#suckit2016

So just to clarify the title, a regular at Cask Cafe deemed me such and told me last night, it’s gonna be the year of the Cajun Queen. He also asked me what I wished for in the new year. I’ve never been asked that directly, it got me thinking because honestly I just shook my head in hopeless, non-expectant manner. Let’s be frank here, my expectations these days is super low, I don’t know if it’s due to what the past has scarred me with or because i don’t have a lot of hope in humanity these days.

What I can say about the new year is that I plan on practicing a more mindful nature. One which allows me to connect with others while shooing the rest aside. I’ve gotten older. I’ve grown in some ways. I’ve tweaked my sense of outlook on the world. This year for me was a lot of financial struggle. I feel like I’ve been in a pit of monetary despair for quite some time and I’m wondering when am I due. I hate relying on such things to make my world a little shinier, but hey, we all have bills to pay and tires to buy and mouths to feed and socks without holes feel better. I was also quite complacent this year which I don’t really like seeing in myself. Why did I think it was better is beyond me, I’m not much of a pacifist by any means.

This year for me was quite an aloof year. Nothing amazing happened and nothing horrid happened...to me that is, but a lot of outside crap did. My aunt died and so did a lot of old friends and friends’ parents, the house was broken into, I worked with the meanest people of my life and never put them in their place, I didn’t travel at all, the CW isn’t on Hulu anymore, I mean a lot of crappy things this year...Oh. Wait. Did I mention most of my adolescent cultural references left a big gaping hole in my newsfeed? From David Bowie to R2-D2 to Phife Dawg...I mean the deaths have been in rapid and significant succession this year. 

The number 17 is and has always been my “lucky” number. It’s the day I was born. When I’m cruising around town, I always notice if it shows up frequently --- the license plate in front of me, the check number on my food order, the minutes for the emergency room wait. It all is a sign for my attention. Superstitious as it may be, I know that any time that number shows up a lot, something significantly good or bad is about to happen to me. So for me 2/17/17 is looking like a whole year of surprises meant just for me!

What I wish for in 2017 is simple. A happier life. A life that isn’t compromised in any way. A life which enjoys and laughs and dances a lot. A life that allows me connection and recognition of those dots. I want to be inspired and excited creatively and I want to go forth doing the things I’m passionate about -- writing. helping others. traveling. doing well at my job and kicking ass and taking names. I want to believe this nation will find the good in itself and not go down in a ball of hatred and ignorance ( **holds breath** ).

What I wish for others? I wish for them to grow. I wish for them to laugh as much as possible and to not take things or rather, people for granted. I want more honesty and less tongue biting. I want a continual brainstorm of ideas and successes and openness. Actually, I want you all to have a homework assignment for 2017, a list of 10 things you have to do for the entire year and document it. Less saying, more doing. Feel free to return the favor. 

As the clock strikes midnight tonight, let go of the past. The past is done. Kiss your loved ones, wish your friends well, tell your family you love them and thank you for being there unconditionally, and don’t make a pact to quit smoking, to go on a diet, to stop drinking soda -- those things don’t need a new year, it needs you to decide to do those things no matter what time of year, instead, consider less limits and more adventure. Ready? Set? Go... 1. Visit one place you’ve never been to in your life.

2. Make a meal for someone.

3. Start a photo journal and tell a story.

4. Volunteer some place...doesn’t matter where or how many times just do it at least once.

5. Take ONE day off the grid - no phones, computers, or technological devices.

6. Visit someone who had a significant impact on your life and tell them.

7. Write a letter or send a postcard.

8. Go see one band or musical artist you have no idea about or you may not have considered going to.

9. Watch a “Classic” movie you’ve never seen, ie. for me it’s casablanca for some it’s Star Wars (mind blown)

10. Learn someone else’s belief system or their culture, whether it’s going to their church, having a discussion or studying it..you don’t have to mock it or have it be some conventional organized religion, it could be a Native American sweat lodge or a Wiccan ceremony. 

2016 is mere hours away from being over and, unsurprisingly, I will be breathing a huge sigh of relief like the majority of people I know once the clock rolls to midnight. This year has challenged my beliefs, abilities, and forced me to take inventory. It’s been the wildest ride yet.

I flew to Houston in January in hopes of taking the edge off of my depression. Weeks later, I lost my job. I started working out to try to keep from spiraling down further. In March, I had a new job but the pay was terrible and it stressed me out. My savings dwindled. I didn’t like the job. My romantic interests weren’t so interested in me. Then my car started falling apart. On top of that, my allergies kicked into hyperdrive, leaving me unable to run like I used to. I stopped working out. Money continued to be tight. I was incredibly unhappy.

I can’t recall at what point it was that I realized I needed some help, so I reached out to a friend. She recommended a book to me. I took everything to heart that I read. I kept fighting. I started looking for a new job. I began to think of ways to make extra money. I counted my blessings.

But I fell down again.

And again.

And again.

I bought another self help book. I re-read the book Jennifer gave me. I kept applying for jobs because I realized what I was doing brought out the worst in me. I didn’t want to be a negative and bitter person anymore. I had to start taking charge of my life. I wanted and deserved more.

2016 has taught me I’m strong. It has shown me I need to change my perspective, to see challenges as an opportunity to grow. All of those negative things I mentioned above? I can think of plenty of positives that came from them. I didn’t like the job I was laid off from- I was miserable there. The new job I took that I didn’t like? It was there I made a handful of great friends. Those friendships helped pull me through the rough days. Some of my fondest memories of this year have been with them.

Those romantic interests that didn’t pan out? I couldn’t be more grateful. I met Chris in September and he’s everything I’ve ever wanted. Logan thinks he’s pretty great, too. 

I finally published my first poetry book and sold 80 copies. 

I started spending more time with my cousin. We took up hiking and exploring Kansas together. 

I spent the night at my sister’s. She made me supper and a pie. I went to a concert with my brother. Beth, Grace, Logan, and I got our ears pierced together in Joplin. 

I found a new job that pays well, it’s temporary, but I’m happy there. It’s less stressful than where I had been. 

Logan started playing the trumpet and switched to the family clarinet. 

My brother got married :) ( I think I cried more than Mom).

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