#tactful

Te: E.g. “I want to convince the other person that what I say is correct, therefore, I must find the right words to ensure that they accept the facts I want to convey.”

Fi: E.g. “I know that what I’m about to say has the potential to be hurtful, therefore, I must find the right words to ensure that the message is communicated as sensitively as possible in order to minimize harm.”

Since it is the Feeling functions that are uniquely designed and therefore best suited to handling human affairs, it is always a good idea to listen to what that function has to say during communication.

When istjs are accused of being “too direct”, it is usually due to using Te without the input of Fi during communication - the result is often conflict/pushback because you just say whatever you want (perhaps believing that you’re being helpful) but without proper consideration for how those words will impact the other person psychologically (and then you wonder how you got into the drama).

When istjs seek out tactful phrases and expressions to imitate, it is usually due to Si and Te wanting a specific set of rules to follow that will guarantee success in achieving the communication goal - the result is often “fake” communication of the kind you describe.

When istjs seek to speak more tactfully because they care about the other person’s well-being and understand what it feels like to be hurt, it is usually due to having healthy and sensitive Fi that properly compensates for the rough and aggressive edges of Te - the result is that communication comes from a genuine place of love and care, which is more likely to yield a positive response in return.