#resteasy

My parents keep calling me to come over to eat pho. But I don’t think I can face anyone. When they came over on my birthday to drop Christmas gifts off I can’t barley look at them. I feel like a failure. Failing as a daughter. Failing at keeping my baby girl alive. Failing at having a purpose in life. Failing at everything. Except an accomplishment of having a healthy son and the marrying the love of my life. B’s cousin asked if we wanted to go bowling and I just told b I don’t want to go cos I know they’ll ask if I’m okay, and I know I will breakdown and cry the instant they ask or hug me. As much as I cry I thought I’ve ran out of tears but no they just keep coming. I’ll just be sitting and I’ll feel tears run down my face. On another note. I don’t know if I mentioned it before but my sister is also pregnant. I was so fucking excited that we were going to have babies at the same time. For them to grow up together. But of course unfortunately I lost my baby. I’m praying that her baby will stay healthy and nothing like what happen to me will happen to her. Before I lost my baby I asked to plan their gender reveal. I was so excited! I am excited to do something for them for once. My sister in law texted me the other day regarding the reveal which i total spaced on cos I was in my own damn world and I forgot the world moves on. I was just so overwhelmed with emotions. Of course I’m not gonna go back on my word and say no. I just can’t face going into their house so I think I’m gonna drop off the goodie basket with the gender poppers at their door. Like I said I am happy that they’re pregnant, but having to see a pregnant belly when mine is gone is going to KILL me.. Im hoping 2021 will be filled with more happiness. I miss you baby girl. I really wish more than anything that you could’ve been here with us. My life is a shit show.. 👼🏻💕

RIP Adrienne Fong.