#suffice

Despite MJ's reputation of being the first to speak up among her peers or be the first to give out her opinion on someone, she was never really the type to make the first move on school crushes. But then again, Peter was the only school crush she ever had in her life. So, in her defense, she never experienced enacting on special relationships because she never made the first move on Peter. And her history of always being the first to start a conversation with him never counted because all of their conversations were usually small talk about what they'd be doing later, MJ's new discoveries of creepy, historical events, her light roastings on Peter or her findings of new, weird self-discoveries of her persona.

MJ was never scared of telling Peter how she'd felt about anything or anyone, but her true feelings for him was something that she'd never be honest about with him. The bookcase mentally cursed at herself for contradicting her sense of honesty. But she was just a teenager, so many people around her age would never have the strength to tell their high school crush that they wanna become more than friends. Although, MJ never considered herself like most teenagers mainly because they would never give out their honest opinions to anybody if they knew it was going to hurt them. That's how they manage to keep their social lives from going downhill. But MJ's had already went downhill ever since she realized that Peter had feelings for one of the most sweetest, smartest, kindest and most beautiful girls in the world. MJ didn't blame Liz for getting Peter to be attracted to such wonderful qualities of a person. Deep down, all of those traits were everything that MJ wanted to have. So, the only solution to MJ's situation was to not do anything about her problems and to not tell Peter how she felt about him. Just continue painfully bottling up her true feelings like always.

Then again, MJ did actually tell Peter how she really felt about him one time. That is, if reading their script lines for this school play that they did in freshman year counted. Peter was playing an extra, while MJ, surprisingly, was playing the female lead. But like most projects that have a strong leading lady, they were always forced to be put up with a love story. And so, MJ had to practice this one line where she would have to confess to her on-stage love interest that she was in love with him. And why she didn't want to practice those lines with the guy playing her lover was because the person playing that said lover was no other than Flash Thompson. And although it was all for a ridiculous act, it still killed MJ to having to pretend to make goo-goo eyes with one of the most annoying kids in her grade.

Thankfully, Flash never had any feelings for her, especially when they had to rehearse some very intimate scenes together. But he still was a stupid flirt who would always try to hit on girls he weren't even attracted to. He just does it to get life points (Or what MJ calls it: validation) from his friends, who don't even dare him to flirt like an idiot. And with the universe putting MJ in Flash's presence against her will, she was an easy target for him. Luckily, he flirted with her only once because he decided not to do it ever again, after she finally snapped and brutally called him out on every single insecurity he had on him, in front of the whole theater club. That was probably when her state of loneliness all began because after that incident, everyone kept more than just a fair distance away from her.

MJ didn't really mean whatever she said to Flash though. She was just fed up with his constant bullshit. And his constant teasing with Peter. But she had to admit Flash's "Penis Parker" jokes were not as harsh as all those things she said to him. So whenever they had to practice scenes together, Flash kept his eye contact focused on anywhere that wasn't on MJ's resting (bitch) face. Part of MJ was glad that Flash took her seriously now, but the other part of her felt bad for emotionally breaking some guy who wasn't worth her time. Which was why she decided to practice her lines on Peter the Extra.

After school, they would hang out at either one of their houses to practice. Peter would read the script to look at MJ's lines to see if she memorized them well, while Peter read aloud Flash's to help her practice. And the reason why MJ chose an extra to help her out with lines was because since her character had to emphasize the words, "I love you," it felt partially relieving for her to say those words to Peter without letting him know that she was not trying to stay in character. And best of all, she got to tell him how she truly felt for him. He just never gotten the memo. After the final performance, MJ stopped attempting more ways to say sentimental things to Peter, in fear that he would get suspicious of it. So, she decided not to risk their friendship and continue to stay in the shadows like usual.

This crisis made MJ feel so pathetic. People were supposed to see her as this faceless girl incapable of developing feelings for people. But did MJ really want people to see her like that? The whole emo-girl persona wasn't really a phase since she developed this persona since freshman year, after the Lash-On-Flash incident. Though, she tended to surround herself with decent people who shared her intelligence range, AKA, the Decathlon Club. For once, MJ actually enjoyed being surrounded by people, even though those people happened to be associated with (Or be forced to breathe the same air as) Flash. But MJ never thought that Peter was going to be a part of the club as well.

Decathlon Club Pros & Cons: Cons: Flash Thompson Pros: Peter Parker (And Ned and Liz. They were real ones too)

Besides every non-Flash, Peter has been the one who kept her sane in Decathlon Club. Not just from Flash, but also from the reminders of her past of pushing people away because she chose to avoid them first in fear of abandonment or betrayal. But with Peter, it was hard to push him away. She never wanted to but she did anyway (and still does), though it was always out of habit, as if it was involuntary. Every time a word comes out of his mouth, she would be the first the respond with a negative remark, even if it wasn't her he was talking to. Though, Peter never seemed to be offended by MJ. He would just take it as a joke or even find it normal because he was so used to her slight negativity as if it was something he adored about her. When being with Peter, it gave MJ the desire to keep a decent relationship without pushing people away again. She sufficed for friendship.

"You look really pretty." Peter stammered shyly. His soft voice almost sounded like an angelic echo acoustically spreading all over the large opera theater. Well, that's what MJ heard from her point of view.

The air in her lungs suddenly left. She faced Peter with a look that no one else has ever seen on her. It was an almost expressionless look but it was not an expressionless look that MJ would typically wear on her face. Because even though her lips were not slightly lifted upward, her chocolate eyes gleamed of flattery and awe from Peter's comment. Visible enough for Peter to notice her reaction.

Of course with MJ being MJ, she involuntarily responds with, "And therefore I have value?" Now she regretted ruining the moment because right now, Peter was already hurting her with that slightly embarrassed look that she caused.

"No. No, that's not what I meant at all. I was just..."

Okay, time to un-fuck up that little mistake. MJ thought. "I'm messing with you." Peter chuckled nervously in relief. If Peter's dorky smiles could kill, MJ would be dead in a heartbeat. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"...You look pretty too." MJ added.

Again, with the MJ-killing smile. If only MJ could be mad at Peter for feeling this undying lovey-doviness inside if he wasn't so cute.