#superpod 2

Wil is explaining Rugby League to Dave.

Wil: All I would say is when it comes to the Canterbury Bulldogs, don’t go on an end-of-season trip with them.

Dave: Oh, no, I like taking it in the bum against my will. What’s wrong with that? Is that what you’re talking about.

Wil: [cracking up] You have nailed that. Without knowing anything about that football team, you have totally fucking nailed—

Dave: I watched five minutes of them playing and I’m like, “They rape people.”

Wil: Okay, so there’s three types— well, four times of football. There’s the world game of football that Australia and America call soccer and the rest of the world call football. There is rugby, which is what Rugby Union is.

Dave: And that’s the one that I watched.

Wil: No, you watched Rugby League.

Dave: I watched Rugby League. Okay. So, what’s the difference between Rugby League and Rugby Union?

Charlie: No one knows. It’s a mystery.

Wil: I know! I know what it is. Ah, people who played Rugby Union went to university, and—

Dave: And I watched Rugby League?

Wil: Yeah.

Dave thought he was watching Wil’s West Coast Bulldogs playing AFL football, when he was actually watching the Canterbury Bulldogs playing NRL rugby.

Dave: But it’s fucking rugby! What do you mean “our sport”? That was your sport. Your sport is—

Charlie: No, no, no, it’s not our indigenous sport.

Greg: I like Wil’s team, David Jones, and then it turns out it’s a department store. Still… I fucking loved it. I was up there in pyjamas. Shit was awesome. GO PYJAMAS!

Wil: You know what, there is no other store like David Jones. Uh, except if you go to Myer, which is exactly the same and next door.

Wil: So, yesterday Dave messaged me, which was very nice. He’s like, “I’m watching your Bulldogs play in the football.”

Dave: Fucking looooved it. Loved your Bulldogs. My god, the guy with the red hair who got head taped up? Loved that guy. He was bleeding and they had to take him out, and he’s like, “I’M NOT FUCKING BLEEDING.” And they were like, “…no, you’re bleeding. You can’t argue your way out of this and you have to be taken care of.”

Wil: And you supported them, right? Cos—

Dave: Yeah I did, cos I was like, “This is Wil’s team, I’m gonna back them,” and then they lost and I was like, “Well, this is horse shit.” And I texted you and I was like, “Your fucking team got fucked by the refs!” Cos they did.

Wil: But that wasn’t the right sport.

Dave: BUT I LOVED IT.

Dave: I usually hate my material. I do it and I go, “You fucking piece of shit.” I do.

Greg: And I get it. I get it. I mean, I back him up on that. I say, “Yeah, Dave, your instincts about your material are exactly right. He’ll say, “I hate my material,” and I’m like, “Yeah, which stuff? Cos let’s go over it.” [to Dave] I don’t feel that way at all; you know that. You know that I adore you.

Dave: Is— is it Greg?

Greg: What’s that?

Dave: It’s Greg, right?

Greg: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I know you, we did some podcasts together. We did, uh— we were both on, uh—

Dave: When was that?

Greg: We were both on, uh, Comedy Bang-Bang together.

Dave: Oh, that’s right. I did, uh, captain squeaky man.

Charlie: Can I ask, how many of you were at the original Superpod in 2012? [loud cheers] Why the fuck are you back? Did you not learn anything the first time?

Dave wanders off stage for a while at some point, before returning to his seat. Then--

Dave: [to an older audience member] Wait… who are you?

Wil: She’s a fan from the future.

Dave: She came to my show last night and sat in the front row. It was tremendous. She stood up in the middle and she said, “This is bullshit!” and she left.

Wil: Is that really true?

Dave: No, she, she—

Deeksy: [appearing from backstage] I saw Hot Head and I thought it was fabulous!

[everyone cracks up]

Charlie: That was John Deeks speaking.

Greg: Yeah, I had a really bad tummy ache the other night and then I went to the hospital and the guy’s like, “It could be gas…” and then when I woke up, “…or can-sah!” And, uh— which is better to hear in Australia. That actually sounded more like Rhys Darby, so maybe he was a Kiwi. But yeah, it’s better to hear it— so anyway, I got something in my stomach that needs to be removed but they were like, “So, how would you like some morphine?” And I said, “Well, how much?” They said, “How much would you like?” And, uh, I said, “Well, I can’t take it with me,” so they said, “Well, how about some oxycontin?” so… how are you? Because I…