Life is just unfair I feel like. Iâve never felt so abandoned before, other than when I was first abandoned a long time ago. But this time was so much worse. Both Patrick and Elessar didnât want me around during the Gala, and I was so bored. Patrick said it was because I messed up when I made that wolf, something I donât think counts as messing up since I didnât kill her. Then Elessar said that he needed a break from me, but I donât know why.Â
It sucks. After they served us food, I just left. I donât know anyone in the memorial, and I was so bored I didnât want to be there anymore. What sucks is that I have nowhere to go. So I just decided to go home. Even if Patrick and Elessar arenât around, I still have my family. They were all pretty happy to see me too, and they let me talk about why Iâm upset.Â
I know that eventually Patrick has to talk to me, because all this gang stuff is coming to an end, and he needs me there. Then after, maybe Elessar will want to not be on break anymore. I think heâd be happy to know that Iâm going to kill the people who kidnapped him. Once all of that is done, things will be better and not unfair anymore. I canât wait.Â
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She was so pretty. Like the lights of Seoul. The lights outside kept going long after hers stopped. It was a good idea to go hunting in Korea instead of hunting here - no matter how strong the urges are to find that little nurse. Cute thing. I fear that would be dirtying my hands too close to home though. I'm sure the punishment would be severe if I was to hunt within the city - or at least, if it was to be uncovered.
She's too pretty, too well-seen.
Damn it.
Mi-Cha... she was certainly beautiful, though. I barely had to seduce her. She was hungry for it. The glow on her face after she came... her smile... It was almost as sweet as the essence I siphoned from her... Almost as sweet as the fear in her dying eyes. Perhaps I acted too quickly. She was delicious. I could have held onto her a bit longer.
It has been way too long since I last saw Elessar. He wanted his space after I accidentally killed him, and now Iâm bored. I didnât mean to kill him that time either, it just happened. He did look peaceful laying dead like that, and now I can see why he likes it when Iâm dead too. But ever since he spoke with Patrick, he hasnât been killing me at all. I know Patrick knows best, and Elessar has shown me other ways to enjoy myself, but I long to feel death again. Itâs frustrating that I canât now.
Because Elessar wants his space, I have to find other ways to pass the time. I didnât think it would be this hard to find someone in the city to play with. All the people at the Chateau are boring, and I canât even hurt the ones at the Bordel. Itâs really making me think twice about living here. Or maybe I just miss Elessar. I think Patrick would say that I miss him. Itâs weird, I donât think Iâve ever missed someone before. I donât even miss my family when I leave them for a few days, but I know they miss me.Â
I think Iâm just bored, I should do something to fix it. Patrick doesnât like it when Iâm bored, but I canât help it. I donât have anything to do while Elessar is on a break. I could look into the gang more, but theyâve gone abnormally silent. Should I be worried about that? Nah, I want to find something to do. Maybe Iâll text Patrick and tell him Iâm bored, that usually make him find something for me.Â
You know, I keep sitting here wondering how many dogs in this world can go without a home. Itâs like people canât see what a genuine beast these pups all have the potential to be. I brought in this sweet girl the other day, scared to death after being abandoned, and she wouldnât leave my side tilâ she fell asleep. She may wind up being the next foster fail.
Are we all damned to the same fate? Supernaturals stuck living our lives, loving people with expiring dates, and here we are going on? I went to visit mommaâs grave a few weeks ago. Then I went to visit my great-niece and nephew. All sworn to secrecy about this life. I mean hell, they want to keep getting the money from the company, so naturally theyâre not saying a damn thing. But thereâs another thing. Who wants to live forever when all youâre left with is shitty people? Makes a guy wonder how the vamps do it. Iâll ask Effy one of these days....Â
Sitting at the desk at work she sighed, today had been a rather tough day for her. Sleep hadnât came to her last night, her mind running a million different directions which didnât allow her to fall asleep. The moment she had fallen asleep, she heard Gavin and had gotten up with him. Not like sleep was going to help her much now. She would have had to be at work shortly after falling asleep anyways. Pushing the thoughts from her mind she continued to type of the report that was sitting in front of her. It was a mess, whoever had written this report needed to work on their penmanship if they wanted someone else to type it up for them. Xandra grumbled as she continued to write. The woman could feel her emotions starting to get the best of her, the chatter all around her from the officers and other office workers had started to grate on her already worn thin nerves. Didnât these people have something else better to do with their lives than sit there and gossip with one another? As much as the woman tried to not listen in she was finding herself listening in and hearing the woman and men in the office talk about the newest relationships the rumors that some broke up and the just plain nasty comments that some made towards one another. The blonde shook her head and finished up her last sentence on that particular report before she saved and submitted it for the officer that had asked her to type up and submit it for him. Xandra didnât mind doing that sort of thing, it wasnât like she had anything else to do with her time. There hadnât been much that needed filed or typed up recently. Probably because her and a few other of the girls that did desk duty had finally caught everything up.
Hearing the gossip continue between her co-workers she grumbled. âReally?â she muttered out. They had been going at their little gossip group for nearly an hour. The last thing Xandra really cared about was listening to how the chief was sleeping with a new rookie cop. That news didnât surprise Xandra. Hell, the woman had walked in on him in his office more than once with a rookie bent over his desk. What these new women seen in the boss-- she would never know. The man was vile and much older than most of them. Maybe it was their way of making sure that they didnât get crappy assignments? Xandra couldnât be for sure. She would never do that, it grossed her out to just think about it. For their sake she just hoped that these women were getting good assignments out of it and not just sleeping with him to be put on the crap assignments again. That would have been something that would cause Xandra to flip her lid if she were one of those women. When she had logged off the computer in front of her, she stood up and grabbed her water bottle and was planning on going to fill up the diffuser bottle that already had lemon and lime slices in the diffuser part-- ready for the moment that she filled it up with water. As she stood up the women that were sitting at the other desk gave her a funny look, which Xandra ignored for the moment. All she wanted to do was go and get her water. Not deal with their petty antics.
Going to fill up the water bottle up, she came back after it was filled. Popping the cap on the water bottle she walked back to her desk. It was still a bit early to head to lunch, but she had needed the short walk. It woke her back up and stretched her aching back and legs. Her body hated her almost all the time anymore. Taking a sip of her water, she made a happy sigh as she headed towards her desk. Before she could make it all the way back to her desk, one of the women that had been gossiping for most of the day stopped her. âXandra, no offense but, you look like complete shit. Stay up too late fucking all the men that you can?â the officer asked her. Xandra stopped dead. That woman, this officer, did not just go there. The blonde turned towards the woman and gave her a dirty look. That was one of Xandraâs largest pet peeves. When someone would say âNo Offense but,â or any form of using that. Obviously if you start a sentence with âNo offenseâ you are purposely about to offend that person and not even care. That was exactly what this officer did. Xandra could feel her blood boil as she stared the woman down.
âExcuse you?â Xandra demanded as she snapped the cap back onto her water bottle. The woman already knew she probably looked a hot mess. She was carrying a baby, and hadnât slept the night before except for a few hours. When the officer spoke again, Xandra scuffed. âItâs no secret that you have fucked plenty of guys in the department. Are you even sure who the father of the baby is?â Xandra raised her eyebrow as she shook her head and walked to her desk. The woman could feel hot tears burning the back of her eyes. Setting the water bottle down, she turned back around and stepped right up to the officer, without giving the officer a chance to react, Xandra swung her fist full force into her jaw-- knocking down the woman. The officer she had just looked up at her as she held her jaw, a look of pure shock crossing her features that Xandra had just smacked her. âLast I checked you donât know me nor are you important. Besides, you are just mad I walked in on you getting slammed by the boss. So, fuck you and you ever. I MEAN ever talk about my child like that again. I will make sure that you have to have your jaw wired shut.â she deadpanned. If looks could kill, this officer would be a dead woman walking. âDo I make myself clear?!â Xandra demanded.Â
Not at all impressed that the woman had decided to insult her by starting the sentence off with âno offenseâ. If there was one thing that drove Xandra crazy it was starting off a sentence like that. Just come right out and say it. Donât be a chicken shit. The officer just nodded and Xandra muttered a good under her breath as she gathered her stuff. There was no way she was staying there. Her nerves were all over the place and at that moment she didnât care about work. As she walked away, she felt her tough facade fail and tears started to fall. Xandra couldnât believe that she was allowing something so simple as the woman using âno offenseâ and then saying those words about her child get to her. Itâs not like she had slept around. Antonio had been the only one that worked in the department that she had ever been with. Fucking pet peeves, she thought as she made her way out to her car to go home. She just wanted to go home, cry, sleep and cuddle with Jamison and Gavin if they were still home.
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It had been against Emberâs better judgment for her and Cooper to separate. They hadnât left one anotherâs side since the train had taken them away from District Six, but they needed food, and they needed water, otherwise death would be inevitable for them. Splitting up and scanning the area for resources did seem like the most logical thing to do. Cooper would head East, and Ember would head farther South.Â
As the brunette walked, she heard a canon. The sound made her stop in her tracks. She looked to the clouds and saw Oakâs face. âJesus.â She muttered. She was beyond relieved that it wasnât Cooper, but her heart sank nonetheless. Oak was just a child. She remembered back to the last conversation she had with the little boy. âItâs okay. Itâs all going to be okay. You gotta try and stay strong.â She had told him, as she held the crying boy to her chest the day before they were launched into the arena. It had been a lie. Ember knew that. Nothing was okay, and now Oak was dead. She stayed still for a moment, paying her respects to the boy, and to whatever family he had that might be watching. She had to keep moving.
Her feet sloshed along the grassy terrain. Another canon was heard. She stopped and looked towards the sky again. The clouds were beginning to look grey, and dark. It was strange, because up until that point, it had been fairly nice out. Her attention focused towards the fallen tribute that was displayed. It was Nox. Oh, god, Axel. She thought. Axel had became someone that Ember considered a friend while she was in the capitol. She knew he didnât think of her that way. He was only trying to be a mentor, and to give her advice. She knew that he cared about Nox, and that he must be hurting right now, watching the games. She shook her head and continued her trek further South.
It felt as if it were getting even colder. She shivered, wrapping her arms around herself as she walked. Her eyes fell to the ground. It was hard to stay focused when there were so many tributes losing their lives, and when it was so cold. Luckily her distraction paid off, because she spotted a couple of beetles mixed in the grass. She eagerly bent down, scooping them up, and tucking them inside a side compartment of her backpack. Sure it wasnât a capitol meal, but it was something to keep her and Cooper from starving. She wondered if he was having any luck with food or water.
It was snowing now. It was coming down hard, and fast. It made it difficult for the girl to see where she was going. She would need to find shelter soon, by the looks of it. She worried that she wouldnât be able to find Cooper again until morning. Emberâs teeth were beginning to chatter together as she walked. She spotted something in the distance. The snow was clouding her judgment too much for her too see what it was, but as she got closer, she realized that it was a girl. Tinley âthe district eleven girl that Ember had fought with for her backpack. She didnât look so good. âTinley?â She questioned as moved closer to the girl, crouching down beside her. The girl was alive, but she was in a weak condition. She must have been in her position for a while now. She tried to speak, but Ember shushed her. âSave your strength.â She told her. âIâll stay with you.â Ember didnât dislike the girl, just because they had gotten into a confrontation over the backpack. They were both simply trying to survive. The other girl seemed sweet, actually.
The other girl was shivered hard, and her color was a light shade of blue. Hypothermia was beginning to take over. âTinley, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand...â There was no response. Ember let out a sigh. She didnât want the girl to suffer any longer than she had to. She capped her hand over Tinleyâs mouth, and her nostrils, keeping it there until she no longer felt a breath from the girl. A tear rolled down Emberâs cheek, and she closed the other girlâs eyes. A canon was heard, and then another. Two tributes. Ember focused her attention to the clouds. She saw Tinleyâs face, and then another.
âN Â âNo.â The girl cried out. It wasnât real. Cooper Jettson wasnât dead. He couldnât be. âGoddammit!â She screamed, sliding down to the ground. Had he been alone when he died. Oh, god. If he was alone she would never be able to forgive herself for not being there. She was sobbing by this point. Ember had known Cooper her entire life. She knew only one of them would make it out of the arena, but she had refused to focus on that part. If she was the one to make it out of the arena alive, how was she going to face her brothers? And Cooperâs family?
For the first time since the reaping, Ember was alone. She no longer had Cooper. She didnât have anyone. She pushed herself up off of the ground. âTake care of him.â She whispered, looking at the camera. She was speaking to Bertha. She knew that Cooperâs body was probably already at the morgue by now. She wanted only the best for the boy she would have given her own life for. At that moment, a parachute began to drift down towards the girl. It had a coat inside. Ember slipped the coat on. Immediately she began to feel more warmth. It was too cold, and the vision was too limited, Ember didnât think she would have trouble from any of the other tributes for a little while. Odds were, everyone was seeking shelter. She zipped up her new jacket that Bertha had sent her, and curled up into a ball. She began to cry again. She would worry about the games again once the storm was over. For now, she only had thoughts of Cooper.
