#strikethrough-thoughts

Thanks Sir Nico and Sir Jabs! I almost thought you'll let me down. HOHO

The thing is, you don't  know what to feel, you don't know what to react. It is like you are asking yourself if you are still in your sanity. It is like you are asking yourself if the reaction you are about to do is right.

I don't know what is within me as of now that I keep of thinking what I should do if in reality, there is nothing wrong. But if there is nothing wrong, why am I in deep confusion?

This thing shall pass. This will pass according to what I want. I don't want to end up cursing the same scenario I fall into. I don't want to feel empty and hopeless. I just want to to get through everything, alive.

Oh, thoughts. You could have kill me. Oh, thoughts. I surrender.

Thou shall stop over thinking or your thoughts will kill you alive.

My friend told me;

"If there is nothing wrong, then so why you feel that way? You are not suppose to feel that, You deserve a calm mind. Go check your records."

Maybe I should stop reading mind-boggling books. This might be the side effect... or not?

Here's the catch, I wrote our story of our short film to be screen tomorrow for sinepiyu, on the other hand, I also wrote the story of our short film for our speech class, which we need to present later... Two films with two different directors.. I done pitching the story of Igme for like 3 days with the help of others. I find my story solid enough to showcase in front of the FEU Community. I know, and I am confident enough with my story... but not with the outcome...Dahil mahal kita was done while I am on my 45 minutes journey  to FEU, the saturday morning.

We spent thousands, with 3 days of shooting and weeks of editing and additional payments and the oh-so-long-not-really- pre prod for igme.

I spent 100 for the shooting of Dahil Mahal kita, meals and transpo inclusive. We planned for it on the saturday afternoon and fixed the location, actors and props the saturday night and voila, sunday at 10am, we started the shooting. The 8-sequences  short film was done not more than 24 hours :3

Just when I thought it was over, it never left.

I was too indecisive thinking if I was really sure with what I feel. I think it's normal to feel it sometimes but  tonight, it punched me on the face and say;

YOU LOVE HIM, ALWAYS.

I know I am weird. My thoughts are always nowhere and I over think most of the time but I am sure with one thing, I choose you because I LOVE YOU.

It may look so cheesy but let it be. You tend to be so cheesy because that's part of love, the sweetest way of telling the person you love how you feel. I thought of many things tonight...most specially... the very reason why I am still into him after all these years.

Feelings are special. They can be both happy and sad. They can burst out anytime. They can deceive anyone. They can make anyone start living. They can make anyone hold on to uncertainty. But whatever your feelings will be, it will always be about one person... to that very special person in your life...to that person whom you dedicate that indecisive feelings of yours... to the person you love.

I won't regret that I hold on, that I never surrender. I know this won't be easy. We will get into many fights, we will have more misunderstanding, we will get pissed with each other a little more but that won't make me give-up.