#sysvent

I’m fucking terrified. Terrified of the system community and its behaviour. Because I am still mostly questioning, I don’t know my origin. At all. And I’m horrified of what might happen to me if my trauma didn’t play as big of a part in my origin as it “should”. How people will react, how I’ll be treated, and what I might lose.

If I am traumagenic, I will feel forced to hold a strict opinion on something I have never cared for, and if I don’t, I will be kicked out. and if I’m NOT traumagenic, I will be shunned from every safe space, sent suicide bait, threats, and arguments. I will be forced to lie and hide from the people who are supposed to help and protect me. Either way, I have lost.

I completely expect this post to completely tarnish my reputation on this website as I know a good amount of anti-endos have liked my work before, and that thought upsets me. But I’m sick and tired of being scared to speak up about how this community has affected my syscovery for (mostly) the worst.

You all preach to “Protect System Spaces”, yet all of the bullshit system origin infighting has become more of an issue than it fucking should be; scaring the people you seek to protect - like me and possibly many, MANY others - even further. “blah blah blah is making our spaces feel uncomfortable and scary!” No. That’s YOUR fault. Yes, whatever the hell we’re complaining about this week HAS had some form of impact; but the blame, to me atleast, is on YOU.