#tallstone

finally

He must be having a nightmare again, Tallpoppy thinks as she watches him shiver in his nest. In his waking hours, Stonefur is usually more withdrawn and quiet; it’s a stark contrast to a time before, of a tom that she remembers from Gatherings as being so full of confidence in himself and his family. Not of the arrogant kind; just a cat who knew his path in life and want he wanted for himself. Seemingly not glory or fame, not a high position (although he got that eventually) just the joy of being in his home with his family at his side. 

So many cats, Tallpoppy thinks, go through their lives not realizing that sometimes that’s all they truly want; to belong, to have a shared community. She thinks of Brokenstar, who she remembers from her kitdays, who constantly shied away from ShadowClan and withdrew into himself until the resentment for Lizardstripe, and the coddling Raggedstar gave him boiled over until he couldn’t contain it. Of Tigerstar - a tom she didn’t grow up around, but knew just as well from Gatherings, proud and arrogant and so blinded by needless ambition, that he lost his Clan and family from his own doing and is now spending his days trying to recover from that blow by punishing others for what he lacks.

But Stonefur, before TigerClan, wasn’t like that. She didn’t know him well before helping rescue him from Blackfoot, but she felt as though she understood him from a distance. What you see is what you get, one of those cats.

But then again, no one is really like that; she remembers the collective shock of ShadowClan when Tigerstar told them how Stonefur and Mistyfoot were half-ThunderClan, sired by Oakheart but carried by Bluestar. The way he recalled it, amber eyes stirring with hatred and disgust - Tallpoppy thinks that part of why it bothers him so much is that the cat who mothered Stonefur is the cat who drove him from ThunderClan, and he wanted to go for the next best thing after Bluestar now that she’s gone from this world: her children. 

And not just Bluestar’s, either; Tallpoppy remembers seeing two apprentice-aged cats huddled together tightly, eyes fearful and wide as they take in the ShadowClan warriors before them. RiverClan apprentices from the look of them, but there was something about their head shape, the molly’s too-thick coat-

“RiverClan doesn’t just house two half-Clan cats, but four,” Tigerstar had hissed to them, narrowing his eyes at the apprentices. “Crookedstar’s grandkits have a ThunderClan father; how embarrassing for his legacy.”

It was that moment that Tallpoppy had felt as though she had enough; her children, her kits, were taken from her. Killed by Brokenstar at three moons old. There was no funeral, no ceremony. No one gathered for a vigil to send her kittens to StarClan and wish them well on their journey. Dawncloud and Brightflower pressed against her sides, murmuring that they would be there for her through this - but that was all. Her kittens are dead, and ShadowClan had to move on. No one had tears to shed again for a dead litter; it was too common for them now, that it almost felt as though no one but her mourned them truly.

She tears her thoughts from her kittens, though; she has to, in order to get through the next day, and the day after that. And the next. It’s something that the queens of ShadowClan have learned over the past seasons.

But that idea - of killing two apprentices, just for their parentage, was something she’d rather turn a rogue than to go and perform. This wasn’t the forest she was born into anymore.

Stonefur twitches again, and Tallpoppy blinks at him softly; in the moonlight, his blue-gray fur shines brightly. The patches of missing fur from where Blackfoot attacked him are almost grown back, but some of the wounds have scarred too horribly for any fur to grow back. She looks at the one on his side, and her stomach tightens.

He’s a strong tom. He lost his home; his leader was perfectly comfortable with him being killed to suit Tigerstar’s needs. But as he stayed with the rebels in ShadowClan, with Littlecloud nursing him back to health, Tallpoppy did not think he would stay with them. Perhaps go back with his sister and her son to RiverClan, or maybe join ThunderClan.

But, just as shockingly, he began...talking to her. Well, she talked to him first, mostly; he was still too shell-shocked, too shook up to really carry on a conversation for too long. Their first conversations consisted of her reminding him that he wasn’t their prisoner, that he could go anywhere he liked - he was just here to heal, but if he didn’t want to stay, she understood that.

But after awhile, they began to talk more; it was awkward and guarded at first, due to their differences, but the walls began to drop the more they understood each other.

He’s proud and strong-willed because his father taught him to be; Oakheart was a tom of confidence and generosity. His father had to protect his brother from their Clan at a young age, and Stonefur and Mistyfoot were taught to protect each other. He has a bit of a temper that he says is from his mother; when Tallpoppy’s whiskers twitched, he explained that Graypool had quite the temper, and no one could really calm her down once she started to fire up. 

Maybe it’s because his personality compliments the side of hers that is instinctively protective, that tries to look at the best in life and tries to move forward with what she has, but they did grow closer over the moon before the battle with BloodClan.

And after that, he stayed.

He didn’t explain why, exactly; he merely shrugged and said that Mistyfoot is Leopardstar’s new deputy, and she can keep the other molly and check from there. That his sister will always be his sister regardless of the Clan. But Tallpoppy mostly thinks it’s because you can’t go back to that; to a Clan who wanted you dead, and a leader who turned a blind eye to it. Mistyfoot is as badly damaged from it as he is, but Tallpoppy also knows that she wasn’t the one under Blackfoot’s claws - that was Stonefur. Every scratch, every bite, every wound opened - it was on Stonefur. She thinks that there’s a difference in that.

Tallpoppy nestles closer to him; he started to sleep next to her when the nightmares came back. Strangely, after all is said and done - with Tigerstar dead, BloodClan defeated, and ShadowClan trying to begin a new chapter again, wondering who will lead them next and if they’re ready to move forward, and how, she still has nightmares.

About her kits, mostly. But sometimes it’s about herself, too; where she’s the one that Brokenstar is taking out for battle training, while her kits watch.

Stonefur didn’t say anything that first night, merely plopped next to her and went to sleep. But his presence helped; a familiar scent of someone who is trying to get back on his own paws was nice to have. 

But now it’s him who’s having the nightmare; he twitches in his sleep, eyelids fluttering. Tallpoppy frowns; she cares about him in a way that’s new for her, something that’s hard for her to put her claw on. Her kit’s father was just a fellow warrior; it wasn’t a courtship of that kind. She’s never really had relationships outside of her friends and Clanmates; but this thing, with Stonefur, it’s different. She finds herself aching for his companionship in a way that’s just different from Dawncloud or Littlecloud’s friendships; she wants them to sleep in the same nest for every night they have left together. She wants him at her side when ShadowClan decides to go to the next Gathering, and to look down (because, adorably, he is shorter than her) and see him there. To do the whole tail-twine, gaze up at the sunset thing that she’s seen so many couples do ever since she was a ‘paw.

But mostly, she’s just glad to be here with him, to know she has someone at her side through this confusing time.

at least one good thing happened this moon 😬 also, beaverdawn and claweye are grieving for branchshine

Moon 13