#summersoltice2016

(Source)

I felt as if I was at my own funeral and everybody died too, specifically in the morning of June 22nd. I was sleepy, worn out, no energy at all, no interest in anything, the brain was dead too. Yet I felt as if I was to give birth to something and I was almost shouting - ‘Get the f* out of me! I want to get over with this feeling now because it’s too physically and mentally heavy to deal with!’ Almost like having something inside which is stuck and cannot find its way out but keeps pushing nevertheless. I never had children and not willing to, no interest or instinct, but I can imagine that this is how it feels before a woman gives birth to a child, that there’s this push from inside, heaviness in the bottom part, and awaiting in panic because she doesn’t know the exact timing, she only knows it’s soon. I haven’t eaten anything gas-making but I was bloated all of sudden and bit painful too. It accompanied a low air pressure and a heatwave so my logical mind told me to drink much more water than I normally do, as if for two, not just for myself. I also got some supplements (magnesium + B6 vit. & potassium) as it felt like I was missing a vitamin, this kind of a dry feeling inside like an empty 'vein’ in the body waiting to feed it. Solar plexus-related issues are always linked with insecurities: judgment, either self-, or judging others, that energy of the past judgment is involved as well and the body processes it, stirring issues for the actual human who is the last incarnation at the moment. I had to repeat to my self a few times tonight that ‘I’m enough’ to make it calm down. Since it’s helped, I recommend doing it if you deal with such issues like sudden insecurity, lowered self-esteem, regrets or guilt etc.

(Source)

I was born during the full Moon so it usually feels bad every month or at least like having a box on my head so I cannot be myself for a few days. Plus, this summer solstice was the Moon/Sun opposition and this is also my natal aspect (Pisces Sun/Virgo Moon), an energy of ‘to do, or not to do’. I could also blame that Saturn in Saggit./Neptune in Pisces square (freedom/dedication/slavery, doer/dreamer) which is present these days and the full Moon was in Sagittarius. Interestingly there was a full Moon in Sagittarius in May 2016 too but it was then pleasant, balanced a lot too. But I’m not attached to the astrology as it’s way outdated and stuck so let’s move on here. I was complaining to my TF about these uncomfortable feelings and asking if he had anything like these going on at the same time, since we’re entangled. I even thought that we jumped into that cycle of bouncing negative resonance, that one feels depressive so projects it onto another in spirit, the other starts feeling depressive as if it was their feelings, then they project it onto the TF again and so we remain stuck in such a negativity. But he didn’t reply any of my messages though I felt his love like a sudden warm hug to make me feel better and that he thinks of me. He often replies in an ‘invisible’ way and I can read such messages sent from his heart, everybody in the true TF relationship can experience it between you two. Interestingly, the same day I was trying to find out if I resonate with Ancient Egypt, if I perhaps lived there as a man or a woman, if I have any body traits similar to those of old Egyptians, and then I compared my eyes, some wildness in them to those of a panther. Later in the evening, I had a look at my twin’s social profile and saw he followed some account who had an ‘Egyptian woman with a panther’ image header on their profile :) On the positive note however I had also a few spiritual experiences, perhaps more science fiction than spiritual. Perhaps Awakening is not about angels and spirituality but pure science, space ships, programming, virtual realities, multi-verse, us living already in the ‘future’ but having own clones living as if in the ‘now’, or that one is shown only visions consisting of acceptable symbols, thus I never see any gods as I’m agnostic but math, geometry, numbers, physics etc. On 09/17, 3 days to the full Moon I had that feeling that I wanted to ‘transform’ because I ‘couldn’t live like this anymore’. It wasn’t emotional or related to the TF at all. It was purely about myself. Feelings that I do not resonate with anything on the Earth. That I don’t know where the exact ‘home’ is except for that it’s the entire universe I feel like ‘home’, but not a single star, planet or galaxy. I’m not a negative creep so I do enjoy the beauty of the planet, its nature, etc. but it all of sudden started feeling like the density is too much and I wanna go out. Out of this reality, dimension, frequency, whatever it was which felt so mismatching. I’ve started feeling very sleepy since 06/18 and just like depressive people do - not willing to go out, preferring to stay in bed, lock oneself inside and float away to forget about where and why they are stuck. My higher self told me it was all to make me be unavailable to others, including the TF, because I had to undergo some process which was only for me and I literately had to be shut down, like an engine, gasoline flow cut, motion stopped, parked and left with a  cover put on. I felt very lonely and unloved on 06/19. I had a feeling I wanted to leave the Earth because I was not needed here. I used my 3rd eye to look at the sky and all of sudden I thought/received ‘They love me up there’. Wait. ‘They?!’ I then felt that love puring into my heart and it resonated and it reciprocated this love at once. It was as if the entire Universe was a big human chest with the heart in it and when I pushed my chest to touch its, the love flowed from one to another. I’m agnostic so I wasn’t looking for any god to love & save me. I just heard ‘they love you’ and this suddenly brought back self-worth. Then another thought came up the same day - ‘Contact yourself up there. The physical one. The other self. Not just the spiritual but the physical in the other dimension.' So I did tell her that I wanted to be with her because I was feeling such a stranger here on this planet. She said ‘We’ll do it but it’ll require passing through many star systems’. That was the exact reply which appeared on my mind as if a thought. And it felt like she was glad that I finally re-established this connection after so many years and she reported this success to somebody who was with her, many other folks on a spaceship, pilots, engineers, the commander etc. And they told her that this is what she was waiting for and she could now come down and merge, join, team up, come together with me. She also knew about it, was trained to do it when the time comes and when I would call her out, they were as if 2 requirements to synchronize. My logical human brain started questioning it right away but of what I’ve experienced so far, brain’s opinions shouldn't be trusted in terms of Awakening even if channellings look like a product of schizophrenia at first. So I sent her love from the heart, a stream, just to play with this connection. And she sent love back and it felt like she knew me, all my secrets because she’s me. I have no idea how to explain it but I can logically relate only to 2 things. All my so far life, at least since I was 8 years old I felt as I was only a half living here on the Earth, deprived of ‘something’ in me, not just the other human, the twin, but I felt incomplete as ‘me’. As if the other part of me was kidnapped and sent somewhere else, into another dimension, locked for a good reason, trained and forced to wait for whoever knows what. Or that I am a copy, a clone here and my original is kept on some space ship, alive and kicking, not sleeping in any cryo chamber ;). I know how it reads but please stay with me yet ;)

(Source)

When I woke up on 06/20, the very full Moon day I felt as if TF woke me up in spirit. He felt very excited, kundalini-like energy and I almost saw a red wired ball siting in my left upper shoulder/chest part where the higher heart chakra reaches to and it felt as if it was my TF, the same resonance. It all got so exciting that I imagined him being with me in my bed, we made love in spirit because I felt as if he was guided to enter me in all ways possible, through chakras and using our genitals. He was guided to connect like this, it wasn’t his idea, that’s how it felt. It was rather as if he got a push from the Universe to do it and I was to make myself available. Then when we ‘finished’, I was calming down and I had that weird feeling as if something was first pushing from my heart chakra down into my root, then literately feeling a spiral of energy pushing up in the opposite direction also from the heart chakra but it didn’t reach the crown, otherwise I guess I would have felt somewhat spaced out. The other motion happened 4 times as if in a sequence, returning every few minutes. On 06/21, the summer solstice, I woke up with the TF in spirit again, feeling very safe and connected together as if with bottom parts/chakras glued somehow. Then there was this sudden urge to connect our 3rd eye and crown chakras, the line between as they are 2 separate spots on the head. So I imagined we bent heads and did it. Then it was an urge to connect chests and hearts the same way, so I also imagined us doing it. I was sleepy again the whole day, disconnected from the world, as if I was turned off, dissipated. I hated it because I had a job to do and I couldn’t even begin the task. It was at times as if somebody put a cover on my head, eyes, mind, brain and didn’t let me do anything. Immobilizing me in a way. I had no strength to fight against this anymore, I tried a coffee, a tried exercising, nothing worked. My body wanted to lay down on bed and only this. And yet I never fell asleep during those times! I was again feeling that I wanted to ‘give birth’ to something, to release it from inside of me and forget about it once for all.

(Source)

Then I contacted the other ‘me’, that one on a space ship as mentioned above, and unlike seeing her sitting still in that capsule, she was in action, on a shaky ‘rocket’, tearing through the skies down to join me! It was as if you watched a s/f movie about cosmonauts who are coming back  on Earth and upon reaching its atmosphere, the rocket becomes all hot and burning due to friction. But I knew she was OK because she was trained all these things during the last 32 years since the ‘hijacking’ and I knew she was so very self confident controlling the ‘rocket’ so I was like ‘Ok cool, make it here soon and I’ll be waiting.’ And I got that feeling/message of ‘I’ve so much to tell you about what you couldn’t see and know from the Earth and its blockage’ coming from her.

(Source)

The next day I contacted her to know how longs it was about to take yet and I got some blurry, as if distorted message that there’s something like ‘decontamination’ (of what I understood) going on at the moment before she could enter the Earth closer and team up with me. I thought I would have some revelation to show up in the mind when she ‘merges’ with me, when she arrives the next day perhaps but had nothing happened yet. Instead I was super depressed on 06/22 and I experienced a weird feeling which would be very connected with the whole experience too. I woke up at 04:04 am that morning and it was as if something wanted to enter into the solar plexus and the heart chakra. I first ‘saw’ with my 3rd eye a basic image of an empty human silhouette, just legs, arms spread, body and the head outlined without any more traits and then I was ‘asked’ to focus on that pushing feeling, right into my solar plexus. I didn’t know if that was my TF or it was that other me finally arriving because it felt almost the same in both cases. But because it felt safe, almost like ‘necessary’, I allowed for it and I pushed myself as if in spirit at the front of this power which was approaching me so strongly, to meet as if half way. I also had a vision of this other me on the rocket, again tearing full speed across some layers and clouds and whatever it was, so determined and aiming at me - the one left on the Earth, that I thought I wanted to ‘ease her landing’ and be like a ‘landing pod’ so she could slide into me while I’m awake and aware of the situation. I was repeating to myself ‘All right, fly into me, let’s merge, let’s get over this finally’. I had my eyes closed all this time and it was like watching a s/f movie behind the lids.

Then I feel asleep and when I woke up I was so super depressed as if I was taking part in my own funeral! I looked at my twin’s pics on the phone and I was almost perceiving him like a dead one too and I was repeating in my mind reaching out to him in spirit - ‘Please don’t die. I want to be with you’. So I guess I - on the Earth was replaced with the other me who knows more but there’s still a phase of adjustment before I am told of those other things which ‘she’ was taught about and I was not allowed until she comes down and the timing is right. When I came outdoor it felt as if having a mental hangover and seeing things, objects, plants, sky, the very first time, yet knowing what they are. I’ve no idea how all of this could impact the TF relationship but it’ll be clear until the end of this year.

Later on 06/22 that heaviness in the body and soul began dissolving slowly. I began feeling the TF again, light and loving, we were kissing gently in spirit for a moment, but then heaviness was back in the evening, making me feel depressed. I had one more vision though, of a pendulum which is pushed to swing and then it reaches the top where it cannot stay in the same cycle of moving ‘left to right, right to left', so it swings over, makes a circle and begins swinging as if switched to a new cycle. If this all was about making a change, then unfortunately I’m unable to tell what change had happened yet. Energies come unexpected, I never know how the next day will feel. But I’m left with many questions and sort of a disbelief to what actually happened during the last few days because I don’t feel new, or refreshed or different anyhow at the moment. But this reminds me of February 2016. A week before I discovered an angel in me, I had come through a period of depression, followed with a shock, that story of seeing my TF with another woman in a picture (some old friend of his as it turned out later). But since then I got a conviction within that he is mine and I’m his, we’re the last lovers for each other in this lifetime, and we only want each other, not other people,  so I should show him my feelings from the heart, not just via words or through actions, I should stop hiding that love in the heart just in case if things don’t work out. But that February’s event was about us. This current period of time may be about myself individually because there’s something missing which I strongly feel about myself yet it’s not related to a love-life but my own life. In fact, in tune with 11:11 code, I consist of two ‘1s’ (think if an ‘I' copy on the Earth and the hijacked original  ‘I’ on a space ship as I had a vision of) and so does my TF. This makes an alignment (: symbol) when we complete the self and each other, so we can use it as a ‘passage’ to merge into 1 being, the 3rd energy.

Numbers I’ve been seeing lately are again 1234 (12:34, 13:24 etc), 345 (13:35, 15:34 etc), 456, 567, 000, 999, 44, 54, 55, 33. Specifically 09:45 am, 2:55 pm and 5:55 pm and anything xx:33 pops up on the clock daily.

We’re still in the past-full Moon period until perhaps June 25th or 27th (which is aligned with Mars going direct, finally!) so I’m not even rushing to any conclusions here but it does feel as if our hormones have been re-adjusted so we could feel joy instead of sadness, to be able to live on the New Earth with its higher frequency because the 3D energy is being replaced and won’t support grumpy men/women anymore. It’s more or less like a dramatic sequence of Light sent, turned on, turned off and so on and glands react accordingly making us feel either down or hyped. Hormones dictate the human if he/she feels ‘happy’, ‘light’ or ‘heavy’ and ‘depressed’ so I’m sensing that they need to be tuned into the 5D energy to make the human move on.

Making a change in one’s life sounds necessary now but many of us feel stuck. It’s not a fear of making a change anymore but that we do not know what the hell we should be doing! What other job may be beneficial, what other place of living could feel good, what friends we should have or whether we should detach at all? What new hobbies we could have? What happens if we ditch this or that? It’s more about a fear of consequences (and pouring one’s precious energy into making a change) rather than a fear of making a 180 dgr rotation from what doesn’t resonate with us anymore. If there’s no move, there’s no change, but a wrong move can trigger a lot of unwanted things either and we don’t want wasting energy on correcting wrong moves again. Thus, we can either take a risk blindly or wait until all we need to know is revealed, until we’re tapped in the head and a scenario to follow develops like a sudden red carpet with many doors opened on its way.