#sugarpops

Welcome back for seconds, everybody! Hope you all enjoyed the first iteration of Cereal Review. Maybe some of you followed the sage advice I gave and others of you didn’t (I’m going to assume the former). Well this week we have a few more cereals to review, so let’s get to it.

What’s Hot in the Streets:

1.) Berry-Berry Kix : One word: LIFE CHANGING. “But life changing is two words not one.” Wrong. Obviously you have not had your life changed by Berry Berry Kix yet. Original Kix, although kid tested and mother approved, is an incredibly bland cereal - the Calvin “Silent Cal” Coolidge of cereals. (Quick note: the most reckless thing Cal did besides talk was consume unfrosted mini wheats - outlandish, I know.) Back to the subject matter at hand though; Berry Berry Kix does a complete 180 from its sibling. Full of a trifecta of perfectly flavored berry bites with just enough sweetness and the OG kix. One of the rare cereals where sogginess doesn’t come into play because you end up consuming it so fast that it barely touches the milk. Eloquent milk to spoon movement. In other words, you don’t have to chase the cereal around the bowl with your spoon. Real understated in the cereal game but should be considered royalty. Just check out the purple box - color of royalty, look it up. Also, the back of the box had this shopping mall “Where’s Waldo” type game that I must have completed no less than 4,000 times. Again, rough estimate.

Spoon Rating: Quatro cucharas. (that’s 4 spoons in Spanish in case you were concerned). Wanted to keep the blog appealing to all cultures (read: just wanted to show off my Spanish by looking up both words in Google Translate).

2.) Corn Pops : Corn Pops has always been one of my personal favorites, even going back to the days when it was called “Sugar Pops.” But unfortunately the country went into a permanent bulking season and some people got a little uppity about having “sugar” in the name. A little partially hydrogenated ______ (insert favorite scientifically created food component here) never hurt anyone. Anyways, Corn Pops have a spectacular crunch and flavor. It is both filling yet with just enough sweetness to satisfy the morning sugar tooth. Corn Pops also imparts a nice sugary depth to the milk, if you’re a savage who actually drinks the milk after consuming the cereal. Can get soggy but takes awhile. Just a really respectable cereal. Like your 5 batter hitting .280. Sustainable like a nature reserve.  

Spoon rating: 2 ladles and 1 grapefruit spoon. A very solid choice. Cannot go wrong buying a box. Also cannot go wrong sharing it with me. (It could be like a date, but not really, but kind of, as long as you save me the Box Top for Education).

Wet Blankets:

1.) Fruity Pebbles: I’m not even going to provide you with a link to see what it looks like. It’s gross. Gets soggy while still in the box. Also terrible advertising campaign with the Flintstones. Don’t get me wrong, love me some Fred and Wilma but there is 0 chance, no -25% chance, that the Flintstones ever let one of these despicable morsels touch their Neanderthal mouths. If Fred didn’t eat it then I don’t want to. I’m on a paleo diet and don’t have time for marketing fallacies.

Spoon rating: 1 brittle stick. Spoon wouldn’t even do it justice.

Overtime: Some advice on cereal supplements. LOT of debate about what is a proper supplement for cereal. I can get behind the banana movement. Always a solid choice but you have to pick and choose your spots. The berries (ie: blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, strawberries, etc). Don’t take that risk. One sour berry ruins the bowl. You want to play Russian Roulette and risk your morning? Fine, go ahead. But don’t say I didn’t tell you so when you get sour pussed into last century.