Kimtana’s Blogurnal

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448851/chapters/70819302

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448851/chapters/67883938

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448851/chapters/67805969

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Seeing that I was heading down the same, familiar spiral into the depths of darkness, I did what I always do when I am about to tumble down.

I prepared for the inevitable.

I planned to set updates for TBMP on AO3 to automated, because if things turned out really poorly, the story would still continue on without me. The story would conclude, and my job as the story's writer would be fulfilled.

When I posted that TBMP would update automatically, I only intended to inform the readers why there wouldn't be any responses to comments, or posts about updates on tumblr and DA.

What I didn't expect was the kindness and support that came in response.

But what really broke me was this portion of a comment on DA:

“...i really love your story but most of all i love how you take the time to read and respond to my comments on AO3 it makes my day....”

As much as I love writing this story, what I loved most about publishing chapters was reading through the comments—seeing the responses to situations, cheering with the brothers, adoring the “fluff” that occasionally showed up, and more.

I had no idea that my responses to the comments I loved reading mattered to anyone. And I certainly had no idea that they could possibly make anyone's day.

All I've ever wanted to do with my work—my YouTube videos, TBMP—is help people who are broken and hurting, just like me. And I can't tell you how much I feel like I failed, time and time again, at doing so. I just wanted to make people's lives shine just a little bit more with what I did, despite whatever pain they were enduring, and I couldn't do it....

So to read that comment...it was like the person had created a blue bone in the pitch-black room I was trapped in. It snapped me out of the thought process I was stuck on—everyone's better off without me, no one needs me, I can't do anything right—and illuminated what my depression had made me do—give up the things that made me, and others, feel better.

Because depression robs you of those things. And it had robbed me. But I didn't know, because depression robbed me of my healthy thinking, too.

Does all this sound familiar? If you read TBMP, then it should. How many times did Sans isolate, with the comment section screaming for him to just talk to Papyrus? Well, Sans got it all from me.

And much like Sans, I needed a Papyrus. And those of you who reached out the last couple days have been the Papyrus I needed when I was hurting up in my hideaway in the stone formation.

So why am I saying all this?

Because, in this tiny moment of clarity I have, I understand that there is probably someone reading this right now who is in their own hideaway for the same sorts of reasons.

To that person, I say this—don't give up.

You are not alone. There are people who care about you that you may not even realize care about you.

Reach out. Don't isolate, don't push people away. Please.

Get help. There's so many free resources, a quick google search will show you the ones closest to you. Therapists are pivotal, and after I write this, I'm shooting my own therapist an email for a sooner appointment.

I'm nowhere near “better,” but I can take this moment to change my actions towards the overwhelming situations that I'm facing that led to this downward spiral. I can't change my situations, but I have complete control in how I react to them.

And I'm making a cup of chamomile tea. Haven't had any in a few days, and that certainly didn't help, so that's next on my list. It helps me, and I never should have stopped. Don't stop the things that help your mental state, it's never a good idea, even if you think you're not worth taking/doing it.

And to everyone—everyone—reading this: You have no idea what your kindness or compassionate words or even a smile can do to someone on their worst day. That friend you haven't heard from in a while—shoot them a text. That coworker who seems down—compliment them. That story writer who responds to your comments that make your day—let them know, because they may have no idea that their words have the impact they have on you.

So, sorry this was long, but, seriously, I'm a writer, long writing is all I know how to do. I just needed to write this up, post it, update my situation, and hopefully help someone else struggling in the process.

Thank you all for your continuing support. I don't deserve it, but you still all continually give it graciously.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448851/chapters/67618514

Hope y’all enjoy!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448851/chapters/67535297

Hope y’all enjoy!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448851/chapters/67429042

Hope you guys enjoy!

Chapter 50(!!!) of “Two Brothers, Many Paths” is up on AO3!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448851/chapters/67317220

Thank you all for reading, enjoying, sharing, and loving this beloved story of my two precious boys. From the bottom of my soul, I thank you!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448851/chapters/67218235

Hope you guys enjoy!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448851/chapters/67088365

Hope you guys enjoy!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448851/chapters/66995878

Hope you guys enjoy! Don’t forget, if you have any questions about the story, feel free to ask me here or in the comments on AO3 or DA!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448851/chapters/66873778

Hope you guys enjoy!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448851/chapters/66725599

Enjoy this chapter with two not-at-all-spooky scary skeletons!

Happy Halloween!

Skribbly_sketches123 illustrated my UT 5yr/Ch 25 poem amazingly on Wattpad!

https://www.wattpad.com/973974476-art-book-d-two-brothers-many-paths

And Anubisisbunagirl awesomely depicted a scene from Ch 44!

https://www.deviantart.com/anubisisbunagirl/art/Look-at-all-the-pastries-859614829

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448851/chapters/66607609

Hope you enjoy!

https://www.deviantart.com/anubisisbunagirl/art/Two-brothers-859433493

Please show Anubisisbunagirl all the love in the world for this adorable pic of my darling boys!!! Watch, favorite, comment, and enjoy!!! :D

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448851/chapters/66511927

And it’s a big one....