#taedal

For a lovable anon. It’s a common knowledge that Blizz often add a character from some other medium to WoW, either directly or as a (not-so-)subtle reference, and it’s a good joke and I like it. What 7 other characters like this would I like to see?

7. Vriska Sekret - I actually regret that this list hasn’t 8 numbers, because I’d put her in 8th place just for the sake of it. Vriska Sekret, more known as Vriska Homestuck. She would be, of course, a Troll. What? It’s a good meme.

6. The Tortoise - From The Tortoise and the Hare. I have a soft spot for subtle-not-so-subtle references to old fables.

5. Ryuk - The most famous shinigami from Death Note. Preferably if he could be seen arguing with someone that while he is a god of death, he is not the Loa everyone is all so over, what do you all even have with that guy, he stole my aesthetic. He could sell cosmetic Off-hand diaries purely for transmog reasons.

4. Iroh - You know, Uncle Iroh from Avatar: The Last Airbender. He’d be the most perfect Pandaren (Brewmaster) to ever wander the newly discovered continents. A good friend to dragons, has tea, makes good wisdoms on the go.

3. Steve - Remember that guy you play as in Minecraft? I’d like to see Steve as... say a mining trainer? Or fighting zombies with a pickaxe while wearing a shiny diamond armor with the horrible Vanilla textures?

2. Ciri - Or more properly Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon of Cintra. The witcher girl from the Witcher. She canonically can walk across worlds and times. Why not to visit Azeroth? I mean, if nothing else, this place has great food and soundtrack.

1. The Cheery Man - Now, in May 2018 (I’ve just realized I can’t say “In May of this year because wow, it’s 2019 already?) I’ve began playing Fallen London, and because I’m a text driven person, I really love it. The Cheery Man is like a duke among thieves, smugglers and cut-throats, and also a part time landlord in his own inn. Now, I’m not saying that Medusa’s Head would make for a cool Hearthstone bind (but it totally would!), but could I at least get Cheery sitting in the Underbelly with other Rogues, being his gloomy morose self? (That man had died on me, I’m still not over it.)

For a lovable anon. The title is self-explanatory. WoW itself is kept very safe when it comes to language, but this blog has always been more of a... behind the scenes, if you get me. On this scale, 1 is “Legally not even allowed to say ‘heck’.” and 10 stands for “’fucking’ is a warning that a noun is going to appear.”

Anduin: 1. Say a bad word around him, he will blush very deep red.

Ghost Varian: 3. Used to be more, but then he became a father.

The Council of Three Hammers:

Muradin: 4. Considered clean-speaking for a Dwarf. Moira: 9. Moira is fucking pissed. Falstad: 6. Very proud of his vocabulary.

Tyrande: 2. But she is cheating by wrapping long sentences and phrases into a very swearing meaning.

Mekkatorque: 2. But if ‘damn’ and ‘blast’ counts, than it’s 8.

Velen: 1. The Naaru love to ask people to mind their language.

Genn: 5. Not enough for a soldier and warrior, but a bit too much for a king. Just right for a very tired and very angry older man who happens to have a bad fur day.

Aysa: 5. Actually, it really depends, she is an extremist. She goes from 1 to 10 in a moment notice. She switches like, 3 times a day.

Thrall: 4. Used to be less, but he’s spend a long time alongside Grom, Vol’jin... and Aggra.

Spirit of Vol'jin: 9. Trolls love to express themselves and they have many Loa for swearing.

Ghost Garrosh: 3. He is trying to be a tough guy. But most swearwords, even in Orcish, revolve around sex and reproductive organs and... Garrosh isn’t exactly surely navigating in these waters. He’d better not wade into them for that matter.

Baine: 6. He doesn’t swear all that often, but when he gets to it, he makes it worth his time.

Sylvanas: 5. (Banshee) Queens do not swear. Ranged-Generals swear quite a bit.

Lor'themar: 10. He is neither paid nor drunk enough for any of this fucking shit.

Gallywix: 4. Swearing is bad for business, unless you deal with Trolls or Dwarves, but sometimes he just needs to relieve himself.

Ji: 8. A lot of things go wrong and it is better to express yourself freely and in the moment rather than unhealthily bottling everything inside.

For a lovable anon. Added to the list of very specific lists which say it all in the headline. Additionally, it is such a joy to write on a reliable internet connection.

Anduin: Mulgore. Anduin actually likes all Tauren places. Tauren are the best.

Varian: Northern Stranglethorn. It has this one great arena...

The Council of Three Hammers

Muradin: Stormpeak Mountains. He recalls his time with the Frostborn with great fondness. Moira: Searing Gorge. Technically speaking, it isn’t held by the Alliance, so it passes. Falstad: Nagrand. Literally the land of wind. It was made for flying! It doesn’t really matter whether it is the Draenor one or the Outland one. Nagrand is always pretty.

Tyrande: Val’sharah. She feels so close to it.

Mekkatorque: Netherstorm. Scientifically the most interesting place there is.

Velen: Shadowmoon Valley (Draenor). Definitely not the Outland one.

Genn: Eastern Plaguelands. Get in losers, we’re gonna go kill some undead!

Aysa: Feralas. So many gigantic trees.So beautiful. So magnificent! Wild untamed nature!

Thrall: Frostfire Ride. As much home as it gets.

Vol'jin: Valley of the Four Winds. Since the Valley of the Eternal Blossom, kind of, blew up, you know? (Thanks, Garrosh.)

Garrosh: Uhhhhhhhh... Well Nagrand is already taken, so... Gorgrond? It pretty sucked, but at least it was sort of a home thing and not full of the blasted Draenei.

Baine: Loch Modan. Pre-Cataclysm Loch Modan was beautiful. Even post-Cata it is very pretty.

Sylvanas: Borean Tundra. Namely Garrosh’s Landing, because you go there and you look at all those wrecks and think “yup, truly Garrosh’s landing”.

Lor'themar: Bloodmyst Isle. He likes the whole blood aesthetic and wants to keep the Sin’dorei consistent with the theme.

Gallywix: The Cape of Stranglethorn. He has always had a ting for pirates, it’s in his blood.

Ji: Vashj’ir. His dream vacation spot for pearl hunting.

For a lovable anon. Welcome to Nozdormu’s once-in-a-blue-Elune show, where he tells you, what a bad idea it is to change your past in the way you want to change it.

Anduin: I would have had pushed “Lady Prestor” off the stairs so she would fall down and break her neck and die when I was, like, 3 years old.

Nozdormu: And have the Stormwind scorched by the Black Dragonflight as the result, possibly triggering the Cataclysm when we weren’t even prepared for it in the slightest. I don’t think so.

Ghost Varian: Tiffin wouldn’t have died.

Nozdormu: Well, that would take a lot of planning, because her murder was arranged a long time ago before it happened. It would result in a couple of years of peace with the Horde, but then Garrosh’s attack on Pandaria would have caught you unprepared and Anduin would have died.

Muradin: I wouldn’t have told Arthas ‘bout that blasted sword!

Nozdormu: Say hello to Lich King Kael’thas then. No Blood Elves at all here. only mana-sucking Scourge.

Moira: My husband Dagran wouldn’t have died.

Nozdormu: Well, while that is a nice idea, the death of Ragnaros would have left him a broken husk and it wouldn’t be the Dwarf you have loved for ages.

Falstad: We would have come earlier to rally up the Doyle clan!

Nozdormu: Thane of Wildhammers, that is not exactly your pa- Falstad: (Tears of rage.) WE WOULD HAVE COME EARLIER FOR THE DOYLE CLAN!

Tyrande: I would have punched Illidan in the face before he screwed up. Twice.

Nozdormu: That wouldn’t change the course of history at all. Or at least, not notably. Perhaps you would feel more satisfied in your life. And Maiev Shadowsong would salute you more respectfully.

Mekkatorque: I wouldn’t have listened to Sicco and didn’t irradiate Gnomeregan.

Nozdormu: I am sorry to break this to you, but you, meaning all Gnomes would all die. So there is that.

Velen: Hmm... I would have had a serious talk with Maladaar and not let him spend all the time in Auchindoun.

Nozdormu: Sadly, in this case he would get later killed in Northrend and then raised among the ranks of the Scourge. Which... Well, he would eventually revolt and helped out the Ebon Blade, but your losses in the war would be far, far greater and Azeroth would be too exhausted to fight against the Legion.

Genn: Liam wouldn’t die.

Nozdormu: So, you’d prefer Garrosh Hellscream to kill him personally during the Siege of Orgrimmar, I suppose?

Aysa: The Wandering Isle would never be endangered and I wouldn’t have to leave it.

Nozdormu: And so the Alliance and Horde would act on Pandaria like a very fat elekk in fine china. Not like they didn’t act like that in this timeline, but your proposed version is far worse. Like, nothing left of Pandaria. At all.

Thrall: My parents wouldn’t be killed.

Nozdormu: Oh dear god, where do I even start here. Thrall, listen. a significant part of the modern history stands and relies on the fact you were raised by humans and therefore have more of human thinking rather than orcish one. With your parents alive, the course of history would be drastically different. Like “Nobody has found Kalimdor yet” different. Bad idea here.

Spirit of Vol'jin: Yenniku would have stayed with us.

Nozdormu: That... That is actually a pretty valid request and it wouldn’t change many things. The current Darkspear organization would be a less of a mess at least.

Ghost Garrosh: I would have died a heroic death in Northrend during the Warsong Offensive.

Nozdormu: (Points at Thrall) I am probably going to sound like I am repeating myself, but... no. Look, me and my children have spent awful amount of time to keeping you where you are. Actually, you have died in Northrend many, many times and everything went haywire bad afterwards. Same goes for Thrall not boing Thrall or simply not being. No.

Baine: The Grimtotem tribe wouldn’t be a shit and kept their word and never betrayed us.

Nozdormu: Side effects include you dying on the second expedition to Draenor, Cairne suffering a major depression, and never being able to unite with the Taunka or Highmountain.

Sylvanas: I wouldn’t have died.

Nozdormu: No Forsaken, too powerful Lich King, you never win in the Icecrown Citadel. Bad, bad, bad. 

Lor'themar: Kael’thas wouldn’t be a demon siphoning piece of shit.

Nozdormu: A valid request. However, that fratty boy would bring the whole Quel’thalas to ruin. You are actually a better leader than Kael’thas. Hell, even yeast is better leader than Kael’thas.

Gallywix: I would be orange!

Nozdormu: I... What? Gallywix: You heard me, dragon. I would be orange. Nozdormu: (Obviously very confused) But what does that have to do with anything???

Ji: I could grow a proper badass mane of hair.

Nozdormu: And Aysa would never consider you to be an option. Ji: Dammit!

Taedal: Uhhh... Luxien wouldn’t start her weird experiments.

For a lovable anon. Added on the pile of lists that were quite an adventure to write.

Anduin: Soft chamomile tea, served as the first thing in the morning to bed, even before breakfast.

Varian: Sweet Iced tea, he drinks it draight from the bottle between his training sessions.

The Council of Three Hammers

Muradin: Strong, strong black tea, bitter and dark, to cure morning hangovers. Usually drunk next to a bucket. Moira: Perfect English blend with a drop of lemon and honey. Container of her choice is tankard. Falstad: Herbal tea. Only when he is sick. And only when his grandma makes him.

Tyrande: Green jasmine-macha tea, for which she has a special tea set and needs an hour to prepare it when the moon is right.

Mekkatorque: Uhhh... Ummm... Liquid? Maybe, like, in a cup or something like that?

Velen: Fruit tea, preferably mix of forest berries. He likes to make a whole teapot and then share it with everyone present.

Genn: English breakfast, five minutes stale, poured into a posh china cup half full of milk, served at 5 o'clock PM, no matter the circumstances.

Aysa: It's her guilty pleasure, blooming teas of any kind. She loves to watch them in glass teapots.

Thrall: The sad truth is that he doesn't know a jackshit about teas and will drink whatever and whenever when he is given it... as long as Vol'jin doesn't make it.

Vol'jin: Troll herbal teas which he drinks in the dead of the night sitting at a pyre. Troll herbal teas are... Very potent hallucinogens.

Garrosh: Spice teas. He needs it to have a somewhat painful hot taste.

Baine: Pu-erh. The tea most close to earth. Always good, but especially on those rainy fall evenings with a peace pipe. Or even better, with a hookah shared with Velen.

Sylvanas: Since she doesn't need to drink, she enjoys teas as part of celebrations - Midsummer tea, Halloween tea, Winter Veil tea, you name it, she has drunk it at some stall from a cheap paper cup at some point.

Lor'themar: Red. From fermented grapes. With spice. In fact, it's hot wine. But then, what did you expect?

Gallywix: He actually has a very delicate and sophisticated taste for various white and yellow teas which he sometimes adorns with a slice of orange or grape if he feels like drinking something really unnecessarily fancy.

Ji: Maté, in late night, to keep himself awake and ready for anything and everything.

For @khadgars-raven. In the last Top N I told you which leaders I want to hug the most. But that doesn’t mean they are the most huggable. As someone who tends to hug people (for comfort, reasurrance or just for dem lolz or even punishment for being annoying), I have quite an eye for who makes a good hug material. In a hugged person you need to look for certain qualities. So, an easy guide who to hug (I am not responsible for any injuries done). Also, we are having only one more Top N list waiting in the queue. If you like reading something on the Wednesdays between interviews, you better go and suggest some. I’ll gladly give my insight on Top N... anything.

10. Lor’themar Theron - A very soft and warm elf hug. If you get thorough all the plate armor, anyway. And angry sarcastic bickering. And ever present stench of wine and sweat. And by the Light, his hair is going to be everywhere. Could be worse, though, you could have hugged Gallywix...

9. Baine Bloodhoof - While a very good hugger, he isn’t the best option for humans. First of all, his returned embrace is going to be a bit strong for your fragile monkey based skeleton. Second, you are going to have your head at the level of his crotch, which is just bound to be awkward. If you don’t like being picked up like me, then it’s bad. His fur is a bit on the rougher side, and let’s face it - he smells like a cow no matter how many bathes he takes. But he is also going to be gentle and warm and head bump you gently, and he is soft to touch, so a very good hug here.

8. Anduin Wrynn - Very soft and pleasant, warm, might embrace you in the Light if it’s your thing. However, he doesn’t have much meat on himself so you are most likely to get impaled on a bone. If you are a bit on the short side like me, count with a spiky pelvis stabbing right between your ribs, trust me it isn’t anywhere near pleasant. He also might use it as an excuse to softly tear up because it has been some time he got a good hug... or a therapy.

7. Genn Greymane - In his Worgen form, of course. The good part is he is fluffy and warm, like a dog, the bad part is he is going to stench worse than most of dogs because I am fairly sure he never got the idea that his Worgen form also needs bathing. Still, a gigantic dog hug is a gigantic dog hug.

6. Moira Thaurissan - Unlike her other Council fellas, she isn’t clad in heavy hard armour and isn’t going to have gryphon stench all over herself.She is probably going to be softer to touch than her male counterparts, and warm to touch, which I am not sure whether it is a perk in Ironforge or not. It is still going to be quite a nice hug, despite you’re going to have to bend over for it.

5. Thrall - The least orcish of the Orcs. He is well built for hugs and is going to be very warm to touch like your personal out-of-pocket warmer. If you travel a bit back to time and catch him before he shaved his head, you can bury your fingers in those rich black hair which aren’t soft but certainly very pleasant to touch. A bit of a downside here is that Thrall’s skin isn’t going to be anywhere near soft and you are going to hug a big green warm rock.

4. Tyrande Whisperwind - She is a bit on the plump side, is going to smell like tons of weird herbs and spices, and is also very soft to touch. However, all her jewellery is just bound to stab you somewhere, and also given how thinly dressed she is, she is going to be cold like a frog when you touch her. Still a very good hug you are getting out of this.

3. Varian Wrynn - Let’s face it, most of us is used to hug humans and we are adapted the best to it. If you catch Varian out of his plate armor, it’s bound to be a good hug, after all he has a son and had a wife, so he certainly has some hugging experience. As a king in prosperous times he is going to have good hygiene, so you aren’t going to get stuck to his sweat or suffocate, and also he trains a lot and admit it - you want to touch those rock muscles, don’t you?

2. Ji Firepaw - He is large and fluffy and there is no chance you are going to impale yourself on a bone when you hug him. He also looks to me like a hugger, so he is going to hug you back, which is always a good thing. On the other hand, he is probably going to be a little sweaty, him training and Durotar being a desert and stuff... Still, a high quality hug.

1. Aysa Cloudsinger -  She is chubby, like a soft pillow, most likely uses gently smelling perfumes named something like Fresh Lotus or Winter Jasmine, has fur which is always a plus in a good cuddling hug... And also for people of the right height she offers a boobrest. (That’s the thing when you can rest your head on someone’s breast and it doesn’t look weird or forced or wring, because that’s just how the height difference is. Note that rest your head isn’t the same as bury your face.)

For @thedeerfish. This list was slightly problematic. While I know exactly what characters are among my favorites, I never had the need to sort them into any kind of order. That is, until now. Oh, by the way, there is only one Top N list waiting in the queue, so if you like seeing these, you might go and suggest some. As long as it is Warcraft related, it’s good to go. Before you start reading this list, let’s play a game: Write down 10 characters you think I like. For each character on your list that appears here, you have a point. What’s your score? What's your most failed guess?

10. Griftah - He is a simple cheating shopkeeper selling useless things, sending clueless heroes to Zul’Aman. He has good lines. Ever since I’ve met him at the Shattrath Lower City, I wondered each new expansion locations “I wonder what Griftah is doing.” Given I play mainly Rogues, I was really happy about him being in WoD and later in the Underbelly. Let’s face it, where else would Griftah supposed to be than Underbelly? He isn’t much of a deep character with plenty of revealed lore, but he is one of those characters you just remember. Plus, with him the lack of lore and known personality traits doesn’t feel as bad writing but more as part of... What Griftah is keeping from us.

9. Har’koa - Cat mom. She is beautiful, she is a goddess, she is a mother. I have a lot of feelings about the adventures in Zul’Drak, especially about helping Har’koa. Plus it’s one of the few female characters I don’t feel Blizzard fucked up despite giving them some space. While it might be because she is there for like, 3 levels or so and then never seen again, I personally am of the opinion it’s because she was constantly in a form of a gigantic snow leopard and therefore couldn’t be stuffed in the practical female armor™ . Another thing is that Har’koa was never weak, even when she was trapped, and never stopped being kind and a goddess. I would really appreciate seeing Har’koa again. I would also appreciate an update on what is going on in the whole Northrend.

8. Maladaar - I haven’t got much reasoning here actually, I just happen to like him. On outland he was one of my favorite dungeon bosses and I was really sad about his whole story, despite I am not usually much into the “meant well but it went bad” backstories. Having Maladaar back on WoD was great and mainly the reason why I began to really like him. I mean, not only he is the Speaker for the Dead (which is, hands down, an awesome and a bit depressive title to hold) but he is also an active warrior, not just inactive priest who is defensive at best. He actually seeks justice. Maladaar deserved more space.

7. Chronormu - No such a list is, I think, complete without a dragon. There are plenty of dragons to choose from in WoW, so you can pick one to your taste. I like Chromie, the enthusiastic “let’s try again but better” dragon who decided not to be a boring elf but a Gnome (maybe she has a think for science?). She isn’t everywhere but she is everywhen, which is even better. She is cheerful even at the darkest hour without being an invasive optimist. Also Chronormu might and might not be trans. The -ormu suffix is, aside from Chromie, used only for bronze dragon males, while we always see Chromie as a woman. (How do you recognize a gender in a dragon when they are in a dragon form? You hardly do, they are reptiles, they don’t really have their gender visible.) Also I have a bet going on that when Nozdormu becomes Murozond, Chromie is going to become the next Aspect (or well... leader, since Aspects are no longer a thing).

6. Garrosh - First thing to remember: He fucked up everything he touched. Twice. He was given many opportunities for rising to greatness and also for redemption and he pushed every single one aside. He is a bad person. He isn’t a problematic fave, he is a total disaster and I absolutely disagree with what all he did. I don’t like for what he did, but because he is a damn interesting character (and mind you, it took me rather long to learn). And to me he is also to an extent very relatable, because I too used to view everyone around me as an enemy and tried to live up to my very awesome parent held in high regards by others who expected me to be exactly the same. So he made into the top 10 because he is a very interesting character, but I don’t really favor him as much as the others, because he is a bad person. I am still very salty about his death. I could have written it better.

5. Nozdormu - The only reason I don’t like Nozdormu more is because we don’t see much of him. He watches over time, travels through it as well. And he also looks damn fine. Like... damn damn fine. There is a picture of him in Troll appearance and that looks even better, but well, if he wants to be an elf... He is wise, he knows how and when and why he is going to die and he also knows he can’t do anything about it. Which is very heart-breaking, especially for him who just wants to protect Azeroth and time. He is in fact the most responsible person there is. A true Lawful Neutral. We all know what happens when he tries to change the history to be a better one (see Culling of Stratholme dungeon). Nozdormu is damn interesting and damn damn beautiful and I want to take him home and care after him so nothing bad would happen to him. He could do me the favour and be there more often in the game, me being the Champion Hero Adventurer and all, he could make some time for me.  

4. Ortell - The first time you meet this dude, he is almost naked sitting in a cave in Silithus and he translates the encrypted Twilight texts for you, because he realized those fuckers are no good, so he abandoned them. Hermit Ortell was quite a nice character and I liked visiting him in his cave, always brought him some papers to translate and read, because he then sent me a mail saying how nice it was I remembered him. Like, one of the few persons who actually liked to see me. And the boom baby, he is now Elementalist Ortell at Mount Hyjal, helping to infiltrate the cult he once used to call home. He also got some very ominously sounding lines. I loved hearing he is well and still on his bullshit. BfA is going to be about the Old Gods, I personally am of the opinion that Ortell should appear again - let’s just throw him at N’zoth, that tentacle fucker is just gonna run for momma in fear of Ortell. In our house goes a meme: “Little (out)house, little (out)house, who is inside?” - “Elementalist Ortell!”

3. Oculeth - A prime example that first impression matters. His first instinct to seeing a suspicious armed stranger is to put him in a deadlock bubble. In that very moment as the bubble was rising my main slowly to the ceiling, I thought “I know him for only ten seconds, but if anything happens to him, then I’d kill everyone on this server and then myself.” Oculeth is a walking disaster, this close to just losing it, but he is still brilliant and not giving up, he is a gigantic nerd and just loves things that move around thorough telemancy. Let me show to him the Wester and Eastern Earthshrine, please! Let me make my mess of elf happy!

2. Kel’thuzad - The sassy intelligent founder of Scourge (more or less) who isn’t paid enough to deal with all of this bullshit. Having read the Road To Damnation, I now know he didn’t actually want the power but the knowledge. Knowledge seeker. I can relate. But he isn’t actually a tragic character (by canon interpretation at least) which is somehow really... amazing. Life and death both threw stuffs at him and he just kept all of them for later use. And we knoe he has a cat he loves, and when worried then floats around like a distressed nurse in a field hospital . Now when Bolvar is in charge of the Scourge, Kel’thuzad is, technically speaking, a good guy. Or a neutral guy at least. He serves the Lich King (he doesn’t have much of a choice) and that’s all there is. Plus I always had a thing for necromancy and liches and this dude has been among my favorites since Warcraft III (when I couldn’t even read, not to mention understand English) and like hell am I going to change that now just because he is seen as a problematic character. Of course he is a problematic character, all characters have flaws of some kind. If they didn’t they’d be all the same and boring.

1. Vol’jin - DAMMIT BLIZZARD I DON’T CARE YOU ARE BRINGING HIM BACK IN THE BATTLE FOR AZEROTH! YOU HAD LITERALLY NO REASON TO KILL HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE AND NOT GIVING HIM MORE THAN 5 MINUTES OF SCREENTIME AND JUST ONE BOOK IS INEXCUSABLE! Okay, now I have calmed down a little. He is a strong character, both physically and mentally. He lost his son, his homeland, his homeland v. 2, his best friend, his homeland v. 3, the he had to kill the said best friend, then he had to leave Orgrimmar and his race was treated poorly in the Horde he helped to form... And nothing of that broke him. Just like Garrosh, for him everyone around was an enemy. But he didn’t kill them outright, he negotiated, he calculated, and he waited. Instead of enemies he sought opportunities, he was flexible. Yeah fine, until MoP he wasn’t all that accepting to people but he was proved wrong and he admitted it and that is something even real people have problems to do. Vol’jin is truly an inspiring character who was never afraid to call out anyone on their bullshit while keeping to both law and moral. His greatest weakness was his own damned intellect when he had the tendency to make things more complicated then they actually were. He was never my Warchief (I personally think that Cairne or Saurfang should have been the Warchief, later Baine), but he is someone whose orders I would do without questioning, knowing that all the questions I would have asked him, he asked them himself too, twice.