I started a PhD this week just gone. At this point it feels ephemeral, like an endpoint I'll never reach. The terrifying ideal of going from where I am ("I kinda know this topic exists") to being some kind of expert in a tiny pearl like corner of humanities knowledge seems so impossible as to be irrelevant. And yet, I've promised to do just that.
And I'll do it the same way I got through undergrad. With a lofty goal that I know I'm working toward but try not to think about, and many many tiny goals that are stepping stones on the path.
This weeks goals?
read the report on the main research areas - done several times. I've almost memorised what the 9 areas area, although mostly I can get to 7 before flailing
read the book recommended by my supervisor - nearly done. I have comprensive notes on the interesting chapters, notes why I don't give a rats on the boring ones, and half a chapter to go. I might do that tonight (yes, on a Sunday), but then again, I might work on a different project. Or read trash on the internet. The world is my far too many choices
Make inroads into reading the provided research library (Zotero) - roughly grouped into the same categories as the report above. There are a couple hundred items, not all academic articles. I've read a tiny tiny fraction.
Do I feel like I've done enough? Nope. But I felt like that all the way through my undergrad (except, sometimes, in the first week of term), through honours, and through every job I've ever had. I could give of myself 24/7 and not be the expert I dream of being. That will come with time.
And, because I hope it will help someone: I'm starting this journey in my mid-50s. I'm changing careers (I was a STEM person; I am now in Humanities).
