#suigetsu x reader

quick rundown: the 4 primary categories (romantic, adventurous, dutiful, nurturing) describe a healthy range of sexuality. the 8 sub-categories (jealous, indulgent, obsessive, domineering, frigid, neurotic, hyper-sensitive, delusional) are unhealthy variants of their primary category.

ROMANTIC

The classic lover. Someone who sees sex as a thing of beauty, something to be enjoyed, or help their lover enjoy it. To them, sex is an expression of love for others, for beauty, and enjoying the finer things of life.

Rock Lee. Sex is either a loving, affectionate, fun endeavor or he'd rather not have it at all. This is a very earnest character. A romantic who beams with youthful passion and vitality, and while yes, it's important to expunge all that sexual energy, he would only do it in a warm, safe, loving context where he knows for sure the other party is thoroughly enjoying themselves. I imagine a lively, engaging time with him, lots of verbal affirmation and intentional, cautious soft touching that gradually evolves into more playful, more careless caressing and stroking as you both relax and get into the rythm of it. Related, definitely an enjoyer of showy displays of affection. Also I think he'd start out very standard-traditional but can basically adapt to anything that sounds pleasant and interesting. Very sweet with a dash of playfulness to keep things engaging. Standard romantic type, very perfect to start off this list with 'cause he raises a high bar, heh. Likely favorites: casual and/or gentle sex with some toys (hey, he wants to see the max of what you can handle and compare it with what he can handle! >:3); drunk sex would make him go wilder with kinky stuff (a bit more force, lots of affectionate and dirty talk, pinning you down, rubbing himself against you). Just know that he won't remember tf he was doing when he sobers up. Actually, don't tell him or at least leave out some details or he'll spend the next 3 days apologizing to you, being the endearing idiot that he is.

Minato. Let me start with: he's not romantic in the most conventional sense. I think he'd be a bit out of touch with normalcy, actually. But he's confident about what he's throwing at you, and he's trying his best to create a genuinely passionate, loving dynamic. So, when he traces his thumb over your lips and says borderline cryptic stuff like "wow, your pretty face is turning as red as a blood-stained blade", understand that he's trying to make the Romance(tm) happen. Because he cares. He cares enough to want to make you feel loved. And he knows that (1) good sex is when it's pleasurable and (2) good sex is when you get to bond with your lover. Yes, he has an objectives list in his head. Wooing you is a really fun strategy game to him. What do you like? You don't have to tell him, he'll figure it out anyway. Giving a few pointers from the get-go is probably a good idea though, otherwise he'll get quite creative about it (battlefield terminology as foreplay, oh he's so charming!). Cheers for being versatile and good at everything he does. Likely favorites: he's so good and creative with tools, there's no way he wouldn't want to use sex toys. I mean, he might end up making some himself, something that's tailored perfectly to your body which he so adores. If not that, fingering or rubbing/jacking you off. Just let him work his nimble fingers~

Hashirama. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens~ One little smile and he'll leave you smitten. Was that too corny? Well, sorry but... that's just the beginning of it! He has enough love to drown the world, and he's coming at you with everything in his heart. I can imagine him being affectionately playful and even a bit cringe when it comes to terms of endearment (although he wouldn't think of it as cringe, but there are only so many variations of "my lovely sweet honey bunny meow meow" you can reasonably handle). A romantic who likes to take his sweet time (when he has it, it's probably not that often) setting everything up and getting you in the mood and making sure everything is just how you like it. Not only that, but he's open-minded and would occasionally surprise you, ahem, inapprioriate use of the Mokuton-- wait, who said that? And yes, he's sweet and loving, but as you'd expect, the god of shinobi is kind of a lot to handle when it comes down to it. Stamina for days, by the way. Not an exaggeration; his body keeps recovering at rapid speeds. Have fun. I mean, he sure wants you to! Also, I wanna add that I considered putting him in Nurturing, but then I realized, since he's a hardcore gambler, he loves the emotional high of indulging in high-adrenaline recreational activities, which would hint at quite the sexual appetite. So, he's here instead. Likely favorites: being very close, bodies touching and intertwining like coiling roots. Speaking of, he can definitely employ his Mokuton for some light suspension play. It's going to be a very long night and it can certainly help you stop shivering like a leaf in the wind due to all of the stimulation he so lovingly indulges you in. Proud enjoyer of creampies followed by eating it out of you; he always politely cleans up after himself. 😊

--- ROMANTIC JEALOUS

Excessive emotionality: neurotic, jealous, competitive, desires to be the best partner that their lover ever had, very intense. Uses sex as a supplement to their idealized relationship, straightforwardly seek it out, and lashes out if they don't get it.

Obito. He might be a bit of a dork in other areas, but when it comes to social and emotional intelligence? Cunning. He knows exactly what to do, where to touch you, what to say, the sort of dynamic that you want to play out, and he'll act it out for you. If he loves you, he'll learn to enjoy whatever you enjoy. Extremely passionate, lively, fiery before, during, and after sex. Emotions and sex are inextricably linked to him. And yeah, this is where things might go south. He's suffocating and volatile. Much like his emotional state, his sexual appetite is like a black hole that no amount of love you give can fill. Sex is a placeholder for the validation that he's desperate for but can't accept. He will seek it out again, and again, and again, and if you reject him, he will feel the extreme of it, like it's proof that you hate him. Because to him, it will look like even his best is not good enough, and it's genuinely soul-crushing to feel like such an unwanted loser. He tries to regulate and affirm himself through acts of passion, but that's obviously extremely taxing on his lover, and an unhealthy view on sex. For what it's worth, really good at sex, but nothing else surrounding relationships. Babe has an emotionally crippling personality disorder 😍. Likely favorites: please tell him what his favorites should be, he wants to be good for you, please please 🥺. He can be your daddydom, your bad boy, your puppy, your worshipper, whatever you want! I guess, in a way, roleplay is his shtick. Well, there is one other thing he really likes, and it's a power imbalance fantasy where you're at his mercy so he can claim you and have you be his forever and ever and ever, with no chance of escape. He's not telling you that, though.

--- ROMANTIC INDULGENT

Treat sex as food, alcohol and drugs - something that they should indulge in to the max because life is short. And sex is fun, so why not? Big appetite and want to try as much as possible. Obvious massive commitment issues.

Jiraiya. Jiraiya is the Dionysian man archetype, so it was kind of a no-brainer to place him here. Let's take a look at his hedonistic streak: being extremely inclined towards sex and easily swayed by sexual advances, peeping on babes, basically wasting mula on prostitutes, generally not being the best at managing expenses, all while not shying away from indulging in other luxuries. But yeah, as far as the sex goes, gramps is still full of virility, heh. He's here to have fun and he'll make sure that he does, damn it!! And you will too, probably. I mean, hopefully. For what it's worth, he will try to attend to your needs, though admittedly his would take priority. That is, unless he feels like showing off how good of a lover he can be, he likes to boast sometimes. I don't think he's a heartthrob, but he does have a charm about him and is socially-inclined, so I imagine a lot of verbal communication alongside all the physicality. The latter of which, of course, would take precedence regardless. Just don't expect him to stick around. Though if he likes you the first time, he might come visit you again some time down the line. To reminisce, y'know, have a chat, a drink or two… you get it. Likely favorites: old man's a selfish lover, so think any position where he gets served, like getting a blowjob or getting to fuck you silly in some scandalous position of his choice (the spread eagle, let's fucking go). Show him all of you, baby, he wants to see and to squeeze. Mm, wanna add a third so he can watch? ;)

Hidan. (tw: dark) I know, I know. The insanity of putting Hidan and 'romantic' in the same sentence. I know that many of you are screaming that he should be in Adventurous. But it doesn't feel right; that's a low emotionality quadrant. Hidan is expressive, he's open, he's full of emotion. Not loving emotion, but emotion nonetheless. If he feels it, you will know it. He obviously has no issue having fun, I mean, fuck, what else is there in life for him? Unlike for others, for him there is 0 risk in basically anything, so he can do whatever he wants. Hidan? More like hedon. So yeah, he'll have sex with you if he finds you interesting, after which you'll never see him again. But there's this little ditty: sex is one of those things that escalates, like drugs. Things that excited you, the more you have them, the less exciting they become, and you want to seek out new experiences to get the same high of novelty. Hidan has lived a long life, and far from a chaste one, so he's already in a pretty decadent state. So, to elaborate on just what sort of sex we're talking here… yeah, let's not mince words, he's into some fucked up shit. Have you really had sex if you haven't flayed someone's skin? You know, even men can have more than one hole if you're not squeamish about cleaving some flesh. Yeah. Only consolation is that he'd want to be on the receiving end of most of it, and since you can't hurt him in a way that matters, it won't end in a tragedy. He wouldn't mind switching roles, but please remember that with you on the receiving end, the stakes are much higher... Likely favorites: before I start throwing around terms like snuff how about we talk about what he doesn't like? Sweet love-making under candlelight. Can't stand that shit, it just doesn't do anything for him. Are you here to waste his time or something? Make him gag, bruise, choke, bleed, cry, scream all for the best orgasm he's had in his life. Yeah baby, that's the good shit. No aftercare needed, he doesn't even know what that is.

ADVENTUROUS

While still sexual, they're more emotionally distant. Their drive for sex is mostly raw, physical, sensual, not so much romantically inclined. They see sex as a sport or a game, it's less about sharing love and more about showing off or just indulging in mindless, simple, fun physical pleasure.

Naruto. Heck yeah! He shoots, he scores! Big Naruto win, you said yes! He's got such a boyish view on sex, like if a guy has it then he's super cool. And he wants to be cool, obviously. He wouldn't shut up about it, actually. Before sex: 'Wow, really, you and me, we can?!', 'Huh?! Of course I wanna, believe it!', 'So when are we gonna? When when when, I'm so excited!!' During sex: 'Does this feel good? Or this? Or this? Or that?', 'What else can we do, I wanna do more!', 'Ok, ok, I'm gonna stay still… Umm nevermind, I can't just do nothing!' After sex: 'Woah, that was so awesome! Let's do that again!!', 'When can I see you again, we will meet again right? Right?' Listen, it's difficult to contain himself when his heart is pounding and his palms are sweaty and his entire body is vibrating with excitement, ok!! He can't help it! He totally wants to get into it, like as soon as possible, like right now! You said it and he took it to heart and now he's not gonna find peace until it happens. Very lively in bed, lots of turning and changing positions and yapping (non-stop yapping, the sound of his voice is the majority of the noise). Gets loud but totally unintentionally, it's not like he wants your neighbors to know, but they will. Likely favorites: any position where he gets to both do and be done, like sixty-nine. He likes to be busy, give him something to touch, lick or squeeze! But also do the same for him, 'cause it feels super good! It's never just about one position though, he likes to go through the motions. Moving a lot is important for his hyperactive mind, heh, the more engaging the better! And hey, when you have an enthusiastic partner, even missionary can be incredibly fun!

Suigetsu. First thing's first: sex is not that big of a deal. It really ain't that deep. Well, it can be deep but, like, literally deep. None of this waxing poetics shit, y'know? He's as lax about sex as anything else, go get some if you want it, don't if you don't. shrug But if you do, make sure you get your fill of fun, otherwise the entire thing is kind of bullshit, waste of time, cringe, etcetc, isn't it? I'm not sure if he's exactly the 'you only live once' type, there might be some hard limits simply because he finds some feitshes too ridonkulous, too disgusting or too weird to actually engage in, but for the most part, he's leaning somewhere towards that. If you've got an idea, he's all ears, just tell him. He doesn't wanna miss out on the possibility of it being fun. Hey, who knows, it might become a favorite. The least he can do if you're already in his bed is extend a bit of trust to you as far as taste goes. He's quite witty, but also pretty damn straightforward. Like there are no intellectual games or beating around the bush, no masterplan of seduction required. So yeah, he'll mess around, try some fun stuff (hey, he's got an adventurous spirit!), but also won't really get emotionally attached or touchy-feely about it. Fuck him and set him free, it's what he wants. Likely favorites: hickies hehe, those sharp teeth can be put to very good use and it would make him feel so fucking cool to have marked someone (yea feeling cool during sex is important, ok!). Also definitely something with water. I don't know what exactly; like maybe he'd 'accidentally' splash your shirt so it clings to your body and shows off your natural curves/frame and, oh noee, you'd have to take it off, shucks. Something playful and teasing like that, heh.

Deidara. Was by far the most difficult to write. I don't know, maybe he's more obvious to some of you, but I felt like he was fighting me on every sentence lmao. I'm sorry if I wrote him way off but he felt like a boss battle and I wrote him last. Okay, there is a very particular dynamic that will play out: either you annoy him or he annoys you. Deliberately. This is like the mildest form of the enemies to lovers trope. Like, let me kiss you, but only to get you to shut the fuck up 'cause you're so damn annoying. Let me fuck you but just 'cause I want to put you in your place. Just sets him on fire, that's the good stuff. Yes, disagree with him, bicker back and forth, it's like foreplay. It's up to you which role you want to play, bratty or reactionary, he'll take on the other one as ultimately the appeal is in the dynamic itself. It's a bit performative but hey, all art is, hm. He just wants to have fun, to be honest. C'mon, do something entertaining, prod him, give him something to react to, or you'll force his hand to do something outrageous. Literally his hand, lol. Oi! His face is up here. Those mouths aren't for sex, they're for art, hm! Yeah, well so what that it bit you? Can't handle a little bite? Smh. And here he thought that he was the freak, but look at you. Likely favorites: arguing, teasing and lite verbal aggression amp up the sexual tension so good, more of that! Would eventually succumb to the idea of using his hand-mouths for pleasuring you, because damn if he's anything but not curious. Pleasantly surprised when he finds out he likes it, honestly elevated when he notices you absolutely fucking love it.

Kisame. Sex? Oh yeah, okay, he could do it. Been a while. So busy that the possibility slipped his mind entirely, can you believe that? But you're right, it's good to have fun and relax from time to time. I don't think it's entirely fair of me to put him into a high libido category, he's on the lower end of it (closer to Dutiful than anyone else in this tier), but archetypically Dutiful doesn't really work for him because he has more of a spirit to him, a bit of a kick, hah. And I don't think sex is that serious of an obligation to him. Like, really, sex is the hill you choose to die on? He'd find it a bit silly. There's already enough shit to wade through in the world, the smartest thing you can do is make recreational activities like sex a reprieve, not another obstacle in life. So yeah, he won't make any commitment that he doesn't want, and probably prefer short-term relations anyway due to the sort of life he leads. Stress-free zone. Sex is just a temporary fun activity before he has to go out and deal with the weight of the world again. Feel free to suggest any bright ideas you might have (he'll politely decline if he's not into it, don't worry). Oh, you didn't know he has two? It's okay, he can use just one, although the way you're looking at him makes him think you're interested in the former option. Likely favorites: double-penetration is very much so implied, but if not that then the, uh, normal suck and fuck is fine, thanks. Most I can imagine is him getting a bit rough, like again this is for stress-relief and you're basically his stress-ball. Sure, he can go faster and harder, slap your ass or deepthroat you for 5 seconds. You'll be fine. And thanks for the fun night, whatever your name was.

--- ADVENTUROUS OBSESSIVE

Deviant type. They are sexual, but not in a hedonistic, indulgent way. It's more in a focused mental sense, such as having a very specific fetish that's so prominent in their psyche it starts to take up too much mental space and inclines them to act on it.

Kabuto. This was originally the 'pervert' tier, but I modified it a bit. I'm not saying that Kabuto is a pervert, but I am saying that he is kind of a ~freak~. He was actually quite difficult to place, but then I thought of sex as a way of getting to know yourself, what you like, what sets your heart on fire, and I think that's an element of it that would subconsciously draw him in. I say subconsciously because introspection isn't his forte (as we know lol), he didn't even know it was something he yearned for. And no, he wouldn't lay himself bare before you (metaphorically or otherwise) but sex would stir a very personal, intimate side of himself. I don't think he would understand that this is exactly what keeps him coming back though, he'd try rationalize it with biology. Unless, of course, we're talking about him after he's already gone through his personal Samsara (shoutout to Itachi), in which case he'd be more aware of his own desires and figure it out. Also, he's probably the most experimental character, he would want to try all sorts of stuff, and is very likely to use jutsu inappropriately. He could get off on just seeing the effects and your reactions to them. Beware, his curiosity extends far. Likely favorites: bet he'd like to wear gloves, bet he'd like to 'inspect' you like a doctor looking over his patient, bet he'd like to get so fucking condescending if you soil the gloves, bet he'd love it if you grabbed at his arms as he progressively got more and more intense, adding a sensitizing jutsu or an aphrodisiac into the mix. I dunno, I feel like he'd be very 'invasive', like he wants to prod your insides. Well, at least you'll find out what sounding is.

--- ADVENTUROUS DOMINEERING

Treats sex as conquest, control and a show of force. It's not so much that sex is fun or sex is sport, but sex is control. Very emotionally closed off, they're here to conquer and dominate other people, and sex is just one of many tools in the arsenal.

Kakuzu. Coldest sexual encounter you'll ever have. He's like the daddydom trope jacked up to 100; powerful, tall, dominant and rich. And handsome, depending on who you ask. I don't think he cares about sex enough to actively seek it out, but I also don't see him outright rejecting a good offer if it crops up. But it will be on his terms, for as long as he wants, and in the way that he wants. I mean, those threads in his body are thick enough to be put to use in more unconventional, creative ways than just for fighting. Do you think he doesn't know that? Yeah, he'd pick up real fast on why you approached him with the offer to begin with, you can't seduce him that easily (or perhaps at all). Now I'm thinking about what sort of monetary exchange there would be (because there would be a monetary exchange). Does he pay you or do you pay him? Well, I guess it depends on what you want from the encounter. If you came to him asking about his 'sexy tentacles' (he didn't appreciate you calling them that), the dick's not free. Pay up. If, however, you let him indulge in what he wants, he'd be willing to part with his coin for a good service. Likely favorites: brat taming, just something so satisfying about it. I would say dirty talk but it's more like verbal abuse in his case. Hey, a man has gotta have outlets. Also, he's up for bondage, and probably some S&M stuff if he's in the mood to really get into it. 'Safe word'? Pfft, he doesn't know what you're talking about; you're here until he gets enough of you.

Madara. Not dick and not pussy, he goes hard for power. There is nothing hotter than a show of dominance and proof of might. And there's an important distinction: it doesn't count asserting yourself over weaklings. No, he wants to take the most powerful person he can find and make them submit to him. His equal or his better that he can put on their knees. Ouch, such a ruthless elitist, give him the best or fuck off. I'm pretty sure that's why his opinion on women wasn't all that favorable, they're just inherently nerfed, there's no satisfaction in overpowering someone who's already lower on the totem pole. Though, you're welcome to try and prove him wrong. He means it — fight back, try to take control, he dares you. Immerse him in the physicality of the situation, attack him (and no, not with kisses), he wants the full sensual experience and the ego-boost of having subdued someone with fire and strength in their heart. And oh yeah, he loves getting physical, just make it worth his time. I think that would be the lens through which sex would begin to interest him. If he can't get that, then he'd rather focus on grander goals. Caveat: his stance is a bit different if we're talking about Madara pre-Izuna's death. He'd be more amenable, more emotionally inclined, and would be closer to an example of the healthy Adventurous type; viewing sex as a fun sport. Like, spar with him, wrestle on the floor, trust the process and his hands will find the right place to touch. I mean, he'd still be attracted to a similar dynamic, but it wouldn't be so uncompromising. Likely favorites: fuck-fighting. His hand pins yours down, your legs straddle his thigh, you raise it up so you can reach what's in-between with ease. The more movement, the better. Just don't get tardy, don't stare too much at his twitching cock or he'll get self-conscious and you'll ruin the tempo (about the same shyness as having someone watch him pee in canon lmao). Somewhat of a sadomasochist, but within reason: biting, scratching, taunting, generally only lite violence. And I swear everyone always ignores his obvious masochistic tendencies, he fucking loves feeling the impact of someone's mark on him, the issue is being powerful enough to be able to leave it.

DUTIFUL

Don't have a strong natural interest in sex. Within a relationship, they see sex as their obligation to their partner, but it's not a big priority to them. Usually tend to be intellectually inclined instead of sexual or emotional. Basically, many other things take precedence before sex even enters their peripheral.

Kakashi. Wooo, sex! ... Just kidding, it's not all that. Despite all the smut he reads on company time (based), he doesn't actually remember the last time he messed around with another person. More of a right hand connoisseur, if you will. Anyway, sex is rarely in his crosshairs. And no, it's not because he takes care of his desires with porn. I think it's pretty obvious that the porn is partly for pleasure, but mostly for escapism. Unfortunately, being a trauma dumpster comes with a lot of nasty side effects like anhedonia, and yeah, it's quite difficult to get into it when you're haunted by ghosts of the past. Look at him masking his emotional hurt with humor. :) Of course he can have sex, but I don't see him as a particularly engaging lover or at least for the sex to be rather infrequent. In fact, I think he'd rather avoid making commitments. *sigh* Why can't he just go see a prostitute? Oh, he can? Well… uh… 😳 ... Yeah. We know that he gets all flustered and blushy when confronted with sexual topics, like he's out of his field. Even at his best, he's more of the intellectual type than the physical or passionate type. So, while technically he can... will he? Hm. Nah, he'd rather go back to Icha Icha. Likely favorites: pseudo-sex. Mutual masturbation is nice and quick enuf. Voyeurism can be fun, of course with permission. It's basically like porn anyway. He'd rather not be acknowledged directly, though. Like, don't stare lovingly into his eyes, even the mask won't be able to hide his blush. The mask stays on, by the way. Non-negotiable.

Shikamaru. In his mind, sex is a very simple 1+1 equation. He gives you what you want, and you give him what he wants. Ez. Oh, remember: it'd be cool if you could 'look' good together. When you're out where other people can see you, be decent, okay? If you look like a good couple, people will view the both of you favorably. It's just easy good boy/girl points. As for what happens behind closed doors, whatever you want, honestly. Unless it requires him to do too much work, then he'd grumble about it. He'd still probably do it, let's not kid ourselves. I mean, he's probably scared of upsetting you, especially if you have a temperament (which he loves if you do, in fact please do, someone needs to melt his icy layer of indifference). Watch him enjoy it in the end, anyway. You're behind the wheel most of the time, just tell him what makes you happy, and he'll make sure the two of you have a mutually beneficial, functioning relationship. As far he's concerned, that's a reward on its own. Since he's the type to go with the path of least resistance, you can pave the way the river flows. If you don't like what you get, then you weren't honest with your desires from the get-go, babe. So yeah, either he adapts to you, or you have vanilla sex. He would take initiative and use that brilliant mind of his on some special occasions, though. If he doesn't give you the most satisfying orgasm on White Day every year, then you can call him out on failing spectacularly. Likely favorites: here's a good one: he lies on his back and you straddle him on top until he's hard enough to sit on. That way he doesn't have to do anything but still gets off. Absolute perfection.

Neji. His view on sex goes somewhere along these lines: sex is part of the contract and he wants to uphold his end of the bargain. Which also probably means no sex outside of an established monogamous relationship, but I'm not sure to which degree this extends. Would he still be fine with other sexual acts besides penetration casually? Maybe, but if you come at him with these requests, then he will assume you want to change your last name to Hyuga eventually. If you want him, then please be proper about it and discuss the implication of this union. Understand that you are courting someone from a prestigious family, so are you sure that this is a responsibility you want and can handle? As you can imagine, it's never just about passion. Anyway, once you get into bed with him, you'll find that he leans traditional and safe, basically the tried and true combo of foreplay + missionary. He is considerate of what you like and would try his best to please you, but I think he'd be a slightly frigid lover (in fact, I had him in Frigid category before realizing he's not to that extreme). Not willing to try crazy, interesting stuff, and not even that sexually-inclined. The most adventurous he's willing to get is using his Byakugan to detect your erogenous areas. Respect is a big deal to him, so there will always be an air of distance between you. Acts that could be interpreted as objectification are insulting to him. He is a bit cold, which he can't change, but if nothing else he can assure you that you'll never feel like an afterthought to him because he takes you very seriously. Likely favorites: body exploration, and lite body worship. If you're his lover, he considers you very dear to him, so it's natural to him to want to show appreciation. He would like everything that is pleasant, quiet, and gentle: kissing, licking, caressing, hugging, whispering. Also, white or pastel lacy undergarments. He has an eye for elegance and tasteful embellishments so it would really be a visual treat to him.

Tobirama. Mark sexual intercourse on the calendar. You will be having it on the 20th, if the Daimyo does not unexpectedly whip up more documents to sort out the budget, in which case the scheduled intercourse will be happening on the 22nd at the earliest. As your lover, it is his duty to cater to your needs and desires, and he will unbegrudgingly do so. He signed up for it, after all. However, also as your lover, he is compelled to tell you that his obligation to you cannot interfere with his duties to the village. He hopes that you understand the hierarchy of priorities he has set out and why it has to be this way. Oh yeah, this guy's icy cold. I do have a bit more to add, though. While yes, he's not particularly sexually-inclined, he can get quite freaky. I can't overlook the fact that he was basically conducting morally dubious experimentation. Like, as a hobby, really. The implication of which is this: there's a lot of curiosity in him that he could bring to bed. If you don't like it, he's fine with having a very vanilla experience, but if you're up for something more engaging… well, he's read that having an outlet like that can be healthy. Still, prepare for sex to be a rare occurence in general. Likely favorites: orgasm control. He will have you wait weeks for a good fuck, then when he's finally in your arms (or you're in his), he will hit you with 'mm, you can hold it longer, can't you?' as he edges you just enough to almost get you to the point of release before withdrawing his cool hand from your body and watching you twitch and pant. Come to think of it, kind of a sadist. Also, gets creative using the shadow clones. How would you like to be fucked by two of him? Three?

--- DUTIFUL FRIGID

The ice queens (kings in this case lol). They're just not that interested in sex or emotion. They don't even really care about sex as a form of duty, at most it's an annoying obligation. These characters are very intellectual, so they're quick to rationalize and become disgusted by sex. Require very specific contexts to naturally feel inclined to engage in sexual activity.

Sasori. Not only does he have a stand-offish, aloof personality, but he lacks tactile perception, so sex wouldn't be that much of a worthwhile experience for him. Of course, his sight, hearing and (possibly) smell are there, so there is a way for him to enjoy some parts of the act. He doesn't have much interest in it, though. If he did, he wouldn't have turned himself into a doll to begin with. Though, while I think his libido is very low, something is there. Beauty and sex are interlinked, and the former is at the forefront of his priorities, so I'm thinking there has to be a reason for it. If nothing else, he is not blind to sexual appeal. I'm not sure how he'd express it, or perhaps he wouldn't. I doubt he'd use his creations for that purpose, because works of art aren't sex toys. You shouldn't soil masterpieces with bodily fluids. Speaking of masterpieces, since his body, too, is a work of art, I think his sexuality would be autoerotic. He'd get off on himself being perceived as ethereal. He's wants to see and hear affirmations of his desirability, but to also be just out of reach for his lover, like a god with a devoted worshipper. 'You can look, but you can't touch' sort of thing. What matters is that even though he's the object of desire, he's still in control. Likely favorites: lite crossdressing and worship, except he's the only one being worshipped. And don't touch him. Love him with your eyes and words. He didn't dress up for you to tear everything off, art isn't enjoyed in fragmented pieces. Also, body jewelry. Enchanting, of course, like everything else about him. For how secretive he is, sexually he really just wants to be beautiful and admired.

--- DUTIFUL NEUROTIC

The uppermost part of the dutiful quadrant, bordering on nurturing (hyper-sensitive). They're sensitive to the power exchange during sex, more easily worried by stuff, so there's too much going on in their heads to be able to actually enjoy sex. They're held back by their own trepidations and reservations. Might view sex as something dirty or beneath them.

Sasuke. I'm so glad this tier is called Neurotic because if I had to pick one word to describe Sasuke (or almost any Uchiha, for that matter), it would be exactly that. Sex is not straightforward with people like this. There are 'obstacles' that need to be overcome. Firstly, sex requires a lot of trust, and Sasuke is not one to give it freely. He's so high up on self-preservation scale that you might as well be an enemy until proven otherwise. Call it paranoia, but from his point of view he's being sensible. Secondly, sex is an intimate experience and intimacy feels invasive to him. He doesn't want you to know what he feels because feelings are a liability. Not only that, but they're often fleeting. He's aware of more things than he lets on; you think he doesn't know that those girls swooning over him were just chasing a short-lived high? Yeah, he knows. You wanting to fuck him means nothing to him. He's not even flattered. More wary, if anything. Does he view sex as beneath him? In a superficial way, he might. It's easy for him to look down on others for succumbing to their desires and feelings when he's built a fort around his own heart and can pretend it doesn't pertain to him. But here's something he doesn't want to admit: behind that fort lies a tender heart, keen and longing. What I'm trying to say is that good sex would absolutely wreck him. Tears in his eyes and tension in his muscles, staring at you like he's not really all there. It's just insanely difficult to get there because of how many defenses he puts up. Good luck if you think it's worth it. Likely favorites: merging his soul with yours so that a part of you forever lives in the very essence of who he is as a person, reframing the way he views the world as your worldview bleeds into his and he can no longer tell who he was before you. Also, biting. It helps him relieve tension, feel his own sense of agency, and grounds him in reality.

NURTURING

Cares less about sex and more about the cuddling and smooching prior or post coitus. They see sex as a way of connecting with and providing for their lover. Doesn't emphasize the raw libidinal aspects of sex but more-so the relational, emotional aspects. Has paternalistic energy. Very loving, but not exciting.

Iruka. Papa Iruka's home. I feel like this tier was made specifically for him. Big heart, soft disposition. More than any other character, he doesn't 'fuck', he 'makes love'. And it's important the way you phrase it, because it reflects the mentality behind the act. For him, sex is a genuinely tender act, like a wordless love confession. There's nothing ambiguous about him, you will know he desires you if he puts in that extra care and attention into things involving you. Well, he does that for everyone, but there will be an extra layer of care just for you. You will also know because he'll get flustered upon you reciprocating. Yep, he wears his heart on his sleeve, and it will definitely show during sex when the emotions are especially heightened. The type of person that will make the most basic acts feel deeply profound due to how much sincerity and warmth they're seeped with. You will be seen, and heard, and held, and loved, and he won't allow it to be any other way. Sex is never just for sex's sake, it's also for the emotional bonding, and for him to show you that, yep, he really, really, really likes you and even more than that, wants you very, very, very happy. Wholesome-maxxing every single day. I'm just sitting here, trying to think of like half a flaw that he could have… umm, the worst is that the passion might turn a bit stale. A bit boring. It's easy to love what serves you and it's even easier to take it for granted, I mean people get bored of the same old. It's up to you to spice it up because that's not something on his mind. Likely favorites: something sweet and nice and intimate and validating. Little moments of you gazing at each other that linger for a few seconds as he gently strokes your cheek before a deep kiss. Pillow talk afterwards is the best thing ever. <3

Yamato. He's such a good mix of by-the-book and adaptive. I think he's one of the healthiest characters when it comes to sex, and it's a bit weird to say that because of how messed up his backstory is. He's quite emotionally attuned by nature (I say this because it meant a lot to him to have positive emotional feedback from his team, meaning it's a priority). Just because he wasn't allowed to develop the skills for it, doesn't mean his natural inclinations went away, just suppressed. But I think this inherent tenderness would blossom up during particularly intimate moments such as during sex. You can modify behaviors but you can't change the core of who you are, after all. It doesn't have to be sex for him to gradually soften up, either. In fact, sex probably doesn't even make it to his top 10. He's happy to ocassionally indulge in it, especially if his lover wants it, but he's equally happy with just hand-holding or smooching, or staring into the sunset together if you'd prefer. Probably not as awkward as some might want to headcanon, but even if he does something wrong (which he'll try very hard not to), he'll be quick to react and fix it. I can't imagine him as anything other than attentive and considerate, but also lowkey. Like: wait, did anyone even know that Yamato has a lover? Likely favorites: he's so happy with just default vanilla stuff, he really doesn't need or want anything extra. As far as he's concerned, it's already a big privilege to be in bed with you. He likes your smile and the glint in your eye that informs him you're enjoying him, that's the best gift you can give him.

Itachi. One word: understated. The way he goes about romance and sex is contained like a quiet little stream. You need to go out of your way to scoop its water up. And only when you get close enough do you realize how deep of a wellspring it is, enough to drown in. Are you getting tired of his metaphors? Don't expect him to drop the lyrical language, he will never be explicit in either meaning of the word. But please don't misunderstand him, he's not dubious. Unlike most other intellectual types, he's very emotionally attuned. Being particularly sensitive and intuitive, he always knows what your desire of the night is, sometimes even before you do. He'll pick up on the smallest detail, like a playful glint in your eye, and use it to adapt to exactly what you wish. If you're feeling mischievous, he will tease you, booping you on the tip of your nose before kissing it, then falling victim to your contagious laughter. If you're feeling down, he will have you leaning against his shoulder as he traces a little heart over your back — as a little nonverbal confirmation that whatever happens, you will always have his love and support. If you're feeling horny, he would, as he'd say, 'stir a fire in your heart with indulgent passion' or maybe 'have you quiver and swell under him'. One thing stays consistent though: his touch is always gentle. In general, he's the type of person to give everything and take nothing back. And that's where his underbelly might show: he doesn't do well with reciprocation. You will never love him the way he loves you simply because he doesn't allow himself to be loved to that extent. You'd think he wants it to be one-sided. Likely favorites: he's a service top through and through. Loves coaxing reactions from you, seeing your face coil in pleasure and relief. It feels so good to serve the person he loves. Gets mesmerized by your body's responses such as twitches, tension, shivers, or winces, and ends up staring intensely before getting a bit self-conscious and looking away with flushed cheeks. Strong preference for gentle and loving acts, so no, he will not degrade or hurt you, even if you really, really want him to.

--- NURTURING HYPER-SENSITIVE

Philophobic. Fears love. Or in this case, fears sex. Emotionally might be interested in (or curious about) it, but behaviorally leans towards asexuality. Not necessarily put off by it, but fearful of and uneasy with the intimacy that comes with it.

Gaara. To be honest, he's still learning what healthy platonic interactions with others are, so for him to indulge in something even more complex, that is romantic and sexual relationships, is a very big step. And he's not really sure if he's ready for it. The fear is two-fold: he fears being seen to that degree, in a way that he hasn't been seen before, but also fears his own ability to hurt or disappoint his lover. He first needs to grow more comfortable with the idea. Please wait, like a grain of sand waits in the desert for the sun to rise. Oh, was that a bad metaphor? Sorry, he isn't very good at this. He just wants you to know that his affection is real, and he's not rejecting you because he doesn't feel for you, but rather because he feels too much and doesn't know if it won't spill out of him in improper ways. He's blind to the fact that you might actually want it to spill out that way, that it's the point. Perhaps if you can get him out of his shield of sand and crumble the armor underneath, immerse him in your passions, he'd like to find out what real desire feels like. Despite the cold start, he'll eventually match your intensity, like in that metaphor: the sun will warm the sand come morning. But first you have to let him into your world, as that will become the ultimate standard that his own sexuality develops around. And I say develops because that was not something he ruminated much about before, this is really new and really nerve-wracking for him. Likely favorites: umm… is holding hands while sweetly looking into your eyes okay? 😊 … Could you please trace your finger across his back again? … Could you please take control again; he loves how your fingers wrap around him? … Is it okay if he kisses your hand afterwards? … O-oh, the color of his cheeks could rival his crimson hair? … Yes, he leans towards submission, at least at first. The way you touch him will be the way he touches you. It's not that he's delicate but he's quite sentimental, so please play nice.

--- NURTURING DELUSIONAL

They're emotionally deep and they want to dive deeply into the ideal of relationships. However, unlike core Nurturing, instead of wanting to care for their partner, they're more self-centered - they just want to realize a perfect fantasy brought to life. They use sexual relations as a way of indulging themselves into this fantasy, as a temporary escape from reality.

Nagato. He lives most of his life in his head. Not only is he the strongly introverted type, a deeply traumatized man, but he's also not very physically mobile. A prisoner of his own thoughts, basically. Sex, like many things, is delulu land to him. He has a particular vision in his head of how he'd want it to play out, but he knows that it's literally impossible in his current state. For one, in his fantasies, he's not essentially bedridden. Being met with the prospect but not being able to act on it would make him grow even colder and more jaded, so he just... avoids it. Not to get too esoteric (although he totally would), he probably just transmutes his sexual energy into other things. But yeah, I don't think he's asexual. He probably fantasizes about it, once a moon, but as an alternate universe sort of thing, like what could have been but will never happen. Would change the topic or get dismissive if asked about it (he really doesn't need reminders on just how much was taken from him). Likely favorites: something like soft mommydom/daddydom stuff. If he's opening his cold, guarded heart to you, then he's also opening the side of himself that desperately wants to feel nurtured and loved. He would be soft and adoring with his lover, but would need to have that reciprocated tenfold. If you're a woman, he especially likes the idea of breastplay, softly squeezing and sucking, kneading your skin like a kitty. Would love to have his head caressed, and be referred to with affectionate petnames.

ASEXUAL

Characters that aren't interested in having sex.

Orochimaru. Sex sounds rather inane. He understands reproductive sex, but doesn't really understand recreative sex. It all sounds like a terrible waste of time. Even if it is for reproduction, he isn't interested in symbolic immortality through offspring, he wants the real deal. Of course, he is aware of the evolutionary drive, perhaps even more than the average person, yet he's also keenly aware that he himself lacks it. Sex just doesn't provide the type of stimulation that he enjoys, it's not intellectual enough. It's either for a personal power-trip or for bonding, and he's not drawn to either of those things. Admittedly, gestation is interesting, but that's a consequence of the act, not the act itself. Perhaps an artificial life form could be created using a similar principle of mitosis. Dear, are you sure you came asking the right person about sex? It's not something he's ever been interested in. Just know this: he's going to have a laugh if you try to seduce him, genuinely. You've misread him in a very pathetic way, it's like you don't know your target at all. Such a callous approach. Oh, but don't take it personally. We all make mistakes, it's just that we also have to suffer their consequences. Mockery is far from the worst thing you can experience. Now, about that artificial life form…

Zetsu. More interesting than I thought. Going to explain in a roundabout way. Traditionally, there are two androgyne archetypes: sexual and neuter. Sexual androgynes are highly sexed, with pronounced, overt primary sexual characteristics, breasted and bepenised (think Satan in Devilman Crybaby). Neuter androgynes are phenomenologically neutral: unbreasted (male chest) and unbepenised, that is to say, nothing is overt, it's all flat. I think he's a perfect example of the latter. An essentially sexless entity. A 'divine' androgyne. It makes sense, Zetsus don't need sex, they don't reproduce in the conventional sense. And while Zetsus do possess intellectual curiosity, I don't think it extends to sexual curiosity, because they don't have the capacity for emotion and therefore don't have libido. But I also don't think it'd be awkward to interact with Zetsu about sex, because it's such a blank: no shame, no ridicule, no risk, nothing. Come to think of it, I bet Zetsu asked Obito a lot about puberty when he was going through his personal boyish hell in that cave. I can already imagine Madara probably pretending to be asleep so he doesn't accidentally become a father figure to Obito by giving him the boy talk lol. Hey, Zetsu would've listened attentively to learn more about this 'hooman' stuff. But yeah, it's a literal alien life form trying to figure out the reproductive behaviors of the human species.

i did my best to base this on their canon personalities, but everything is still filtered through me. i especially put in an effort to write in the character's 'voice', so for example more jokes on the light-hearted personalities and more clinical jargon on the coldly logical types. also don't take this as definitive, it's totally okay to interpret these characters in other ways.

this took way longer than i thought it would, wow. definitely a mental exercise. but it was a lot of fun trying to figure out what the boys might be into.

also, i only wrote for characters that i personally like or are part of the main cast, but it still turned out to be way more work than i bargained for hah 😖

He layed down on his stomach and began rubbing the wetness of your pussy. He eyed his prize and went for your clit, rubbing harsh circles onto it like he was tryna get a genie to come out of its bottle. You let your head rest on the wooden headboard of your bed as he continued to satisfy your flesh with his experienced fingers. Suigetsu wanted to do more, be extra. Letting his fingers go down to your tight entrance— he began to slip his long middle finger inside. But you being alert about it— let go of one of your legs and reached down to grab his wrist as he inserted his finger inside you. “Relax baby it’s not gonna hurt I promise.” And yeah it didn’t hurt for a while..until he put in his second finger and that’s when you really felt the stretch when he began scissoring his middle and ring finger inside the thick and tight insides of your pussy. You felt embarrassed that you were about to come from just his fingers! I mean yeah you masturbated but there is clear difference between fingering yourself and flicking one’s bean!

The tight and matted knot inside your stomach was gradually becoming untangled as suigetsu fingers worked magic inside of you. Your clit vibrated with pleasure and your mouth agape with faint yet sweet sounds rolling off your tongue. Biting your bottom lip you couldn’t help but release a small fountain of squirt on suigetsu’s hand and face. One round of squirt after another he rubbed your pussy dry until he was sure you had no more fluids left. You watched as he shoved his fingers in his mouth— licking every bit of your essence off his fingers. The sight of you with your legs up, eyes back, chest heaving and bare pussy out makes his dick throb more violently then the first time he saw you. He kneeled over you with dark, lustful and hungry eyes. His whole demeanor changed once he ripped the rest of the fabric you had on your body, off. Suigetsu takes a minute, maybe two, to admire the beauty of your body. Every dip, curve, mark and imperfections you think you have. And for a second he felt like a little kid getting a peak of the hot neighbors nip slip.

Being lost in his insatiable hunger for you— he was ignoring his painfully erect friend. Only when his hungry eyes met your innocent and unsure ones he brought it down a notch. “Are you okay with this?” He asked, rubbing reassuring circles onto your clit rather than your neck or arms. Your body jerks a bit when he rubs your tired clit yet you nod with furrowed eyebrows and pierced lips. He undoes his briefs as he palms his length in front of you. You weren’t shocked by the size, more so shocked how it would fit in you! For as long as you and suigetsu have been together, you’ve never gotten that intimate. You don’t know what’s more scarier: being chased by a dog or losing your virginity! You covered your face, more so your eyes, out of embarrassment and slight fear as he slapped the tip over your pussy. Finally, he began pushing it in and you felt the burn right away. If he didn’t stop momentarily to let you adjust, you would’ve pulled all your hair out in the front! You whined as the pain turned into pleasure, overwhelming pleasure at that. Suigetsu payed attention to every. single. detail in the last minute. To the way you swallowed him and took him whole without any extra force, your body language and how tense you got. He lived for every minor jerk in your muscles and every bullet of sweat that dribbled down your face.

While he was enjoying the sight in front of him..you were covering your eyes still. Scared to see a bloody mess beneath you. Yes you took everything your experienced friends said to heart about getting their cherry popped and how bad it hurt, how they couldn’t walk the next day, all the blood and it scared you shitless nonetheless. That’s why you held off on fucking suigetsu for so long! But every story your friends have told you were getting pushed to the deepest depths of your brain as the pleasure really started to settle in. You felt fluttery; jittery even. Especially at the way his crooked dick was kissing that cushiony soft muscle against your walls. Every thrust made you feel a spark of warmth and pleasure. Slowly you removed your hands, your mouth agape from pleasure and not shock that there isn’t a lot of blood coating his dick.

Once suigetsu saw that you were getting comfortable, he amped up his pace a bit, trying to get you as familiar with this as possible because once he fully breaks you In— he’s gonna go to town with you and won’t be coming back until 3 consecutive days later. He was frothing at the mouth from the sight In front of him. You on your back, legs folded back to your ears as he holds them in place, your clit playing peekaboo between your meaty folds, and the thin ring of blood around his cock being replaced by a thicker ring of frothy cream and clear liquids that coated your inner thighs.

Each roll of his hips elicited a new sound from your throat, you felt an even bigger dome of pleasure building up in your body as you were a few nanoseconds away from screaming, creaming and squirting all over your precious boyfriend. You got a peak at his face— he was so eager to make his baby girl feel good, to make her first time enjoyable. Your head nodded back and forth and your eyes rolled back while you got your clit aggressively toyed with, your insides molded into a permanent shape of your boyfriends— every ridge, crease and vein across his dick was perfectly imprinted inside you like a 3D printer. Tears of pleasure rolled down your puffed out cheeks while suigetsu sped up his pace— fucking your head into the wooden headboard behind you. Small hands of yours reached out to him, attempting to push him off you, which failed horribly as he slapped them away and got even faster with his movements.

His fingers never stopped playing with your clit, in fact your juices were SPRITZING out everywhere like a spray bottle. Your moans and pleasuring sobs got louder and so did his grunts n growls as he slammed his cock inside you for the final time. Emptying 1/2 of that six month load of cum and frustration he refrained from taking out on you. You look down at your tummy and see how bloated you are. One final squirt to emphasis how good suigetsu treated you on your first time! You don’t think you’ll ever be able to squirt this much again! Neither did you know you were a creamfull of white froth!! Suigetsu slowly pulled out his softening cock as he leaves a trail of cum, very thick cum, pooling out of your pussy, slowly debloating you.

Your inner thighs were a mess, your forehead was sweaty, cheeks and eyes puffy from crying and a bit sore from the intense workout. But nonetheless your boyfriend is happy and tired…and you find yourself wanting more!

Sasuke

A very extravagant ceremony, but only populated by a select few people (friends and family)

The reception lasted until the sun started to shine over the horizon, leaving both you and Sasuke too inebriated to comsumate your marriage that night - the two of you hust stumbled home, tripping over each other's feet, and then threw yourselves onto the Queen bed you shared, falling asleep instantly

Your honeymoon would be a nice week spent in the Tea Lands of the Land of Flowers, sampling various blends and discovering a whole new world of aphrodisiacs

He would give you the time of day, every day, even a decade into your union

Every night, unless he absolutely couldn't, Sasuke would be with you, adoring you and teasing you, helping you care for any children the two of you may share

After so much time and so many events, Sasuke still finds you to be the most beautiful person in the world, and strives to prove his love to you in any way he can, whenever he can

Be that a prolonged embrace, or conversations that stretch forever, Sasuke would provide all the company in the world to you

On the few days he had to call his own, he would spend every waking second with you, taking you anywhere your heart desired

Sasuke would shower you in material love as well, ensuring that no matter which corner of your home you turned to, you'd see something from him and be reminded of his eternal promise

Suigetsu

He wanted a massive wedding, and to invite every living creature on the mortal plane - you talked him down, of course, getting him to settle on an open ceremony

A good chunk of people sent their RSVPs back, but you were boggled by how many people indeed turned up - it seemed Suigetsu had friends around the globe, all terribly excited to watch a beautiful ceremony and get totally fucked up at the reception

You and Suigetsu spent most of your reception dancing, with you having to discard your shoes an hour or two deep to properly get into your groove

He carried you home happily, just peaking with vigour, describing the rest of your night in salacious detail

To your joy, he delivered, almost having undershot his own capability

In the day to day, Suigetsu finds that it's easier to just not deligate homely tasks - if it's an issue now, it's your issue, Noticer

That said, he doesn't shirk responsibility by feigning ignorance; Suigetsu is actually very helpful around the house, cleaning up the mess before he left any room

Every few months, he'll come home with a huge bouquet of multi-coloured flowers, with one glass flower, hidden in the lively petals

"When the final flower dies, I'll stop loving you."

You have a collection of the glass flowers on your night stand - they greeted you every morning and whispered about love every night, always reinforcing Suigetsu's commitment to you

Shikamaru

You and Shikamaru, being from hauty clans, were sick to death of the arrangement-talks

So, you eloped

At the break of dawn, you and Shikamaru began traveling to the Land of Lightning - you made it to the Land of Hotsprings and got a room at an inn in the Hidden Steam, staying the night, before making it to the Hidden Cloud before noon the next day

The two of you signed the paperwork and paid the fees for an International Marriage License then spent the rest of your wedding day walking around the Hidden Cloud

You had to go back to the Hidden Leaf soon enough, and when you did, you presented the marriage license to your father and told him there was nothing to be done about it - he could keep the dowry and expect no bride price

Both clans were unimpressed by the impulsiveness of your actions, but soon you and Shikamaru were allowed to honeymoon in the Land of Frost, the land which you skipped over in your journey to the Cloud

Despite never making any grand gestures, or writing any sonnets about you, Shikamaru lets you know he loves you in a multitude of other ways

He takes you out constantly, always needing to show you off and find things that you both could enjoy - he's always complimenting you, no matter the audience, just so you know that he thinks you're the most divine sight in the world

The most frequent pastime the two of you share is rolling cigarettes - talking for hours and hours, you and Shikamaru fold, load, and roll the white papers into perfect cylinders

You two would roll too many for one smoker to ever keep up, and you had to stop buying metal tins for storage, switching to folding up paper boxes to put the blems in

It became something of a business, selling the pre-rolled cigarettes in paper boxes to the adults of the village

The dimes you two got for your work and tobacco didn't matter to Shikamaru, he was just content, being present with you in the moment

Neji

Sweet darling Neji would have no choice but to invite the entire Hyuga clan, even though he wanted an intimate ceremony

It's okay, it's alright, so long as you're the one coming down the aisle, Neji would be happy

He cries when he sees you, overwhelmed by loving emotions and hope for a future as bright as your smile

Once the wedding guests left, and the ceremony switched to reception, Neji got to cut loose in front of only his closest friends and celebrate the victory of his union with you

He was insatiable at the bar, for only an hour

Then he was pasted to your side, just waiting for the reception to be over, whispering and teasing you about how excited you must be for the after-afterparty

It was projection, but he was right

You two called off the reception early, antsy to get back to your shared home

For the honeymoon, Neji takes you to the Southern border of the Grasslands and Waterlands - to a village that sat at the junction of a waterfall and a luscious field

The village was breathtaking, and Neji took you all over, even behind the waterfall

Neji's constantly taking you different places, allowing you to take the advantage of his position as a DIPLOMAT (yeah, he didn't die, he needed a job) that he wished he could

After every long meeting, he comes back to you, and will always suggest a walk at some point or another, no matter where you are in the world

But your favourite place to walk, and Neji's, was around the Hyuga compound in the Hidden Leaf, and just outside to where you two met - neither of you could turn down a chance to reminisce

Naruto

Huge ceremony, literally everyone who's anyone is there - Naruto organized firecrackers to shoot off during the uniting kiss, which scared the hell out of you but made him laugh, taking you safely into his arms and placing a reassuring kiss to your lips

The reception seemed to be even bigger, not a soul leaving, and a partying spirit vibrant in the air

You and Naruto wowed the crowd with a series of dances, but settled to watch the communal joy together after a little while

Gentlemanly, Naruto whisked you away from the recption, not wanting to disturb the party but not being able to spend another second not ravishing you like the treat you are

Not just wanting to take you to some stupid Land for your honeymoon, Naruto purchased a sail boat to take you out for a month

On the ocean, the two of you quickly got your bearings and grew even closer than before

You traveled from Land to Land, stopping to port every few weeks to pick up some food and put empty crates back into circulation

At one point, your path crossed with that of a pirate ship - Naruto made quick work of them, ensuring your safety without doubt

It's an entire adventure, out where the horizon blends, melding sky and sea together

Whatever you enjoy, Naruto will not only supply, but try to enjoy, himself

If you like to read, he'll get you every book his wallet can stretch for, and then he'll read the books right after you're done with them, readying himself to talk about themes and motifs with you, even if the concepts don't quite click for him

He's always trying for you - trying new foods, new things, new experiences, new looks

Naruto can't believe you're really in love with him, even after being married for so long, so he feels the need to constantly improve for you, to be the man he thinks you deserve

That's his favourite thing about you: the way you incline him to further his abilities, always encouraging him to be the best he can be

SFW

That guy is head over heels for you, but struggles with expressing his emotions sometimes

He gets easily embarrassed when he's supposed to be all 'lovey dovey' with you and just awkwardly tries to figure out what he should do next, without looking like a total idiot

Shows his affection through both, gift giving and harmless bickering

Has a habit of flicking your forehead and calling you things like "Dummy" to also show his affection

When you give him a compliment, his brain will stop working altogether. And instead of saying thank you, or saying something nice about you in turn, he just finger gun's at you

Can be a bit dense sometimes, especially when you're trying to subtly ask him for anything, like a kiss or some cuddles

He gets jealous quite easily and often doubts himself. Even though he knows you're not interested in other guys and only want him. But he would never admit that he's jealous or overthinking of course and makes sure not to show it either

He simultaneously wants to have all of your attention on him 24/7, and not bother you at all. There literally is no in-between

Gets surprisingly clingy when he's tired. When he's in that state, the part of his brain that's supposed to make sure he's that cool and carefree dude just shuts off and he turns into an attention seeking puppy

NSFW

As dense as he may be when it comes to cutesy stuff, that man knows the moment you give him the look that it's time for action. And boy does he perform

Will raw dog you until you're sore and unable to walk, let alone sit properly, for at least a couple of days, up to a week

He's not at all picky when it comes to the places he fucks you in. Shower? Perfect place to wash off the aftermath of your little fun time. Or maybe in the clothes store down the road? (Srsly, what do you think the changing rooms are there for??)

And don't think those damn teeth are merely for decoration. Suigetsu will use them on you and bask in the fact that those hickeys and pretty little bite marks all over your body are all his doing

The only book he probably ever read in his life was the Kamasutra and he aims to try every. single. position with you. So you're in for a pretty wild ride

A (aftercare)

-he’s alright at it. Pretty average. Gives you the “wanna water?” Then he goes to sleep. Will hold you if you want him to though

B (body)

-he likes squishy things. Thighs, ass, tits, or tummy. He just wants to squish em.

C (cum)

-he LOVES cumming on your face. He just likes to cum on you in general. He likes seeing it drip down your body.

D (dick. What does he look like?)

-he’s kinda long, but not as girthy. About 6-7 inches long. (Istg if I keep seeing unrealistic dick measurements in nsfw alphabets I’ll scream. Like no, a 5’7 man isn’t gonna have a 12in cock. STOP IT-)

E (energy)

-he’s a hyper boy. He likes multiple rounds, and he likes it fast. He can go slow If you want. He’s flexible. But ideally he’d go 1-3 rounds. But you and him have a record of 6. And that’s WILD.

F (fav position)

Likes doggy style so he can grip your ass. Doesn’t really fw missionary unless he can grab your tits. He likes fun positions that make you both feel good.

G (goofy)

-bro he can’t take it seriously half the time. He just wants to see you laugh :( he slaps your ass to make you giggle.

H (hair)

-he tries to keep it shaved. Doesn’t really like hair down there. But he’ll get lazy sometimes and forget (procrastinate)

I (intimate. how are they during the moment?)

-can be if he wants to. He’s pretty vocal, so he’ll spurt something sappy if he’s feeling it.

j (jerk off)

-he has a high sex drive, so when you’re not there, he’ll sniff your shirts and jack off. One time you caught him jorking it and he was so ashamed-

K (kink)

-wants to see you oiled up so bad. It’s actually wild. Unironically says “oil up I’ll be there in 10” (maybe. Idk it makes me laugh)

L (lingerie)

-rips that shit offa you. Lace? He’s using his teeth. He thinks it’s so sexy he just wants to CHOMP.

M (motivation)

-you tease him and he’s throwing you over his shoulder and taking you to the bedroom. “you asked for it, princess.”

N (no)

-wouldn’t ignore safewords. He goes rough/fast sometimes, so safewords are important.

O(oral)

-he’s flexible. He likes it both. Abuses your poor clit with his tongue, and leaves the inside of your thighs covered in bite marks. He moans when you give it to him. The most vocal he’ll be is when you give him head.

P(pace)

fast

Q(quickies)

-likes em. He likes the risk of doing it in public too.

R(risk)

-he’s down for it if you are. Likes it when you’re really loud and risk others hearing

s(stamina)

-I told you he can go a lot (I ain’t writing allat again. I’m half asleep rn)

T(toys)

-Pink sparkly butt plug (jk)

U (unfair)

-he’s such a tease. Denies orgasm so much.

V (volume)

loud

W (wild card)

-kisses every bite mark he makes if he’s too rough.

X

-nuh uh

Y

Z

You were the newest member of Team 7 after Sai had been laid up in the hospital with some injuries. You yourself had just finished recovering after nursing a broken arm for two months. Since the circumstances lined up so well, Tsunade made a few quick adjustments, and suddenly you had a new team.

You had been sent out with Sakura, Naruto, and Yamato to investigate some strange occurrences happening in a little village near the border with the Land of Water. You had arrived after a day and a half, but so far hadn’t found anything out of the ordinary. You set up camp for the night just outside the village, and had volunteered to take the first watch to show you were a good sport.

After the other three had fallen asleep, you sat in silence for several minutes. You let the sounds of the night wash over you. An owl hooted overhead. The wind rustled the leaves in the trees surrounding you. Tiny chirps from insects chorused from somewhere nearby.

You settled back, checking the sleeping faces of your teammates, glad for the silence that let them rest.

Then you paused. Silence. The insects had stopped chirping.

You had your kunai out before you heard the rustle of grass behind you. You immediately turned and let your kunai fly toward the figure stepping into the clearing.

Your aim was perfect, as usual. But it didn’t matter - the blade passed right through him and embedded in the tree behind him.

“Easy now,” the stranger said. “You could hurt somebody like that.”

His appearance was unusual, at least for the Land of Fire. He had hair the color of freshly-fallen snow and eyes the color of crocuses. His teeth were sharpened, as if they belonged to a shark and not a man. A massive sword hung from his back, its blade larger than the man who wielded it. And around his body, he wore a black cloak with red clouds.

You were on your feet in an instant, your sword drawn as you shouted for your team to wake up. You raced towards him, ready to take him down whatever the cost.

He easily sidestepped your blade with a smirk. Then, in one swift motion, he drew his own sword and brought it down towards you. You brought your blade up to meet it, eyes bulging as the sheer weight from his sword bore down.

“Ah, one of you knows how to dance,” he said. “Good. That always makes things more fun.”

Sparks flew as your swords ground together. You put as much strength as you could into pushing back. His blade lifted just an inch, and you took the opportunity to twist away.

The rest of the team descended upon the battle. Naruto made an attempt at the Rasengan, but the stranger darted out of the way long before the ball of lightning made contact. Sakura attempted to punch him with chakra-laden fists, but he turned his upper body into water, negating any damage she could do. You tried again with your sword, hoping to at least distract him, but he was more than ready to block your attack as well as Naruto’s new attempt.

Then Yamato brought his hands together and summoned roots from the ground. They surrounded the stranger, binding him like ropes and pulling him to the ground. He smirked at Yamato. “You really think a plant is strong enough to hold me?”

“Who the hell are you?” you hissed.

“Aww, you don’t recognize this beautiful face?” he teased.

You snorted. “Beautiful isn’t the word I’d use.”

He sighed. “You wound me, sweetheart.” He then bowed his head exactly one inch. “Suigetsu Hozuki, at your service.”

Yamato folded his arms. “Why are you offering that information so freely?”

“To show that I’m a decent guy,” Suigetsu replied, though his eyes remained on you.

“Decent, and yet you wear those robes,” you said, eyeing the red cloud with distaste.

“Hey, that was not my call,” Suigetsu replied. “I was only following orders.”

“Whose orders?” Sakura asked.

“Someone you ought to know very well, since you’re from the Leaf,” Suigetsu replied. “Sasuke Uchiha.”

The atmosphere in the clearing changed instantly. Sakura went pale and her jaw went slack. Yamato had to restrain Naruto with one hand as he began demanding information about Sasuke from Suigetsu. You just watched everything unfold, stunned that an associate of the traitor Uchiha was there and speaking so freely.

“So why are you here then?” you asked.

“Well, sweetheart, I must admit, I’ve grown very tired of Sasuke’s ‘leadership’.” He shrugged. “Is he powerful? Yes. Is he a complete asshole who’s nearly gotten all of us killed? Also yes.”

Yamato frowned. “And you expect us to believe you’d talk to us so freely?”

“Believe me or don’t, I don’t really care,” Suigetsu replied.

“What do you want then?” Sakura asked, finally regaining her voice.

“And where is Sasuke?” Naruto demanded.

Suigetsu grinned. “You must be Naruto,” he said. “Sasuke always says you were the loud, annoying one.”

Naruto growled at him. “Why you-”

“We asked you a question,” you interjected. “What do you want?”

He turned to you. “Well, as a matter of fact, I was hoping to make a deal.”

“What kind of deal?”

“You see, they’re not gonna be too happy once they realize I’ve taken off,” Suigetsu explained. “And they’ve got one hell of a sensory type with them, so they’re probably going to be after me before long. So what I’d like is protection, and in exchange, I tell you all about what your little Sasuke’s been up to.”

You purse your lips. There’s no way in hell that anyone would take that deal.

“Fine,” Yamato said.

Your head snapped toward him. “You can’t be serious, captain.”

“Can and am,” Yamato said. “You, take him straight back to the village for interrogation. The rest of us will remain here to uncover the cause of all the disturbances and complete the mission.”

“Oh, that was me,” Suigetsu said.

“…That was you?” Yamato asked.

“Yep,” Suigetsu said. “How else was I supposed to get you to come this way?”

Yamato groaned. “Fine, we’ll all go. I’ll confer with Lady Tsunade when we get back about the mission.”

You were put in charge of guarding Suigetsu while the other three cleaned up the camp. You picked up his sword from the ground, then staggering under its immense weight.

Suigetsu openly laughed at your efforts. “Careful there, sweetheart,” he said. “My Executioner’s Blade can’t be wielded by just anybody.”

“As in the Executioner’s Blade, one of the Seven Ninja Swords of the Mist?”

“And she’s smart too! Very good.”

You glared at him, your arms folded. “How do you have it? Last I checked, you weren’t a member of the Swordsmen.”

Suigetsu shrugged. “Just collecting what was rightfully supposed to be mine.”

“All right, let’s move out,” Yamato said. “Can you handle the sword?”

“I’ll manage,” you said.

“Mmm, maybe for a few minutes,” Suigetsu said. “But the only person here strong enough to carry my Executioner’s Blade is me.”

“We’ll see about that,” you said.

Yamato undid the bindings at Suigetsu’s legs, allowing him to walk. You took the holster from Suigetsu, ignoring the suggestive remark he made about you wanting to be closer to him, then swung it over your shoulders.

As the heavy sword slid into place, your legs buckled. You tried to keep your face calm and still, but Suigetsu was already laughing. “You just let me know when you get tired. I’ll gladly carry it for you.”

“Not in a million years, Hozuki,” you said.

Your group finally sets out towards Konoha. Every step you took took three times the usual effort, and you were sweating before you’d even gone a single kilometer.

On top of that, Suigetsu was easily the most annoying enemy you’d ever faced.

He never stopped talking, but he chose the most inane topics. The weather. The manufacturing of swords and sword dances. How much wood it must have taken to build their village. And you. He was constantly needling you, asking you about your daily life while also feigning concern about your struggles with the heavy sword.

But you were determined to prove him wrong, even if you had to drag the sword all the way there.

You were still relieved when the gates came into sight.

Your legs wobbled as you entered the village, but you managed to stop them as you gave a strained smirk to Suigetsu. “Told you I could do it.”

“All right, when I’m wrong, I say I’m wrong. Good job, sweetheart.” He chuckled. “Though I must say, it was a lot of fun watching you sweat. I’ll have to find ways of doing it again.”

The implication in his words made your cheeks pinker than they already were. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What would you like it to mean?” he asked, his sharp teeth flashing in a grin.

“Absolutely nothing,” you retorted.

“Enough,” Yamato said. “Let’s finish this.”

“Please,” Sakura said. “I need a nap.”

You brought Suigetsu to the interrogation building, where Ibiki looked far too pleased at his new guest. He looked far less pleased when Suigetsu turned his limbs to water and slipped out of the rope bindings. “I like bondage as much as the next guy, but that was getting to be a little much,” he said, stretching out his shoulders.

Your team stared at him, flabbergasted. “You could have done that the whole time?” you asked.

“Yeah,” Suigetsu replied.

“Why didn’t you?”

“Well, you were far more willing to talk like civilized adults while you thought you had me secured,” he said with a shrug.

Sakura threw up her hands. “I’m done. I’m waiting outside.”

She marched out, dragging Naruto with her. Yamato spoke to Ibiki briefly, going over some things with him. That left you and Suigetsu facing off, him leaning against the wall and you glaring.

“Careful, sweetheart,” he teased. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you didn’t like me.”

“You’d be right,” you replied.

“What a shame,” Suigetsu said. “It’s been so long since I’ve met anyone who was as…vivacious as you.”

“Is that a joke?”

“No, but perhaps vivacious wasn’t the right word. It’s a shame Karin isn’t here, she’d be able to come up with all sorts of words. She’s brainy like that.”

Yamato and Ibiki came back over. “All right, we’re all done here,” he said. “The interrogation core will take custody of the sword.”

“Please and thank you,” you said. You pulled the sword and holster off your back, then handed it over with a sigh of relief.

Ibiki lets out a grunt of surprise and nearly drops the sword, only barely managing to cling to it.

“Hey, careful!” Suigetsu snapped. “That’s not a toy, you know.”

Ibiki ignored him as he dragged the sword deeper into the building. Other interrogators came around, guiding Suigetsu into a chair.

As you turned to go, you heard him say, “Hey, sweetheart.”

You didn’t want to look at him, but you did anyway.

“See you around,” he said with a wink. “I’ll need something pretty to look at once these ugly bastards are done with me.”

Your face burned, but you refused to dignify what he said with an answer. Instead, you marched out the door, letting Yamato steer you toward the Hokage building.

As long as you had your way, you and Suigetsu would never cross paths again.

~