#tbelle

I know he shouldn’t, i’m not really excusing it bc it’s really shitty for me. But “safe foods” is a really difficult notion atm. There aren’t really much that’s safe for me that we know of. 

The other thing is that I haven’t told him about the trigger so I need to tell him how it’s affecting me. I told him I don’t like it and that chips are all i have, but i think he's worried about enabling me to hurt myself by not eating a variety of healthy foods. 

He does... LOL 

And he eats them too. But he forgets or something, i dunno. 

It just reminds me of when i was a kid and my parents would be upset with me if i finished something in the house, like cookies or chips or something. I always felt so guilty for eating stuff bc they always made me feel like i should put as little into my body as possible or i was a failure. 

So this is really REALLY playing into some of my childhood-teenage struggles with family and food. I keep getting flashbacks and i feel like i can’t eat anything. 

So i think part of why this is such a big deal for me is bc it’s highly triggering for me from my past. My family has always treated me like i was too fat and should eat way less and take up way less space. So being chastised for finishing the chips all the time is killing me, especially when it’s one of the only things i feel safe eating.