Denny Pebblepot has been trying to woo you for years. He has sent you countless gifts. You still say no.

One day, you find Denny slaughtered outside your house, a bouquet of roses in his hands.

You look in the distance. An adult resembling Peppermint Patty is holding a machete with an expression that says "you're welcome."

You decide to pretend you've seen nothing. Eventually, Denny's corpse is found and removed by authorities.

Days later, there is a knock at the door. It is a representative of the Pebblepot family. They hand you a letter personally inviting you to Denny's private wake. In the letter, one thing becomes clear: this whole time, Denny has been telling his family the two of you were together. In fact, they state you are still family, even though your "engagement" was cut tragically short.

You go to the wake, where you are treated like royalty. They give you gifts, cash, and all kinds of (frankly tonedeaf) tokens. It is clear they think of you as one of your own.

There is a knock at the door. The police accuse you of paying a hitman to kill Denny. They got a tip that someone arranged for him to be killed a few days before the incident. There is a hitman in custody who swears you commissioned him. The Pebblepots insist this is not possible, going far enough to lie about your whereabouts that day.

Out of respect for the wake, and intimidation by the Pebblepots, they do not take you in for questioning, but order you to go to the police station first thing in the morning.

You have a bed made for you at the Pebblepot residence. As you drift off to sleep, Peppermint Patty breaks in to the room. She says she can be your getaway car.

The thing is, you have a pretty good thing going with the Pebblepots, and Denny kind of owes you for all the shit he put you through. You also had sizzling hot chemistry with a Pepperpot cousin who seemed shockingly normal.

Also, the hit man who is blackmailing you is almost certainly Grimace, your nemesis, who has deep ties with every criminal organization known to man.

(Last option is Oppa Aladdin Style, not Shakespeare)