#subtle stims

[image id: image 1 is three coiling plastic bracelets. One is black with white spots, the second is pink with black marbling, the third is blue with small dark green lines. Image 2 is three bracelets. One is white, one is black with white spots, and one is white with black marbling. Image 3 is the three bracelets from image 2, but worn on the wrist of a pale person]

Type: Stim Jewelery

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Price: $1 USD (plus shipping and tax).

Pros:

- You can request certain colors (I requested neutral colors like black, white, and silver).

- They don’t look like stim tools, so you can get away with having them in less stim-friendly environments like school.

- They’re stretchy, but not too stretchy, so you actually have to do a little work to stretch them.  This might help if you’re particularly hyperactive.

- They seem pretty sturdy.  I’ve had mine for a few months and I’ve stretched them pretty hard, and they haven’t shown any signs of possibly breaking.

- If you have a small amount of arm hair, you can roll the bracelet over your arm without pulling out your hair.  I’m not sure about people with more arm hair than me, though.

- They’re entirely silent unless you’re tapping them against something or snapping them to your wrist.

Cons:

- These things start out tight.  If you don’t like pressure on your wrists, they aren’t for you.  I left mine stretched around a water bottle for about 10 minutes to loosen them, but they’re still a bit tight.  Not a problem if you have thin wrists, though.

- The website says they can be used as hair ties, but I wouldn’t recommend that if your hair is at all prone to getting tangled.  One got stuck in my hair while I was wearing it on my wrist, so I decided against putting them in my hair

- They look a bit like children’s jewelry, which might not be appropriate for a workplace. 

- They’re pretty bulky, so they might knock against a desk or computer while you work if you wear them on your wrist.

Overall:

https://etsy.me/2YaqYgj

[image id: image one is of a dark blue straw, bent slighty. It has 4 sections, with a slight indent between each section. The second picture is of the same straw, but the sitting on a marble slab in someone's home.

Type: Chewy stim.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Price: $1.25 (plus shipping and tax).

Pros:

- Very durable.  I’m a pretty aggressive chewer and I expected this to break within the first few uses, but it’s still going strong.

- Subtle.  It just looks like normal reuseable straw.  You could probably get away with chewing on it in public without drawing attention to yourself by putting it in a water bottle or glass of water.

- Functional.  It actually works as a straw so if you’re someone who uses a reuseable straw anyway, this is a great option.

- Comes with everything you need.  It comes with a straw brush and plastic case so you don’t have to buy either of those separately.

- Has other uses.  You can also flap it, wiggle it, or bend it and let it unbend again, so it’s not just a chewy thing.  I do recommend washing your hands before you do this and washing the straw afterwards so you don’t get hand germs in your mouth.

Cons:

- *GROSS WARNING* because it’s a straw, if you’re chewing on it and you don’t have the opposite end covered, it can sometimes fling spit everywhere. 

- Loud.  Again because of the shape, it kind of makes a popping noise if you chew on it too hard.  You can avoid this by chewing slowly. 

Overall:

I’d suggest looking through our subtle stims/stimming tags. Mostly, I’d look for stims you can do that don’t require a lot of movement and that don’t require extra things. Such as rubbing the fabric of your clothing or tensing muscles.

Since bouncing is a common stim for you, you can try just bouncing your leg. While still noticeable, this stim tends to be more socially accepted. 

Some options for more discrete stims are as follows:

Keeping a stim toy in a pocket, such as a tangle or fidget cube

Tapping each finger to your thumb in order

Tapping your collar bones

Tensing different muscles

That’s all I can think of right now. Followers, what discrete stims do you use?

As someone who’s lived in abusive homes and has been forced to see psychs who were not there to help me + tried to train me out of being obviously different from my peers, my advice may or may not work and it might not be the best- but it’s what I found helped me get through it.

If his therapist is simply uneducated about what stimming is, educating them might help, but if that’s not the case, lie. Stop stimming around the therapist and give them the answers they want. It might be hard to do, and I found stimming in less obviously autistic ways goes a long way. Tap your fingers or toes, rub your hands together, rub the cuff of your sleeve, fiddle with a pen if you have a notebook as well, anything that’s subtle that can be read as “just anxiety”. I also found becoming absolutely still (and often sitting on my hands) is a great way to stop me from stimming without realizing it and allows me to pass as allistic.

The same advice goes for dealing with his dad. If he can stop visibly stimming around his dad, it may help stop the yelling. And try and find subtle stims to use around his dad, then stim as he wants when not around his dad. (Bathrooms are a great place to retreat to and stim as you want without anyone seeing.)

I know we try and be fully supportive of people stimming on this blog, because stimming is good for us and helps us, but when it comes to surviving ableist abuse, you do what you have to. If that means turning to less noticeable stims or stopping all together around certain people, then that’s survival.

As for advice for you specifically, keep being his friend and supporting him. Let him know stimming isn’t a bad thing and let him stim as much as he wants around you. Also, ask him how you can help- he knows more what he needs than I do.

Silicone cooking utensils.

You could look at baby teething toys. You might be able to find something that’s small enough you can hide or has the looks you need. It’s small chance, but may be worth the look.

Gum and candy (gummy candy especially) are also options.