#swagmaster

colored doodles based off dogs lol

Dont be sad that it's ending

Smile because it happened.

Absolutely not. They’re meant to be funny assholes who are

Btw!

not real.

You know an arc’s coming up when everyone gets a cameo and/or speaking role

Also

Coffee Workers

I guess Karen makes a better employer and Swag the... Owner? than SMG3.

Follow up to THIS POST

NEXT

@4thwallbreakerdraws2, here's my sona's reaction to the start of the Tour!

I had meant to keep this short. Alas, I got carried away.

Grinnames was still bubbling from having met SMG3. She could honestly leave now, and still be satisfied. She considered turning heel with style, bidding everyone good night, and walking out the door like a boss. But of course she wasn’t going to leave. That was against the rules, and there was still so much fun to be had here, and food to eat! Puzzlevision Studios was supposed to be full of magic, and she was not going to leave without experiencing the magic. 

However, this did not mean that she had some slight reservations about this place, and the man in charge. Which she dared not to voice, as now was not the time to be spitting hot takes. Hot takes such as the ones going on in her head, as she stared up at Mr. Puzzles greeting them on the balcony:

“Look at that fruitcake… he’s obviously up to something. I mean, just look at the way he was avoiding people’s touch! And his beautiful, beautiful, stupid eyes. That’s the look of a scheming schemer. He probably sits around staring at monitors and stalking people like a degenerate! And he probably looks pretty while doing it, so no one bats an eye!”

Very slight reservations.

She didn’t know why, but Mr. Puzzles made her feel… uneasy? Vigilant? Confused? She couldn’t explain it, but whenever her thoughts stayed on Mr. Puzzles for too long, she began to feel a slight anxiety, and the creeping sense that something wasn’t quite… right, about him.

Ever since the tour had been announced, she had come to notice a tiny voice at the back of her subconscious, whispering short, narrative quips on her life as she went about her waking hours. She had dismissed it as just another part of her inner-dialogue. But what made this voice distinct is that some of what it said were harsh but weirdly specific opinions directed at the TV-headed star. It may be very quiet, and she couldn't always make it out, but she had subconsciously caught onto a few words it repeated: RTV. Puzzles. Fraud. Careful. Remember. SMG3. Better.

Wasn’t she supposed to like Mr. Puzzles? Everyone else liked him, the whole world had joined his fanclub. And she wanted to join in the fun, after all she had no reason not to. Yet, she still caught herself having these traitorous thoughts. She had tried not to think of it.

It had made no sense before, and she dismissed her reservations as unfair and unfounded. She had never even met Mr. Puzzles anyway. But now that she was here, with a clear view of the owner of Puzzlevision, she wasn’t so sure anymore. At first, when she saw him greeting them all at the door, her heart skipped a beat with excitement. But now, the more she thought about him, and the longer he stood up on the Balcony, looking down at them, her heart rate ever-so-slightly climbed, and her ribbons began to stiffen and coil tighter around her waist. 

Grinnames had always seen Mr. Puzzles as a glamorous, entertaining, and confident figure, whenever she saw him on the covers of magazines and taking up space on her screens when sitting down to watch Puzzlevision. And although she admired his work and his bombastic persona, like most glamorous figures, she always scrutinized him. 

For most celebrities she saw, it was better to believe that they were only adopting a ready-made persona for entertainment, while hiding their real self, which was most definitely filled with quirks and flaws that would ultimately bring down their market value. And sometimes, they might even be terrible people. She would rather not put someone on a high, high pedestal, just to be let down. Everyone, to some degree, put on masks. She was no different. Celebrities just had more uses for their masks, and more consequences if their mask ever slipped.

Best case scenario, Mr. Puzzles could be just a regular old man that also just so happened to produce wonderful, well-crafted shows. Maybe he stubbed his toe on chairs, laughed about dumb things with his friends, and cried himself to sleep at least once. 

But Mr. Puzzles was also an authority figure. And she had very little faith in authority figures. She knew she was biased, but after what happened in [REDACTED], she told herself that she was very much justified in never believing in mortal kings, CEOs, and Minecraft Youtubers ever again. 

Worst case scenario, her crack-headed theory was right, and being pretty was actually heavily correlated with being insanely suspicious. Before, it had just been a fun but unlikely possibility that she had laughed about and brushed off. But now that she had seen the star of Puzzlevision up close, she had more reasons to believe that maybe these suspicions she had about Puzzlevision were not so unreasonable after all.

The man before her oozed arrogance and shady vibes. He had to be a supervillain, the type that everyone loved because he was so unfairly handsome and charismatic. Plus he wore a cape. What kind of regular CEO presents himself like that? Not that she would judge him if he was a villain. It wasn’t like she didn’t have her own share of skeletons in the closet. And supervillains, even real-life ones, were cool as heck. 

But that could also mean that she was in actual real danger. And not all supervillains were cool. She could accept being taken down by a badass, powerful, handsome devil. But she refused to be taken down by a possible degenerate that stalked unsuspecting people on screens. That would be just too humiliating, and she was not taking her chances. 

She began to tap her foot in agitation. Her ribbons wound tighter, and the forked tendrils behind her were writhing at a quickening frequency. They were losing their soft, wavy shape, and instead curling into sharp, defensive angles, like bacon in a pan. 

Her thoughts raced faster. Her ribbons usually didn’t lie to her. They were the most trustworthy thing she knew, despite only being an extension of herself. They were especially sensitive to danger, even if she wasn’t completely aware of it. And if she really was in danger, she could not let the enemy know that she knew. 

 Grinnames shook her head, took a deep breath, and lightly clapped her cheeks. With all the subtlety she could muster, she slowly reached for, snatched up her ribbons and tried her best to smooth them out. After a moment, her ribbons went still, but still remained curled up into hooks at the ends, ready to strike a moment's notice.

“…So feel free to turn to Chris, Swagmaster or Lucian at all times.”

She snapped out of her spiraling thoughts by the mention of those names. She blinked in surprise and delight. Her old co-workers, Swag and Chris, were here?! She had to go say hello when she could! It was almost impossible to catch them nowadays, since they were constantly switching jobs! And to her small relief, this little wake-up call had calmed her down further. Just enough to look… normal. Her ribbons were no longer held at the ready, but were now unfurled and waving like gentle flags in the breeze at the sight of familiar faces. (And one new face between them, that was probably the one Mr. Puzzles called Lucian. She hoped that Swag and Chris weren’t too hard on the new blood. Perhaps they could be friends!)

She stole a glance up at RTV Mr. Puzzles. It seemed like he didn’t notice a thing, and was too busy wrapped up in his own voice as he introduced the available departments for the tour. She couldn’t help it as a grotesque, maniacal grin stretched across her face. She cackled under her breath. She let fun, intrusive, goblin thoughts overtake her brain, pushing her anxiety aside, and replacing it with cheek and cartoonish confidence.

“Stupid old man,” she chuckled to herself. “I have bamboozled you, ehe! You don’t see that I have fooled you with my master anxiety-calming techniques! Now that I have reasons to think you’re a creep, I won’t feel as bad if I mess with you later!”

She would keep her sneaking suspicions in the back of her mind. HOWEVER! She was not here to be an overthinking little weirdo, she was here to see everything and touch everything and eat everything, dammit! She would play along for now. With a regained spring in her step, she briskly walked forward to go join the rest of the tour guests in their vote. Sure, she had every right to be suspicious. She was sure of that now, and had accepted it. But that did not mean she had to worry. Everyone had secrets, and maybe he was a super cool villain. She could honestly actually like him if that were true.

Besides, he was just one old man. She had beaten worse than him with her eyes closed. If the worst came to pass, she would be ready, with a smile on her face. What could he possibly do to her?