#subtle difference

ask game here!

5. What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

around the time I graduated high school, I suppose. I’ve always been a weird little shit, but for a long time I thought it was an “I’m not like other girls” kind of sentiment. I didn’t really have any frame of reference, and a lot of the things I did that felt miserable like wearing dresses and styling my hair I thought were like that for everyone. I thought girls were just supposed to do these things and feel terrible at it the whole time. turns out they genuinely enjoy that stuff! and what that shit was is dysphoria. and also I’m not a girl. but it really was only until like right before graduation was I good enough at english to read some stuff about trans and nb experiences, and can go “gods I wish that were me”.

6. When did you realize you were transgender?

A subtle difference:

it’s a subtle difference of knowing – from a claim and followed explanation, to the simplicity of being of the experience itself, immersed, and no words will offer justice later. Even poets fail, forced to metaphors that still only touch a certain level. Yet an artist tries because there is a knowing, something spoken from the depth that’s eager to come through.

what comes from here needs no explanation.

and perhaps it’s more true to say an artist doesn’t know, and here it comes to that sublet difference – that there is really, only, the experience alone, with no one there to claim it. Great art is of the moment, an artist disappears into the unknowable landscape of right now. Indeed, it’s here that nothing can be known, with no direction of brushstroke, or poets next word, but only the doing itself, art in self-creation, and only after does an artist appear.

in this sense, the subtle difference is that there is no one present to truly know each moment. There’s only the story told after. No one knows how life will be directed, of how infinite matters coincide, unfolding every instant. We live in mystery.

we live as mystery.

of course, again, these are just words written from the moment – from the very start I was doomed to fail in any explanation offered. Yet I’ve enjoyed my moment here, an allowing instant of the mystery, without guess to any words that may appear. There was just writing, an easy happening of its own, without need to know of any theme, nor wish to offer meaning.

just words.

and that’s the subtle difference.

~

@nithhaiahh

Aries in 2nd is at the forefront self orientated. Their interest in 2nd house affairs comes after their Aries traits. They are impulsive with money tend to change their choice in fashion regularly and can be quite careless with their possessions.

Taurus in 1st shows their Taurus traits before the 1st house arises, unless a lot of AS aspects occur. First and foremost they like beauty and fancy things and like to accumulate wealth and attractive possessions. The 1st house grants the wish to surround oneself in beautiful things and to sustain these items for personal pleasure.

Sun Aries in 3rd vs sun Gemini in 1st:

Aries Sun in 3rd is all about appearing to be smart, articulate and well liked. Aries in 3rd like feeling admires for their ability to adapt and their wordsmith nature.

Gemini in 1st is all about obtaining knowledge and using their versatile language and ability to interact well to advance themselves further. The difference is subtle but ultimately the Aries in 3rd uses communication whereas the Gemini in 1st wishes to use their talent to advance their esteem.

Sun in Aries in 4th vs Sun in Cancer in 1st:

Aries in 4th are naturally quite playful and bubbly, often reverting back to childhood behaviours as an adult when around their family. They love a safe and homely environment.

Cancer in 1st is the ultimate mother figure. They are protective, nurturing and confident. They are very much a loving person but can be quite domineering and dislikes their authority challenged.’

Sun in Aries in 5th vs Sun in Leo in 1st:

Aries 5th has a passionate curiousity about them. Likely to have a lot of energy and drive and a flair for athletic endeavours. They have bursts of energy that they cannot sustain for long.

Leo in 1st are dramatic by nature. The natural actors these people will use their dramatic nature and show how versatile and unafraud of self expression they are.

Sun in Aries in 6th vs Sun in Virgo in 1st:

Aries 6th are naturally hard working and very driven. If they have a task that needs to be taken care of they will do it but in their own Aries way—which means sometimes things can be rushed or not well thought out.

Virgo in 1st are the practical and hard working person you always see working after hours even if they aren’t getting paid. Dedicated to the extreme and determined to appear capable, practical and trustworthy.

Stapeliopsis saxatilis