Confession #2,727
My name is Jay, and I'm a talkaholic. Â Â Â Â Â Â
Is talking too much a disability in itself?
I am disabled due to chronic pain, but I also think and talk too much and I don’t know how to stop.
It feels ridiculous to say and I wondered if I simply secretly loved the sound of my voice or speech (quite the contrary) at one point, but it’s a genuine issue.
TL;DR: Someone save me from my talkative self.
How does everyone condense their thoughts or words? Or do people rarely have as many as I do?
I don’t see how you can think or talk so little.
I talk to myself, walking up and down my apartment having pretend conversations or repeating/carrying on conversations I’ve had, giving them alternative endings. For hours sometimes.
I use it as an outlet. I can get tired and stop, but it doesn’t fill me up. So if I then have company, I will still want to talk to them at length.
I can do comfortable silence. Silence is not hard. Talking is hard. I cannot restrict how much I talk without becoming frustrated.
It’s general talk in my head or out loud. I’m not anxiously thinking.
Admittedly, talking a lot leads to constant rejection. So that could play a part. But I don’t feel negatively about that most of the time, so I don’t think it’s a cause or trigger in itself.
It’s only sad to me if I’m rejected after looking for support. I think everyone can relate to that.
I feel relief when I am alone to talk or sing to myself. It is my best outlet, yet also my worst because​ it’s never how I want it when other people are involved.
Sometimes I talk so much (to myself or to others), I feel overwhelmed and in more pain. I always limit or stop talking when my jaw hurts, as that is a sign it is getting too much for my body.
I’ve researched how to stop talking and communicate better. I do my best to stick to the rules and give people space to breathe, but it feels horrible.
People notice I talk excessively and tell me that it’s too much and off-putting for them. They mostly avoid or stop talking to me. (I don’t mind/prefer fleeting relationships, so it’s okay).
It’s been an issue since birth. My parents said I spoke nonstop even before I knew language. They said it was so real that they believed I knew what I was attempting to communicate. I would act out scenes. I would wake up singing. All in gibberish.
They never had much patience for it. But interestingly enough, I was peculiar about what I’d speak about and who I’d speak to as a child.
Of course, I have no memory of this. However, on my reports and according to my parents, I’d only speak to certain people and ignore everyone else.
No idea why. I do that now to some degree​, although I don’t understand it yet.
I can appear shy in groups or if I didn’t expect to meet you. I’m not shy, I am just shocked or overwhelmed. But it’s also a shock-horror moment when people do realise I’m an over-talker.
But is talking too much a disability?
I feel it ruins my connections with others. In addition to other problems it causes too.
Most professionals do not like talking to me. I am sometimes guided or escorted to the door. I am sure it leads to not getting good help because of how hostile they become with me.
I can sometimes see them shutting down. For some reason, I often don’t take it in until afterwards (as it explains their consequent actions).
But more often, I do see them becoming uncomfortable. I try to speak less, but sometimes I forget. I don’t mean to ignore cues to tell me to stop or leave. I see most of them (I think), but I don’t react.
That is why I am trying to be more considerate, but it’s so hard even with the internet’s help. It requires some serious restraint and brain power. That sounds so bad and egotistical of me, but it’s true.
I don’t want to become extremely socially anxious, but working on this is making me feel too aware of how bad of a communicator I am and how little I am capable of controlling it. It feels overwhelming.
If I tell a doctor to help me stop talking, will they laugh?
I will continue to do what I can and I hope I’ll improve. I have been trying so hard these past few months, but those close to me say they don’t notice any difference.
It’s very discouraging, so that’s why I want additional help. There must be something wrong if no one else I know is this way. Why am I the only person? Surely it can be fixed.
In person or online, who has the time to listen and speak to me regularly? It’s too demanding.
I would love to stop feeling the need to communicate. It is a natural desire for me, but ultimately damaging.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being talkative to some degree. It provides so many positive outcomes. But it needs control to prevent it from becoming negative and painful.
If anyone else used to talk too much but found a way to prevent it (in a healthy way, not a suppressed kind of way), please let me know what worked for you.
Thank you to anyone who read or skimmed through this. It means a lot that you would try and tackle this. It’s a beast.
