#sui reader

How would dazai react to his s/o dead from suicide?

(mainly out of morbid curiosity) but can you imagine how badly he would have taken it? Especially considering oda has technically killed himself as soon as he decided to fight gide.

oh, i am more than willing to entertain your morbid curiosity before bed because i think about this sometimes like a depressed psycho. let me add more to the pain: gn!reader was his fiancé and he found you. trigger warning, read at your discretion.

‪✝︎ when he walks into the bathroom, seeing you laying on the floor, he already knows - it doesn't stop the initial shock, even going into some denial despite it all.

۫ ׅ he shakes you, useless, but he can't rule out the possibility ۫ ׅ his hands tremble ۫ ׅ his eyes are already lining with tears ۫ ׅ wonders if there's enough time to get you to yosano ۫ ׅ he shakes you again - nothing

‪✝︎ when it hits him you aren't moving, not breathing, his gaze is scanning for the culprit - pills. the simplest way.

۫ ׅ "that's not fair, my darling. we were supposed to go together" - said while on the brink of weeping, unable to breathe properly ۫ ׅ he thinks he had done something wrong, even though he knew you were just as depressed as he was - he will now never get that reassurance ۫ ׅ brushes hair from your face - you're not even cold yet ۫ ׅ wonders if there's enough for him to follow you ۫ ׅ sits down with his back against the wall, staring ahead, zoning out, tears falling that he is unaware about

‪✝︎ stays in the bathroom with your lifeless body for a while, unmoving.

۫ ׅ his mind is blank ۫ ׅ his phone might ring, he ignores it - doesn't hear it, actually ۫ ׅ has fleeting thoughts here and there on where you got the medication to begin with ۫ ׅ how is he going to break it to your family, your friends, the agency ۫ ׅ should he follow you

‪✝︎ when he finally starts regaining consciousness, he just breaks down

۫ ׅ he lost another thing he wanted most ۫ ׅ feels hopeless ۫ ׅ believes he will never have the happiness he knows he doesn't deserve ۫ ׅ eventually screams when he remembers you're just lying there - you're there but not and it's driving him crazy ۫ ׅ clutches you in his arms and hates he can't hear your heartbeat

‪✝︎ he is internally fighting himself whether to follow you to the afterlife like he always promised or abide by oda's dying wish to be better.

۫ ׅ you made him truly feel he had gotten better ۫ ׅ you're gone ۫ ׅ oda's gone ۫ ׅ he misses you both so much already ۫ ׅ he wants to see you two again

‪✝︎ the neighbor finds him and has to call the emergency number to get the coroner.

۫ ׅ he won't let them take you - they had to rip him off your body ۫ ׅ threatens to crawl into the bag with you - the professional psychologist doesn't know what to do to help soothe him like they're trained to ۫ ׅ begs them to euthanize him - they're planning to admit him ۫ ׅ has to be held back from climbing into the back of the coroner's car ۫ ׅ kunikida somehow ended up there just as the doors closed and has to be the one to console him - he doesn't know what to say other than convincing them not to send him away

‪✝︎ he misses your funeral.

۫ ׅ he couldn't face your loved ones - he didn't have it in them to tell them he couldn't save you ۫ ׅ he sits at your grave in his suit he had prepared for the wedding that will never happen after everyone else has left and the sun is going down ۫ ׅ he tells your ghost you're selfish for making him love you then leave him ۫ ׅ he's jealous you get to see oda before him ۫ ׅ he sleeps there all night

‪✝︎ he never fully recovers

۫ ׅ he doesn't bother with sleeping around ۫ ׅ he doesn't bother with flirting ۫ ׅ he wears your engagement ring as a necklace ۫ ׅ brushes off any stranger that tries offering him consolation ۫ ׅ everyone at the agency is secretly on suicide watch rotation - he knows

‪✝︎ he never comes to a decision on if he wants to follow in your steps.

۫ ׅ you'd be waiting there for him to yell at him if he did - like a hypocrite ۫ ׅ oda might be disappointed too - like a hypocrite

‪✝︎ he hallucinates you.

۫ ׅ everyone just lets it happen - "he's going through the unimaginable"

‪✝︎ he isn't ever really the same, honestly.

۫ ׅ he'll never know why you did it - you didn't leave behind a note

these are just my headcanons on what he would do if someone he deeply loved as a significant other, so much so he wanted to marry them, committed. may be out-of-character, but a man put through the worst once already going through it again can only hold himself together so many times.

-ghxst

i love being sad.