#suggestion request

But while I'm at it, I've been sort of wanting to request this for a while, just for curiosity and experience sake.

Hey there! My first suggestion to you would be to seek out the help of a pastor there, if there is one you trust. The job of a pastor is to support and guide the people in their congregation, so hopefully they will support you, and guide others in doing the same.

You might send them an email asking to schedule a private conversation. When you arrive to talk, let them know that what you're about to tell them is said in confidence. Then tell them!

If they have never heard the term aroace, or asexual, or aromantic, they might have questions — that doesn't mean they're not supportive, just that they want to understand.

You could bring along a couple simple resources defining asexuality and aromanticism, if you would rather they read or watch a brief thing instead of you trying to articulate it on the spot. The simpler, the better, to start out with.

For a faith-specific resource, here's an article on the wonderful Queer Grace website: "What does it mean to be asexual and Christian?"

There's also a whole hour-long workshop you can watch on YouTube titled: "Ace-traordinary Love Workshop: Asexual and Aromantic Identities and the Image of God"!

Hopefully, your pastor's response will be the support and affirmation you deserve. If it is, the two of you can discuss how you'd like the topic broached to the wider congregation. For instance, perhaps the pastor can bring aroace identities into education or worship, to help prepare the congregation!

If the pastor's response is less than ideal, ask them to please pray over their response, to research the matter a little more, and heck, tell them to contact me at [email protected] and I'll have a conversation minister-to-minister with them about why in order to be fully queer affirming one must be fully aroace affirming.

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That first suggestion is my main one, but if for whatever reason you're not comfortable going to one of your church's pastors with this, another option would be to test the waters more casually: attend educational events held by the church and bring up asexuality when it's pertinent, see what people say. Or if your church does any Pride events, or has any signs etc. that list off a lot of identities in the LGBT acronym, suggest they consider putting asexuality on the list.

This is my personal less-preferred option, because in any church, you're going to have a variety of opinions — I would hate for you to try and test the waters by bringing up aromanticism casually, and being shut down by, like, one of the only anti-aro individuals in the whole congregation. So if you do try this way, and are met by one or two negative responses, please don't lose hope — it's still very possible that many more people in your church are fully on board with aroaces, or would be after learning about them!

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i’m going to be in a zoom meeting with a church’s director of Christian education plus two church members, one who’s in high school and one who’s a senior in college. These two youth plan to put on a presentation at the church on pronouns.

The director is excited about this idea and ready to support them however she can, while admitting that she is not knowledgeable in this area at all.

Her big worry is that someone at the presentation might ask an inappropriate question or say something disrespectful, therefore hurting these two youth. Therefore, she’s thinking about asking them if they’d be willing to push the presentation from early January to a future month, so that the church can have time to find a trained educator to bring in -- not to lead it, but to be present with the youth as they lead, who can help facilitate questions & ensure no one tries any bullshit basically

she’s worried the youth might hear this as, like, “we are moving your presentation to a later date because we aren’t serious/excited about it,” or “we are going to handle it for you because we don’t trust you to lead.” Thoughts on wording to ensure the youth understand that’s not the case?

a follower is asking if anyone knows the name of this stim toy and/or where to get it? they’re hoping to get a new one but can’t remember what it’s called!

Hi guys, I finally have enough time to start working on Anemia again! The only problem is I kinda have writers block right now…

I’m open to suggestions, prompts, even song recommendations that could be relevant

Please help!

@aph-fedya @purplepatchwork

So, we’ve heard mostly good things about it. Which is fantastic! We’re glad people are able to use it like it was meant to be used!

But there have been some suggestions and concerns and a few of them I would like to address here:

Ahhh I'm excited for you!! I hope it's fun and spiritually nourishing and connects you to cool folks <3

Bible studies look different depending on who's putting it on. Some possible variety:

Some are more formal, with an outline of where exactly a session is heading — we're only looking at this passage, and we're exploring these questions, and the leader will steer tangents back quickly.

Others are more casual — there's probably a specific starting passage, but the leader doesn't mind if the conversation drifts elsewhere.

It's common for bible studies to make time both for large group and small group conversations, and even individual reflection moments.

Some bible studies get creative, with little artsy projects or music listening, maybe even guided meditations or embodied exercises.

If you are someone (like me) who likes to know Exactly What To Expect, it's totally cool to reach out to the bible study leaders and ask them what their leadership style is like!

And if there are any activities that you're just not comfortable with for whatever reason, it's okay to sit them out. If something brings you outside of your comfort zone but not into your distress zone, I encourage you to give it a try — maybe it'll end up resonating with you, maybe it won't — but if there's something you know will cause you straight-up distress, excuse yourself to the bathroom for a few minutes.

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Moving on from possible variations, here's what I'd bring to any Bible study:

Technically the only thing you need to bring is yourself unless explicitly told otherwise!

a Bible you like — if you don't have one, don't worry; unless you're explicitly told you have to bring your own Bible, they'll have copies for you. If you don't already own a Bible and are interested in my recs, see here.

Notebook/paper and writing utensil(s) — again, I bet they'll provide paper and pencils or whatnot, but if you want to have a journal specific to Bible study or something, bring your own! If you like to use different colors or highlighters, those are good to bring too

Water — they might have snacks and drinks there, but I recommend bringing water in a closable bottle

A fidget tool if you're like me and like something to stim with or fidget with! Choose one that's quiet if you can so it doesn't disrupt others too much (examples: putty or a tangle or something soft and fabric, rather than a fidget spinner that whirrs or something that clicks real loud).

Layered clothing — if you've never been in whatever space the study's held in, wear short sleeves and a jacket so you can add or remove layers if it's too hot or too cold

Finally, my biggest tip: accept that not everything will resonate with you.

There might be sessions where you just don't connect to the Bible passage that much. That's normal and okay!

Give it a chance of course — oftentimes my personal read through of a passage has me going "well that's got nothing for me," but then someone else points something out that lets me see it through completely fresh eyes. That's why it's so powerful to engage in conversation around the Bible!

Still, there may be times you just. don't connect. That doesn't mean you're doing something wrong or that the study was a waste of time.

It's possible that another participant may say something that does not jive with your personal theology at all. That can feel super uncomfortable and in extreme circumstances may be triggering — so again I say, it's totally okay to excuse yourself, take a little bathroom break, if you need to.

Since the study you're going to is specifically queer, I imagine you won't have to worry so much about someone else's comment being outright triggering, luckily! But I'll provide a little example of what I mean.

I attend a weekly informal bible study that's mostly with older folks, some of whom are gay but most of whom are more "liberal" than leftist, and sometimes one of them will bring in a way of understanding scripture that is waaaay different from my own interpretation. For example, they might bring up something about the meaning of the cross and how salvation works that has me internally cringing away.

If what they comment is actually harmful — maybe it holds antisemitism that the person doesn't even notice — I'll say something. (If you get anxiety about calling people out like that, know it's not your obligation as a fellow participant — that's the leader's job; a skilled bible study leader knows how to gently correct without shutting someone down so that they feel shut out of the conversation.)

But if it's just a matter of different perspectives, I try to let it go. I remind myself that a diversity of beliefs enriches the Body of Christ. If I want to add in my own perspective, I then try to word it not as a challenge to theirs, but more like, "That's really interesting, I hadn't thought of it that way. For me, it's more like..."

Finally, if you're interested in trying out some online Bible studies to get an idea of what studies are like before your fall one, I recommend:

My friend and fellow queer seminary grad Ainsley holds a weekly virtual queer Bible study on Tuesdays at 8pm EST. Message her on her Facebook page for the link. The topics are often timely, responding to current events; and the recurrent attendees are really kind and cool! It's usually a pretty small group, which can be nice if you get overwhelmed by large groups.

The Transmission Ministry Collective hosts a variety of community events by and for trans folks (supportive cis folks are invited to most of them, while some are trans-specific), including virtual Bible studies you can learn more about here.

I believe Our Bible App also offers Bible study type things online.

Wishing you the best! Feel free to update me on how things go once fall arrives :)

but I’m worried that I will mess up. This blog is one of the best resources for LGBTQ people of faith so I was wondering, should I participate if I’m nervous (it does mean a lot to me, I’m just nervous) what could be good things to say? I know I should speak from the heart but I worry I wouldn’t have anything worthwhile to say.

Thank you for any advice

Hey there, thanks for reaching out! That sounds like it could be a very cool opportunity. If you feel relatively comfortable with public speaking, and are out to everyone in your life who could possibly find out about this event, then I say go for it!

When I'm nervous about participating in something, I like to make sure I have all the information possible about it in advance. That way when the day comes, I don't have to worry as much about unexpected "environmental" factors — just about doing my part as best I can. If you don't already have this info, could you ask your therapist for more info about stuff like when and how long you'd be scheduled to talk, how many LGBTQ Catholics are likely to be there (speaking or even just in the audience), etc.?

On the topic of LGBTQ Catholics, this event could provide you with the opportunity to meet more of them, which would be really neat!

One big thing I'd recommend you ascertain from your therapist is what the "tone" of this event will be. Are those present genuinely hoping to learn to do better for LGBTQ Catholics? I assume yes, but in the off chance it's framed as some sort of "debate" thing, I just want make sure you're prepared.

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Let go of the fear of messing up, as best you can — and let go of the thought that you might not have anything meaningful to say!

Hopefully you won't be the only LGBTQ person / ally there sharing their perspective, so you don't need to worry about Making Every Point.

It's not your job to singlehandedly speak for the Whole Community; not your job to sway the whole church, synod, or diocese. You don't need to worry about, like, making the perfect argument "proving" LGBTQ Catholics are valid or something. You're there simply to share one little piece of your truth, your perspective, nothing more and nothing less. Your story matters; your experience is meaningful. The courage and love it takes to speak — especially to a group that includes people who don't fully affirm your existence as a child of God — is vital and powerful as is, no matter what you choose to say. There's no way to "mess up."

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Speaking from the heart is great, but I think you're smart to want to plan a little! Even just getting a list down of a few themes or points you want to include can help you feel more prepared.

I think if I were going to talk at an event like this, I'd probably accept that chances are, the Catholic Church isn't going to completely reverse course on its current theology around LGBTQ persons — so instead of advocating heavily for, idk, gay marriage, I'd mainly emphasize the already-existing theology that the church claims to hold but is largely failing to live into.

Namely, while the Catholic Catechism sticks to insisting that "homosexuality" is "disordered" (siiigh), but it also preaches compassion for gay persons: "They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided."

With a call to compassion as my theme, I'd share a story or two of times when I / someone I cared about / LGBTQ Catholics as a whole have been made to feel less-than-accepted and respected, treated not with compassion but with apathy or cruelty.

Some other ideas I might bring in:

LGBTQ persons are made in the image of God, too, and have gifts that the Body of Christ needs in order to be whole

LGBTQ Catholics belong to the community as much as any other Catholics, and should not be made to feel second-class or like their belonging is conditional

The sheer number of LGBTQ persons (and their allies) who leave Catholicism because of the pain they've endured speaks to the failure to show compassion for them

But overall, I'd keep it short and simple — one heartfelt story will stick with people more than convoluted rhetoric.

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Best of luck to you if you decide to go, anon! May the Spirit of God who blesses you and calls you Good fill you with the courage and wisdom you need. <3