#talking snake

Really, Ann Coulter? I can't believe you'd attack Gus Walz like you did.

Word Count: 1021

A/N: When I started writing this, my chronic illness made me super tired. And then I was like, man, I have to take a lot of breaks. It’d be nice if people were more understanding of the breaks I needed. Then I was like here’s an idea. And I was a nervous wreck for my eye appointment. And I was like, animals are one of the only things that can calm me down. I wish I could tell them how much I appreciate them. Then I was like, talking snake Crowley.

–

Life hasn’t always been the kindest to you. In fact, life was a bully. It was the biggest bully anyone has ever seen on any playground in the world. Still, you tried to stay positive. You tried to help people get by and stand up to their own bullies.

But on a specific day, you found yourself growing tired after a simple stroll through the park. Your eyes were growing heavy and your limbs felt like lead. You had to take a seat somewhere soon. You grabbed the sleeve of your friend’s overcoat and told him you had to take a break.

“You can keep walking if you like, I’ll just go sit over there,” you said with a weak smile towards Aziraphale.

“Nonsense, my dear!” Aziraphale guided you towards the bench and sat with you. “Afterall, it is a lovely day to simply take in everything going on.”

You nodded and leaned into him so you would fall over. If you weren’t so exhausted, you would have been greatly embarrassed. “Sorry, I just need a moment.”

“No need to apologize,” he said soothingly. He took a hold of your hand and rubbed his thumb over the back of yours in small circles. “Take all the time you need.”

You nodded and closed your eyes while trying to regain some of your energy back. “If you could have any superpower, what would it be?” you murmured your question while fighting to actually stay awake.

“Oh, I don’t know,” he said with a slight grunt. Aziraphale took a couple of minutes to think it over. “I suppose I would like the power to help everyone. Every living thing at the same time!” He paused. “That, or be able to have any book I so desired, even ones that have been destroyed.” You chuckled lightly. That was so Aziraphale. “What about you, my dear?”

“I’d like to be able to speak any language,” you said without hesitation. “Even animal language.”

“Animal language?”

“Yeah, I want to be able to know what they’re thinking. That’s the number one language I’d want to know.”

“Well,” Aziraphale shuffled on the bench and gave your hand a light squeeze. “That sounds like a marvelous superpower to have.”

“Yours is better. It’s selfless.”

“The helping people part is. Not the book one. Besides, you could help a lot of people if you could speak every language. I’m sure people that are panicking would like to speak their native language more than their second or third or fourth. And think of the animals you could help if you could speak to them on their level. They’d surely be calmer. No, I think your superpower would be a wonderful thing to have.”

Aziraphale took a moment to pause and look down at you. Your breathing was steady and your muscles had relaxed. With a small smile, Aziraphale managed to shrug his jacket off and place it over your slumbering body. He guided you so you were resting your head on his lap, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself you hurt your neck while resting against him.

–

It was a while before you actually woke up. When you did, you were flustered that you fell asleep and apologized profusely. Aziraphale chuckled and waved it off, saying that he didn’t mind and enjoyed the peace.

When you departed ways, Aziraphale quickly made it back to his bookshop and dialed a number on his rotary phone.

“Crowley! I have a favor to ask of you!”

–

Aziraphale had said he wanted you to meet him at his bookshop, that he had something to show you. When you walked in, Aziraphale was talking in a hush manner with someone. You peered through the various shelves and eventually saw him with a snake wrapped around his shoulders.

“There you are, [Y/N]! Come, I want you to meet this snake.”

You slowly walked towards him, not wanting to frighten the snake. Your eyes were filled with wonder at the way the dark scales moved ever so slightly. A grin formed on your face the closer you got. You looked at Aziraphale for permission to pet the snake, which he gave with a nod and a soft smile.

“What’s its name?” you asked quietly and relished in the feeling of the smooth scales against the tips of your finger.

“My name is Crowley,” the snake hissed.

You jumped back in shock. You could have sworn that sound came from the snake. The hand that was previously petting it was held up towards your chest, just in front of your pounding heart.

“Don’t be sssso ssscared,” the snake somehow managed to say while slithering away from Aziraphale’s shoulders and towards you. “I won’t hurt you.”

You blinked rapidly. Those words were definitely coming from the snake. You looked at Aziraphale who was grinning widely. “You said you wanted to be able to speak to animals, my dear,” Aziraphale said. “I happen to know a talking snake!”

“How? How is this possible?” you asked and hesitantly reached your arm back out towards the snake and caressed the scales on top of its head. The snake slowly wrapped its way over your arm and made its way towards your shoulders.

“That’s a secret,” Aziraphale chuckled. It was the same chuckle he used whenever he would try to perform magic, though, this was most definitely real magic.

You laughed at the tickling sensation as the snake flicked its tongue out on your cheek, of which earned a scowl from Aziraphale.

“Crowley!” he scolded.

“I don’t mind,” you cooed and made kissy noises at the snake. “You’re just a beautiful thing aren’t you?”

“Yessss.”

Aziraphale sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Maybe this was a bad idea.”

You glanced over at Aziraphale and grinned widely. “Awe, is someone jealous?” You walked towards the blond man and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. “Thank you, Aziraphale.”

SEE WHAT FOOLS THEY ARE, JEALOUS OF A SIMPLE STAR | 💋