#surpriseroundanon

You are allowed to build your character however you'd like, and are given unlimited resources (food, money, etc) for a year.

The catch is.... you have 6 months to make someone fall in love with you, or you will return to Earth with no memories. Zero.

You do not need to be physically intimate with the person, nor do you need to be in any sort of relationship with them. They just need to be in love with you.

This one has multiple polls! Be sure to look at the whole thread.

Before you are able to read it, three people burst in. Without doubt, they are Jens, Nyack, and Onyx.

They explain that they are no longer living together due to "irreconcilable differences." All three have their own living situations, but they need a room mate.

Jens has acquired Aster's summer castle, which is "all but abandoned, except for the year-round staff." You can live with him, but you must be his Personal Assistant 12 hours a day.

Nyack is moving into a fairly generic bachelor pad. He doesn't ask for much of his roommate, except that you need to do all the cooking and pay 90% of the rent.

Onyx is moving in with Keith, who lives in his upscale apartment. He isn't around much because he has to travel for work, but Onyx is very clear about the caveat: you will be their third whenever they want.

All three state they will be very clingy to their roommate, except when they're icing you out for weeks on end.

As you mull this over, you open the letter. It states that you have a home in Bahumia... sort of. Essentially, you will inherit this home under one condition: you need to live out the events of Bahumia as Beverly's father. You are not allowed to warn anyone about upcoming events. Any minor change in the plot could send shockwaves that permanently alter Bahumia and its residents forever. Once you die as Beverly Senior, you will be able to live as yourself in Bahumia.

But, wait! Part 2!

One day, you get a tip that Onyx is having an affair with Aster.

This is a huge get... a prince and ClaspCo? That is SEO gold- not to mention juicy gossip.

However, the only footage you have as proof is not only extremely explicit, but leaks matters of national security. It also has a ton of copyrighted music.

Another thing to consider... the kings have ample resources to sue your ass.

To make things worse, Onyx shapeshifted as Jens for most of it, rendering the bulk of the footage useless.

As you mull things over, The Grinch comes to you. He says your job is pathetic, and offers you a gig as his "handler." This job has a twofold description. First, it is your job to fight anybody who might attack him. Second, all of Max's poop (which is green, clay-like, and smells of rotting ham) is your responsibility. This also goes for his peeing, walks, and his newfound habit of puking on the elderly. All of this is your responsibility. You are also required to live in his cave, where there is no air conditioning, but all the food you could possibly imagine.

If you publish the story, due to the butterfly effect, The Grinch will die- and it may or may not look a lot like you're the one who killed him.

Another important element: you have a job review on Monday morning (the day after the Trinyvale Gala you have a Press Pass for, where Aster will be announcing a new law to help orphans.)

They do not want you to invest, but to live in their "headquarters" (a condo they share) and help promote the idea with them. This would essentially make you a member of the Bon Freres. You would chill with them, cry with them, whatever adventure the day required. You would not get paid directly, but get 5% of all profits.

Before you can answer, Onyx and Nyack approach you. They also have a business idea. They won't tell you anything about it, but they swear it is much better. They want you to invest a relatively medium amount of money to become their business partner. This would also require you to live in their Headquarters (wherever they are currently living with Jens.)

Meanwhile, Sonic the Hedgehog asks you to move to Mobius because a corrupt vampire is threatening the wildlife unless they can convince you to be vampiric royalty. The vampire is very sexy but a huge asshole. The castle has no wi-fi.

Denny Pebblepot has been trying to woo you for years. He has sent you countless gifts. You still say no.

One day, you find Denny slaughtered outside your house, a bouquet of roses in his hands.

You look in the distance. An adult resembling Peppermint Patty is holding a machete with an expression that says "you're welcome."

You decide to pretend you've seen nothing. Eventually, Denny's corpse is found and removed by authorities.

Days later, there is a knock at the door. It is a representative of the Pebblepot family. They hand you a letter personally inviting you to Denny's private wake. In the letter, one thing becomes clear: this whole time, Denny has been telling his family the two of you were together. In fact, they state you are still family, even though your "engagement" was cut tragically short.

You go to the wake, where you are treated like royalty. They give you gifts, cash, and all kinds of (frankly tonedeaf) tokens. It is clear they think of you as one of your own.

There is a knock at the door. The police accuse you of paying a hitman to kill Denny. They got a tip that someone arranged for him to be killed a few days before the incident. There is a hitman in custody who swears you commissioned him. The Pebblepots insist this is not possible, going far enough to lie about your whereabouts that day.

Out of respect for the wake, and intimidation by the Pebblepots, they do not take you in for questioning, but order you to go to the police station first thing in the morning.

You have a bed made for you at the Pebblepot residence. As you drift off to sleep, Peppermint Patty breaks in to the room. She says she can be your getaway car.

The thing is, you have a pretty good thing going with the Pebblepots, and Denny kind of owes you for all the shit he put you through. You also had sizzling hot chemistry with a Pepperpot cousin who seemed shockingly normal.

Also, the hit man who is blackmailing you is almost certainly Grimace, your nemesis, who has deep ties with every criminal organization known to man.