#chronic-confessions

I'm glad my high school didn't do a ten year reunion because all I've accomplished this decade is not dying, and I wasn't even very good at it.

I want to swear, be angry, throw things over, cry, fall on my knees and put my hands in front of my face. I want to hammer the cold floor with my fists and then collapse. But I just sit there, staring in the air and surrendering to my senseless fate

The longer I'm chronically ill, the worse my financial situation becomes. The worse my financial situation becomes, the worse my quality of life becomes. The worse my quality of life becomes, the worse my depression becomes. I hate this downward spiral, but I can't just magically become a healthy able-bodied person again.

How am I supposed to know what symptoms warrant a doctor appointment? Like, if you’d have asked me a few years ago if chest pain was worth calling a doctor I'd have said “obviously.” But now that I get random chest pain and heart palpitations, I just kinda go “ehh...” I have no idea when to call a doctor anymore.

someone made a comment on here talking about the “mourning of a life you expected” and that really fucked me up bc someone finally put it in to words. since I’ve been diagnosed I feel like I’ve been mourning myself and how life was before and I’m just trying to find a way to be a good person again. my condition makes me feel useless and depressing to be around.

I feel like i have to ration out the issues i tell people about. like i cant go out and be like "i have asthma, OCD, ADHD, IBS, im a little deaf, im alergic to everything..." i dont want to sound so dramatic so i wait for something to be a serious problem before mentioning it. people always say "you should have said something earlier!" like... i dont want these things to define me.

Parents can be some of the most ableist people we know. I wish that was discussed more, especially outside of “ autism moms.” Wheelchair users have ableist parents, too. It’s more disabling than anything else.

I don’t want to have bones sometimes. Anytime I mention it to someone they get freaked out, but I think that if they had the same bone deep ache I have to deal with every single day they’d understand. I’m tired of people not understanding.