He imitated Sans’ flinching expression.

“Well, no,” Sans agreed.

“Sas on’y have one axyden, right?”

“Yeah...just the one.”

Papyrus grinned. “Sas! Das good!”

Sans raised an eyebrow and frowned. “Pap, in what world is that good?!”

The little skeleton shook his head “No, no. Axyden not good. On’y one is good!”

Sans blinked wide as he shook his head slowly, thoroughly confused, and didn’t even know how to answer. Papyrus sensed he wasn’t getting through, so he explained further.

“Sas go outside wif Pa—no axyden. Sas go farway snow we dig—no axyden. Sas go darky ayea—no axyden. Sas go tunnel—no axyden. Den, Sas have axyden.”

Sans watched as Papyrus held up four fingers on his hand. “Das four no axydens.” He held up his other hand with a single finger. “And on’y one axyden.”

“Ok,” Sans said slowly. “I see what you’re saying....”

“One axyden—don fink bout.” He hid the hand with one finger behind his back. He moved the hand with four fingers closer to Sans. “Four no axydens—on’y fink bout dem.”

“That’s great and all, Pap,” Sans sighed. “But it’s not that easy. I wasn’t thinking about the accident when I started feeling like I was going through it again.”

“Pa know,” he said, putting his hand down. “But las time Sas do magic, Sas have axyden, and dat what Sas fink bout.”

Sans blinked, looking away as his brother’s words seeped in. Sans wasn’t sure what he was thinking about the day before when he tried to get him and his brother to the darkened area, but that had to have been in the back of his mind.

“I don’t know, Pap,” he said, returning his eyes to his brother. “I wasn’t really thinking about it at all. What if it’s too deep in my mind? What if I never get over it?”

Papyrus looked up at his brother sadly, recalling a detail his brother had mentioned a while back. “Sas had axyden where Mommy was....”

Sans flinched, grabbing his head and shutting his eyes tight. After a few seconds, he opened them and let his hands fall back to his lap as he grunted his answer. “Y-yeah....”

“Dat way Sas an Pa come in, dat have big winnow in it now.”

Sans tilted his head, his breath steady now. “A ‘big window’?”

Pap answered, illustrating with his hands. “Yeah, big winnow Sas an Pa bang on but no open.”

“Oh, yeah,” Sans said, realizing what his brother meant. “That clear wall blocking the opening. Yeah.”

“Pa fink dat big winnow bad.”

Sans clutched his chest, thinking of how he had been pinned in the barrier as it came down over the cave opening. How it had sliced through his soul, permanently reduced his health, almost killed him—twice, now—and how it trapped them inside the mountain. He whined just thinking about it.

“Yeah, Pap.... That big window is definitely bad....”

“Dat winnow not in da four no axydens,” Papyrus stated, putting his hand on his brother’s knee.

“No,” Sans answered, his voice still low. “No, it’s not.”

Papyrus stood up and took hold of his brother’s face by the cheekbones to look him squarely in the eyes.

“Dat big winnow make axyden. Don go to big winnow. Uver places safe fom big winnow, so Sas can go to uver places wifout gettin hurt.”

Sans cringed sadly, really wishing it was as easy as his little brother made it seem. He averted his eyes again, doubt creeping into his mind.

Papyrus put his forehead against Sans’ and looked squarely into his brother’s eyes. He spoke firmly, yet softly.

“Big winnow make axyden. Not Sas. Sas can do magic. Pa bewieve in Sas.”

Sans shut his eyes for a moment, then reached up and pulled his brother in for a hug.

“Thanks for believing in me, Papyrus.... That means a lot....”

 -

 Sans slept on his brother’s words, waking up a couple times from nightmares of the incident. While his sleep might have been broken, he was extremely glad to see that Papyrus wasn’t having any of his own nightmares. Looks like the talk they had did them both good.

After each nightmare, Sans tried to push the fear and anxiety away and struggled to focus on the times he had succeeded with his magic—just as Papyrus had suggested. It was extremely hard to do, as the dark thoughts were louder than the good ones.

Fortunately, the fight between the two sides was so exhausting, Sans fell asleep quickly each time.

 -

 Sans regretted eating breakfast. The mushrooms sat heavy in his nervous stomach, making him feel slightly ill.

Sans regretted deciding to try the new magic after breakfast even more. Why did he agree to Papyrus’ suggestion?

Sans sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the wall across from him as his brother sat beside him silently. He tried to keep his mind on the positives, while the reasons he shouldn’t even bother attempting it crawled up and choked at him.

Papyrus broke his silence gently. “Sas did good so far.”

Sans gave a short, hollow laugh and stared at his hands. “Yeah....”

Earlier that morning, Papyrus mentioned that he should think about doing the magic before actually attempting it, so that his fear became more manageable.

So Sans went through every step except the final one—taking a literal step forward. The first few times he tried, he flinched as soon as he shut his eyes. Papyrus was right there, comforting him with soothing words and gentle hugs.

Then he was able to focus on where he wanted to go—the darkened area. This also started off difficult, as the picture of the area with the mouseshroom nightlights and glowing gems in the wall soon turned into the dark cave with its iridescent barrier that taunted his mind. At last, he could clearly see the darkened area and was able to hold on to the image.

By breakfast, Sans had been able to get through all but the final step without flinching. Papyrus thought this was an amazing breakthrough and used breakfast to celebrate.

Sans wished he had an ounce of his brother’s confidence in him. Papyrus didn’t have any idea what a mess up his brother really was....

Papyrus put his hand on his brother’s back, leaning his head on his brother’s arm. “Really, Sas did good so far. Sas can do it.”

Sans heaved a deep sigh, then stood up from the bed. He had to get this over with, hesitating was only making things worse. And he needed to do this now—the mushrooms they had eaten were the last pair. They didn’t have enough food for dinner, so time to get this magic right had all but run out.

“O-ok,” Sans stammered, his voice as shaky as his legs. “I’m just going to try a short trip, in case anything bad...happens....”

He started rethinking the whole thing, then shook his head, wiping the doubts away.

Papyrus jumped off the bed and took Sans’ hand.

“No, Pap,” Sans said, turning to him. “I don’t dare take you with me yet.”

The little skeleton looked up sadly.

Sans hugged him tightly. “Papyrus, I still don’t know if this is going to work. If anything ever happened to you, I’d never forgive myself. I have to make this first trip by myself.”

Papyrus hugged back, his voice betraying his hurt. “Ok....”

“And listen,” Sans said, pulling back to face his brother. “I’m going to try to go right outside. If anything happens to me, I’m depending on you to heal me. You’ve got a far more important job than I do, so that’s why I can’t take you with me. I’m not leaving you behind, Pap. I need you here to help me if something goes wrong.”

Papyrus’ face lit up momentarily, then he raised his eyebrow and grinned heroically. “Pa potec Sas. Pa fix Sas wif gween if hurt.”

“Great,” Sans grinned, rubbing the top of his brother’s head. “I knew I could depend on you.”

Sans went to stand in the center of the main room. Papyrus backed up against the bed, keeping an eye on his brother.

Sans shifted from foot to foot nervously, breathing heavily in an effort not to hyperventilate. He shut his eyes as he tried to talk himself down under his breath.

“Oookay, Sans...you’ve got this, you can do this, just relax, just focus, just breathe, just....”

He whimpered, cringing at the thought of his body going through all that damage again.

“Sas!”

His eyes shot open at his brother’s call.

Papyrus stood in front of him, smiling. “I bewieve in you!”

Sans smiled warmly, bolstered by his brother’s words. He gave the little skeleton a nod.

He shut his eyes and took a deep breath in, held it, then released it slowly. He pictured one of the open areas just outside the shelter, keeping it firmly framed in his mind.

It’s going to hurt....

He flinched slightly, then shook his head. No, I’ll be fine. I’ll be ok.

The image of the area came back into his mind’s view. He studied the snow, the placement of the boulders near it, and where the shelter was from its location.

I really want to go there, I need to know if I can do this. I need to be in that spot, please take me there safely.

His feet felt like lead. Urging himself while holding the picture in his mind, repeating his desire to be there, he cautiously lifted his left foot. His entire body was shaking feverishly as panic gripped him tightly. He was terrified that laying his foot down meant he would be setting it at death’s door again.

Please...keep me safe.... Please...I need to go there.... I need to know.... He is depending on me.... I want to go right there, right now....

He moved his foot forward and felt it hit the floor. The deafening fwoosh filled his ears, and he tried to cry out in terror, but the blast of wind pushed his voice back into his throat. The moment it started, the sensation ended, though his panic did not. He opened his eyes slowly.

Sans was standing out in the valley, just outside the shelter, trembling fiercely. He sucked in gulps of air in sharp gasps, struggling to breathe, and staggered forward. His legs and knees were too weak with relief from the fear he had embraced and could no longer support him. They buckled, forcing him to collapse down upon his stomach in the snow.

He slowly shut his eyes as he feebly slammed his left hand down on to the snow in triumph.

“I...I can’t—” he gasped. “I-I can’t believe it.... I did it.... I did it....”

Papyrus was running towards him, calling out for him. “Sas! Sas!”

Sans shakily raised his head to his brother’s voice. “Pap....”

The little skeleton flung himself onto the snow at his brother’s side. “Sas hurt?!”

Sans grinned weakly. “No...no, I’m fine.... Just...tired....”

With Papyrus’ help, he got up to sit in the snow. He was still breathing heavily.

Papyrus still looked concerned, and Sans shook his head.

“I’m ok.... I was just so terrified.... and when it happened, it was loud and fast, and I was so scared I was going to wind up hurt again.... I’m still shaking from being so panicked like that. I just need a minute, I’ll be fine.”

Sans sat back, putting his hands in the snow to hold himself up. He started laughing softly, his grin widening.

“Pap...I did it.”

Papyrus’ face split into a grin. “Sas did it!”

“I did it.”

Papyrus came in to give him a crushing hug, giggling happily.

“Pa knew Sas could do it! Pa beweived in you!”