#swallows foundation

What a weird and wonderful land!

A melting pot of culture, race and Religion.

A land full of sad, sorry and sorrow Stories, yet filled with the most beautiful Landscapes I have ever seen! And a Giraffe named Howson!!

A land where time exists not in numbers, more in Mornings, afternoons and great nights. Where everything seems dusty yet vividly colourful at the same time, where a can of Chick Peas, is a tin of Green Garden peas once opened! Where I made friends which I worked with, the most beautiful and talented bunch, Poets, actors, directors, dancers, singers, musicians and people who do stuff with computers… Where I shared a room with – now a great friend- Paul who’s from the same city as I’m Fae. Glasgow! And it took me all this travelling and thousands of miles to find an amazing bond with.  

 Where Karaoke is like a Rangers and Celtic match, filled with Passion, rough tackles and petrol bombs NO! I mean swear words, if your team losses. 

There is something about this place! Something about the Children. The way they flash their toothless smiles at you, even when you don’t succumb to their begging for money. I walk the streets of Grahamstown Not knowing where I’m going. I end up walking down an ally way. I know immediately that I’m going the right way to getting lost! But I continue….. Streets kids walking beside me, laughing at me ….at my clothes, my skin, my yellow “fly London” shoes. Eventually we come to a clearing, a court yard of some sort. There’s a building on my left, there’s a building on my right and there a building in front! A dead end!! The only way is where I came in.

I feel eyes on me. Accusing. Peter has been telling us the history of South Africa. And I’m thinking…. I’m in the wrong place. I don’t belong. I have money, I’m drenched with sweat, I’m a foreigner!

As I turn to leave… I hear a loud crack. Sounds like a gun! I turn around. My eyes are everywhere at once, my hearts beating faster than the wings of  a swallow. Then at the corner of my eye, I see it. I catch it. A Tennis ball. Well more like gaffer tape and cloth then ball .

Then I see him. A kid, dressed in shorts that are too short, with skinny legs and a mop of hair on his head. He’s holding a cricket bat! His eyes seem to mock me, daring me to ball him out. I haven’t played cricket in five years… but I know… I know from his stance how he prefers to hit the ball. I instinctively know all the angles. I know from the weight of the ball how I need to bowl!!

Swallows winter school, South Africa, Jo Burgh, Hamburg, East London –battle of the b boys- Grahamstown, PE (Port Elizabeth) ….

I take three steps back!!

Home now...and facing the barrage of questions. Was it hot? What were the elephants like? Was there much poverty? But I'm not being able to give a straight answer, or an honest one. The feeling of walking through the front door into my own home was strange, I felt like didn't belong, like I wasn't meant to be there, like I was intruding.

Simply put, I felt at home in South Africa and now I need time to adjust to life back in Newcastle. 

So I am trying to reconcile my emotions. Emotions which are pining for warm air, for skies full of stars, and for those who became family. And newer ones, like the feeling of emptiness when I wake up and remember that I'm back to living in a world where entertainment does not involve singing and where money is everything. 

What can I do? Maybe an option is to attempt to alter the current world I live in. Change it so that my life does not revolve around drinking, or staying in bed till noon, or working full-time in an unsatisfying job which pays my bills but leaves no time to do the things I love. Change it to a life where I don't worry about having the money to buy whatever I want, and instead, try to think more about the things that truly matter. Like family, theatre, and enjoying being alive.

So when people ask what was South Africa like? I'll smile and give the answers they want to hear. But the real question is how has it changed me? And the answer to this question will be seen in what   I do with my life from now on, by making the opportunities I get really count. Because my real experience of South Africa has show me just how privileged I am, and this is a feeling that I can't ignore, or let go of.

So here's a question that's been on my mind ever since we began. What does it mean to lead this group?

There are 4 of us, who are (supposedly) the "Lead Artists": myself, Lelethu, Mark and Mojalefa. But there are 20 artists in our group who are full of talent, ideas, vision and skills. There are experts in artforms in which I don't even consider myself a beginner: Xhosa dance and song, breaking, contemporary dance.

So what does it mean to lead?

Well, to me it means trying to find a structure where everyone can shine, can share their practice, can get inspired by each other, can develop material. It means being the voice that organises the technical rehearsal so it's as least stressful as possible. It means looking at all the strands of work that people are developing and thinking how we can draw them together. It means listening, watching, asking and thinking.

Is this easy? No. Especially with artists who come from very different cultures in terms of how they develop their work. What sparks one person's creative process, blocks another's. What fuels one group's process, throws water on the flames of another's.

So I shared Open Space Technology with the group: a working practice that I love. It feels relaxed yet is a remarkably efficient way to work. After 2 days working in Open Space, a couple of the South African artists said that they reckoned inventing Open Space was the West trying to get closer to an African way of working. It is a structure to create free flowing activity. I tweeted this comment to Phelim McDermott, the person who taught me about Open Space, and he reminded me that Open Space's inventor, Harrison Owen, was inspired by the African marketplace. It's funny how things come full circle.

So, today we tried to work in Open Space without even calling it that. Giving space to people to pursue their ideas. It worked like a dream for some, and left others feeling a bit unsure. So I feel like I'm attempting a balancing act. I know I'm not always getting it right. But I'll keep trying.

I am incredibly proud of the work that's already been generated and I'm excited by the new shoots of ideas that are emerging. Perhaps this should put my mind at rest. I suppose that's the thing about creative processes: there's no such thing as getting it right all the time. And as people say so often, you learn more from the moments you fail than those where you succeed.

So perhaps that's what leading this group means to me. It means keeping trying.