#stud fem

Participants talked about the differences associated with venturing outside of the Black queer female community. Attitudes about experiences varied, but all participants had a sense that the community outside of their own was different in some way to them, whether that was negative or positive. Participant L discusses her discomfort with dating outside of the Black lesbian community and why she prefers to exclusively date black women: I feel more comfortable with the black lesbian community…when it comes to dating wise I was a bit more comfortable in my own community because cultural purposes and I don't have to explain or teach people certain things that you know we are, we as black women already know about, like our hair, our skin you know everything. Whereas when I date outside my race it felt like I was like a fetish or like you know constantly being questioned about things (Participant L).

Wanted to know more about Black lesbian identities and I couldn't find a lot on Tumblr or Twitter so I did some research on stem/stemme myself. I'm not involved in queer discourse like that but I've noticed stemme being compared with futch both positively an negatively. The term "futch" is a mash up of butch and femme and the OG Futch Scale was posted 17th February 2011. In 2015, it got posted to Tumblr and became a meme, then an accidental "guide" on lesbian identity. Regardless of stances pro-futch or anti-futch I wanted to find info on stem/stemme as a Black lesbian identity for gender and gender expression. The modern definition of a stem/stemme is a Black lesbian whose gender expression and mannerisms fall between stud and femme. I've managed to find definitions not only supporting this but also definitions predating the futch scale, both pre and post meme version:

"Stem – A person whose gender expression falls somewhere between a stud and a femme.  (See also ‘Femme’ and ‘Stud’.)" Stud is defined as "An African-American and/or Latina masculine lesbian.  Also known as ‘butch’ or ‘aggressive’." (John Jay College of Criminal Justice LGBTQ+ Terminology, Eli R. Green, 2003-2004)

"Stemm A stemm is a gay/lesbian female who dresses like a guy, and dresses like a girl. Person 1: Look at that girl, she looks like a dude with all those guy clothes on, she has to be a stud Person 2: Well she was wearing girly clothes yesterday, so I thought she was a femm Person 3: Actually she's a stemm, she's wears boy clothes sometimes, and girl clothes other times" (Urban Dictionary definition of Stemm by user JenniferHill, November 8th 2009)

"A lesbian, who identifies as a Stemme, retains traits from both Femme and Stud/ Butch lesbians. Stemmes are in the center of the lesbian spectrum of classification and identities. Therefore, it is considered natural or common for Stemme lesbians to share the same behaviors as women of two diverse identity groups. Often times, the Stemme identity is viewed as the “transitional” stage of lesbianism, when a lesbian woman goes from being a Femme to a Stud/ Butch, or (on rear occasions) from a Stud/ Butch to a Femme... *In this blog the characteristic and behavioral difference between a Femme and a Stud is conjoined. The way a Femme or a Stud dresses is not the only way she can be identified. They can also be distinguished by their attitudes, actions and the way they interact with other people. A Stemme is the in-between identity of a Stud and Femme. She is apart of both groups and her identity is subject to change at anytime. A Stemme identity is often referred to as the transitional stage; however, some lesbian women remain a Stemme because they enjoy representing male and female dominance." (Lesbian Identity: Stemme, Nell S., 6th Nov 2009)

"'one who could switch up one day, she could be a femme and other occasions dress like she has a li’l hood, li’l ghetto inside her; a stemme –  part femme part stud a tomboy'" (STORY OF INTEREST: Lesbian Speaks Out, Dominica News Online, April 12th 2010)

"Stemmes presented themselves one day as femme and another day as stud; as such, they were visibly unrecognisable unless they divulged their gender identity. Stemmes expose the amorphous nature of gender identity and are invisible – silenced, ostracised or prescribed a gender identity. Many participants refused to recognise that stemmes existed and instead described them as confused. As Shane (age 22) admitted: ‘Sometimes they [studs and femmes] think that we’re confused. We don’t know what we want to be.’ Stemmes show that personal identity claims were often at odds with community perceptions of identity." (Good gay females and babies' daddies: Black lesbian community norms and the acceptability of pregnancy, Sarah J. Reed, Robin Lin Miller, Maria T. Valenti & Tina M. Timm, 21st April 2011)

"Stem, described as a cross between or combination of stud and femme, is a label that was used to refer to a lesbian that presented both masculine and feminine traits and characteristics. Short Dawg said, 'A stem, for me, is a little mixture of a lot of different things. One day you can be super feminine, and the next day you can be not so feminine.'" (Labelling, Butch, Femme Dyke Or Lipstick, Aren't All Lesbians The Same?: An Exploration Of Labels And "Looks" Among Lesbians In The U.S. South, Danielle Kerr, 2013)

Videos

Who has it harder in the world of lesbians? [studs? stems? or fems?}, iRoqStarStemme, 10th Jan 2011

WTH is a STEM??, AmbersCloset, 1st Feb 2013

The Black Lesbian Handbook: The Stem, Channel 4, 9th Feb 2015

There's a lot more I found and I'll post each article and video separately because they all go into more detail but tl;dr;

Stem(me) is an identity coined by Black lesbian spaces

Stem(me) mainly follows stud/femme dynamics rather than butch/femme (but can reference it)

Stem(me) predates the futch scale meme

My name is Kris Young. I’m:

nonbinary & trans (they/them)

queer (butch for femme)

auDHD

Black

90s Millennial

spiritual (idk quite how to describe it yet)

chronically ill and physically disabled

mentally ill

in recovery mode

artist and writer

avid gamer

From the Washington DC area (Maryland)

a survivor of bullying and child abuse

Anyone can interact with me as long as you’re not being a jerk. Otherwise, I’ll block you.

Also, I try to stay out of discourse on here, so please don’t ask for my opinion on these kinds of topics, okay?

Also, I’m no longer answering asks in my inbox asking for donations. I don’t wanna be possibly promoting any scams. Thanks for understanding.

Fem & Stud

1950’s Fem and Stud.

Studs in this community influenced their partners’ pregnancy decisions. Three of fivestuds believed that studs planned pregnancies for their girlfriends. Studs like PJ (age 24)reported they have friends who ‘make they girlfriends get pregnant for them’. Studs convinced their girlfriends to have a child because ‘they feel they want to have kids, but they don’t want to be the ones to produce’. Aiyanna (age 17), whose second pregnancy at age 15 occurred only months after having an abortion, described her decision to become pregnant as intricately tied to her stud partner’s desire to parent. Her decision to have a child was made ‘to have a child for her [my girlfriend]’. She reiterated this pregnancy rationale by stating that her pregnancy was an instance of ‘me having it [a baby] for my girl’

All femmes who sought pregnancy had permission from their stud partners to pursue pregnancy. Stud partners played the role of ‘decision maker’, deciding whether the time was right for their partner to become pregnant. They granted permission for their femme partner to have sex with a male in order to become pregnant: the most rigid boundary police allowed for a bending of the rules. Although studs seemingly guided the pregnancy decision-making process, femmes who became pregnant did not see themselves as coerced by their partners to have children, instead, they viewed the choice to have children as one made together and indicative of their desire to have a family together (Reed 2010).Gendered practices were ultimately family practices.

In much the same way, family practices may also be gender practices. For studs, being a baby’s daddy may have made their gender identity and their partner’s gender identity more dichotomised. Pregnancy makes gender identities disparate because of the ways in which new roles accentuate femininity and masculinity (Burke and Cast 1997). Parenthood confers upon individuals more traditional gender roles and is the ultimate symbol of womanhood for women and manhood for men (Belsky and Kelly 1994). Even in same-sex relationships, a child magnifies gender differences (Chabot and Ames 2004)because parents are categorised as biological and non-biological parents set apart in terms of genetics and biology, social identification and legality

Constructing the dichotomous stud-femme label system With regard to non-sexual roles within romantic relationships, the extreme stud and femme labels carried expectations around partner choices. In particular, femmes are supposed to date studs and vice versa. Focus group participants and my participant observations suggest that there is little tolerance for femmes or studs dating one another. Once choosing a partner of the other lesbian gender, participants mentioned a few relationship roles that each person was expected to fill. Participants within several groups talked about being with a stud or femme partner who was disappointed that they would not follow the ‘rules’ of lesbian gendering. For example, Dalia indicated that she was expected to act more ‘mannish’ in her gestures when she was with a femme partner (FG3). Another participant, who was partnered with someone who identified as a hard stud, in turn expected her partner not to cry in order to live up to the masculine image (FG4, Cynthia). Similarly, participants who were with partners that were studs were expected to act in certain ways to be considered good femmes, such as in the case of Bré who reported that she was expected to sleep on the inside of the bed in order to be protected (FG7). The expectations and tendencies to date within a stud-femme dyad participants reported were very similar to those reported in Moore’s (2006) study of New York Black lesbians, suggesting Black lesbian cultural script that spans the boundaries of one city. […]