Snap Crackle Hops

Hey everyone, and welcome back to Beer Review.  I must apologize for being late this week, I was under the weather and just couldn’t power through.  I’m weak.

Anyway, you all know the drill.  This week, since we are well in the midst of a dreary, gray February, we are gonna take a look at another favorite – the summer lager.  These are great beers for when you’re sitting outside on a hot summer’s day, or even if you just want to feel like you are.  These brews are best enjoyed in the company of good friends, for, as Hunter S. Thompson once said: ““There is an ancient Celtic axiom that says ‘Good people drink good beer.’ Which is true, then as now. Just look around you in any public barroom and you will quickly see: Bad people drink bad beer. Think about it. “ This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I do this review.  Not only to educate you about beer, but also to make you better people.  It is a hard burden to bear, but someone must.  You can thank me over your next pint.

Before we begin, a quick lesson.  Ales, which we have been discussing up to now, are different from lagers, which we’re talking about today.  Lagers are fermented at colder temperatures than ales (under 60 degrees F) and for longer.  They are also crisper and clearer than ales (usually) and have less room for off flavors to hide.  They are, however, no less delicious.  Lets get to it.

Smooth Pours:

Corona Extra: Let’s just start this off with this.  There is only Corona Extra.  You don’t drink Corona Light.  Extra is already light.  If you need lighter, have a water.  Or better yet, move somewhere like Norway where they only get 3 hours of sunlight a day.  You obviously don’t need summer if that’s your attitude.  You know the drill:  Grab a six pack, some good friends, a lime or two, and find your beach.  Fancy beer is great and all, but there is simply nothing better. Rating: 3 Bottle Caps.  A solid, middle of the lineup hitter.  

Victory Prima Pils: This is, hands down, one of my favorite beers.  It’s dry, and very hoppy, so it’s more bitter than your average pilsner.  Goes great with food due to its dryness, and its lingering hoppy finish.  Definitely one of the most refreshing beers I’ve ever had, I find it to be perfect for relaxing after a long day of working outside, or just doing nothing at all.  A great representation of pilsners, and an overall great beer. Rating: 4.5 Bottle Caps

Happy Hour!

Oscar Blues Mama’s Little Yella Pils: This is a great beer.  Great taste, super crisp, with just the right amount of hops.  It’s very aroma-heavy, which can be nice in a lighter beer, as it definitely differentiates itself from the more water-like lagers out there.  It’s a great summer beer, especially since it comes in a can.  Many of the beers we talk about here on Beer Review only come in bottles, but cans are the way to go in the summer.  You can take them anywhere without worrying about breaking, including into the pool or on the water.  Highly recommend this beer for your next summer brew. Rating: 4 Bottle Caps

Flat and Tasteless:

Bud Light Lime: Everything I hate about Bud Light with the chemical addition of “lime flavoring.”  One word: gross.  Awful.  Like the Diet Coke of beer.  It’s not particularly crisp or refreshing, and as you swallow you get this hit of lime chemical.  It’s faker than Joan River’s face, faker than the RCHP Superbowl show.  It is, quite frankly, an embarrassment.  Leave it on the shelves.

Thanks everyone, and see you next time!

As always, feedback is welcomed.  Send all complaints to:

Vladimir Putin The Kremlin, Secret Bunker 001 Moscow, Russia

Welcome to the Christmas edition of Cereal Review. Hope everyone found a few boxes of the good stuff under their trees or perhaps a single serving box in their stocking, because I sure as heck did not. I was recently informed that Santa Claus does not bring presents to Jews. I also just found out that Santa Claus isn’t real….devastating. But alas, the cereal game never sleeps and neither do I.

(Note: Obviously it's not Christmas since it's February but I have a few blogs that were written back when this was a weekly email event) .

What’s Hot in the Streets:

1.)  Honey Smacks: Previously known as Sugar Smacks. A fresh box of Honey Smacks is a great choice any day of the week, and twice on Sunday. Small bits of slightly sweetened puffed wheat that really get along well with milk. One of the beautiful things about Honey Smacks is that they don’t really get soggy. Instead they get puffy with more exposure time to milk. The milk gets nicely sweetened, the cereal slowly puffs up and you get quite an experience. But let me warn you, once you open the box you better go through it pretty quickly because it will get stale and lump together. One of the worst tasting stale cereals out there. High risk, high reward.

Spoon Rating: 3 Spoons. A really, really solid cereal. But it has some obvious flaws. Still a great choice if you want a sugary breakfast treat.

2.) Golden Crisp: Ok, here is where it gets a bit tricky. Absolutely LOVE Golden Crisp. But as I’m sure you are all asking, how exactly is Golden Crisp different from Honey Smacks? First off, Golden Crisp just has that “it” factor. The box looks better, the cereal smells better immediately upon opening the bag, looks better in the bowl and tastes better. Golden Crisp also has a great crunch to it for a puffed cereal that Honey Smacks cannot compete with. Like Honey Smacks it blends really well with milk, doesn’t get soggy too quickly and gives the milk a delectable sweetness. Golden Crisp also eloquently floats on the surface of the milk for easy spoon pick-up and mouth delivery. Think 30 min Amazon Prime drone shipping but better. Cannot understate the role a great cereal plays in spoon to mouth logistics. I also wouldn’t be doing my job if I forgot to mention that Golden Crisp makes your pee smell like Golden Crisp. Why? I have no clue. It just does.

Spoon Rating: “I CAME IN LIKE A WREEEEECKING SPOOOOOOON” - Miley (Ben Rosen). 4 light-up spoons.  

Wet Blankets:

1.) Kashi Go Lean: If you were to take your month old Christmas tree, put it through a wood chipper, pour it in a bowl and drench with milk you would be eating Kashi. It’s just a box full of sticks and rocks. Kashi is horrific. Should never ever be purchased seeing as you can make a box for free using all the trees you will be seeing on the curbs within the next few weeks.

Spoon Rating: HAHA

Overtime: This week’s Overtime is sponsored by soy milk. Over the last few years a family member of mine (not naming names) started buying soy milk and using it in their morning cereal. Is it healthier than regular milk? Yea, for sure. Does it taste good in cereal? Absolutely not. Soy milk overwhelms the delicate flavors (read: sugars) that make up the cereal experience. It’s too nutty tasting. You could be healthy and consume soy milk or you can eat cereal like George Washington intended (and he never lied). Put simply, if soy milks becomes the preeminent cereal companion than the Revolutionary War was fought for nothing. If said situation happens you can find me on the docks surrounding Boston Harbor dumping chests of it into the water.  

Bonjour amigo friends! Let me be the first to cordially invite you to the exclusive soiree known as Cereal Review Issue 3. I imagine it being a hybrid conglomeration of a Gatsby Party and a Project X Party - but that’s neither here nor there. Today we have a couple new cereals that should be included in your shopping cart with your National Enquirer and your Firecracker Popsicles as well as a box that should remain on the shelves collecting dust. Shall we get to it?

What’s Hot in the Streets:

1.) Apple Jacks : Apple Jacks should be a staple of your morning routine. Remarkable distribution of apple and cinnamon on top of orange/red and green loops. This is one of the few cereals that I can actually tolerate semi-soggy but it certainly takes a fair amount of time to get to that point. The loops impart a fantastic apple-cinnamon flavor to the milk that is simply sublime. The slightly sweetened milk and the crunchy loops are one of the most complete bites in the cereal game. Also, little known fact about the Jacks, (yes, I’m on a last name basis with them) Teddy Roosevelt and the Rough Riders LIVED off the stuff during the Spanish American War - look it up. So that should tell you about all you need to know about their nutritional value, taste and patriotism.

Don’t you dare go out and buy a box of Apple Cinnamon Cheerios expecting them to taste the same. Not the same.

Spoon Rating: 4.5 melon ballers. If you’re buying kid’s cereal (which you should always be doing, by the way) then this is a sophisticated choice. Honestly, I go pinky out as I transfer the box from shelf to shopping cart. True story.

2.) Rice Krispies: Now I could sit here and make a clever joke incorporating the words Snap Crackle and Pop, but I am not going to do that because we are all adults here. But back to the topic at hand, just a real grinder of a cereal. Can it be bland and dull? Yea, absolutely. This is a cereal where I’ll advocate supplementation. Throw a banana in or sprinkle some sugar on top and now you’re in business. After years of close personal research I have determined that Rice Krispies are uniquely affected by milk. They get soggy in layers. In other words the bits at the bottom get soggy first while the top remains nice and crunchy. So how do you solve the problem? Constant folding. You have to spin your bowl about a quarter turn and lightly scoop from the bottom of the bowl to the top to evenly distribute the milk and keep the crunch. Just make sure you do this move in conjunction with actual consumption or you’ll just end up looking like a fool - which would ultimately make me look bad. Can’t have my reputation tarnished like that.

Spoon Rating: 2.5 spoons. Not the best but not the worst box of cereal out there. Some definite flaws and blandness issues but you always need some extra bodies for the practice squad.

Wet Blankets:

1.) Crispix: Unsatisfying is the key term here. You can eat approximately 12 bowls of this and you’ll end up hungry 20 minutes later. Believe me, I’ve made the mistake before but when it’s the only non-stale box in the cabinet you have to make sacrifices. But that’s why I’m here, so that you don’t put yourself in this position. Having a rumbling stomach at 9:30 AM is one of the saddest feelings. So here’s the plan - don’t buy Crispix, don’t be sad. Simple as that.

Spoon Rating: 1 plastic spork. How are you supposed to eat cereal with a spork you ask? Same way you make it to lunch time after eating Crispix for breakfast. YOU DON’T.

Overtime: This week’s Overtime will discuss one of the more helpless moments in my life. The morning had started like any other. Grabbed my bowl, spoon, milk and chose a cereal. All was right in the world. Sportscenter was on television. It was probably my third time watching it through that morning. Bliss. I carefully dump some cereal into my bowl and reach for the carton of milk. I uncap the carton and begin pouring. Orange juice comes pouring out into my bowl. Dust in the wind, my friends. Dust in the wind.   

Hey friends, hope you're all doing well and happy to be back at school.  I know I am.  Oh, wait.  I'm not at school.  I'm at work.  And work sucks.  That's why, when I get home, I will be drinking a beer and enjoying every sip.  If you read this review, you just might get to do the same. As the author Haruki Murakami said "I tell you, a cold beer at the end of the day is the best thing life has to offer."  Since I am at work, please excuse the lack of gut-splitting hilarity that usually accompanies your reading experience.  Laughter is not allowed at work.  Neither is beer.  Coincidence?  I think not.

  Alright, lets get started.  You guys know how this works.  Now, for our special back to school edition, we will tackle something that we rarely will: cheap, tasteless beer.  Let it be known that just about every beer featured in this review is both flat and tasteless, and, if you're not at a bar or party or frat or just tryin to get drunk for drunk's sake (not that there's anything wrong with that), these beers are not for the intellectual drinker, which, ladies and gentlemen, you now are.  You're better than the rest.  Act like it. 

  However!  Let me let you in on a little secret of beer drinking - beer is expensive!  Nice beer that is.  What does this mean?  It means you should either be drinking the cream of the crop (really nice, high end beer) or just the absolute dregs.  Don't waste your time in the middle.  It costs more than the dregs, but without the taste benefit of the high end stuff. 

  These beers are meant to be drunk ice cold and straight from the can.  Burps are encouraged. 

  Smooth Pours:

Narragansett: The gold standard of terrible beer.  Think of it as the best of the worst.  It's solid, about 3% alcohol, and, at your local liquor store (Hillsides baby), costs about $6 for a 6 pack of tall boys.  Easily the best value for your dollar.  Goes down smooth, without a bad aftertaste, and not too much fizz.  After about 1, it all just tastes like water, and, I have to say, it's a great thing.

Rating: 3.5 bottle caps.  Don't love it, don't hate it.

  Coors Light: I know that this isn't the popular choice, but when it comes to big name beers (Coors, Miller, Bud), Coors is easily the leader of the pack.  A solid, clean lager with little to no rice adjuncts (we'll get to that), its quite drinkable. 

Rating: 2.5 bottle caps.  It'll do the job.

  Overtime (that's right, special edition):

Rolling Rock: This one makes the list on pure hustle, it's the Avery Bradley (before he learned to shoot) of beer, making the team on grit, tenacity, and lockdown defense. It's cheap, it doesn't taste good, but it comes in bottles. The 18 rack of Rolling Rock in bottles for the same price as the cans is a steal. Can't beat it. 

Rating: 3 bottle caps. Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. And the Rock works. Hard. 

  Flat and Tasteless:

Miller Lite and Bud Light: I'm lumping them together because I hate them both. No good comes out of either of these cans. These brews are super light, in part because they are brewed with rice syrup.  Listen up, sportsfans, and open your brain-holes.  It's learning time.  Beer is made when yeast converts sugar to alcohol. Different types of sugar have different colors and flavors, which later end up in your beer. Rice syrup is the lightest and least tasteful of the bunch. Now, don't get me wrong, rice is great if you're hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.* But I don't want to drink it, and neither should you. Unless you're the kind of psycho who eats entire bowls of rice completely plain. In which case your choices are your own, and may God have mercy on your soul. Edit: Miller might in fact be brewed with corn syrup, but the argument still stands.  It's just tasteless sugar.

PS. Budweiser recently came out with a commercial calling themselves America's favorite local brewery. It is a disgrace. They most certainly aren't a favorite, much less local. They are lying liars from liarsville. And I like them even less than I did before. The more you know.

PPS.  Budweiser even more recently came out with a commercial featuring arguably the cutest puppy ever.  I have no rebuttal.  I may or may not have teared up and I may or may not still be watching it.

I won't even dignify these water impersonators with a rating. 

Happy hour:

That's right. In addition to the regular review AND the overtime, you get a happy hour with a quick note on two more brews. You're welcome. 

Shocktop and Blue Moon: I have a love/hate relationship with these beers: I don't love em, but I don't hate em either.  On the one hand, people assume that they are craft beer, which they are not (one is a Miller or Anheiser-Busch and the other is MoulsonCoors) and young people especially equate them with good beer, which, again, they are not. However, they are excellent gateway beers. They introduce those who are only used to the above beers, and allow people to catch even the slightest glimpse of the world of flavor available to them.  For that reason, they are solid beers, and deserve your respect.  

Rating: 3 bottle caps.  Hard working, blue collar beers.

Well I hope you all enjoyed this Special Edition of Beer review.  Stay turned for next week, when we dive in to more pint glasses.   Like always, feedback is encouraged.  Send all complaints to

Bill "The Hoodie" Belichick C/o the Hall of Fame Somewhere in Canton, OH.

All other feedback can be sent to me on twitter @LizzaParty, where it will be personally read and addressed by a gleeful Peyton Manning.  Or me.  In which case, please excuse the tear stains.

It’s pretty widely accepted that water is a great beverage. It tastes like nothing, you can get it for free out of the tap, you use it for all sorts of things. But making the right choice when it comes to water is crucial to future success. Do you want to be known as the guy who drinks swimming pool water? No thanks. Not for me. So where does this leave us? The only logical step would be a water review because not all water is created equal.

Potent Potables:

1.) Tap Water: The gold standard. The stuff that comes out of every faucet in your house, although I wouldn’t recommend drinking it out of your toilet. Heard that advice from a friend once. Why is tap water so good? Fluoride. Ask your dentist about it. And because it typically comes from reservoirs and travels through ancient city/town pipes. Gives it a real rustic flavor that’s good for the teeth. Nothing like a nice glass of tepid town tap water to serve as the measuring stick to all other waters.

World-renown, Nobel prize winning, body of water rating system: 3.4 ponds. I wouldn’t being doing my job if I didn’t start out with a baseline from which to compare all other waters.

2.) SmartWater: This is it. The best water on the market. There are no competitors that can match SmartWater’s freshness and crispness. Why is it so much different from all other waters? Simple answer: because I said so. Long, scientifically supported answer: electrolytes and filtering. SmartWater is vapor distilled and has electrolytes that make the water have a super clean and refreshing taste that also rehydrates your body more than other waters. Think Gatorade without the sugary flavoring. It’s a miracle of the modern world - like the automobile or the combination KFC/Taco Bell. Years of research has shown that SmartWater pairs beautifully with the Munchos (a wonderfully crisp potato chip substitute) - try it and you’ll never go back to your plebeian Lays chips.

Body of water rating system: 5 oceans. No discernable flaws. Comes in multiple sizes and typically on sale in stores. No reason to buy any other water if this is available.

I Love Hate that Dirty Water:

Here is where I’m going to be informing you about waters that you should not be drinking.

1.) Swimming Pool Water: I alluded to this earlier. Swimming pool water is not the best choice to drink. Typically full of chlorine and other fun chemicals, it doesn’t sit well in the stomach and makes people (read: me) sneeze. Ever been to Water Country (or any other water park)? To make a long story short, kids LIVE to pee in pools. They see a pool they immediately jump in and pee in it, like clockwork. You don’t want to drink that. Pool water = no bueno. Thinking pool water is kosher to drink should never cross your mind.

Body of water rating system: 1 Ganges River. Sacred body of water but also SUPER polluted. Pool water.

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Beer Wisdom, where we will continue our examination of craft beer, henceforth known only as “beer.”

Sorry this is late, had somewhat of a busy day.

Ben Franklin once said “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”  He probably said this while he was drunk and surrounded by French whores, but he said it and, by God, he meant it.  And, as God-fearing men, we should all be willing to indulge in the proof of God’s love.  I assume you know the drill, so lets get to it.

This week we will examine a lighter, Belgain beer known as the Saison.  Last week we examined some of the heavier, hoppier beers, but we here at Beer Review aim to please, and we know that hops don’t get everyone as…ahem…excited as they get us.  Saisons are wheaty, spicy, funky, fruity farmhouse ales that are quite delicious, and very approachable.  Some IIPA’s can be real dicks, but I’ve never met a Saison with an attitude problem.  They are also less well known then their more popular cousin, the White beer, or Belgan Wit (think Allagash), so we’re gonna give them some time in the spotlight.  Again, pour your beer into a glass; we’re not animals.

Smooth Pours: Saison Dupont:  This is a classic, dare I say, the classic saison.  It’s wheaty, its yeasty, with just the slightest amount of bitter and plenty of fruity notes that linger on the tongue.  It’s about 6.4 ABV, so it’s much more sessionable (i.e. you can drink more in one session without getting schmammered) than those double IPAs from last week.  This is a great beer to pair with food, from anything from seafood (especially if fried) to chicken.  A final note: while it is good out of the bottle, it is something else entirely on draft.  If you’re ever in a bar and can order it on draft, and you don’t, I will personally make you apologize to BurBury for being an idiot beer drinker. Rating: 4.5 bottle caps.  A star.

Pretty Things Beer and Ale Project Jack D’or:  This is a Massachusetts brewery doing an American take on the classic Farmhouse Ale.  It is 6.4 ABV, so definitely drinkable, but what makes this beer stand out is that it’s just plain interesting to drink.  It’s wheaty and sweet, but not cloyingly so.  It’s hoppy, but not bitter.  It’s spicy and peppery.  High carbonation only adds to the party.  It’s a very complex beer, but still entirely approachable.  A must try in my book. Rating: 5 bottle caps.  One of the first “real beers” I’ve ever had and still a favorite.

Flat and Tasteless: Cisco Brewer’s Gray Lady Ale:  This wheat ale, brewed in Nantucket, should have been voted off the island.  It has some of the positive characteristics that the above beers have, but they are rendered null and void by the weak overall flavor and general wateryness of the beer.  An overall disappointing drinking experience, especially if you’re a fan of delicious flavor. Rating: 2 bottle caps.  Leave it on the shelves.

Thank you very much for tuning in to issue 2.  Keep an eye out for a special Back-To-School Edition next week.

  As usual, feedback is encouraged.  Send all complaints to:

Jenny Dell C/o Will Middlebrooks Fenway Park, 4 Yawkey Way Boston MA 02215

Welcome back for seconds, everybody! Hope you all enjoyed the first iteration of Cereal Review. Maybe some of you followed the sage advice I gave and others of you didn’t (I’m going to assume the former). Well this week we have a few more cereals to review, so let’s get to it.

What’s Hot in the Streets:

1.) Berry-Berry Kix : One word: LIFE CHANGING. “But life changing is two words not one.” Wrong. Obviously you have not had your life changed by Berry Berry Kix yet. Original Kix, although kid tested and mother approved, is an incredibly bland cereal - the Calvin “Silent Cal” Coolidge of cereals. (Quick note: the most reckless thing Cal did besides talk was consume unfrosted mini wheats - outlandish, I know.) Back to the subject matter at hand though; Berry Berry Kix does a complete 180 from its sibling. Full of a trifecta of perfectly flavored berry bites with just enough sweetness and the OG kix. One of the rare cereals where sogginess doesn’t come into play because you end up consuming it so fast that it barely touches the milk. Eloquent milk to spoon movement. In other words, you don’t have to chase the cereal around the bowl with your spoon. Real understated in the cereal game but should be considered royalty. Just check out the purple box - color of royalty, look it up. Also, the back of the box had this shopping mall “Where’s Waldo” type game that I must have completed no less than 4,000 times. Again, rough estimate.

Spoon Rating: Quatro cucharas. (that’s 4 spoons in Spanish in case you were concerned). Wanted to keep the blog appealing to all cultures (read: just wanted to show off my Spanish by looking up both words in Google Translate).

2.) Corn Pops : Corn Pops has always been one of my personal favorites, even going back to the days when it was called “Sugar Pops.” But unfortunately the country went into a permanent bulking season and some people got a little uppity about having “sugar” in the name. A little partially hydrogenated ______ (insert favorite scientifically created food component here) never hurt anyone. Anyways, Corn Pops have a spectacular crunch and flavor. It is both filling yet with just enough sweetness to satisfy the morning sugar tooth. Corn Pops also imparts a nice sugary depth to the milk, if you’re a savage who actually drinks the milk after consuming the cereal. Can get soggy but takes awhile. Just a really respectable cereal. Like your 5 batter hitting .280. Sustainable like a nature reserve.  

Spoon rating: 2 ladles and 1 grapefruit spoon. A very solid choice. Cannot go wrong buying a box. Also cannot go wrong sharing it with me. (It could be like a date, but not really, but kind of, as long as you save me the Box Top for Education).

Wet Blankets:

1.) Fruity Pebbles: I’m not even going to provide you with a link to see what it looks like. It’s gross. Gets soggy while still in the box. Also terrible advertising campaign with the Flintstones. Don’t get me wrong, love me some Fred and Wilma but there is 0 chance, no -25% chance, that the Flintstones ever let one of these despicable morsels touch their Neanderthal mouths. If Fred didn’t eat it then I don’t want to. I’m on a paleo diet and don’t have time for marketing fallacies.

Spoon rating: 1 brittle stick. Spoon wouldn’t even do it justice.

Overtime: Some advice on cereal supplements. LOT of debate about what is a proper supplement for cereal. I can get behind the banana movement. Always a solid choice but you have to pick and choose your spots. The berries (ie: blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, strawberries, etc). Don’t take that risk. One sour berry ruins the bowl. You want to play Russian Roulette and risk your morning? Fine, go ahead. But don’t say I didn’t tell you so when you get sour pussed into last century.

A few days ago, preeminent cereal reviewer @CommodoreBrosen brought up the notion of a weekly beer review, and I couldn’t think of a better time to begin than this snowy afternoon, as you should all be drinking already.  It’s what Arthur Sicard would have wanted.  He invented the snowblower, while drinking a beer he discovered reading this review.  Google it.

Since the Commodore’s cereal review has been nothing short of spectacular, I hope to follow in his footsteps.  This review will be in a format similar to what you’re all used to, with two highlights and one disappointment.  Each will have   a rating of 1-5 bottle caps, with 5 being the best.  All the important aspects of the beer will be reviewed, from taste to taste.  It will come weekly on Thursdays, just in time for your beer run, and each review will have some sort of theme revolving around a style or a brewery.  The point, ladies and gentlemen, is thus: education.  The great Ray Bradbury once said “Beer’s intellectual.  It’s a shame that so many idiots drink it.” Don’t embarrass yourself in front of BurBury (it’s what his friends call him.  We’re friends).  Read this review, and be more than just another beer swilling idiot.  Be a beer swilling genius.

Alright, let’s get to it.  Since I am somewhat winging this one, it will be based on my favorite style: the Imperial (or Double) India Pale Ale.  This is similar to a classic IPA, but with twice the hops and twice the malt (beer ingredients, can you feel the learning already?) in the same amount of water, these beers are bigger, bitterer, and more alcoholic than your regular old IPA.  Not for the faint of heart or palette, but worth it for those who dare to taste.  Not to be too pretentious, but definitely better if poured in a glass than if drank straight out of the bottle.  Don’t be a savage.

Smooth Pours:

Boulevard Double-Wide: If you’re anything like me, you have boyish good looks, roguish charm, and a killer sense of humor.  You also love big, hoppy ales.  Boulevard’s Double-Wide is a great example of a such a beer, generously hopped for both that great hop aroma and taste.  However, it is not overwhelmingly bitter, as it has plenty of malty sweetness to balance out the brew.  It is also quite carbonated, and those little bubbles play nicely, helping smooth out the heavy beer with some light spritzyness.  Still, at 8.5 ABV, it’s a sipper.  I personally enjoy it very much with some Cabot Vermont Extra Sharp Cheddar.  There are no other kinds of cheddar, go Cabot or go home.   Rating: 4 bottle caps.  Excellent, excellent beer.

Dogfish Head 90-Minute: Another excellent example of the IIPA, the Dogfish Head 90-minute is a world-class brew, and slightly more true-to-style than the Double-Wide.  Heavily hopped with plenty of malt balance, it does not overwhelm with raw bitterness.  A twinge of alcohol throughout (it is 9.0 ABV after all) helps balance out the taste.  A great winter beer, as it will definitely keep you warm.  It is a sipper, but an excellent one at that.  Highly, highly recommended.  Rating: 5 bottle caps.  A personal favorite.

Flat and Tasteless:

Sam Adams Latitude 48 IPA: This is not technically a Double IPA, and it’s a good thing it’s not.  This beer overwhelms with bitterness from the first sip, and never lets up.  No sweetness, no balance, just hardcore bitter.  Don’t put your tastebuds through the pain.  Rating: 0 bottle caps.  In fact, I ate them instead of drinking this beer.  Way less bitter and far easier on my digestive system.

Until next time.

Feedback is encouraged.  Send all complaints to:

Dick Cheney
 The American Enterprise Institute 
 1150 Seventeenth Street 
N.W. Washington, DC 20036

After numerous debates and discussions over cereal it has come to my attention that I need to educate you all on how the breakfast game should be played. I would put together a resume with my qualifications but it would be too long (read: none of you would read it. Just know that there is a long cereal tradition in my family that dates back to Taft getting stuck in his bathtub. His bathtub was full of milk and cereal....look it up.  

So here's how it's going to work. I am going to give you an analysis of two cereals that you should be eating and one that you shouldn't. Ratings will include both a description of the morning delicacy as well as a "Mouth Feel" rating from 1 to 5 spoons (with 5 being luxurious and 1 being the similar to munching on rocks - no offense to the igneous rocks, they're pretty sweet). Long story short, we're spooning, guys.

What's Hot in the Streets: (in no particular order)

1. Honey Comb: Where to start. It's all about surface area. Nice flat shape, lots of holes for proper milk dispersal, light surgery coating - a winner. Part of the beauty of Honey Comb is its milk longevity. If you know anything about me you should know that I cannot stand soggy cereal. Honey Comb DOES NOT quit at halftime, it doesn't score until it scores - which is early and often for those keeping score at home.

Spoon Rating: 4 spoons. Not the best cereal but a solid lead off hitter to get this party started.

2. Frosted Mini Wheats: Nice mixture of excessively frosted bites and shredded wheat sans a coating. A family family Passover favorite....yea they're kosher for Passover, another testament to the versatility of the wheats. My only qualm is that they absorb too much milk after sitting for awhile. This is not a cereal that should be consumed at your leisure. Head down and get to work sort of cereal - real blue collar. Finally there is the added benefit that they are delicious without milk. Game changer late at night when you're not trying to get intimate with your bowl and spoon.

Spoon rating: 3 tablespoons and 1 teaspoon. Versatile but can get pruney after swimming too long in the pool

Wet Blankets

1. Cookie Crisp: Let's get this out of the way early. COOKIE CRISP IS NOT A CEREAL. It is a box of cookies. Don't buy it, it sucks. Cookies and milk is not a breakfast food. Seemed like a good idea in the early 2000s, but so did Phat Farm shoes.

Spoon rating: 0 spoons. Not a cereal and will not be honored as such.

Overtime: If you ever invested in one of those plastic spoons with a straw built in then you made an egregious error. Tip the bowl and drink your milk, that's what Fat Joe and the Terror Squad used to do. Or better yet, don't drink the leftover milk at all.